RE: Chicken or Egg - Poseurs, players & passions

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RE: Chicken or Egg - Poseurs, players & passions - 12/5/2005 9:30:17 AM

sub4hire

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quote:

Partners are partners and bring all kinds of things to the table -- whether they were "born" kinky or just took a look at kink and said, "Hey, let's give that a try."

Have you had any experience with fly-by-night kinksters? Do you think many people are this way, or are most here for good?

I think if you look at it the two are the same. Why divide ourselves? I was doing research when I was 12 year's old when I heard about the lifestyle. I hesitate to say I found it because I didn't. I was reading a textbook at the time. Realized I identified with certain ideals. Delved more into it, made a career out of it and here I am now almost 40 years old.
However, some people did not have the abiliities that I had. Some people did learn about it when they were bored exploring chat rooms. Does that mean they are any less real?
Most I've met while running my BDSM group have found it on the internet. Most delve deeper into the lifestyle than even I have in all of these years. I can meet a total newbie at a munch today and in 6 month's they will have had more play partners. More scenes and know more about everything than I do. Experienced quite a bit more.
I am someone who is on a never ending learning curve as well.

To me the only differences between any of us is, some re more mental than others. While other's prefer to play and that seems to be what their lifestyle revolves around.
While I like to play as well it is the genuine power exchange that goes on between two people that keeps me here.

Neither person is wrong just two different sets of likes and dislikes.

So, if they are fly by night and you met them. They brought you something positive, was it all a wrong thing for them to be here?

(in reply to AAkasha)

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RE: Chicken or Egg - Poseurs, players & passions - 12/6/2005 7:32:02 PM

MHOO314

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I am very interested in how they entered the Life as it gives Me some insight--

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RE: Chicken or Egg - Poseurs, players & passions - 12/6/2005 8:49:17 PM

brightspot

Posts: 3052
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quote:

Have you had any experience with fly-by-night kinksters? Do you think many people are this way, or are most here for good?

I've meet some fly-by-night kinksters, but also have meet people who feel
they "are" this way, live this way, and couldn't go back to a vanilla lifesytyle.

Personally, when I met MsN, She had already been involved in the lifestyle here in Chicago. having done scenes and information groups and such, while I was about 6 months into discovering my connection to WIITWD and how it was what I had been searching for and meant so much sense to me the more in-depth I became in my discoveries.
We met on a dating site though not a kinster site, MsN saw in my profile that I mentioned my exploration and my desire to meet a Domina and explore further.

We spoke for some time on the internet for a few months. Then She came to Mpls. to see me. We are going on 2 years together now and have made the trip back and forth many times. We both are at a very serious point in WIITWD and our relationship and it's dynamic's. I think both of us are here for good whether we remain together or not.

I tend to think there are a lot of fly-by-nighters for sure, getting involved for a myriad of reasons. But I also think and I hope that there are also a lot of "Lifers" out there too, that take WIITWD very seriously in their lives and how they live it.

*Brightspot

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RE: Chicken or Egg - Poseurs, players & passions - 12/6/2005 9:00:18 PM

brightspot

Posts: 3052
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quote:

I think if you look at it the two are the same. Why divide ourselves? I was doing research when I was 12 year's old when I heard about the lifestyle. I hesitate to say I found it because I didn't. I was reading a textbook at the time.

I also want to add that I think being lesbian kind put a feeling of kink in my mind at a young age because it was considered out of the ordinary when I was young.
And reading sub4hire, I was reminded of how at the age of hummm..maybe 13, I started reading the "Happy Hooker" books by Xaveria Hollander and that I think was my first wide-awakening to my lesbianism and to my love for kink.
Although I am in no way into prostitution, as she was, she gave me the first "in" to the world of loving
differently.
Hope she is still being just as wild!

*Brightspot

< Message edited by brightspot -- 12/6/2005 9:01:01 PM >

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RE: Chicken or Egg - Poseurs, players & passions - 12/7/2005 6:35:15 PM

FemDomHouTx

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Of course a large percentage of people claiming to be this or that are not just there for the sex at all. They are complete frauds who pretend to be something they're not for the secret thrill (assumed) of lying convincingly. I hold in much higher regard those who build a BDSM facade just to have kinky sex. Than players, posers and fakes.
There are those that know exactly who/what they are from an early age and spend their lives happily pursuing it. And then those that come to a sometimes painful realization later in life that they MUST have kink to be happy. I say painful because there have been many marriages, relationships, friendships etc. ended upon these revelations. The deaths of those relationships become necessary for the rebirth of the "new" person to occur. They are then free to be who they suddenly realize they always have been.

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RE: Chicken or Egg - Poseurs, players & passions - 12/8/2005 12:01:15 AM

LATEXBABY64

Posts: 2107
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there are always choices I find that if you make a choice to marry something then you better understand it is for better or worse. we are always discovering new things about ourselves. but if you end a marriage just for sexual kink i would say go seek help or get counseling cause you do not understand what you have laid before you if we set it in stone we should live by it other wise we are just feather floating on the wind with no direction or stablity. drugs come in many froms so do addictions. sex can be both does it control us or do we control it you decide
namaste