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I think she's asking for REAL damage... - 10/1/2008 11:48:20 PM   
ExtremeKinkDom


Posts: 9
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline 		Occasionally I do hard SM with willing females. Willing is the key. I would be horrified by the same acts perpetrated on an unwilling person!

I've recently met online an incredibly sexy and beautiful Chinese woman. I believe she is who she says she is (I can spot them by now) She has very enhanced breasts (LARGE) and wants very hard SM play. Beatings, knife play, rods, cigarette burns, whatever. She started using the "no limits" phrase as we developed our online discussions. She has now alluded to me damaging her breasts and "leaving her with serious health issues". She states that her breasts are silicon and that she would like "no limits" SM on her breasts. She insists that I would be not liable and that she would sign a contract. She also says I can do anything else I want. She says she's turned on by what turns me on, but the breast damage thing seems to be her own little fixation. She also says that it's a one-shot deal lasting a weekend.

OK, I can get into consensual sadistic sex (and all the other kinds too) but I don't like the idea of serious destruction or "serious health issues" as she puts it. I know some women have desires of self-destruction, and I certainly understand having overwhelming perverse desires. But even the most extreme sex can be beneficial (working out abuse issues, controlling sexual urges, endorphin high, etc.).  Leaving marks is one thing (even permanent), but real damage to silicone filled breasts?

I think I know the answer to my question, but I'd like any advice derived from actual experience!

She has admitted to abuse issues in her past. Should I try to help her? Have a session but just not cause serious injury? I don't want to cause destruction and I don't want to go to jail. So I really shouldn't do it.

But, I insisted on a "safe" meeting first (a switch!) so I'm going to meet her this Saturday. I figure it can't hurt. I want to get to the bottom of this. I am particularly physically attracted to her and she seems like a nice person.

Shit! Any advice?

ExtremeKinkDom





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RE: I think she's asking for REAL damage... - 10/1/2008 11:53:08 PM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		have you actually spoken to her?

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RE: I think she's asking for REAL damage... - 10/2/2008 12:05:35 AM   
ElectraGlide


Posts: 1246
Joined: 11/25/2005
From: Maryland
Status: offline 		Wow, I dont understand. BDSM groups give workshops on how to play safe. A person thats wants to be damaged is frightening. I have no experience or desire in leaving permanent damage on anyone. I would stay away from her in person.  Online I would try to help her and talk her out of wanting to be self destructed, if you can, she may not be of sound mind enough to follow your helpfull advice.

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RE: I think she's asking for REAL damage... - 10/2/2008 12:16:31 AM   
leakylee


Posts: 747
Joined: 7/2/2004
Status: offline 		personally sounds scary to me. i know that some of the scenes and ideas we can come up with may shock the crap out of people, but permanent damage?!? that borders abuse. nope beyond warped.. gotta go.

lee

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RE: I think she's asking for REAL damage... - 10/2/2008 12:45:56 AM   
NovelApproach


Posts: 150
Joined: 3/25/2007
Status: offline 		Simplest answer - if you don't feel okay with something, don't do it.  Dominants are just as entitled to limits as submissives. 

Perhaps the two of you could find some sort of compromise?  Mindfuck play that could give her the impression of permanent damage.


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RE: I think she's asking for REAL damage... - 10/2/2008 2:01:55 AM   
BiteGirl


Posts: 293
Joined: 4/27/2006
Status: offline 		I'd walk away. Simple. 

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RE: I think she's asking for REAL damage... - 10/2/2008 3:05:58 AM   
ExtremeKinkDom


Posts: 9
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline 		Thanks, everyone! I REALLY appreciate your comments.

Well, I did speak with her on the phone a few minutes ago. I don't think she will insist on the "serious" damage. However, I just discovered she is inexperienced with pain (and even anal sex)! I think she wants to relive trauma suffered  from abuse when she was 10 yo. Poor thing!! She's a beautiful exotic dancer with 50FFF cup breast size!  Somehow she wants extreme sadistic treatments with no-limits (no such thing, unless you're a sociopath!) without having had experience with pain? I'm going to meet with her and see if I can help her out. Maybe some controlled abuse will help her relieve some of her dark memories. Maybe not.

OK, Penis! Quit you're whining. You may not get what you want this time...........

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RE: I think she's asking for REAL damage... - 10/2/2008 3:10:14 AM   
ExtremeKinkDom


Posts: 9
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline 		Hey! How is it I get a vanilla symbol. I'm as fucking corrupt and twisted as you guys!

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RE: I think she's asking for REAL damage... - 10/2/2008 4:21:32 AM   
Maya2001


Posts: 1656
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Woodstock ONT,CANADA
Status: offline 		the vanilla symbols means you are a newbie of the message boards and will change as you get more posts

it sounds like the woman has low self esteem and self worth and is looking to be punished and abused because she does not love herself ..wanting pain   as punishment not for the sake of enjoyment ...to me that is mental illness...do you really want to accommodate that?  is this not supposed to be about pleasure, enjoyment and fulfillment ???

would you introduce any other newbie this way???  Is handing out abuse the reason you became a dom ???


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RE: I think she's asking for REAL damage... - 10/2/2008 5:35:12 AM   
CarrieO


Posts: 2432
Joined: 1/27/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Maya2001

is this not supposed to be about pleasure, enjoyment and fulfillment ???

would you introduce any other newbie this way???  Is handing out abuse the reason you became a dom ???




Thank you...thank you....thank you!  Dominance doesn't need to equal abuse but many forget that.


To the OP...

These two sentences caught my attention.....

"I'm going to meet with her and see if I can help her out. Maybe some controlled abuse will help her relieve some of her dark memories."
 
Two questions....What makes you think you can or should "help" her?  Are you preparred to deal with the outcome of this "controlled abuse" if it goes wrong?

Just my 2 cents.

peace...
Carrie

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RE: I think she's asking for REAL damage... - 10/2/2008 5:42:11 AM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ExtremeKinkDom
She insists that I would be not liable and that she would sign a contract.


You do know that her promises and contracts mean nothing, right?  She cannot consent to being harmed. 


Cali


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RE: I think she's asking for REAL damage... - 10/2/2008 6:44:08 AM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		Dude.. the best help you could give her is getting her in to therapy.  Seriously.  

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polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

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RE: I think she's asking for REAL damage... - 10/2/2008 6:52:31 AM   
persephonee


Posts: 5089
Joined: 12/15/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ExtremeKinkDom

Thanks, everyone! I REALLY appreciate your comments.

Well, I did speak with her on the phone a few minutes ago. I don't think she will insist on the "serious" damage. However, I just discovered she is inexperienced with pain (and even anal sex)! I think she wants to relive trauma suffered  from abuse when she was 10 yo. Poor thing!! She's a beautiful exotic dancer with 50FFF cup breast size!  Somehow she wants extreme sadistic treatments with no-limits (no such thing, unless you're a sociopath!) without having had experience with pain? I'm going to meet with her and see if I can help her out. Maybe some controlled abuse will help her relieve some of her dark memories. Maybe not.

OK, Penis! Quit you're whining. You may not get what you want this time...........



im sure that youre a nice enough fella...and in no way intend to hurt this girl emotionally. But given the info you have related i have a couple things for you to consider if its not too late to do so...
1- are you a licensed therapist of some sort? i doubt it or you would not ethically want to participate in something that you know for a fact will have long lasting emotional impact...and on a related note...are you prepared to literally handle whatever reprocussions that scening with this girl in any sense would likely cause? Are you ready to marry her and put her on your insurance and pay privately for her therapy that the insurance wont cover? And im not even going to touch the physical harm you could be doing to her.

2-why do you think that you need to step in and actively "help" her in this way since you dont really know her, have yet to meet her, and have no immediate plans to adopt or marry her?

For your own personal safety, i wish that you would pause and look inward at your motivation here...if you are not healthy, how can you "make" another healthy?

i may be sheltered still, but my first impression was that when you do meet face to face youll find a man...not a petite exotic dancer with huge knockers...but thats just me.

perse

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RE: I think she's asking for REAL damage... - 10/2/2008 8:50:39 AM   
ExtremeKinkDom


Posts: 9
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline 		Hi, All!

Thanks again! I'm glad it was here that this all happened! You folks are a true treasure!

Of course I'd be nuts to do this! I'm not an asshole (thanks for reminding me) so I certainly won't help this person destroy herself.

And, yes, ya never know what you'll find on the other side of the door, until you actually open it!

OK! Now I have a little built up SM energy to disperse. Any game subs? ;-}

Bye! Curtis

(in reply to persephonee)
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RE: I think she's asking for REAL damage... - 10/2/2008 9:00:26 AM   
Termyn8or


Posts: 18681
Joined: 11/12/2005
Status: offline 		Serious health problems? RUN !

Any health problem more serious than minor cuts, soreness and even the occasional bruise are a big nono. No contract can make them legal.

One possibility is that this is someone phishing for a good lawsuit or even to intentionally screw over a kinkster. Some people don't like us.

Another possibility is that she has serious mental problems.

Perhaps both !

I say no, not even once. Neither of those possibilities are attractive to say the least. Can anyone think of any other reasons ? If so I would like to know.

T

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RE: I think she's asking for REAL damage... - 10/2/2008 9:02:41 AM   
AMaster


Posts: 814
Joined: 8/4/2005
Status: offline 		Avoid this one!  

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RE: I think she's asking for REAL damage... - 10/2/2008 10:40:10 AM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ExtremeKinkDom
However, I just discovered she is inexperienced with pain (and even anal sex)!


That was my first thought when I started reading this thread. Most people who request such things do so because they have no understanding of the reality of such a request....they just find the fantasy of it "hot".

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~erin~

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RE: I think she's asking for REAL damage... - 10/2/2008 11:02:57 AM   
Rule


Posts: 10479
Joined: 12/5/2005
Status: offline 		Permanently damaging one's property does not make sense to me: it devalues the property.
 
Better have some licensed guys in white coats and with an ambulance and a straight-jacket stand by on the street when she comes in. It seems to me that a team of psychiatrists may want to interview her for a position in their institution.

< Message edited by Rule -- 10/2/2008 11:06:20 AM >

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RE: I think she's asking for REAL damage... - 10/2/2008 1:43:21 PM   
proudsub


Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline
quote:

I don't think she will insist on the "serious" damage.

Who's the dom here? You can simply tell her you won't do it and still have fun playing.

quote:

Hey! How is it I get a vanilla symbol.

This will clue you in: Forum Rankings


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proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

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RE: I think she's asking for REAL damage... - 10/2/2008 2:01:01 PM   
trollman


Posts: 1
Joined: 9/14/2007
Status: offline 		I don't think she is for real because I know the profile your talking about and she has had at least 10 in the last 2 months. She keeps changing them. I was talking to her for a couple days, and then she jsut stopped, she still comes on but wont respond.

Joel

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Profile   Post #: 20
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