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RE: "Why should I consider you?" - 10/4/2008 11:04:20 PM

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So often these days I've noticed an attitude among women that while men should expect to have to justify every facet of their existence to their partner, we women should take umbrage should a man ask the same of us.

That may be a broad generalization, or a generalization about broads, but I call it like I see it.

In all seriousness though, in a healthy (as I see it) relationship, both parties need to bring something to the table and the sooner you can identify what makes you spifftacular, the better. Then, you can more quickly assess whether or not you are compatible with a potential partner.

Perhaps I shall elucidate more in my profile and call it "Why I Am The Awesome!". *musing*

< Message edited by VivaciousSub -- 10/4/2008 11:05:36 PM >

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RE: "Why should I consider you?" - 10/5/2008 12:58:32 AM

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I think that this is very much an internet phenomenon I really wouldnt imagine it in real life and I am going to store it with what are you into as a question. Normally it means in my experiance that the Dominant has very little to say in the conversation and therefore has to ask essay style questions (another is why are you submissive) sometimes Ill answer sometimes I wont. I dont see a relationship as a form of employment and I dont think to get to know people you need to bombard them with questions.

I guess that I am slightly more frustrated by it because I do keep a well maintained detailed profile and blog and it strikes me as lazy. Also im not big on writing a list of how wonderful I am, I am not offended about it due to the fact im a woman or any of that because if a woman did it i would be pissed off with her too. I dont think you should need to spoon feed infomation to people, there are far more subtle ways to establish compatability. I dont think you ever get a good idea of people from things like that, i mean seriously how many profiles have you read and then upon meeting the person think well that didnt do you justice?

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It works both ways-especially here! - 10/5/2008 1:00:59 AM

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I have seen many submissives ask me (and others) the same question. So I guess it's a two way street.

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RE: "Why should I consider you?" - 10/5/2008 1:09:29 AM

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WELL U HALF TO UNDERSTAND THAT PPL LIKE US GET ALOT OF INQUIRES FROM SUBS AND SLAVS AND THE LIKE AND WE HAVE TO WEEDEM OUT. I MEAN LIKE OTHERWISE W'ED GET OVERHWELMED. I WANNA NOW WHAT A SLAVE IS GOING TO BE ABEL TO OFFER ME, WHY SHOLUD I INVEST MY TIME, WHAT AM I GONIG TO GET BACK? OK SO UR ITNERESTED IN LRODANDMASTER. GRATE, THE LINE FORMS DOWN THE HALL AND TO THE LEFT. WHY SHOULD LRODANDMASTER BE INTRESTED IN U?

quote:

ORIGINAL: WestBaySlave

When speaking to masters, a question I often get is "Why should I consider you?" Usually meaning why should they consider me as a potential slave. The answer I usually give is some variant of "I don't know. Do you want to?" Which is accurate, but I'm fairly sure not what they're looking for.

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RE: "Why should I consider you?" - 10/5/2008 2:01:18 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: WestBaySlave

Any advice? If you ask these questions, what do you want to hear?

Yeah: sell yourself. Presumably you're a human being with fully functioning pairs of eyes and ears; it follows thus you must have something to offer.

Edited to add:

It all sounds a touch on the mechanical side. It's fairly easy to determine that which a person has to offer, without posing the question as such. A few run-of-the-mill chats concerning every day life, will provide the same information and maintain a human touch.

Can you cook, play chess, furnish him with knowledge, converse?......What are your sexual interests?.....Do you have a compatible sense of humour?...Are you able to spot when he needs and peace and quiet and act accordingly? How do you carry yourself in public? Do you value a certain amount of independence? Are you good for your word? Do you believe rules are in place to be broken? Can you cope with a month-long stint in solitary confinement in the event you break the rules? etc etc

< Message edited by NorthernGent -- 10/5/2008 2:15:54 AM >

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RE: "Why should I consider you?" - 10/5/2008 2:25:26 AM

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Your question has answered why I never use this particular line of questioning of a potential anything. What I do ask is "What do you bring to the table?" and "What specific aspects or things about you do you believe gives you an advantage, if any, over other applicants?"

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RE: "Why should I consider you?" - 10/5/2008 3:59:24 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LRODANDMASTER

WELL U HALF TO UNDERSTAND THAT PPL LIKE US GET ALOT OF INQUIRES FROM SUBS AND SLAVS AND THE LIKE AND WE HAVE TO WEEDEM OUT. I MEAN LIKE OTHERWISE W'ED GET OVERHWELMED. I WANNA NOW WHAT A SLAVE IS GOING TO BE ABEL TO OFFER ME, WHY SHOLUD I INVEST MY TIME, WHAT AM I GONIG TO GET BACK? OK SO UR ITNERESTED IN LRODANDMASTER. GRATE, THE LINE FORMS DOWN THE HALL AND TO THE LEFT. WHY SHOULD LRODANDMASTER BE INTRESTED IN U?

You got a line forming down the hall and to the left? Your entire profile is one line that says "IM A FREAKIN RCOK STAR" and you misspelled rock! I'm getting ripped off in this place!!!!

< Message edited by greyjay -- 10/5/2008 4:04:36 AM >

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RE: "Why should I consider you?" - 10/5/2008 4:26:31 AM

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*snort*

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RE: "Why should I consider you?" - 10/5/2008 7:07:24 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

Is this something more common with submissive men? It sounds more like a job interview than trying to get to know someone to see if there is any interest there.

Cali

LOL, when I was looking and some dom would email me this.... after approaching me in the first place... I would not email back. I just thought if they lacked the creativity to get at certain information and had to use a human resources format to exude domliness, they were just not mentally creative enough for me

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RE: "Why should I consider you?" - 10/5/2008 7:16:07 AM

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quote:

So are you put off because I ask it... or because you don't know how to answer it?

I find it off putting because it is so obvious to me what I have to offer that if a dominant person could not see how inherently valuable I am I would think they lacked the mental facility of discernment. I have to prove myself so much in my day-to-day life that I just do not feel I should have to prove myself in my personal relationships. I suppose if I desired to ever find another dominant and this came up I could email them my CV

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RE: "Why should I consider you?" - 10/5/2008 7:24:42 AM

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and email them my CV....

lol, jules you have passed the oral the way you let that phrase so offhandedly slide off your fingers, it will not be necessary for you to take the written portion of the exam.

Some people are going to think that means constant velocity....

you will be asked.

LOL,

See? simple when you know the trick.

Ron

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RE: "Why should I consider you?" - 10/5/2008 8:01:43 AM

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~ FR ~

If the man I'm seeing now had asked me this question, my answer would have been, "Not much, because I am not looking or wanting to serve anyone." But he didn't. Instead, we sparked up an interesting and humorous conversation, in which I told him I wasn't looking to serve anyone, and in which he said he wasn't looking for a relationship, either, but was enjoying the conversation.

Through the course of lots and lots of conversations and two weekends together....we might (might) be on our way to a relationship, but all those things are being revealed as we go, in both directions.

If he were now to ask me such a question, I would answer it freely, as we have a great rapport and connection. And I would be as comfortable asking him such a question as I would be answering it. But to ask early on in the game (for lack of a better word...and I've been asked, and I've answered) does feel awkward and cold. I certainly know the answers, but that kind of dialogue made (makes?) me feel detached.

Recently someone emailed me similarly. Actually, he emailed me asking if he could try to catch my attention. I said, "Sure!" So he emailed me back, saying Great - so tell me all about yourself and what you have to offer. I asked how asking about me was capturing my attention and he told me to go to hell, that I was too self absorbed to be submissive and that he was no longer interested. Oooookkkaaaaay.

This is why I don't like those questions right away. I'm not interested in billboarding myself out there for others to review. It makes me feel less than human and more like lifestock on the auction block. And while there was a time in my life when that would have felt awesome, it doesn't now. In fact, it makes me feel pretty lousy.

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RE: "Why should I consider you?" - 10/5/2008 8:28:54 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

quote:

So are you put off because I ask it... or because you don't know how to answer it?

I find it off putting because it is so obvious to me what I have to offer that if a dominant person could not see how inherently valuable I am I would think they lacked the mental facility of discernment. I have to prove myself so much in my day-to-day life that I just do not feel I should have to prove myself in my personal relationships.

Why yes... you're just so obviously awesome even a blind man should see what a goddess you are.... such a humble person too.

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RE: "Why should I consider you?" - 10/5/2008 9:38:43 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear

Your question has answered why I never use this particular line of questioning of a potential anything. What I do ask is "What do you bring to the table?" and "What specific aspects or things about you do you believe gives you an advantage, if any, over other applicants?"

Exactly the point I was trying to make. I'm not an "applicant" for a job or a position, I'm interested in seeing if we have anything in common for a relationship. If you're hiring slaves for your estate, fine, that's an applicant, otherwise, not so much.

And yes, I do laugh out loud at profiles that say "now taking applications". Maybe I should have tried that before... "now taking applications for the position of my Dominant."

Cali

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RE: "Why should I consider you?" - 10/5/2008 9:51:10 AM

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If a vanilla male asked this question of a vanilla female there is a good chance she would suggest he preform an impossible sexual act. What would that be any different in a BDSM relationship?

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RE: "Why should I consider you?" - 10/5/2008 10:02:29 AM

trappedinamuseum

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LRODANDMASTER

WELL U HALF TO UNDERSTAND THAT PPL LIKE US GET ALOT OF INQUIRES FROM SUBS AND SLAVS AND THE LIKE AND WE HAVE TO WEEDEM OUT. I MEAN LIKE OTHERWISE W'ED GET OVERHWELMED. I WANNA NOW WHAT A SLAVE IS GOING TO BE ABEL TO OFFER ME, WHY SHOLUD I INVEST MY TIME, WHAT AM I GONIG TO GET BACK? OK SO UR ITNERESTED IN LRODANDMASTER. GRATE, THE LINE FORMS DOWN THE HALL AND TO THE LEFT. WHY SHOULD LRODANDMASTER BE INTRESTED IN U?

Please tell me this is a joke. My Firefox spellchecker is suffering from apoplexy at the moment.

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Don't come back at all" - Jar of Hearts

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RE: "Why should I consider you?" - 10/5/2008 10:04:32 AM

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Obviously you have not encountered LROD before. He is... unique.

Cali

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RE: "Why should I consider you?" - 10/5/2008 10:09:26 AM

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I must say, as some who is personally very dyslectic (I put the ‘sex’ is ‘dyslexia’) I am horrified. There is just no reason for an all caps, mangled anything like that…it’s one thing to mess up a word here and there but, as my people say ‘OY!’

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RE: "Why should I consider you?" - 10/5/2008 10:16:05 AM

trappedinamuseum

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quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

Obviously you have not encountered LROD before. He is... unique.

Cali

[/quote
Sadly no. My CM education has been quite remiss apparently. I guess I need to be on here more often.

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RE: "Why should I consider you?" - 10/5/2008 10:16:18 AM

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The first time I met my ex for lunch, he asked me ‘what is it about you that is so special that I should ignore any other who comes to me looking to be mine?”
I thought he was joking; I was so insulted that I actually walked out on the lunch and got in my car to leave. It took me about ten minutes before I realized that his question was perfectly legitimate and was not intended to insult me or my intelligence. I went back, sat down to eat lunch with him ( yes, he was still sitting at the table, perfectly at ease despite the fact that I had just stormed out of the restaurant ), and thought about what he had asked. By the time lunch was done and we had walked it off a bit, I had managed to answer his question to the best that I was able to.

I, personally, don’t see a problem with being asked that. Maybe it’s because when I look for a relationship, I want to make sure that the ‘dynamic’ is there first; the best way to find that out is to approach it like a job interview. At a job interview they are going to ask me my strengths, my weaknesses; not to mention that a good interviewer will also ask more personal questions in regards to how I spend my time, what my goals are, my dreams; things of that nature.

Anytime you put yourself in a situation where you are looking for a long time partner; what you are really doing is selling yourself to that person; just as that person is attempting to sell themselves to you. We all do it, no matter how we do it, we all do it.

Edited to add:
this was supposed to be a fast general reply, not aimed at anyone in particular.

< Message edited by mangle -- 10/5/2008 10:17:14 AM >

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