|
CaringandReal -> RE: "Why should I consider you?" (11/16/2008 8:38:01 AM)
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: marieToo
I find the question a little bit off-putting Padriag, and it also leaves me dumbfounded and like I don't really know how to answer either.
"What do you have to offer?" feels off-putting to me, as well, because of reasons you have already stated: generic skills like cooking or playing a music instrument, lists that turn you into a commodity, have very little to do with the real you or the real person you are talking to and his particular needs. You don't know what those preferences are yet, so you have no idea if admitting to him that you are fabulous at cleaning feet with your tongue is going to appeal to him or (because he's ticklish or has a common aversion to his feet being touched) disgust him. So this very question may actually encourage a submissive to self-censor and hide things from you from the start, because she will likely be afraid of offending you or not sure what the point is asking this at such an early stage and suspect something worse than you meant. Not an auspicious beignning.
The question also makes me wonder,"WTF? Didn't he read all those dozens of words in my profile where I lay all of that out in precise detail? Does he need a copy-n-paste review? "
But mostly I think it's off-putting because of the way it is phrased. A much softer way of asking this question that would also provide a dominant with good (and very similar) information would be, "What do you see as your best qualities as a submissive (or slave)?" This version is a lot less "job-interview, in-your-face" in feel and, because of the attempt on his part to not make me feel defensive and flustered and (yes) annoyed, I feel much more positive toward the asker. It makes me think that the person asking it is the sort of person (intelligent, perceptive, aware of the effect his words have on others) that I would want to reveal that information to rather than someone to avoid.
In the early stages of a conversation online, both people are touchy, both have had bad prior experiences usually, and almost anything can derail it, even if they both are quite interested in each other. It takes certain skill to avoid making someone who is a stranger to you and who barely knows you want to terminate the contact. The same principle applies to writing and publishing. In Writing 101 you are taught (if you have a good teacher) this truth: the reader, any reader, all readers, are looking for any excuse whatsover to stop reading. Anything that confuses him, stops him from continuing to read, makes him pause or go "what the heck?" bores or annoys him, you want to avoid. And you do so by applying all aspects of your craft.
"What do you have to offer?" is a legitimate question and certainly has a place in a conversation between a dominant and a submissive, but I think that place comes quite a bit further in time, when it won't be something that will make the other run. A good point to ask it, for instance, would be when it's perfectly clear to both parties that the submissive wants very badly to offer something to this particular dominant.
|
|
|
|
