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who should make the first move? - 12/6/2005 10:52:40 AM

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I have been told that a submissive should be patient, that if a Dom/Master is interested in her, He will let her know.

I wonder what you Doms and Masters think? Whether it's online, or say at a dungeon or lifestyle party....
Do you think it's inappropriate for a (single/available/unowned) sub to approach you?
Or would you rather she did?

RE: who should make the first move? - 12/6/2005 11:17:58 AM

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Personally, I prefer to have the submissive "petition" for my acceptance of her service. I feel it's somewhat undignified to go 'round chasing submissives like some desperate predator. When a submissive is moved enough to contact me of her own free will, it displays the ingredients of sincerity notable enough to warrant my further interest.

I know in many circles the opposite is true; that by leather etiquette it is expected for the submissive to await being chosen. I just feel that if you wish to serve, you should have the courage of conviction to place yourself humbly before the force that has compelled you to these feelings; it is inherently the first act of your devotion. To resist, to hold back, to bide your time or wait to be seen reveals the heart of a player, an indecisive soul or the stratagem of the smug ornament.

But again, that's my particular take.

(in reply to cravinspankin)

RE: who should make the first move? - 12/6/2005 11:23:36 AM

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quote:

the stratagem of the smug ornament.

ah, that would make a cool sigline

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to amayos)

RE: who should make the first move? - 12/6/2005 11:35:49 AM

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Whatever works, you personal style will attract people who will be good for you. Changing how you approach someone doesn't make sense. If you want them to like YOU, then just being yourself is the best way to get the people who will work with you.

Oh but I can add that a huge majority of doms adore when the sub approaches them.

< Message edited by LuckyAlbatross -- 12/6/2005 11:36:29 AM >

(in reply to cravinspankin)

RE: who should make the first move? - 12/6/2005 11:57:46 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

quote:

the stratagem of the smug ornament.

ah, that would make a cool sigline

Indeed! Thank you, Katy.

(in reply to KatyLied)

RE: who should make the first move? - 12/6/2005 12:15:23 PM

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I adore being approached, if done respectfully and in the appropriate manner. I detest being stalked, followed and made to feel under a microscope while out hence why I'm very particular about My public appearances and playing in public.

But I must admit that moment of chemistry when somone catches My eye is lovely too, then I usually make the first move or we move together possibly.

I don't really think it mattes either way, for Me, as long as it's sincere and polite.

The most precious way someone approached Me in public was by simply approaching Me and handing Me a note which said some very sweet things and acknowledged that they would love the honor of getting to know Me better. This person smiled, handed Me the note, smiled again and slipped away. As I was involved that night, My attention was elsewhere but I kept eye contact with that person all night and we communicated later.

Another memorable moment ten years was when a boy jumped up and rushed over to light My cigarette when he noticed I pulled one out. (Ok, so I was being observed yet discretely so!) Later he said he seized a perfect moment to meet Me yet no seem like he was being rude by overtly approaching Me. That boy is still with Me today.

Truly,

Lady T.

Lady Tatiana Tantalize
Atlanta's Sadistic Southern Belle
http://www.ladytantalize.net

"A prayer for the wild at heart, kept in cages."
-Tennessee Williams-

_____________________________

Truly, Lady T.

Lady Tatiana Tantalize
Atlanta's Sadistic Southern Belle, Crossdressing Consultant, Punk-Rock Party Girl and Wicked SugarPuss
http://www.ladytantalize.net

"A prayer for the wild at heart, kept in cages."
-Tennessee William

(in reply to cravinspankin)

RE: who should make the first move? - 12/6/2005 1:18:05 PM

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We don't mind being approached. Usually, after we've both gotten to know the person request to play go through the other partner. That is, if someone wants to play with me, she would talk to Libby, and if someone wanted to play with Libby, he or she would talk to me. That way each of us knows what is going on and when.

If we want to play with someone, we let them know we are interested but neither of us will persue. We tell them we are interested and then let them know the next move is up to them

_____________________________

www.lovingdominant.org

(in reply to cravinspankin)

RE: who should make the first move? - 12/6/2005 1:38:14 PM

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quote:

I have been told that a submissive should be patient

It wouldn't surprise me if you heard a lot of "a submissive should be blah blah blah" type of stuff. Seems to me like most of it is nonsense, and the fact that you are asking implies you don't really buy it either. Sure there are protocol fetishists out there, but if it isn't for you then ignore their advice. No reason you have to conform to some rules from la la land instead of behaving like you would in the real world because there are plenty of kinksters who live in the real world too.

All that said, the cynic in me suspects that this particular line came from a dominant who approached you and then didn't want you going out and finding someone better by yourself; if not that, then some other deluded person who just adapted one of the rules for vanilla coquettes.

_____________________________

"Get a bicycle. You will not regret it if you live." . . . Mark Twain

(in reply to cravinspankin)

RE: who should make the first move? - 12/6/2005 1:48:16 PM

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If you see someone who intrest you there's nothing wrong walking up and offering some type of service such as a back rub, drink, or to be a participant in his next scene. It goes the same way for profiles. There's nothing wrong for you to make the first move. After all, look at how many male subs walk up to Doms saying "I want to be your love slave" "I've been bad, I need a spanking" You can do it to but I recommend yhat you put a little more class into your words and only offer to those who truely interest you and seem up to your standards.

_____________________________

I'm Godzilla and you're Japan

(in reply to cravinspankin)

RE: who should make the first move? - 12/6/2005 2:46:42 PM

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i wonder if it's different for male subs/female dominants ... and female subs/male dominants.

humbly,
sunshine

(in reply to cravinspankin)

RE: who should make the first move? - 12/6/2005 3:20:29 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: FangsNfeet

If you see someone who intrest you there's nothing wrong walking up and offering some type of service such as a back rub, drink, or to be a participant in his next scene. It goes the same way for profiles. There's nothing wrong for you to make the first move. After all, look at how many male subs walk up to Doms saying "I want to be your love slave" "I've been bad, I need a spanking" You can do it to but I recommend yhat you put a little more class into your words and only offer to those who truely interest you and seem up to your standards.

omg.. i've seen some male subbies do this..
i would never approach a Dominant i was not very familiar with and try one of those lines, though i am quite playful and might say "i've been bad and need a spanking" to one of my Dom/Domme friends, lol

Actually.. i read this advise from my original post online... written by a sub, i believe she was British. I thought it was crap, honestly, lol... but i am new to the lifestyle and still learning my way around.
I always strive to be respectful, though recognize we are all humans, first and foremost.

(in reply to FangsNfeet)

RE: who should make the first move? - 12/6/2005 3:36:23 PM

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Personally, I think the more real a person is in anything they do, the better the results. When I see a profile I find especially interesting I write a brief note, inviting further communication. Then I leave it alone. If I don't receive a response, I don't write them again, period. Sure it feels good from any side, to be the one approached, but not everyone feels comfortable with it. Being a submissive does not mean I leave my mind and my brains out of what I do.

(in reply to cravinspankin)

RE: who should make the first move? - 12/6/2005 4:12:47 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshine333

i wonder if it's different for male subs/female dominants ... and female subs/male dominants.

humbly,
sunshine

I can only speak for myself, but I appreciate being petitioned for my attention. The one I am seeing currently caught my eye with his impeccable manners. He then asked a mutual friend for permission to contact me. Now I am searching for the right collar :)

There are ways to catch someone's eye by being obnoxious and irritating and there are ways to catch someone's eye by simply being discreet and appropriate. Discreet and sweet worked for me.

Best of luck,

_____________________________

Enjoy the Journey,
~Cloudz

"Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain."

(in reply to sunshine333)

RE: who should make the first move? - 12/6/2005 4:28:23 PM

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We do not mind being approached by a submissive, and neither does any dominant we are acquainted with, as long as it is done in a courteous manner (for example, We personally do not appreciate the first sentence we hear out of your mouth being "ok, when can you start training me?"....and yes, we have had that happen, lol.)

(in reply to Cloudz)

RE: who should make the first move? - 12/6/2005 5:26:01 PM

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Joined: 12/3/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: amayos

Personally, I prefer to have the submissive "petition" for my acceptance of her service. I feel it's somewhat undignified to go 'round chasing submissives like some desperate predator. When a submissive is moved enough to contact me of her own free will, it displays the ingredients of sincerity notable enough to warrant my further interest.

uhhhhhh, I'm going with amoyos on this one. Not only is he right, but he says is way better than I could have.

(in reply to amayos)

RE: who should make the first move? - 12/6/2005 5:48:33 PM

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when i topped i was approached often as a sub i have also approached....

_____________________________

"Accordingly, men must then either fulfill their nature, or deny it, and in denying their nature, deny us ours, for ours is the complement to theirs. " Renegades

(in reply to cravinspankin)

RE: who should make the first move? - 12/6/2005 6:35:37 PM

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I love to have a respectful approach from anyone, but then I love to meet new people. If there is someone out there that is interested in me then by all means I would like to meet them and talk to them. Even if it's never going to go any further I would like to look into their eyes and see if they are going to be a friend.

_____________________________

Never drive faster than your guardian angel can fly ! !

(in reply to cravinspankin)

RE: who should make the first move? - 12/6/2005 7:15:51 PM

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quote:

omg.. i've seen some male subbies do this..

Also about making the first move, it's traditionaly or rather old fashoin that the male makes the first move. We're really facing a traditional gender role rather than Sub and Dom roles. It's like asking who should pay on the date and open the door for the other. So many times when the woman makes the first move it's stereotypical to assume that she's a whore or just being sluty and desperate. How often dose the female propose or ask a guy out for the senior prom?

Any how, if you see someone who interest you, I encourage that you approach them and introduce yourself. After all, there are such a thing as shy Doms. It's not they aren't confident, just a little uneasy about comming on to strong or to weak on the new person or stranger. I'm sure by now you know how some of us Texas Men can be.
There's a strong and dominant bucking bull out there just for you that will give you a ride all night long. You just need to get his attention. The best way to a Texas Mans heart is throuh his stomach. How good are you at making biskets, eggs, bacon, and gravey in the morning? How good is your meat loaf, mash potatoes, and green beans for dinner?
If you can cook, I'd put that in your profile and mention that at meetings how you would like to serve a dom home made food after you've been taken care of.

Best of luck

_____________________________

I'm Godzilla and you're Japan

(in reply to cravinspankin)

RE: who should make the first move? - 12/7/2005 6:58:59 AM

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From: New England
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quote:

ORIGINAL: FangsNfeet

quote:

omg.. i've seen some male subbies do this..

Also about making the first move, it's traditionaly or rather old fashoin that the male makes the first move. We're really facing a traditional gender role rather than Sub and Dom roles. It's like asking who should pay on the date and open the door for the other. So many times when the woman makes the first move it's stereotypical to assume that she's a whore or just being sluty and desperate. How often dose the female propose or ask a guy out for the senior prom?

Any how, if you see someone who interest you, I encourage that you approach them and introduce yourself. After all, there are such a thing as shy Doms. It's not they aren't confident, just a little uneasy about comming on to strong or to weak on the new person or stranger.

Excellent points made here.

< Message edited by amayos -- 12/7/2005 6:59:16 AM >

(in reply to FangsNfeet)

RE: who should make the first move? - 12/7/2005 8:09:41 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: FangsNfeet
Any how, if you see someone who interest you, I encourage that you approach them and introduce yourself.

I agree. If there's someone that interests me, I'll approach them. If they are interested in me, I would hope they had the confidence to approach as well. Of course, I also have the old fashioned, sexist way of thinking that I'd prefer the man to approach me, and show "his" interest in me.

There have been times when I've been out, at a lifestyle event, and have been stared down by men (Dom and sub). I guess they must be sending a telepathic message to me (that's getting lost in translation

), because while they stare, they rarely approach. And when they do approach...after glaring at me all evening, well, it's just kinda creepy to me.

IMO, it doesn't matter which person goes first, regardless of orientation. If you don't take a chance...you may lose your moment. Just don't stare at someone to show interest...it's too creepy, and is not a good first impression.

K

(in reply to FangsNfeet)

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