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fear in a sub's eyes - 8/3/2004 2:00:30 PM

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I was chatting with a dom the other night and he said he doesn't like to use a blindfold because he likes to see the fear and/or anticipation in his sub's eyes. I am wondering if other doms/dommes feel this way. How big of a role does fear play in your activities?

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proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan

RE: fear in a sub's eyes - 8/3/2004 2:11:10 PM

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I like to use blindfolds but some times fear can add to the scene in which the adrilin can increases the effect. It is like taking your date to see a scary movie or going on a roller coaster she is scared from the experience and she becomes sexual aroused. Sometimes aderilin can enhance the sexual orgasm making it more intense. I have been told by some that their first time was more enjoyable for they did scared not know what I was going to them for they had no experience to add to it. Sometimes our own mind can be our worse enemy when it comes to fear.

(in reply to proudsub)

RE: fear in a sub's eyes - 8/3/2004 4:41:55 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: proudsub

I was chatting with a dom the other night and he said he doesn't like to use a blindfold because he likes to see the fear and/or anticipation in his sub's eyes. I am wondering if other doms/dommes feel this way. How big of a role does fear play in your activities?

I use blindfolds if I want to direct attention very narrowly. Otherwise, I prefer the eye contact. Not because I want to see the fear in their eyes, but because I want them to see the enjoyment in mine.

_____________________________

“The more you love, the more you can love—and the more intensely you love. Nor is there any limit on how many you can love. If a person had time enough, he could love all of that majority who are decent and just.”
- Robert Heinlein

(in reply to proudsub)

RE: fear in a sub's eyes - 8/3/2004 5:02:29 PM

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I've always found that using a blindfold stimulates more fear, in fact every sense and normality that you remove from them places them in a higher state of awareness for the senses that will remain. I normally use my gun range ear muffs, blindfold, gag (normally either my funnel gag or ball gag coated in hot sauce, garlic, or a cinnamon concentrate), and full body restraints for my more intense sessions normally in extreme heat or cold conditions with variable additions of a variety of strong scented incense. haha...Sorry my mind is drifitng, what was the question again?

Fear? I believe it is somewhat necessary in order to demand the proper level of respect. Fear of the unknown, fear of capability, fear of the inability to even do the simplest things. Fear comes hand in hand with trust though. They must know that even as much as they may fear you that they also trust you enough to know that you have their best interest and safety in mind.

(in reply to ScorpioMaster)

RE: fear in a sub's eyes - 8/3/2004 5:37:21 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: afmvdp

Fear comes hand in hand with trust though. They must know that even as much as they may fear you that they also trust you enough to know that you have their best interest and safety in mind.

See, for me it's different. If I trust you then I don't have that fear. It's like knife play. It bores the hell out of me. You gonna kill me??? Of course not. Everything else I can survive.

But then, I'm not sub. I AM a masochist and do occasionally bottom, but if I'm willing to be under your hands then chances are pretty good fear won't happen. You might startle me, but if I don't trust you I won't be there and if I trust you you can't scare me.

If you scare me then watch out, because I'll believe it's your ass or mine and do my best to make sure that it ends on your ass. It's just the way I'm wired, I suppose.

_____________________________

“The more you love, the more you can love—and the more intensely you love. Nor is there any limit on how many you can love. If a person had time enough, he could love all of that majority who are decent and just.”
- Robert Heinlein

(in reply to afmvdp)

RE: fear in a sub's eyes - 8/3/2004 11:47:22 PM

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I cannot address fear in a subs eyes but will address it in a slaves eyes and face.
Of course when I am practicing any of the sences deprivation fear in features is not
addressed however fear factors in the physical sence for a Sadist is core in the turn on.
Fear feeds needs and facial expression is great but body responce is just as good.
I am a eyes kind of Gal and prefer to always have eye contact when scening to experiance that Fear Factor reaction that gives Me pleasure. Ive been told many times that just My look invokes fear in those around Me as My eyes say much. I beleive this to be true for in the vanilla world I have been able most times to command attention with out a word but simply a look.
Seeing chill bumps run up a slaves body from their legs to ther shoulders can bring on such stimulating physical reactions in My self. Add a look of true fear in the eyes as the breath stops and nostrils widen and Im in heaven!

(in reply to MizSuz)

RE: fear in a sub's eyes - 8/4/2004 12:31:30 AM

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quote:

I am a eyes kind of Gal and prefer to always have eye contact when scening to experiance that Fear Factor reaction that gives Me pleasure.

I think that's exactly what the dom that i was talking to meant.

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proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan

(in reply to MistressDREAD)

RE: fear in a sub's eyes - 8/4/2004 7:34:36 AM

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It depends on the mood I am trying to set. Yes, sometimes, I like to see that worried, fearful look that just screams, "Oh my God! You're going to put that WHERE????" I don't do much fearplay...but that's mostly because my slave isn't afraid of much. (Maybe I need to try harder)

~Thorns

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~"Do you know what the chain of command is? Its the chain I beat ya with when ya don't follow my command."

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(in reply to proudsub)

RE: fear in a sub's eyes - 8/4/2004 7:57:24 AM

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I liek to use Blindfolds in my play. You can sense fear adn anticipation without seeing the eyes. Sometimes it is nice that you can watch it in their eyes. But I usually when they are plindfolded can place a hand on their ass and feel them shake, shiver and sometimes if they are really anxious they jump just a little when you first touch them until they realize its your hand. I actually like to blindfold my sub, tie them up, and mix pleasurable and painful touches just to throw them off so they never know what to expect. As an example I made a sub last night get on hands and knees blindfolded and eyes front. stood over her straddling her reached around and embraced her laying kisses on her neck and squeezing tighter in my embrace on her, she enjoyed this very much. then i walked away and came back and repeated a couple times, yet every once in a while I would straddle her and start to embrace her but then as she was expecting my kiss I would bite her on the small of her neck hard enough to cause a slight scream but not break the skin. I find that by keeping it unknown my kisses are even more valuable to her.

_____________________________

LIFE'S JOURNEY IS NOT TO ARRIVE AT THE GRAVE SAFELY IN A WELL PRESERVED
BODY, BUT RATHER TO SKID IN SIDEWAYS, TOTALLY WORN OUT, SHOUTING "HOLY
SHIT......WHAT A RIDE!

(in reply to proudsub)

RE: fear in a sub's eyes - 8/4/2004 11:32:47 AM

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And that is the case with extreme masochists. It is easy to be fearless when even death itself holds no hammer...but deep inside some dark little speck in the back of the mind some nightmare exists and it is in finding this that we are to gain our stronger hold on power. And in that moment that you remind them what being scared really is that they will find absolute submission.

(in reply to MizSuz)

RE: fear in a sub's eyes - 8/4/2004 1:55:14 PM

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I have to agree with Miz Suz on this one. I have no fear of my Dominant. If I did we would'nt be together.
Trust is not demanded it is earned. That's all there is to it.
I have never laid my hands on another person except out of defense. Seriously hurt people doing that. Although they deserved it and more.
I agree fear is all in our minds. Do I fear things, yes I do. Can I overcome them..yes I can. However if my Dominant was trying to hurt me by abusing my fears then he would no longer have a submissive.

Although I do not fear death. I guess that would be the ultimate fear?

(in reply to MizSuz)

RE: fear in a sub's eyes - 8/4/2004 3:03:41 PM

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I think many Doms mistake what they see in the eyes of a slave or sub as fear. We spend so much time telling them that they should always play safe and make sure they are with someone they trust, yet we want to see fear in their eyes too? Doesn't make sense to me. I think that is wishful thinking on a Doms' part.
When I look in my slaves' eyes, I see two things. The first is the absolute devotion and desire to please me no matter what I ask. The second is the look of her brain telling her what I am doing to her is painful, yet it also tells her that she wants more. Those are the looks that excite me.

(in reply to sub4hire)

RE: fear in a sub's eyes - 8/4/2004 3:11:11 PM

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I really think people don't even know what the word fear means. They associate fear as a bad thing where it is not.

fear (fîr) n.

A feeling of agitation and anxiety caused by the presence or imminence of danger.
A state or condition marked by this feeling: living in fear.
A feeling of disquiet or apprehension: a fear of looking foolish.
Extreme reverence or awe, as toward a supreme power.
A reason for dread or apprehension: Being alone is my greatest fear.

Fear is healthy, if someone has no fear they have no control and no boundaries. It is a respectful fear, like the fear you have of a lion in a cage. You know it cannot harm you due to it's restraints but you also know that were you to meet under different circumstances you would be nothing more than food.

(in reply to Estring)

RE: fear in a sub's eyes - 8/4/2004 3:24:21 PM

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No Boundaries is a good thing in my mind. I live a full life. Unlike some who don't.

(in reply to afmvdp)

RE: fear in a sub's eyes - 8/4/2004 9:41:40 PM

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There is good pain and bad pain.

Obviously there is good fear and bad fear too. As an example, my wife often has fear when we play and she loves it. When she is blindfolded and anticipates the next whack of a paddle, not knowing if it will hit the same already overtender spot or a fresh piece of flesh. She is afraid she will not be able to take it. It is a good thing. On the other hand, we did fire play last week. I was using 70% and lighting areas of her torso while she watched with the lights low, even though we did it before years ago, she was very afraid and thought she was getting severely burned. It just seems that way because her nervous system was geared up so high. I had to tell her to relax and that she wasn't getting burned. She has a great deal of trust in me but was still pannicking. (On a lighter note: my response was to whip out my penis and light it on fire the same way to show it was safe. That helped a lot.) Later she saw she had no marks at all an hour later and asked for more fire next time. Subs!

A masochistic woman stayed with us for a few days a couple of years ago to play. She was a major pain slut who lamented that most tops never went far enough. She never had fear and said that was a good thing. After watching me abuse the soles of another woman's feet, she asks for "some of that". Never having had anything like that and being a very curious woman. Knowing her psychological limits were extreme and the physical danger in this area was minimal, i decided to take it to the next level. Afterwards, she said she had never been afraid before. It was something new. She was contemplative for the rest of the night and the next day declared it was a good thing.

On the blindfold issue, sometimes they are good and sometimes not. Depends on the experience I'm shooting for.

(in reply to sub4hire)

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