RE: Self Respect For Slaves

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: Self Respect For Slaves

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> RE: Self Respect For Slaves

Page: << < prev 1 [2]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: Self Respect For Slaves - 10/9/2008 12:39:01 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

In order to do this, doesn't that mean you first have to actively seek out people with bad self esteem? And what does that say about you, that you aren't comfortable with someone who is strong in herself?

What happens when her self esteem picks up, she gets raises and promotions, and isn't someone who needs you any more? Do you then have to move on to the next lowly worm type?

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to VivaciousSub)

Profile

Post #: 21

RE: Self Respect For Slaves - 10/9/2008 9:21:39 PM

WyldHrt

Posts: 6412
Joined: 6/5/2008
Status: offline

quote:

...doesn't that mean you first have to actively seek out people with bad self esteem? And what does that say about you, that you aren't comfortable with someone who is strong in herself?...Do you then have to move on to the next lowly worm type?

While I often agree with your posts; the above is a bit unfair (and more than a little snarky), Des.
Few of us (people in general) are so strong that there are no holes in our self esteem, nothing that we beat ourselves up about or obsess over now and then. I suspect you read more into the OP than I did, because I saw an attempt to bolster a sub's self esteem when it falters rather than an indication that Exile is looking for a sub that doesn't have any.

Perhaps he will clarify.

_____________________________

"MotherFUCKER!" is NOT a safeword!!"- Steel
"We've had complaints about 'orgy noises'. This is not the neighborhood for that kind of thing"- PVE Cop

Resident "Hypnotic Eyes", "Cleavage" and "Toy Whore"
Subby Mafia, VAA Posse & Team Troll!

(in reply to DesFIP)

Profile

Post #: 22

RE: Self Respect For Slaves - 10/10/2008 10:17:06 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

I didn't mean it to be snarky but it disturbed me that this is his primary thing about his relationships. And if it isn't his primary criteria, then perhaps the op wasn't clear. I have no problem with a dom helping a sub with self esteem issues, he helped me a lot, but I got the sense that he looks for that. Which would make him more of a trainer than someone suited for a long term relationship. So I asked.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to WyldHrt)

Profile

Post #: 23

RE: Self Respect For Slaves - 10/10/2008 2:23:33 PM

pixidustpet

Posts: 857
Joined: 6/4/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: celticlord2112

It is as I tell my slave....

She is my slave, she is my woman, she is my property. That she is mine makes her a great lady before the entire world (and heaven help the poor soul that argues the point).

this is very akin to how TheEngineer views our relationship.

kitten

(in reply to celticlord2112)

Profile

Post #: 24

RE: Self Respect For Slaves - 10/10/2008 10:54:49 PM

exile509

Posts: 31
Joined: 4/6/2008
Status: offline

quote:

disturbed me that this is his primary thing about his relationships. And if it isn't his primary criteria, then perhaps the op wasn't clear.

um, let me clarify.

in no way shape or form am i looking for "low self esteem" or "self loathing" as a criteria for a sub/slave/girlfriend. (i'm not really sure how you arrived at that conclusion to be honest)

my last slave did not like her self. she hated how she looked and would break down in tears over it. i put this in the contract not at a means to change who she was, but to help her see she was not the "blob" she saw herself as.

it broke my heart to see her cry, and i thought that i could help her wiht her self image issues by weaving a support mechanism into the contract.

i'm not looking for someone who needs to be emotional retraining, but i'm not going to let someone suffer without helping them either. (i'm pleasure centric, suffering isn't my kink)

(in reply to DesFIP)

Profile

Post #: 25

RE: Self Respect For Slaves - 10/11/2008 12:51:11 PM

aggressiveblkdom

Posts: 127
Joined: 5/21/2007
From: The Dark Side of The Moon
Status: offline

I definitely agree with you on this post Exile. The self-respect and self esteem are the things that I try to reinforce in any sub I have any dealings with even if it's just casual play. Hell, I've began to steer a co-worker who has sub tendencies in that direction. Everytime she says something negative about herself I simply tell her in a firm manner "I really don't want to hear you refer to yourself in that negative manner. If you can't say something good about yourself, at least phrase it in a manner that will help you to improve on that deficiency you feel you have." It's so funny that now I don't even have to say anything, just give her a little look when she begins and she corrects herself mid-sentence. I have began to notice though that her outlook on herself has actually began to improve which is what I was trying to help her with. I do feel that you can't teach a person to have self esteem or self-respect, merely help them to build upon what they do have and improve on that. Everyone has some measure of those qualities but some just need a nudge in the right direction to build those up to a more healthy level.

(in reply to VivaciousSub)

Profile

Post #: 26

RE: Self Respect For Slaves - 10/12/2008 3:34:05 AM

rubberpet

Posts: 1743
Joined: 4/6/2006
From: The Land of Voodoo
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: exile509

Ok, here's an interesting one for ya.

With my property, i like to instill a sense of "Self Respect" in them. a majority of my rules are associated to this concept, here's an example from the last contract i wrote:
Extension- As my Owner’s property I am an extension of him. To insult myself is to insult him, to disrespect him. And to disrespect my Owner is to bring upon myself more than just punishment. I will never refer to my self in a negative way again, if there is something that I am not fond of about my self I will phrase it in the most positive way I can. If something is deeply bothering me I will talk to my Owner and work hard to solve my issue.

As a sub/slave, what is your opinion of this concept?
Do you feel this idea is too much of a contradiction?
Would this detour a slave who wants to be treated like they are worthless?
How would you feel about this in your contract?

Actually, it sounds great...in theory. I often tell Mistress that I am an extension of her and when not with her somewhere, I will act as if she were standing right there watching, but that's not the context you were using.

While I have my occasional time when I feel less about myself, there is nothing Mistress can say to make me feel better. It has to come from within myself. So as much as she wants to help, I can only help myself and it takes time to snap out of that funk. However, there are times I like to be treated like crap, but only in play. Mistress has told me on many occasions that she would never treat me like I'm worthless outside of play because I'm so precious and valuable to her in her everyday life. Playtime, on the other hand, is a different story because it can lead to many different avenues to explore in a safe environment.

As for it being in my contract to her, I feel it is an unrealistic clause...at least in my case. I can talk to Mistress all day long about the negative feelings I have about myself, but I won't feel better till I'm ready to feel better. It's not a switch or command that can be instantly obeyed. If it were a clause stating for me to learn how to control my temper better, then that is more realistic in my book.

_____________________________

Collared and devoted property of Mistress Lorelei (vampchick88) as of 3/26/08.

Rubberpet - The Resident Anti-Subby and mysterious shadowy figure known as Voodoo, proud hitman and wiseguy for the Subby Mafia.

(in reply to exile509)

Profile

Post #: 27