Ialdabaoth -> RE: A Few questions (10/11/2008 1:27:29 PM)
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ORIGINAL: Sunnyfey Sir Stephen decided it was time for me to have my insignia branded on to my left arm. We got about half way through it when I had a panic attck and we had to stop. I've offcially pissed myself off. Sir Stephens Angel's are supposed to be hardcore bitches. I passed out on him last scene and bitched out on this one. What am I doing wrong? Maybe my headspace just wasent right this go round. I dont know, Anyone else ever had this happen to them? Ive NEVER had a panic attack before during a scene. Im usually gung ho and ready to be his nasty bitch. His Nasty Bitch, the girl who takes his boot to her back or neck with pride and alot of good old fashioned lust. I feel like I failed Him. Even though at the time he said "your my girl, you dident fail, you wanted to go through with it, It was my choice to stop the scene". Who am I to not take Him at his word and still be mad at myself? And even when I know this I still feel shitty about it. I dont know what Im doing right now, I just want to feel better. So where's the part where you did "wrong"? You took a scene in a different direction than planned. He worked with it. This has led to several things: 1) You are starting to show cracks in your current emotional state. This means you're reaching a threshold where he will have the opportunity to dismantle and re-build this emotional state. I don't know about him, but I would relish the opportunity to do that far, far more than the opportunity to burn a symbol into someone's arm. After all, the symbol-branding can happen at any time; but true opportunities to guide someone's emotional transformation come a few times in a lifetime. 2) You are both off-script, and therefore improvising. This is where such people shine. 3) You stopped playing the persona of the Gung-Ho Nasty Bitch and actually showed him a glimmer of personality that he may not have seen before. Now he gets to explore this personality facet and decide what to do with it (refer back to point 1, above). At what point was anything that you did a bad thing, again?
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