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Can someone help me with these terms? - 10/10/2008 6:11:50 PM

nd601

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I'm a newbie in every sense of the word. I stopped lurking here about a week ago, thinking I knew what I wanted, but it seems like I've a LOT to catch up on.

So let me start simple - can you, the reader, as a switch give me your definition of what you think the following is:

"Top", "Dominant". The difference between the two.
"Bottom", "Sub". The difference between the two.

I've done some reading on the internet, but I'm interested in *your* personal definition of what these terms mean.

The reason I ask is that I want to find out who I am.. where I fit in, if I fit into these terms at all.

RE: Can someone help me with these terms? - 10/10/2008 6:19:14 PM

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sometimes on forums such as these, people use the terms 's-type' and 'd-type', to avoid this exact debate. On one list I used to belong to, it was traditional to use the terms 'cucumber' and 'peach', i believe it was.
All terms are self definitions. I personally do not like to argue with people about how they define themselves.
That really isn't what you are asking, of course. You want some idea what people 'might' mean when they are distinguishing between these things, and from there, you can talk to them if you want to go further.

"bottoming' and 'Topping' usually refers to BD or SM activities, without actually submitting. It might be that the bottom actually directs the scene and says exactly what they want in a given session. It might be that they simply are clear about what are acceptable and unaccpetable activities. It generally means that outside the bedroom or dungeon or playtime, there is no obiedence, no subbmision, no service, ect.

Does that help at all?

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RE: Can someone help me with these terms? - 10/11/2008 7:16:51 AM

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I would agree with tsatske - you can "top" someone without actually dominating them, even though it may be very intense for both parties at the time. It is often in more casual relationships and when the session is over you both go back to your regular way of living.

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RE: Can someone help me with these terms? - 10/12/2008 6:14:35 PM

YPJW

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Top= the giver of sensation in a scene or the facilitator in a scene
Bottom= to receiver of sensation in a scene or the acceptor of a scene
Dominant= the person who accepts the facade of control
Submissive= the person who gives up the the facade of control

(in reply to chamberqueen)

RE: Can someone help me with these terms? - 10/30/2008 9:59:59 AM

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i like those descriptions YPJW, very well thought out.

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RE: Can someone help me with these terms? - 10/30/2008 10:10:47 AM

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This seems about accurate from what I read and hear. Of course there is another layer to all this, but we won't even go there. It is more important that you are comfortable with the label you choose than if others are. Or, better yet, don't bother with a label if you feel it will limit you or that none fit to your satisfaction.

Best wishes,
lovingpet

(in reply to boundupone)

RE: Can someone help me with these terms? - 10/30/2008 10:37:37 AM

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Labels are merely the beginning point for a more depthful conversation. With that said, I think folks should be as accurate as possible.
OP, as others have said, there are various usages of those terms andlots of debate on 'em.
Best wishes,
Davan

(in reply to lovingpet)

RE: Can someone help me with these terms? - 10/30/2008 1:47:56 PM

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From: Australia
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greetings to all,

OP, here are my definitions (most probably won't agree):

Top: sensation giver
Bottom: sensation receiver
Dominant: part time commander, who is working with the facade of control
Submissive: part time commanded under this facade of control
Master: full time commander, with no facade, the control is real, and total
Slave: full time commanded, receiving the real and total control

well wishes,

(in reply to DavanKael)

RE: Can someone help me with these terms? - 10/30/2008 3:11:40 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: XaviersXian

greetings to all,

OP, here are my definitions (most probably won't agree):

Top: sensation giver
Bottom: sensation receiver
Dominant: part time commander, who is working with the facade of control
Submissive: part time commanded under this facade of control
Master: full time commander, with no facade, the control is real, and total
Slave: full time commanded, receiving the real and total control

well wishes,

Why do you say that a Dominant and a sub are faking or pretending to have control or faking or pretending to give up control? That's pretty arrogant in my books.

A dominant and sub have a set guideline or parameters on the areas of control. There is nothing fake or pretending about it.

KoM posted a diagram a while back that shows the differences and how they intermingle. It gives a pretty decent view of the differences on the different terms.

A Master is no better then a Dom, a Dom is no better then a Top, they are just different roles and a different view and way of doing things.

Same with the other side of tha paddle.

Each just does WIITWD to a different set of ideas and degrees.

< Message edited by akisha -- 10/30/2008 3:14:13 PM >

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RE: Can someone help me with these terms? - 11/27/2008 10:04:28 AM

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So what is the difference between a switch and a bottom?

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RE: Can someone help me with these terms? - 12/1/2008 5:22:14 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: oldFeeder

So what is the difference between a switch and a bottom?

A switch can change from being a top to being a bottom. A lot of people would argue that a switch can't really submit or dominate but actually they can. It's just another level of BDSM and one that is possibly the most misunderstood

(in reply to oldFeeder)

RE: Can someone help me with these terms? - 12/1/2008 2:11:06 PM

Usako

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From: NYC
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quote:

ORIGINAL: XaviersXian
Top: sensation giver
Bottom: sensation receiver
Dominant: part time commander, who is working with the facade of control
Submissive: part time commanded under this facade of control
Master: full time commander, with no facade, the control is real, and total
Slave: full time commanded, receiving the real and total control

I prime example of elitism in BDSM. "I'm a slave so I'm oh so hardcore." Pfft. Suprised no one mentioned the kajira who, apparently trumps even the super subbie slave. GASP. Didn't even bother to mention a mistress, tsk tsk.

OP, since you're new I'd advise to avoid any crap as such. There is a lot of holier than thou attitudes in BDSM and "my kin is better than yours" attitudes as well. It's pretty sad.

To me, a dominant is no different from a master; different word but same job. Some (as quoted) will think that a dominant isn't as hardcore as a master but I disagree. A sub is the same as a slave, just a different word, same job. Of course some will say "oh a slave gives up more of blah blah blah" oh shut up. A submissive can do the same thing without calling themself a slave.

In the end lables are garbage and a tool for elitist attitudes. Make up your own terms and definitions. Do what you want.

(in reply to XaviersXian)

RE: Can someone help me with these terms? - 12/28/2008 2:30:05 AM

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Try using this link
http://www.xeromag.com/fvbdglossary.html

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RE: Can someone help me with these terms? - 12/28/2008 3:33:29 AM

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My definitions, taken from my spiritual Ms community:

Top/bottom = physical roles
Dom/sub = mental roles
Master/slave = spiritual roles

Top and bottom mixes and matches with the others; I know many bottoming Masters and Topping slaves. Dom/sub can mix an match, too. I know many Dominant slaves.

Master Fire

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(in reply to nd601)

RE: Can someone help me with these terms? - 12/28/2008 7:41:20 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: oldFeeder

So what is the difference between a switch and a bottom?

From my view, a bottom is the person who is receiving the sensations, being tied up, being penetrated, being flogged, being paddled, etc.

A switch is a person who feels comfortable enough to occasionally be the giving end and sometimes comfortable enough o be on the receiving end, in a BDSM context.

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RE: Can someone help me with these terms? - 12/28/2008 8:24:18 AM

T1981

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I'm still a newbie myself, and here are the definations as I've come to see them:

Top - the person giving the commands in scene

Bottom - the person recieving the commands in scene

Dominant - the person who feels most comfertable *giving* commands

Submissive - the person who feels most comfertable *recieving* commands

Master - someone who is in a serious BDSM relationship (either 24/7, or wheras their main role with another person is in a BDSM - though not nesscarily only sexual - context) and guides another through major aspects of their life

Slave - someone who is in a serious BDSM relationship (either 24/7, or wheras their main role with another person is in a BDSM - though not nesscarily only sexual - context) and recieves guidance from another for major aspects of their life

A switch is a harder thing to define, since it is often so personal. I have found that I can top at least one woman (a good friend of mine) but I also very much enjoy bottoming for her. But this doesn't mean that I can top ANY woman or that I can BOTTOM for just any woman, either. Same goes for men.

< Message edited by T1981 -- 12/28/2008 8:25:52 AM >

(in reply to beargonewild)

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