Switch -male - becoming more submissive

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PeonForHer -> Switch -male - becoming more submissive (10/13/2008 12:33:16 PM)
With every (nominally vanilla) partner I've had, the conversation's ended up turning to power play. I've always - eventually - talked about wanting to be a sub to a woman's Domme. Each vanilla partner - and there've been over 30 - has loved the idea of power-play. Yet, it's always ended up with me as the "Dom". Why? Obviously because, as a deep-down sub, I know exactly what'll turn them on. I know exactly how their submissive, passive, need-to-be-put-in-their place buttons can be pressed. I used to quite enjoy that - it was fun. But it didn't hit the depths for me as it did for them. I found switch females too selfish (LOL at the irony of it all). When it came to my turn to be the servant, the slave and the abused, they'd always make a feeble job of it. Their hearts weren't in it. Moreover, I don't think they even thought they should be expected to do it well, either. Deep down, men are dominant, such supposedly "switch" women have believed, and that's that. I'm afraid I don't believe true switch females exist - they all want to be subs at heart. I'd once have said, 'Show me I'm wrong, I dare you' - but it's too late now. I want a true, no-holds-barred, Domme now. I've gone over to the Dark Side and want to stay here. Moral: if you're a switch, don't be bloody selfish.

fearghus -> RE: Switch -male - becoming more submissive (10/13/2008 3:18:11 PM)
Just because you're a switch doesn't mean that you must play with a switch :) Go out and find a nice (or not-so-nice) Domme - just don't try to top her! fearghus

PeonForHer -> RE: Switch -male - becoming more submissive (10/14/2008 2:51:05 PM)
I don't think I'm a switch, Fearghus. I used to, but not anymore. It was fun to be a dom, but bliss to be a sub. Not a real competition, I'm afraid . . .

madamekitty -> RE: Switch -male - becoming more submissive (10/14/2008 4:59:06 PM)
When it came to my turn to be the servant, the slave and the abused, they'd always make a feeble job of it. Their hearts weren't in it. Nothing worse than play when your heart (or that of your partner) isn't in to it ... sort of thing that makes you wander off, take pics of your boots, and fix a drink ... MK [;)]

brawley82 -> RE: Switch -male - becoming more submissive (10/15/2008 2:03:36 AM)
PeonForHer, I definitely understand the sentiments of your original post. I have found it very hard to find genuine dommes in my relationship even though they all seem to like the idea of it. I always wondered if it was simply the lack of experience or confidence - especially in those women who were, in every other regard, "dominant" personalities.

lovingpet -> RE: Switch -male - becoming more submissive (10/15/2008 4:20:41 PM)
I think it really is an experience thing for me. I do so love to play in both worlds. The fact of the matter, however, is that I have found it much easier to find partners that wished to dominate than those who would be good submissive companions to me. As a result, I have yet to attain the level of skill to do the kind of job I would like. It also means when I do play in a dominant role, I am more focused on the mechanics than on the energy and flow. The last thing I want to do is harm the submissive due to my own inexperience. I am just responsible that way. I don't think that makes me less switch, but it will affect my performance until I have attain a certain level of proficiency. lovingpet

MasterFireMaam -> RE: Switch -male - becoming more submissive (10/16/2008 3:57:21 AM)
If you keep having unhappy relationships, remember, the common element is you. If you want something different, change something. Perhaps instead of defying her to prove her dominance, you should work on your submission and obedience. Master Fire

pdv99 -> RE: Switch -male - becoming more submissive (10/16/2008 5:54:12 AM)
I think fearghus had it right - it's what's working for me: I love to both dom and sub, but have never found one person that both roles worked with. Right now it's working being Dom to one, and sub to another - it's take a while to find the right people who were happy with that situation, but it means I can give myself 100% to each role in turn. Being Switch IS more complicated.......but it can also be more fun...

AliyaLuna -> RE: Switch -male - becoming more submissive (10/16/2008 8:17:29 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: PeonForHer With every (nominally vanilla) partner I've had, the conversation's ended up turning to power play. I've always - eventually - talked about wanting to be a sub to a woman's Domme. Each vanilla partner - and there've been over 30 - has loved the idea of power-play. Yet, it's always ended up with me as the "Dom". Why? Obviously because, as a deep-down sub, I know exactly what'll turn them on. I know exactly how their submissive, passive, need-to-be-put-in-their place buttons can be pressed. I used to quite enjoy that - it was fun. But it didn't hit the depths for me as it did for them. I found switch females too selfish (LOL at the irony of it all). When it came to my turn to be the servant, the slave and the abused, they'd always make a feeble job of it. Their hearts weren't in it. Moreover, I don't think they even thought they should be expected to do it well, either. Deep down, men are dominant, such supposedly "switch" women have believed, and that's that. I'm afraid I don't believe true switch females exist - they all want to be subs at heart. I'd once have said, 'Show me I'm wrong, I dare you' - but it's too late now. I want a true, no-holds-barred, Domme now. I've gone over to the Dark Side and want to stay here. Moral: if you're a switch, don't be bloody selfish. It might just be an experience thing too. More experienced in one role or another. I know the more I learn about each the more I can bring to the experience. Plus you might also find that someone is more one than the other but still both in one person.

LadyJulieAnn -> RE: Switch -male - becoming more submissive (10/17/2008 8:33:17 AM)
Perhaps you should read the "switch becoming more Dominant" thread... [:)]

allthatjaz -> RE: Switch -male - becoming more submissive (10/17/2008 11:14:07 AM)
I find this thread really interesting because in my other life I am a full on dominant woman. I never intended to be that way but it kind of happened regardless. At this moment in time I am here exploring my sub side and I am having lots of fun doing that. I don't advertise myself as a switch because I don't want to encourage submissive men that will talk the right talk to try and encourage play. That put aside, I find myself still wanting to take the control, still wanting to push that dominants boundaries and still wanting to seek that delicious bit of vulnerability in him. I have recently questioned my submissive side and I have to admit that in the right situation my urge to dominate is far stronger than my urge to submit. So why would I want to submit at all? I think my only answer is this. Being dominant can be hard work. One is always the circus Master/Mistress, and always thinking about new ways, new ideas to keep your submissive entertained. Sometimes you come home from work after a long day and you know you still have a hundred other things to do but your submissive is waiting patiently for your command, your advice, your permission. I believe a switch to be thought provoking, intuitive and very compromising but that is only if he/she is truly a dominant and truly a submissive and not using one side to get a bit of the other.

granit33 -> RE: Switch -male - becoming more submissive (10/17/2008 11:58:03 AM)
What I find with the so called “switch” when it comes to a woman is that they are meaner then the dormant ones that I had that won't let be a top. The switchers are the meaner compared to the dominant woman, mostly the small one's, much shorter then I am, and naturally the one's that are much taller then I am, but the little one's are “the meaner then all of them”, beat the hell out of me and they know that I will never say anything or rise up to stop them no matter what they do to me. What this has accomplished is I'm becoming a total submissive man to the smaller woman, the target that they go for is my balls; once they got them in hand I don't have a chance to do anything, and in particularly if they get me from behind; as I see it, its revenge and all they want to do is beat, slap, and whip my balls. Then bind and leash my balls and drag me around by them. “Talk about power play!”

allthatjaz -> RE: Switch -male - becoming more submissive (10/17/2008 12:52:13 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: granit33 What I find with the so called “switch” when it comes to a woman is that they are meaner then the dormant ones that I had that won't let be a top. The switchers are the meaner compared to the dominant woman, mostly the small one's, much shorter then I am, and naturally the one's that are much taller then I am, but the little one's are “the meaner then all of them”, beat the hell out of me and they know that I will never say anything or rise up to stop them no matter what they do to me. What this has accomplished is I'm becoming a total submissive man to the smaller woman, the target that they go for is my balls; once they got them in hand I don't have a chance to do anything, and in particularly if they get me from behind; as I see it, its revenge and all they want to do is beat, slap, and whip my balls. Then bind and leash my balls and drag me around by them. “Talk about power play!” Yeah right!!

granit33 -> RE: Switch -male - becoming more submissive (10/18/2008 8:12:30 AM)
Do you find this is not to your liking?

allthatjaz -> RE: Switch -male - becoming more submissive (10/18/2008 11:34:42 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: granit33 Do you find this is not to your liking? I just think it sounds of wank

AStudyInScarlet -> RE: Switch -male - becoming more submissive (10/22/2008 7:09:16 PM)
similar situation here! my pet and i identify as switches. when he's stressed, which is a lot, he wants to be dominated. and that's happening more and more. he seems to tend more towards submissive. "When it came to my turn to be the servant, the slave and the abused, they'd always make a feeble job of it. Their hearts weren't in it." when he is on top i think he is wonderful but he doesn't feel like he's doing a good job.

thedavezone -> RE: Switch -male - becoming more submissive (10/23/2008 2:03:12 PM)
I know what you mean. I've been looking for an equal partner for so long.

DelilahDeb -> RE: Switch -male - becoming more submissive (10/24/2008 12:55:41 AM)
It's not a matter of balance in one play session, it's a matter of balance over time. At present, I bottom to a 30-year poly partner, when I wish to. And sometimes it's an interactive exchange…he kneels to me, we enjoy ourselves, and I put some of the energy we're both exuding into the flogging he gets from above. I have a saying: I dom, I top, I switch, I bottom…but I never sub. (And if you don't believe me you can come and watch me give the person with the gloves and lube commands with my eyes shut.) Another time, I might choose to make it all about him…see just how long and how high I can get him with impact or sensation play or both, and not let him do anything but accept what I give him. Or not. Lady Delilah Deb

lovingpet -> RE: Switch -male - becoming more submissive (10/30/2008 6:42:36 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: thedavezone I know what you mean. I've been looking for an equal partner for so long. Equal in what way? If you are talking about a 50/50 switch, I don't know what the odds are of finding such. Not that there has to be a permanent leaning one way or the other, but that there are seasons of need in a given area and later in the other. A good give and take would come from excellent chemistry, intimate knowledge of each other, equal mental and emotional energy and depth, and time. This is not necessarily true of all switches, and I only speak for myself in these regards, but has been more common of my interactions in a switch/switch relationship dynamic. lovingpet

websurffer -> RE: Switch -male - becoming more submissive (11/1/2008 12:56:34 PM)
I don't think that I would be able to switch with one person. If they start out as sub, my mind will register them as sub and I will be dom. The reverse is also true. I'm not really sure that I'd be able to shift that. Also, I think that the experience level a person has, has a huge effect. I for one, will admit to not having much at all, especially when it comes to sub men.

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