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What is the secret code word to get Dom's to take me seriously?


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What is the secret code word to get Dom's to take me se... - 8/3/2004 10:33:32 PM   
Sllim1973


Posts: 3
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		This has GOT to have been discussed to death already. If so, sorry about that, but I am new to these boards and would oh so enjoy your advice on this.

I think the proper word to describe my relationship to BDSM and the scene in general since I discovered it 2 years ago is periphery. I have been exploring from the edges in. Poking a toe in here and taking a peak there. To call this a journey of self discovery is putting it mildly.

I am working on resolving a bit of a perplexing problem. How in God's name is a sub supposed to find a woman in this world to dominate his worthless ass?
Seriously, I expect that many men go there lives on the periphery.
Screw that.

I don't have a clue how to go about finding someone like this in the vanilla world. So then I discovered Collar.ME! Well that and Bondage.Com (hey at least I am honest about it).

The people I have talked to and interacted with have been put off by my experience level. They worry about me waisting there time. I sympathize with these Ladies in a big way.
However I have no intention of waisting any Ladies time.

So what is expected of me that I can get past this 'new subbie' curse that seems to be out there?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: What is the secret code word to get Dom's to take m... - 8/3/2004 11:00:06 PM   
Sllim1973


Posts: 3
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Can I get a mod to delete this entire thread?
There are already perfectly good threads in this very sub-forum that handle this question, I jumped the gun.
Sorry about that.

Besides, after reading through those threads I have devoloped a much, much better question that DOES deserve a thread.

So would someone mind making this thread go bye-byes?

(in reply to Sllim1973)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: What is the secret code word to get Dom's to take m... - 8/4/2004 2:09:56 AM   
MistressDREAD


Posts: 2943
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		our threads tells others sumthing about Our selfs sllim
sorry but your thread says that you like to jump the gun.
LOL
to remove it would be a sin.
have you got your profile in place on the other side of
collarme?
have you been up front and honest in what you seek in
a Dominant?
have you listed your desires and hard limits as well?
have you posted a honest pic of your self?
have you stated where you live and if you are willing
to move or not for this Dominant or to learn in general?
Have you joined a munchies club or BDSM dungeion in your
area?
keep in mind that not all Dominants deal with submissivies.
There is only a portion of Dominants whom are willing to train
newbies. These facts lower your abilities to gain attention so
use that journal first off and start telling Us about your day to
day learnings in this travel you are taking. Tell about your high
and lows of the day and what you agree with or disagree with
what you have learned of this Lifestyle. Tell sumthing about
your self. Try not to whine. Many Dominants are not into the
mommie type scene and dont like whinners, ( of course unless
this IS your scene ) Learn how to first address a Dominant
that you have a interest in. It is smart to send a simple request
first asking permission to speak. If your given such then state
your interest in the Dominant however do NOT give a whole lifes
story on what YOU look for. Wait for the Dominant to ask you the
questions They want answered and give simple answers to them.
If you have a question of the Dominant ask if you may ask a question
first. remember to * act online just as if you were being submissive
in real life. remember when speaking to a Dominant to keep your place
kneeling below them and invision your self at their feet when writing them
and speaking to them here. This will help you in your addressing Them. JMO

(in reply to Sllim1973)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: What is the secret code word to get Dom's to take m... - 8/4/2004 10:43:36 PM   
Laura


Posts: 573
Joined: 6/22/2004
From: Ontario, Canada
Status: offline 		Lack of experience doesn't put me off. Maybe it's because I don't consider myself hugely experienced either. Keep in mind that no one starts out experienced, yet some get there anyway.

_____________________________

Bait & Switch - Adult column

(in reply to MistressDREAD)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: What is the secret code word to get Dom's to take m... - 8/5/2004 2:01:31 AM   
iwillserveu


Posts: 1633
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		The secret word is spaghetti. Don't ask for the hand shake though.

Oh, by the way, Doms are men. The female verision is alomost anything but Dom. (I.E. Domina/Domme/Domanatrix/Fem Dom/Domtress/Dommette)

_____________________________

When the Lady smiles i can't resist her call. As a matter of fact, i don't resist at all. Well that depends if it is a smile or a grimmace.

(in reply to Sllim1973)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: What is the secret code word to get Dom's to take m... - 8/6/2004 6:10:08 PM   
PassionateNights


Posts: 49
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		The secret word is.....shhhhhh.........patience

There are a lot of insincere people out there and if ou pop up on the Dommeadar (Domme Radar) the you are gone, the have to sift through sooo many lying, horny wannabe subs that it just wears some of them out.

be real, be tru, be attractive as a person and potential partner and be ever so patient....it works for me...can;t say if any of it is true or if i have been listening to the voices in my head to much...

(in reply to iwillserveu)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: What is the secret code word to get Dom's to take m... - 8/6/2004 6:52:11 PM   
LadyBeckett


Posts: 865
Joined: 2/4/2004
From: Scotland/Tennessee
Status: offline
quote:

How in God's name is a sub supposed to find a woman in this world to dominate his worthless ass?


Don't bound in discussing religion, politics, and DON'T come in offering a "worthless" ass! *rolls her grey eyes*

Once you get the courage to spit it out, don't turn yeller and tuck yer tail, boy. Stand up straight, and take what comes next. It won't hurt. Like Dread said, not every Domme is looking for a sub, and those that are looking for a sub, may not want to have to train one brand new to the lifestyle. However, you've definitly taken a step in the right direction by getting on the boards, letting folks know you're here, that you are serious, and by your continued participation...they'll get to know a little bit about who you are and what you're about. Stay with us.

_____________________________

Lady Beckett

_______________________________________________

"Submissive boys yearn to fall into their proper place, so the rest of their life will." ~ Lady Beckett

(in reply to PassionateNights)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: What is the secret code word to get Dom's to take m... - 8/9/2004 11:24:20 AM   
MistressZanthia


Posts: 88
Joined: 7/2/2004
From: Seattle, Washington, USA
Status: offline 		I must agree with you Lady Beckett. A worthless ass is absolutely worthless to me too!

Secret code word for me: Time and day you'll be coming to meet me in person. Nothing less will do. I don't banter around online in chats and emails waiting for you to feel "safe" to meet me, (as I always say, there are no more nutcases in the world then there ever were, they just have better internet access now).

I don't have time nor do I wish to discuss your fantasies before I know who you are and have an interest in you. All of that requires a boy to be in front of me in the flesh. Plain and simple. No if ands or butts or dicking around online. Be real or be gone.

_____________________________

~*Zan*~
www.zanthia.com

(in reply to LadyBeckett)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: What is the secret code word to get Dom's to take m... - 8/9/2004 1:45:55 PM   
MsSimone


Posts: 119
Joined: 7/15/2004
From: Chicago,Illinois
Status: offline 		Wonderfully put, my fellow dominas!
Subs, Be patient and be real. Don't promise us the world and then deliver nothing. Personally, I look for honesty and sincerity in your communications to me. Flowery language will get you nowhere.
I do not enjoy cybering or chatting. As a professional, it does not pay for me to waste my time chatting with you for hours on end. It is serving your needs not mine! Be more interested when you approcah a domina with what you have to offer her , not with what you like to do.

Mistress Simone

_____________________________

www.chicago-mistress.com

(in reply to MistressZanthia)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: What is the secret code word to get Dom's to take m... - 8/11/2004 3:23:56 PM   
MaitresseEden


Posts: 477
Joined: 8/8/2004
From: Houston, Texas
Status: offline
quote:

So what is expected of me that I can get past this 'new subbie' curse that seems to be out there?


In my years in the scene the one thing I have firmly come to believe is that no two Dommes want or look for the same things. Some are immediately put off by one thing you may have checked on a checklist, (regardless if you know what it is or not, or even have thought about it).. Others want to hear what is in it for them.. be it gifts, money, grattitudes, and those that do what something (we all do but I'll get to that later).. will often quickly test you to see if you deliver as promised. Other want to do what your interests are outside of kink, and others only want to know what they can do to you.. None of us look at the same things.

Caveat aside: I can speak for what I look at in a profile with authority. I look for sincerity, honesty, and perspecitive. As I previously mentioned. We all want something in life from others. If all we seek is a casual playmate, then we wouldn't want to hear about someone wanting to be a live-in.. and vice versa..

Since I seek Long term i'm immediately put off by married, seperated or part time out of town play mates.. Why would I want to invest my time into developing a relationship with someone who can't do so equally. So the key is on this point.. BE HONEST.. if all your looking for is someone to have wild Gormet hot and sweaty nasty sex with you.. be honest, yet humble about your limitations. If you are looking for someone to spend the rest of your life with, and someone with whom you are willing to commit to not just physically but emotionally and spiritually, then say so. I think the biggest mistake subs make is saying they are willing to devote themselves completely to a Mistress but in actualality they mean.. while in her presence only. Be self aware.. and articulate what you really seek.

The next biggest area of problem/disallusionment is what I like to call the Bullshit detector. Know the difference between fantasy and reality. Yes, I may own 6 pairs of stillettos, and 20 fetish outfits, but the truth of the matter is I don't walk around the house wearing them. They are saved for parties. Also understand that women are often times mothers, and that means the odds of you paradeing around nude isn't going to be a daily accurance.. For me it is important that your profile and initial emails demonstrate that you have a clear grasp on what the reality of life is like and that you are able to balance the D/s with ever day life.


I could go on in more detail but I will stop with just a few short bullets.

* know the difference between submitting, and bottoming, Topping and Dominantin and which it is your seek ..

* For the love of heaven.. SPELL CHECK... and stop the W/we UR Y w/e have formal educations. Good sentence structure will always impress.

* Articulate if you seek to serve in a service oriented manner, or if you are a masochist. Some of the greatest submissives I have known are not the least bit masochistic and some of the biggest pain sluts I know are not the least bit submissive.

* Articulate if you seek a cruel strict domme that in not sensual or sexual, or one who is disciplined, loving and sexual, and sensual. There are a multitude of types.

* Last but not least.. Ask them intelligent questions, and answer the questions they ask, and sincerely and honestly as possible.

Anyway.. I'll stop rambling.. Best of luck..

(in reply to Sllim1973)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: What is the secret code word to get Dom's to take m... - 8/11/2004 7:45:18 PM   
Laura


Posts: 573
Joined: 6/22/2004
From: Ontario, Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: iwillserveu
Oh, by the way, Doms are men. The female verision is alomost anything but Dom. (I.E. Domina/Domme/Domanatrix/Fem Dom/Domtress/Dommette)


Someone should do a survey. I kind of like Governess too. Mistress doesn't work for me though. Too much like the 'other woman'.

How about DomSheDom? It has a ring to it?

_____________________________

Bait & Switch - Adult column

(in reply to iwillserveu)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: What is the secret code word to get Dom's to take m... - 8/11/2004 8:04:47 PM   
SherriA


Posts: 544
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: iwillserveu
Oh, by the way, Doms are men. The female verision is alomost anything but Dom. (I.E. Domina/Domme/Domanatrix/Fem Dom/Domtress/Dommette)


Not necessarily. If "dom" is short for dominant, then why can't it apply to women equally? I know several women who are dominant and prefer there NOT to be a gender association with that.

_____________________________

-- Sherri

Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity.

(in reply to iwillserveu)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: What is the secret code word to get Dom's to take m... - 10/12/2004 3:45:11 PM   
ChrisGreen


Posts: 103
Joined: 10/9/2004
Status: offline 		In one simple word -RESPECT.

Very easy to say, and a lifetime to earn.

_____________________________

Chris Green

Matron, sister or nurse wanted,
to administer discipline to unruly patient.

(in reply to Sllim1973)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: What is the secret code word to get Dom's to take m... - 10/15/2004 2:03:29 PM   
GoddessDustyGold


Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline 		So many thoughts come into My head as I look at this thread. I agree with what everyone here says. Read it carefully and draw from A/all. I, Myself, do stand on the protocall of upper and lower case, and type automatically that way. Many Mistresses do and Many do not. If you do not use this, I am not going to drop you like a hot potato. But I will tell you I expect this sign of respect. And if W/we correspond, I will expect you to work on the proper format I wish to see.
Yes, We are all different and have different expectations and different ways of handling an "interview process". Some like to take more time. Others less. I am somewhere in between. I look at the email sent. I look at the profile. I reply (if I reply) in an individual manner. I do not have a stock reply I send out to all "applicants". W/we email. W/we chat. I allow a phone call. Then I give a simple task if W/we get that far. 99% of all slaves or wannabe slaves fail this initial task. They question, they have to know the reason for everything. They have other things to do which stop their ability to do this simple task (and it has nothing to do with money...ok???????). If you cannot follow a simple instruction, how will you serve Me in a r/t 24/7 situation? If you need months and months, and you have other obligations, why are you applying to Me for a live-in position? Answer My questions. I am not out to hurt you. What I do is supposed to help A/all concerned make a quick decision as to whether this possibility has any possibilities.
I have been lied to, used, and even stolen from. Don't think W/we are all out to get you. Don't write to Me and then tell Me you are married, or separated, or can't move because of your job, or have a vacation planned. As a slave, you do not have a vacation. I realize E/everyone wants to be careful. But don't tell Me you want a live-in position when you live 3,000 miles away and can't relocate right now. I have provisions, clearly spelled out in My profile for alternative methods of service and training. Be honest!
And yes, I have the fetish wear. I do not need to wear this every day in order to know who I am. I wear it when it is appropriate to the occasion. I already know who I am. Leather boots and a whip do not make Me a Mistress/Goddess. But I am a Mistress/Goddess. Maybe you will be naked, and maybe you will not. It depends on the day and the situation. I have a "vanilla" life too.
Stop whining and showing your constant neediness. It exhausts Me. Be real, and I will be real. Play games, and I will cut you off.
I am not addressing you in particular here. This is a message for all who seek this same information.

< Message edited by GoddessDustyGold -- 10/15/2004 2:31:22 PM >

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom


(in reply to Sllim1973)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: What is the secret code word to get Dom's to take m... - 12/18/2004 5:26:05 PM   
LuvSponge


Posts: 109
Joined: 4/11/2004
Status: offline 		.

< Message edited by LuvSponge -- 12/26/2004 10:06:06 AM >

(in reply to iwillserveu)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: What is the secret code word to get Dom's to take m... - 12/18/2004 5:47:45 PM   
MiladyElaine


Posts: 1086
Joined: 10/10/2004
Status: offline 		DustyGold, I agree with everything you said! I too like to see small i's when they respond via email. It's a form of respect, just like all caps is a form of SHOUTING!
And if they can't obey online, they are not going to in person either. That's where honesty and sincerity come into focus.

_____________________________

A crazy quilt is warm but oddly put together.

Milady

(in reply to LuvSponge)
Profile   Post #: 16
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