hopelesslyInvo
Posts: 522
Joined: 2/10/2008
From: the future
Status: offline
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i'm sure tone and delivery of someone's thoughts account for more than the term used itself, which although not clarified, i'm not speaking in regards to reading your messages on CM, the question is all inclusive.
the real curiosity, and though i hadn't thought over what i was wondering about well enough to phrase it quite so clear in the initial post... the replies helped me wrap my head around how to better ask my question.
it a situation where you feel sincerity is absolutely present, and you are complimented or praised in any fashion, manner, or extent... are there compliments [regardless of the wording] that offend you, or that you simply dislike?
it's not whether they call you cute [or anything else], or that they call you that when you're 7, 24, or 90, and it's completely regardless of in what time of knowing you they choose to say it; the question is, does it bother you that they think of/see you in this manner. for example, if i called a random mistress cute, it is not of my concern [within this topic] if she dislikes it because she thinks i'm sucking up, trying to get in her pants from flattery, or anything else, my concern is whether or not she thinks to herself something along the lines of "fuck you, i'm not cute, i'm too much of a bad mamma jamma domme to be cute". now i know i could get into another line of territory by asking 'do you just smile and nod your head or do you let people know', but that's not my real interest.
keep in mind i'm not just saying bothered by the general 'how people see me' i'm talking literal compliments; are you ever displeased to be told things that you should be happy to hear, things people say because they want you to know it makes them happy in some way, and not just because you take it the wrong way?
it's like that hapless person that walks up to some 8 year old and say's "well aren't you just the cutest kid i've ever seen" only to have them cut back at them with "i'm not a kid, i'm 8 years old!". the issue there is they don't like being seen as a kid, not that they didn't like the compliment of being seen as cute, and that's what i'm interested in.
i don't think theres likely to be any 'wrong' answers in how someone wants others to look upon them, i'm just curious as to whether it bothers people to be complimented sincerely, just not in the way they others to see them, and if that's the case, what are those things?
myself, i take pretty much any compliment and feel just peachy about it; that goes for remarks of my looks, actions, achievements; personal or professional... and i don't take people complimenting my looks in general to mean they are shallow and inconcerned with the rest of me, or that they are just trying to butter me up anymore than i take people complimenting my writing or art as meaning they want to comission me to do work for them.
a few posts touched on it pretty well, such as being seen as 'adorable' was not pleasant in one case; but most replies seem centered around the belief that maybe i'm just curious if certain forms of flattery aren't well received, or if it's not the best thing to say. couldn't be any further from the case, and i'll keep giving random people and those close to me as many compliments as i do now, and i do give compliments to so many people; yes even to if not especially those regarding their looks, and to people that i have no interest in pursuing a relationship with. appearance is the first relation i have of people, and i can't be commenting on things i do not know about unless i truly am just trying to kiss their ass for one reason or another, so compliments on personality and so forth have to wait, but i don't wait to compliment them on looks until i can comliment them on something else as well.
i'm very visual, and very adoring of all sorts of people and things, but in regards to being "creepy" i'm not going to tell someone i've yet to speak to "i've stared at you/your photo for _____ amount of time because you're so pweetty", or that they strike me in such a way i'd really like to draw their portrait... i just want to tell them of my fondness for whatever aspect has my attention, yet usually when i feel such a strong desire to pay people a compliment, i either have no idea what to say, or figure it will be meaningless due to how often they are told it, regarding looks or anything else i might compliment them on. how many times do you think your favorite author has been told by random people "i love your writing", but does that stop you from still wanting to tell them so as well?
i can honestly say i don't care if someone sees my words as meaningless very much, i care much more if it has the opposite effect that a compliment is intended to carry.
so in a nutshell, i still can't word this very concisely and have another lengthy post, but maybe this all helps decipher my mind a bit more.
"i think you're cute, but does it bother you that i do?" that scenario is all it boils down to basically.
perhaps i shall just stick to my safe word and describe everyone and everything as "lovely".
you're lovely
your house is lovely
what a lovely sense of humor you have
oh tea? lovely!
...talk to you later cuties =p
< Message edited by hopelesslyInvo -- 10/21/2008 12:48:25 PM >
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