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RE: Maintenance topping - 10/24/2008 5:16:15 AM

PsyVamp

Posts: 1026
Joined: 10/30/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: hopelessfool

Akasha,

Do you think I really WANT to be on my knees scrubbing the toilet?
You really think I WANT to cook and clean and run the house all the time?

I really dont, but I do it because I have to, its my job to please my partner.

hopelessfool... if I had someone here doing things like that I'd be a heck of a lot less tired and probably more in the mood to play.

quote:

YOU take on a sub, you take the responsibility of one. You answer the phone at 3 am because they need you, you do what it takes to keep them satisfied? Why? Would you stay with a sub if they didnt keep you happy and satisfied.

I'm starting to wonder that Myself.

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Post #: 61

RE: Maintenance topping - 10/24/2008 9:35:58 AM

GigglingGoddess

Posts: 31
Joined: 6/14/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ShaktiSama

quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer
If you weren't in the mood either for domination or sex, what mood were you in, exactly?

Sometimes I am in a mood to be in a better mood.

I like ShaktiSama's answer =) I guess I normally wait til I'm in the mood for domination to punish anything. But a few times I just decide he needs to be punished here and now so I don't forget later or soften up too much. He can tell you I forget sometimes, as I'm not in the mood 24/7, and there are some offenses that I just can't allow myself to forget (mainly cumming without permission). Anyway, I guess in these situations I'm not really in any particular mood, I just have an objective: punishment. Maybe there's a bit of anger/disappointment (and yes, I know I shouldn't punish out of anger, but we both know I'm incapable of seriously hurting him). The anger doesn't ever control me, it just pushes aside my usual sympathy, and makes the punishment more effective. When I feel it's effective, sometimes I end up in a dominant mood by the end of the punishment, but other times I just feel accomplished. It's hard to explain what goes on in my brain, but I hope that answered your question somewhat...

(in reply to ShaktiSama)

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Post #: 62

RE: Maintenance topping - 10/24/2008 10:04:55 AM

PeonForHer

Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
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It did, thank you, GG. It's fascinating to read a little about "the dynamics behind the dynamics", as it were, in a partnership. My last comment to Shakti deleted partly because I later realised it was a reasonable answer to your former comment, btw.

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Post #: 63

RE: Maintenance topping - 10/24/2008 10:16:55 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ShaktiSama

There's always a choice as to whether I respond to attempts to seduce. I am never powerless. If I genuinely won't or can't put other things aside for the sake of intimacy with my partner--nothing is going to happen, no matter what he does/says/wants.

Maybe it's just me, but I have a broad range of concerns in life; when I'm working or concerned about my family, it may tend to put me in a non-sexual frame of mind. But the fact that I'm not chasing someone around with a whip doesn't mean I can't be moved--and the fact that it wasn't my idea, and that my partner initiating play is motivated by his own needs, doesn't mean I am "faking" it or being "topped from the bottom".

Don't get me wrong, I am not advocating a sub having poor relationship skills: whining, moping, and passive aggression or resentment are NOT the way for anyone to get their needs met in a relationship. But if the only answer for a sub is to sit around and wait silently for me to initiate play, that boy is going to have a long wait sometimes. I'm not a teenage nymphomaniac who is independently wealthy and devoid of other concerns. I have a million things tearing at my mind and my time on any given day. Sometimes my loved ones have to fight even for their rightful share of my attention.

I think these real life concerns are why some couple schedule play time whether it be weekly or monthly. It sets up things so they both can try and work around real life, start thinking about the fun a few days early and get themselves and each other in the mood.

These are relationships after all and all relationships need work.

What that work is, why you do it, and how will be different for each couple/family.

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(in reply to ShaktiSama)

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Post #: 64

RE: Maintenance topping - 10/26/2008 8:36:12 AM

GigglingGoddess

Posts: 31
Joined: 6/14/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ShaktiSama

But the fact that I'm not chasing someone around with a whip doesn't mean I can't be moved--and the fact that it wasn't my idea, and that my partner initiating play is motivated by his own needs, doesn't mean I am "faking" it or being "topped from the bottom".

I totally agree. Too many are so quick to point the "topping from the bottom" finger on this site when it's not really the case. My boyfriend is capable of putting me in the mood for D/s, even when it's not on my mind at all. I'm often appreciative of this, particularly if we haven't played in a while. Most likely he is motivated by his own needs and desires, but that doesn't mean I don't get equal enjoyment out of it. And obviously, I can reject his approach if I'm too busy or just in the wrong mindset. But when I am receptive of it, I'm still the one in control, and I consider his actions more of a service than an act of topping from the bottom.

(in reply to ShaktiSama)

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Post #: 65

RE: Maintenance topping - 10/26/2008 9:51:21 AM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

I am one of those that wants a happy partner, so when it comes to play, I can be "persuaded", even if it's not the first thing in my mind, provided I am not working a deadline, or ill. Shoot, I'm not always in the mood for sex or Chinese food, but I enjoy both once I get started.

That said, I can't imagine "faking" dominance, or having to dredge it up from somewhere. I am all dominant, all the time, whether I am actively expressing it or not. It's not some kind of cloak I wear when the mood strikes. I wouldn't fake an orgasm, I wouldn't fake enjoyment of a scene, but I am not *capable* of faking dominance.

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(in reply to GigglingGoddess)