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A few questions... - 12/11/2005 11:18:24 AM

Eronaturtle

Posts: 3
Joined: 12/8/2005
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I'm not used to the internet as a forum for meeting people with similar interests, and I was wondering if anyone could give me some advice on how to go about finding someone and setting up meetings with them.
For example, I'm not very experienced - should I let the people I talk to know this, or try to convey confidence that I know what I'm doing?
Any help is appreciated, thanks.

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RE: A few questions... - 12/11/2005 11:37:08 AM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
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Christ man, you live in Islip.....go to paddles find a munch. Life is life all over, we ain't all nice people here. If you come to the net to meet, your results are gonna be very spotty; my friend. There's good people here, no doubt, lot's of 'em. They are not the types that you are likely to meet in your 1st or second meeting, don't be in such a hurry, two posts? Read a little bit, do some searches, meet in groups first, your little dingy part can wait a half a mo, guv. Consider more finding what you truely want in terms of your "special" needs that trying to do a one, two just to get 'em off one time. Doesn't make for the full symphony out here.

Try to find the music, we know you got the melody.

Ron

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RE: A few questions... - 12/11/2005 11:44:25 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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The fact that you are even considering hiding the truth about yourself does not speak well of you.

Honesty and open communicationi s the ONLY way to make a relationship work in the long term.

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RE: A few questions... - 12/11/2005 11:50:48 AM

LadyJulieAnn

Posts: 979
Joined: 6/29/2005
Status: offline

Why would you behave differently when the internet is involved?

Be well,
Julie

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RE: A few questions... - 12/11/2005 12:21:59 PM

ginawithaB

Posts: 141
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Eronaturtle

I'm not used to the internet as a forum for meeting people with similar interests, and I was wondering if anyone could give me some advice on how to go about finding someone and setting up meetings with them.
For example, I'm not very experienced - should I let the people I talk to know this, or try to convey confidence that I know what I'm doing?
Any help is appreciated, thanks.

I think I understand what you're asking here...IMHO- I would NEVER make it plainly known that I was new to the internet meeting thing, unless I happened to meet someone I felt REALLY comfortable and safe sharing that info with. I wouldn't outright lie and say I've been doing this forever, if I haven't, but I simply would not lead off with that information. Why set yourself up? Just too many predators out there. What I would do, is get internet savvy in a hurry, tho, if you intend to stick around for a while. Read, read, read...did I say read? Oh, yeh, read. There are lots of articles out there on internet dating safety for the vanillas and kinksters alike. Check out the boards here to start. Also, I came across a great article that someone here on cm wrote called The Moby Dick Theory of Internet Relationships. I don't have the link anymore, but I'm sure you can find it by doing a google search. It's a must read for anyone seriously considering internet dating/relationships.

And, I'd take Ron's advice too- Get thee to Paddles, find a munch...or drop in on a demo or mtg at MAsT, DSF, TES, Brooklyn Leather...there's way too much going on in NYC Metro area for you not to be able to find ppl...we're EVERYWHERE!

Happy hunting!

gina

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RE: A few questions... - 12/11/2005 2:30:37 PM

topcat

Posts: 1675
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Tidewater, VA
Status: offline

Hey Neighbor-

first of all, in this area, you have LILnR (Long Island Leather 'n' Roses), The venom club, and the SSC (suffolk supper club) so there is a huge wealth of experiance out there that you may draw on.

As to misrepresenting yourself, I think it's possible to present yourself with confidence, without misrepresenting your lack of experiance. I am in Great River, so if you have any questions, feel free to contact me.

Stay warm,
Lawrence

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RE: A few questions... - 12/11/2005 3:03:29 PM

fastlane

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Trust no one...especially a Dood called Fastlane! He will stand you up in a heartbeat.

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RE: A few questions... - 12/11/2005 10:23:18 PM

OscarHargraves

Posts: 693
Joined: 8/9/2005
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Be confident. Be careful. BE TRUTHFUL !!! These are not self defeating items. You can be confident in who you are and what you ARE and use that to help you learn more about what you want to be. The truth will come out and you will look foolish if you tried to lie to people who are really experienced.

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RE: A few questions... - 12/12/2005 12:14:51 AM

Wolfie648

Posts: 600
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline

quote:

I'm not used to the internet as a forum for meeting people with similar interests, and I was wondering if anyone could give me some advice on how to go about finding someone and setting up meetings with them.
For example, I'm not very experienced - should I let the people I talk to know this, or try to convey confidence that I know what I'm doing?
Any help is appreciated, thanks.

I think that portraying yourself as anything other than you are will lead to disappointment for both parties involved - should it get to that point. Personally I prefer less experience to more experience - less untraining & retraining is involved for me.

I don't know that it doesn't speak well of you. I would say don't let your desire to serve let you say anything that you or they will regret later. i.e. being untruthful now to satiate immediate gratification will in the long run cost you and them.

Being truthful and being trusting are two different things. Absolutely be careful of protecting yourself in whom you trust. Just like you can rest assured they are.

D (owner of j)

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Possibly.

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RE: A few questions... - 12/12/2005 1:02:49 AM

Eronaturtle

Posts: 3
Joined: 12/8/2005
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Thanks to everyone who posted - I'll definitely check out those articles. My main concern was in trying to figure out a way to make a good "first impression" That's where my concern about the experience came in. But, I shall remain vigilant in my purpose! I will find a nice little sub to call my own one day :-p

Regards,
Cory

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RE: A few questions... - 12/12/2005 9:17:33 AM

MHOO314

Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
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uhm I've seen a lot of the posts here say " be confident" Id like to hopefully translate that to, be confident regarding what you are and what you seek---but if you betray a false confidence in skill---you will either get blackballed as a wannbe or end up hurting someone---its fine to be comfortable with who you are---but don't admit to a skill you don't have---

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RE: A few questions... - 12/12/2005 9:53:55 AM

CanisMajor

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Joined: 9/2/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Eronaturtle

For example, I'm not very experienced - should I let the people I talk to know this, or try to convey confidence that I know what I'm doing?

If you get to the point of talking with someone (using your voice, not IM or email), you should by that point be free about admitting your inexperience, especially if asked. There is no need to stampede to this admission in the first e-mail.

My personal view tends to be that a fact admitted is one that can't easily be used against you. If I were inexperienced, and I am in some ways, I'd not hesitate to declare it openly, early, and perhaps often.

However, you should learn what a "silent alarm" or "safe call" is. Once you've learned what it is, you should use one, and you should make clear to the people you are meeting that you are using one. This significantly mitigates any "dangers" of admitting your beginner status, and is a deterrant to almost all predatory behaviour. I use one even for one-on-one meetings in a public place such as a restaurant, until I've become comfortable with the person.

Confidence is a separate question. You can very confidently assert you are inexperienced, and that is precisely what I would do. Confidence is always an asset, and is not the same as competence.

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RE: A few questions... - 12/12/2005 4:18:34 PM

MasterBenedict

Posts: 309
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My first question 4 U would have to be-- what are you looking for?

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RE: A few questions... - 12/12/2005 7:35:31 PM

amayos

Posts: 1553
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: New England
Status: offline

Just be honest; that's crucial. Don't bother putting on a facade, as you'll just get yourself in trouble. Spend some time in the forums and get a feel for it.

Oh, and one more thing: be patient.

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