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Are you still interested - 10/21/2008 8:14:08 AM   
Esclava2one


Posts: 34
Joined: 9/17/2008
Status: offline 		i have question, have you ever become bored.  i ask this because i am a person who needs a lot of contact and stimulation.  Once i get something i get it and new something new to keep me interested.  i love my Master, but i feel i need new rules or something to keep me going, if the rules change on a regular basis then i feel it would keep interested and more focused on Him.  i know for some the changing of the rules may be stressful but, it keeps me going.  i know i am not child and do not need to played with all the time (although that would be nice) but my attention is starting to wan.  i guess i should state for me the rules are important because my Master and i live a good distance apart and the rules are one way that helps me to stay focused on Him and connects me to Him on a daily basis.  i have spoken to my Master regarding this, but i am wondering how others deal with this,  how do you prevent this from happening to you.

_____________________________

Only in service am i free.



*Proudly owned and collared by Master Brandon*
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Are you still interested - 10/21/2008 8:29:33 AM   
ChampagneMojito


Posts: 77
Joined: 4/8/2008
From: UK
Status: offline 		Bored wouldnt be the right word for me. I'm never bored in the relationship, but when the dynamic of the relationship isnt being expressed I can feel a little disconcerted at times, I'm happiest when i'm doing the little or big things that i've been instructed to do. And to be taken out of that can feel a little strange.

How i deal with it? Well over time i've just got better at asking for what i want or need, I'm still learning to express this.

_____________________________

I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naïve or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman. ~Anaïs Nin

(in reply to Esclava2one)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Are you still interested - 10/21/2008 8:39:12 AM   
FlamingRedhead


Posts: 451
Joined: 3/4/2007
From: Georgia
Status: offline 		I don't like rules, so I'm probably not the best one to answer this.  *grins*  It sounds to me like you just want more attention.  If he's doing the best he can from where he is, I'd suggest that you do some research on things that interest you and then discuss them with him to see if it's something he's interested in as well.  The thought of bathroom privileges or practicing positions, for instance, may have never crossed his mind.  Other than that, I'd try to entertain myself by keeping a journal, reading, etc.

_____________________________

I'm so addicted to
All the things you do
When you're going down on me
In between the sheets
Or the sound you make
With every breath you take
It's unlike anything
When you're loving me

(in reply to Esclava2one)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Are you still interested - 10/21/2008 8:41:49 AM   
subtee


Posts: 5133
Joined: 7/26/2007
Status: offline 		Does your master know what you require of him? Does he understand your needs and that they are not being met? Have you told him, no, demanded of him that he give you "a lot of contact and stimulation?" It seems to me he's not completely focusing on you and what you want; there can't be just ONE of you doing that. Explain to him that you're really, really not a child, but if he wants your attention not to wane, he better play with you more. A lot more. "All the time" if he can swing it. If not, you may not be compatible.

That's a thought...you may not be compatible.



_____________________________

Don't believe everything you think...

(in reply to Esclava2one)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Are you still interested - 10/21/2008 8:45:21 AM   
littleone35


Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline 		i can honestly that after almost 3 years he keeps my interest.  We have some rules but if he kept changing them i would get very frustrated tryng to rember the ones he changed. 

Talk to your Master and tell him how you feel.  He wil never know unless you talk it out with him.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to subtee)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Are you still interested - 10/21/2008 9:02:17 AM   
sambamanslilgirl


Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline 		i'm not one for rules/protocols/regulations ...that being said - yes, i'm still interested in my relationship with Daddy. the distance doesn't bother or seem to matter to me anymore as it first did.  for the first time in years, i actually have a life which keeps me busy from reviewing/interviewing bands to dating my pet.  He likes that i keep myself busy with other activities and hobbies.

_____________________________

...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...


...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

(in reply to Esclava2one)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Are you still interested - 10/21/2008 9:19:36 AM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline 		I can only suggest to shift your focus from what YOU want to what your Master wants of you, and work to please him by meeting his desires over your own. Thinking up rules for someone can be quite exhausting. Do you really want to burden him with that? Instead, why don't you create a set of rituals that you do for yourself which feeds your focus - be it meditating, masturbating, writing, exercising/stretching - whatever feeds your mindset. Make something for him - surprise him with a flogger, if he likes floggers. Or learn his favorite foods and perfect your preparation of them.

And if you placed the quote in your signature line because you believe in it, read it again.

If it's a situation you're unfulfilled in because you're not getting what you want out of it, it may not be the ideal situation for you. Without knowing how long you have been his, or how often you see each other, or how often you even contact each other, I can't advise on that. Only you can know if you're thriving or not, and what makes you thrive. If the person he is does not bring you to thrive, then it may be time to evaluation things.

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.



(in reply to Esclava2one)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Are you still interested - 10/21/2008 9:48:24 AM   
lally3


Posts: 595
Joined: 3/4/2008
Status: offline 		i actually find that long standing rules get harder to adhere to, not easier.  i start to nudge the parameters a bit and then feel bad, so slink back to the original standpoint and then off i go again - its a sort of yo-yo thing that keeps me occupied endlessly - not that im suggesting you do that atall, im just answering your question, which is basically no. 

but then i can see how long distance, little contact situations call for ongoing upkeep.  stretching your mind and submission by new things is completely understandable.  why dont you discuss projects for you to do, something that has to be done by a certain time, something that would benefit you or him, something that you need to do and are bad at and need his focus to get you motivated.

it doesnt have to be rules to keep the M/s connection going.  goals and projects would work too.

_____________________________

even doves have pride (Prince)

(in reply to NuevaVida)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Are you still interested - 10/21/2008 10:15:19 AM   
Esclava2one


Posts: 34
Joined: 9/17/2008
Status: offline 		Because of distance my Master and i are only able to see each other once a week, if work schedules allow. I guess the right thing to say is that i am more attention starved than anything. I want to do more for Him but since our time together is not much i have not really had the opportunity to do much for Him. I guess basically i am wanting to do more for Him and am unable to do so, so i am getting a little frustrated.  As far as what He likes, i have asked and He says i will learn in time. i am not sure how that is possible since O/our time together is so limited. At times when W/we are together it is usually for a couple of hours.

I am new to the lifestyle and He is my second Master.  my first Master i served Him on a regular basis and i had ongoing projects that kept me busy which made me feel like i was serving and kept me focused on Him.  I am aware that all Masters have their own styles.  i have been with Him for about four months.  i have given all myself to Him, but i feel i am unable to fulfill my role as His slave and that is what i want and what He told me He wanted.  My desire to serve Him is very strong and i care for Him deeply and want it to work. i guess you may be right i may need to reevaluate O/our relationship and see if it is right for me because the desire to serve is not being met.

_____________________________

Only in service am i free.



*Proudly owned and collared by Master Brandon*

(in reply to NuevaVida)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Are you still interested - 10/21/2008 10:30:05 AM   
allthatjaz


Posts: 2878
Joined: 8/20/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida

I can only suggest to shift your focus from what YOU want to what your Master wants of you, and work to please him by meeting his desires over your own. Thinking up rules for someone can be quite exhausting. Do you really want to burden him with that? Instead, why don't you create a set of rituals that you do for yourself which feeds your focus - be it meditating, masturbating, writing, exercising/stretching - whatever feeds your mindset. Make something for him - surprise him with a flogger, if he likes floggers. Or learn his favorite foods and perfect your preparation of them.

And if you placed the quote in your signature line because you believe in it, read it again.




I love what you have written because I truly believe that the whole dynamics of sub/Dom relationships can only truly work when there are compromises. A submissive will and must come up with ideas, be able to talk openly and freely about his/her needs and be able to put into place little gifts of his/her submission without having constantly demanded out of the dominant.

I have a very real dominant side and when I find a submissive that 'just is' I am truly a very happy woman but I have been with fem subs that want, need and demand at all times without taking the time to find out about my needs and I just find that exhausting.

Is this relationship online only or are you together? either way you need to understand his needs as much as you need to make him understand yours.



(in reply to NuevaVida)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Are you still interested - 10/21/2008 10:31:01 AM   
girlivy


Posts: 699
Joined: 7/6/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida

I can only suggest to shift your focus from what YOU want to what your Master wants of you, and work to please him by meeting his desires over your own. Thinking up rules for someone can be quite exhausting. Do you really want to burden him with that? Instead, why don't you create a set of rituals that you do for yourself which feeds your focus - be it meditating, masturbating, writing, exercising/stretching - whatever feeds your mindset. Make something for him - surprise him with a flogger, if he likes floggers. Or learn his favorite foods and perfect your preparation of them.

And if you placed the quote in your signature line because you believe in it, read it again.

If it's a situation you're unfulfilled in because you're not getting what you want out of it, it may not be the ideal situation for you. Without knowing how long you have been his, or how often you see each other, or how often you even contact each other, I can't advise on that. Only you can know if you're thriving or not, and what makes you thrive. If the person he is does not bring you to thrive, then it may be time to evaluation things.

Excellent advice NV. 
To the OP,
You mentioned being new to the LS.   I would like to pose a question to you please, have you've taken the time to define your needs, wants, and desires  in the LS? Can you seperate your difference between them?  Also have you taken a look into your motivations for likes and dislikes? oops, thats 3 questions... 
Good luck and many blessings to you!
Cheers!


_____________________________

AUTHENTIC SPIRITUAL GROWTH NEVER COMES FROM EXPERIENCES THAT THE EGO CAN PREDICT OR CONTROL.
OUR SPIRIT HAS ITS OWN AGENDA: OUR DESTINY.
Be yourself, everyone else is taken!

(in reply to NuevaVida)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Are you still interested - 10/21/2008 10:39:41 AM   
RealSub58


Posts: 1073
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Esclava2one

the desire to serve is not being met.


Maybe you might need to re-evaluate what service is?
Possible the 2 of you need to define service for each other.
Sir and I did that.
I was serving him, knowing it subconsciously but once he and I discussed it, it was suddenly very clear.
 
Service is a zillion tiny little things.
Service to him may not be in his presence.
It might be something you are doing now and not even realizing it.
Focus on him and his control.... not just during time together or sexually, but in so many other ways.
 
Can you not think of other ways to serve him when you are not with him and thus bored?

(in reply to Esclava2one)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Are you still interested - 10/21/2008 10:43:11 AM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline 		As I read your post a few things occurred to me:
You get things quickly...
and because of that you need things to keep your attention focused...so something new seems the way to go...

I think frequently for me when I think I want to move onto the next thing that really what I need is deeper engagement.. something that engages more than my mind...something that engages my emotions, my spirit.
If I am truly engaged with the present moment I am not bored or otherwise distractable.

(in reply to Esclava2one)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Are you still interested - 10/21/2008 11:21:56 AM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Esclava2one

Because of distance my Master and i are only able to see each other once a week, if work schedules allow. I guess the right thing to say is that i am more attention starved than anything. I want to do more for Him but since our time together is not much i have not really had the opportunity to do much for Him. I guess basically i am wanting to do more for Him and am unable to do so, so i am getting a little frustrated.  As far as what He likes, i have asked and He says i will learn in time. i am not sure how that is possible since O/our time together is so limited. At times when W/we are together it is usually for a couple of hours.

I am new to the lifestyle and He is my second Master.  my first Master i served Him on a regular basis and i had ongoing projects that kept me busy which made me feel like i was serving and kept me focused on Him.  I am aware that all Masters have their own styles.  i have been with Him for about four months.  i have given all myself to Him, but i feel i am unable to fulfill my role as His slave and that is what i want and what He told me He wanted.  My desire to serve Him is very strong and i care for Him deeply and want it to work. i guess you may be right i may need to reevaluate O/our relationship and see if it is right for me because the desire to serve is not being met.


It's a matter of perspective, really. A lot of people would cherish once a week and be grateful for that much time. Others need daily in person contact. Do you talk in between those once a week visits? You say you are "starved" for attention - do you not hear from him at all?

The other thing that rang out to me in your post is that your "desire to serve" is not being met. Something I learned from another poster and dear friend, BitaTruble - was to serve as HE wishes to be served, not as I wish to serve him. The question here is, who are you serving - yourself or him?

I will say, though, if you are unhappy after just four months, it is time to look at what makes you happy and why, and what you want out of a relationship and why. You say you love him and you've given your all - personally I don't think a person CAN give their all in just four months - people are more complex than that and can't possibly tap into their "all" in a four month, once-a-week relationship.

Questions to ask yourself (and don't need to answer publicly) -

What are your expectations in this relationship?
What are you in it for?
What are your goals in the relationship (for yourself, for him, and for the relationship as a whole)?
Have you spoken to your master about this in a non-self-centered manner?
Has he addressed your concerns, and if so, how? If not, why?
How long has contact been just once a week, and do you see this as a temporary state or more permanent?
What are you doing to better the situation?
Is it worth working at to make it better?

It's a fairly new relationship. If you are this unhappy already, it's certainly worth rethinking. You might find you're not in the right place for yourself. You might find you're in exactly the right place and just need to view things differently and evolve. It's up to you, though. I'm hoping you've talked to him at length about this. If not, I think you should.

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.



(in reply to Esclava2one)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Are you still interested - 10/21/2008 11:40:30 AM   
akisha


Posts: 2071
Joined: 6/25/2005
Status: offline 		~FR~

That is exactly why a long distance relationship is not sustainable for me for long term. I get bored with in a few weeks or months if I'm really lucky and lose interest fast.

Thank god Master realized this about me early on and chose to move here right away instead of trying to do things long distance for a few months first.

I have no idea how to make it better in your relationship, but i wish you the best of luck.

_____________________________

I'm confused.... No wait!!! Maybe I'm not

It's not a blonde moment! It's momentary peroxide posioning. ;)

Your pain makes me smile ~ Happy Bunny

532-095-649

(in reply to NuevaVida)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Are you still interested - 10/21/2008 4:50:56 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		Get a hobby? Work?

Seriously...when you have children, work, family, hobbies, friends, etc..you realize that you don't need or want tons of rules or for them to constantly change to keep you stimulated.

So my suggestion is either look into a job that keeps you busier, get a new hobby, get together more often with your friends, etc...

Also talk to your partner. Maybe you're both just incompatible.

(in reply to akisha)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Are you still interested - 10/21/2008 5:07:57 PM   
PrincessJ77


Posts: 372
Joined: 7/25/2008
From: point A
Status: offline 		~scrapbooking?~

_____________________________

Yours respectfully,
PJ,
Capodecima,
Subby Mafia



(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Are you still interested - 10/21/2008 6:31:04 PM   
CatdeMedici


Posts: 2257
Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline 		I find that subs who get bored or bore easily live in what I call the passion/spark zone---it has to be fun, hot, kicking, sexy--ok that was great, now what.  I feel it is one dimension, they are unable to see the moments with the depth of meaning, embrace them with the emotion---looking for the next bright flash--terribly unrealistic as the majority of real life is a momentum and hum, with the spark and dazzle in the minority. Perhaps a good self examination of what is really important to you may find that everlasting spark--after all it isn't always about your excitement is it?

< Message edited by CatdeMedici -- 10/21/2008 6:47:54 PM >

_____________________________

I am the Cat, holder of the whip and chair.

"Let's see-whips, dips, chains, chips, yep sounds like a party to Me!"

(in reply to Esclava2one)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Are you still interested - 10/21/2008 7:04:47 PM   
Esclava2one


Posts: 34
Joined: 9/17/2008
Status: offline 		i do have children, i do work, have friends and hobbies. if that were all i needed in my life then there would have not been any point of my being in a relationship with anyone.  i am totally aware there will not be sparks or passion everyday, that goes with any type of relationship.  But i do feel there has to be something there to keep my interest, as is the case with many things in life.  i guess i really need to rethink our relationship and decide if it is something i still want. It will be a tough decision because i do care for Him and so want to be with Him. But at what cost?

_____________________________

Only in service am i free.



*Proudly owned and collared by Master Brandon*

(in reply to CatdeMedici)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Are you still interested - 10/21/2008 7:32:14 PM   
VivaciousSub


Posts: 446
Joined: 9/7/2008
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici

I find that subs who get bored or bore easily live in what I call the passion/spark zone---it has to be fun, hot, kicking, sexy--ok that was great, now what.  I feel it is one dimension, they are unable to see the moments with the depth of meaning, embrace them with the emotion---looking for the next bright flash--terribly unrealistic as the majority of real life is a momentum and hum, with the spark and dazzle in the minority. Perhaps a good self examination of what is really important to you may find that everlasting spark--after all it isn't always about your excitement is it?


Brilliant post! I couldn't agree more.

Having just read the last post by the OP, I understand more where she's coming from. I'm not much for rules and regulations, so I'm not sure what I can suggest.


< Message edited by VivaciousSub -- 10/21/2008 7:33:38 PM >

_____________________________

9.8m/s^2 + VivaciousSub + ground = ouchx10^9th

To yield readily--easily--to the persuasion of a friend is no merit.... To yield without conviction is no compliment to the understanding of either. ~ Pride and Prejudice

(in reply to CatdeMedici)
Profile   Post #: 20
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