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girl friend - 12/12/2005 12:44:06 AM

Posts: 1
Joined: 12/12/2005
Status: offline

hello everybody.
i am not into real bdsm but have read a lot about it.
i have a girl friend who really loves me but she is not into bdsm or at least its not in my knowledge.
i want her to be my slave and obey all my commands.
please help me how can i do this step wise.

thanks

RE: girl friend - 12/12/2005 1:45:28 AM

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

Start with the most basic of all steps - communication!

Being your slave has to be her own independent need or you're headed for much grief. Being female and supposedly the "weaker sex" does NOT automatically imply she wants to be dominated by you or anyone! You found your way here so, after talking about your own needs with her, why not bring her here, too?

Be warned, the vast majority of this World are vanillas who supposedly believe in an egalitarian society.... If you want a slave, you'll be needing a sub/slave and that may well NOT be your g/friend's capability.... Still, something attracted her to you so start by talking to her.

Focus.

(in reply to abcdefgh)

RE: girl friend - 12/12/2005 3:01:26 AM

MissDiandSirHugh

Posts: 1158
Joined: 8/11/2005
From: Goondiwindi ( Qld )
Status: offline

Well for a start as Focus50 has said talk to her in fact talk a lot more on many things as it seems you may not know a hell of a lot about her as you stated that her thoughts or even desires on BDSM are not a thing you know of with her so first find out this and what ever else you feel you need to know about her long before even thinking of asking her if she would be your slave as she may indeed have no desire or will to be that or even take part in any form of the life style so let it be and just be a loving couple and leave your desires for what you wish her to do alone or it could break the love and the friendship Respect her feelings and her wishes.
If she shows a little interest in any part of it then talk again and explore her feelings on it all as who's to say she isn't Dominant or just Sub in her desires and so there the idea you have comes to a stop and at no time push things further just let it be as it is and allow her to follow her heart and her mind even explore that with her as well.
Lets say she tells you she would like to try being your slave then just take it all very slowly and once again talk and read together as much as you can long before even starting any play allow her to let her feelings develop and emerge then just light play may be as a game in the bedroom as a form of foreplay and get it right long before going another step forward talk that one over together and tell each other your feelings and thoughts on it.
If Your Girl Friend is Vanilla then please Respect that and do not ever try to change her as it will not work but only cause upset for you both and hurt as well.
We wish you luck in what ever happens and know many will probably disagree with us but then that is what the forums are all about.

_____________________________

HoRoo for now from Us both and enjoy all you read even if you don"t agree with us or others.
Knowledge is no Burden to Carry

(in reply to abcdefgh)

RE: girl friend - 12/12/2005 4:38:54 AM

Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

Fisr of all, "you aren't into it, she's not into it"---My first question is why do you want to venture in to it? Is is to control a willful partner? To be domineering versus dominant? To have her involved in sex at your whims regardless of her desires? It starts with a self assesment of why? What do you want to accomplish? Are you driven? Before you can even begin to control another, you need to be in control of yourself.

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor

(in reply to abcdefgh)

RE: girl friend - 12/12/2005 5:11:15 AM

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: abcdefgh

hello everybody.
i am not into real bdsm but have read a lot about it.
i have a girl friend who really loves me but she is not into bdsm or at least its not in my knowledge.
i want her to be my slave and obey all my commands.
please help me how can i do this step wise.

thanks

First off, have you told her of your interest in this? Sit down with her, let her know where your passions lie. She will either accept them, embrace them, or flat out refuse them. Her response will determine what happens next.
Secondly, having someone as a slave, and obeying all your commands is not all there is to it. It takes a huge amount of responsibility and commintment on both ends. Ask yourself, WHY do I want her to be my slave. Is it only for sexual purposes? Or is it something more deep? Do lots of reading, research, learning, talk to others. Don't step blindly into the waters; it is inevitable that you will sink.
Third, its extremely important that you be totally honest about what you want, and that you RESPECT what your GF wants. If you try to force it, you will lose her; there is no way around that.

And, don't be in such a hurry. Take your time, have fun, always keep safety uppermost in your mind, and learn, learn, learn.

(in reply to abcdefgh)

RE: girl friend - 12/12/2005 8:30:16 AM

Posts: 693
Joined: 8/9/2005
Status: offline

Wait a minute. You're not into BDSM but you want her to be your Slave? That sounds strange somehow. First you need to be best friends. Then you need to talk to your best friend about your wants, needs and desires. After that give her time to absorb all the info and think about it. Then try talking again and see how she feels. She will never be your Slave unless she desires to be. (Oh, and you will never be her Master unless she desires THAT too!) Good luck.

_____________________________

Never drive faster than your guardian angel can fly ! !

(in reply to abcdefgh)

RE: girl friend - 12/12/2005 9:05:49 AM

Posts: 1622
Joined: 8/4/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: abcdefgh

hello everybody.
i am not into real bdsm but have read a lot about it.
i have a girl friend who really loves me but she is not into bdsm or at least its not in my knowledge.
i want her to be my slave and obey all my commands.
please help me how can i do this step wise.

thanks

hmmmmm. what sort of bdsm are you into? if you're not into it, and she's not into it (at least it's not in your knowledge), but you want her to be a slave and obey all of your commands, please tell us why you wish to make this "step wise[ly]." i notice you just joined and have no profile. if you tell us a bit about yourself and the motivations that you do have, perhaps we can assist you better.

i wish you well.

_____________________________

maireann croí éadrom i bhfad. is maith an scáthán súil charad. is leor nod don eolach.
got shoes?

(in reply to abcdefgh)

RE: girl friend - 12/12/2005 4:09:07 PM

Posts: 1675
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Tidewater, VA
Status: offline

Sure, you can ease someone into anything, but the amount of effort involved would be tremendous, and I'd say you'd likely be looking at two or three years before there's really any payoff to it. If you were willing to defer your rewards to that extent, this would be my approach.

Judging form what you've said, I take it that you have some level of relationship with this subject, and that she has some desire to please you. That's actually a huge first step out of the way.

For starters, don’t use any jargon for this stuff- when you label something, you give it a string of associations in the others head, many of which maybe negative.

You are going to have to stick to light bedroom bondage for at least 3-4 months, to build a foundation of trust. You are also going to have to do a lot of work to make she that she has a good time with it. A good tactic is it have regular, vanilla sex two or three times to every incident of bondage, and when she's tied up, make damn sure that it's great sex for her. Go heavy on the aftercare, eat her till she cries, make her breakfast in bed, tie her up and shave her legs, draw her a hot tub afterwards or before.

Create a situation where she WANTS you to tie her up.

If something doesn't go well, never express anger. Calm disappointment, taking the blame on yourself, will go a long way to shaping her response to the next step. "Gee, girl- I'm sorry. I thought that would have been really great for you. I liked it- thanks for letting me try it."

Make any pain play you introduce VERY light, and make it a side bar to whatever else you are doing. Spank her, a little, gently, and then go on with things, or make it a short, light flogging, and then gently and tenderly fuck her. Always let her know that you wanted more, but thank her for what you did.

Debrief her after every scene- not immediately, but after a few hours, or perhaps the next day. What worked for her? Why was something scary? What if you had done 'B' before 'A' instead of after?

If you play it right, you will create a mindset where she feels safe and treasured, and is aware that you want more of what, so far, has been a pleasant and reasonable interaction. She will express willingness for more, and once the 'thin edge of the wedge' is in place, you'll be able to introduce more and more intense levels of work into the relationship.

It takes time. Time and Patience, Time and Patience and Work. Focus, commitment, dedication. An awareness of the others innermost thoughts, drives and desires. An exacting level of technical skill and the unerring ability to apply it.

It takes Mastery.

< Message edited by topcat -- 12/12/2005 4:10:59 PM >

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-there is no remission without blood-

(in reply to abcdefgh)

RE: girl friend - 12/12/2005 4:53:33 PM

Posts: 1013
Joined: 10/8/2005
Status: offline

Hey, Topcat just described every long term serious relationship I have ever had!

(in reply to topcat)

RE: girl friend - 12/12/2005 6:38:36 PM

Posts: 836
Joined: 9/13/2005
Status: offline

I hope it was a serious question...it stirkes me a bit off. Oh well, either way someone is sure to benefit from the advice given.

_____________________________

Enjoy the Journey,
~Cloudz

"Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain."

(in reply to abcdefgh)

RE: girl friend - 12/12/2005 6:46:18 PM

Posts: 2159
Joined: 5/26/2005
Status: offline

Start by communication and if that doesn't work..tie her up and whip her into submission...that always works for me.

_____________________________

Just because it hurts, doesn't necessarily make it a bad thing.

(in reply to Cloudz)

RE: girl friend - 12/12/2005 7:22:48 PM

Posts: 1553
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: New England
Status: offline

"I want her to be my slave and obey all me commands."

An understandable desire, but you're both going to be embarking on a very long, hard journey before getting there. "Slaves" do not come easily.

(in reply to abcdefgh)

RE: girl friend - 12/12/2005 7:45:51 PM

Fawne

Posts: 462
Status: offline

quote:

Hey, Topcat just described every long term serious relationship I have ever had!

Wow, sounds like you are a lucky girl.

I wish!

sigh

(in reply to Sensualips)

RE: girl friend - 12/12/2005 8:50:39 PM

Posts: 437
Joined: 10/17/2005
Status: offline

"Start by communication and if that doesn't work..tie her up and whip her into submission...that always works for me." fastlane

teehee cute!

You need to talk to her. She might spark an interest if you both are very commited and then again maybe she doesn't want to be a slave. I wish you the best of luck*

< Message edited by windy135 -- 12/12/2005 8:53:26 PM >

(in reply to amayos)

RE: girl friend - 12/13/2005 3:14:16 AM

Posts: 674
Joined: 11/7/2004
Status: offline

First thing you do is tell her what you like, and that you are interested in D/s

(in reply to abcdefgh)

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