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"As My wife, I can't say no to her....as my slave,... - 12/12/2005 6:46:07 AM   
julj


Posts: 12
Joined: 9/16/2005
Status: offline 		I would like to ask all here, what would YOUR reaction/feeling be on overhearing that statement?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: "As My wife, I can't say no to her....as my sl... - 12/12/2005 6:49:27 AM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: julj

I would like to ask all here, what would YOUR reaction/feeling be on overhearing that statement?


which is she to you? your Wife or your slave... one is primary one is secondary! one is who she is... the other is but a role. I would also state she has to share this as well.... if you interacting with her like she is your wife as the primary and she sees it the other way... well big problems will occur and vice vrs.


_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to julj)
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RE: "As My wife, I can't say no to her....as my sl... - 12/12/2005 7:00:18 AM   
sweetwhisper


Posts: 85
Joined: 11/28/2005
Status: offline 		my Master has made it clear since the day we married, i am His slave first and foremost - There's no confusion on what my role is in our relationship. I am not exactly sure what your question is tho, is this related to a problem you're having? or what?


(in reply to KnightofMists)
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RE: "As My wife, I can't say no to her....as my sl... - 12/12/2005 7:04:36 AM   
orfunboi


Posts: 1223
Joined: 10/22/2005
Status: offline 		the OP is a female slave....my guess is, she is the wife in question. i would respond more to her post, but i am not sure what she is asking.

(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: "As My wife, I can't say no to her....as my sl... - 12/12/2005 7:09:49 AM   
julj


Posts: 12
Joined: 9/16/2005
Status: offline 		sorry i wasn't clearer........i am His wife.and His slave.
we married mainly for INS reasons ( or so i thought)
we have discussed the apparent devolving from Master/slave to husband/wife.......the bottom line seems to be that He is happy with how we are/with ME......... i overheard Him make that statement, and it has been weighing on my mind since.
i have not talked to Him about it yet.........it seems our communications, whilst 'open/honest' are not really producing any resolutions, so, yes.........it is a problem that i am unsure how to deal with.

(in reply to sweetwhisper)
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RE: "As My wife, I can't say no to her....as my sl... - 12/12/2005 7:15:55 AM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: julj

sorry i wasn't clearer........i am His wife.and His slave.
we married mainly for INS reasons ( or so i thought)
we have discussed the apparent devolving from Master/slave to husband/wife.......the bottom line seems to be that He is happy with how we are/with ME......... i overheard Him make that statement, and it has been weighing on my mind since.
i have not talked to Him about it yet.........it seems our communications, whilst 'open/honest' are not really producing any resolutions, so, yes.........it is a problem that i am unsure how to deal with.



aaaaaww this changes the situation entirely.... I can only suggest that you have a open and honest discussion with him. But don't attempt to establish unrealistic expectations on the relationship. One can't be a Master if one does not have that inherent desire and drive. Talk together... establish expectations together.... seek self-awareness of what your relationship is together... then seek Acceptance for what it is, which is establishing realistic expecations amoung other things.... and the Self-actualize the relationship, do it live it.... and then go back and do it again... and keep doing it. This to me is the cycle of growth in a relationship and oneself.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to julj)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: "As My wife, I can't say no to her....as my sl... - 12/12/2005 7:23:11 AM   
MHOO314


Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline 		hmm Im still a tad confused, you married for Insurance reasons. but were Master/slave, which happens a lot that marriage follows for a variety of reasons, but the D/s relationship stays as the predominant focus---My question is--is he saying he is happier with the Man/wife or the Master/slave? and I would ask why? Did he stop exhibiting the Master traits, do you feel as wife that you are now more equal?

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor


(in reply to julj)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: "As My wife, I can't say no to her....as my sl... - 12/12/2005 8:00:34 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

I would like to ask all here, what would YOUR reaction/feeling be on overhearing that statement?


julj,
When beth and I consummated our relationship as Master and slave it was because it was the culmination of our relationship up to that point. There was a lot of discussion, thought, and reflection. We wanted to take the relationship deeper, more "formal", more structured. There were rules and a contract signed by both of us. We each wear a tattoo that represents our commitment. We made arrangements to live together. We live as Master and slave. We do so for US. We do so because we each believe we have found a person, and a way of life with that person that satisfies us on every level.

Sometime soon, we'll also be man & wife. It may occur at some far away romantic setting, it may occur on a last minute trip to Vegas, it may occur at our home, we've even considered having one of our friends in the lifestyle who has a "minister's" license perform a ceremony. Whenever that happens it will be for "effect" more than any other reason. Although I have made arrangements handling most of the legal aspects of a non-married couples including health coverage, property ownership, etc; the "piece of paper" is still the best way to cover all the bases.

You can not "split the baby". There is no switch in beth that flips from slave/mom, slave/friend/, slave/daughter, slave/sibling. Slave/wife switch is just not possible. slave is what she is. Wife is a label that gives other people perspective, who don't understand or can't relate to a slave existence or a slave identity.

You need to put that perspective into the answer to your question.

I don't know what came first in your relationship, a M/s dynamic or "discovering" M/s within your marriage. I would think because of social stereotyping the transition is more difficult if your relationship was first established with traditional husband/wife roles. There needs to be a determination of the fundamental base of the relationship dynamic. Be it husband/wife or Master/slave. I would suggest that if confusion exists with either party more dialog is necessary. Without both parties being confident in the dynamic and what is expected within the dynamic, there can be nothing but doubt on both sides.

Having all those thoughts in mind, if I overheard that comment my though would be; "They need to talk more."

A slave shouldn't feel bad when requesting something of their owner. A Master shouldn't feel weak when granting the request. Being considerate, being nice, are not "anti-Master" traits! Saying no or saying yes to beth doesn't involve a need to determine if beth slave or beth wife is asking. Between us, wife beth will NEVER exist. Does that mean that we only do and she only gets what I want? Does it mean that she never gets unexpected "vanilla" treats? Does that mean she never gets to enjoy something that I have no interest or desire? No to all questions! Just last night we went to see Narnia. TRUST ME - That wasn't something I wanted to see; but we went. It was a no plans Sunday night, the tree was decorated and there was nothing better to do. I knew how much it meant to beth to see the movie on the big screen. And no, after going I wasn't "pleasantly surprised" that I enjoyed the movie. I commented to her that I felt we had to go home and watch some porn just to re-adjust our head-space. The important "bottom line" is that I did enjoy the company of beth, my slave.

< Message edited by Mercnbeth -- 12/12/2005 8:16:33 AM >

(in reply to julj)
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RE: "As My wife, I can't say no to her....as my sl... - 12/12/2005 8:25:56 AM   
OscarHargraves


Posts: 693
Joined: 8/9/2005
Status: offline 		I'm sorry but it sounds to me like he is not really a Master. I'd say he is more of a Dom who wants to have both, a loving wife that he spoils and a Sub that he can use for his pleasure. That is not necessarily a bad thing as long as both of you agree to that arrangement.

_____________________________

Never drive faster than your guardian angel can fly ! !

(in reply to julj)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: "As My wife, I can't say no to her....as my sl... - 12/12/2005 9:17:01 AM   
truesub4u


Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline 		Trying not read something into this I'm not understanding enough. But to throw my two cents in worth.

I'm now in a relationship with a gentleman I met as a vanilla. And after a few months as our relationship began to develope more he started taking notice to my submissive side. After about six months, of me kind of being more forward and open about things I liked, did I find out he was an actual Dom.

This is nothing he has told me, to make me more of his play toy. He has shown his true colors to me, more than once. He wanted to make sure I was what he was actually seeing. He stated it was the way I talked with him, and did things on regular basis that made him take notice to this. And I know now, after finding out about his desires as well. He's true to himself as a Dom.

Now before me finding out all this. We had discussed taking our relationship further. I'm a single mother, he a single father. So we talked of becoming a family. Now just last night, (funny that this post be here today). I opened the line of communication to him as to if we're starting a family on a vanilla basis, or am I allowed to consider my self his slave. He informed me, that I will be his slave always, first and formost should we go ahead with our plans in the future. But I will also be his partner, his love, his wife, to all else. So were' still discussing and working out the details on this subject. We only started last night, so it's going to be awhile before it's all worked out.

I am not sure I quite understand how you entered your relationship with your Master, as his slave who married, or a wife that became a slave. (some would argue there's no differance.. lol) But either way, you need to open the line of communication again. Specially when you state are really getting nowhere. Be more aggressive in trying to get this discussed. You can do so without crossing the disrespect or obediance line.

I wish all the luck on this. And hope to hear how things work out there.

Jessica

< Message edited by truesub4u -- 12/12/2005 9:19:31 AM >

(in reply to OscarHargraves)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: "As My wife, I can't say no to her....as my sl... - 12/12/2005 12:11:41 PM   
julj


Posts: 12
Joined: 9/16/2005
Status: offline 		Thank you to all who have so far replied to my post.
As is usually the case, this is a complex situation, and without knowing all the 'facts' it is hard for anyone to really say a lot.................however, you have ALL said much that is relevant.
Thank you.
(i should preface this whole thing with a brief 'bio'............. Master and i were Master/slave, from day 1 ( april 03), i WAS a newbie, i HAD researched it all very thoroughly, i HAD looked inside ME very thoroughly, i was not some wide-eyed frenzied sub........i don't use that as any excuse, and i do realise i still had much to learn, and a lot of growing to do)

Mistress Hathor, You are very close to the reality ..........our relationship has devolved, from Master/slave, to more husband/wife.

I have talked to Master many times.......and i did talk as soon as i became aware of the changes.
My main 'dilemma' i suppose, is the conflict between the tacit " Master is happy with me, and His happiness IS my happiness" thing, and the apparent lessening of Master's "Mastery" of me.
During our first talks about these changes, Master acknowledged that the levels of control i ( belatedly discovered) i needed, were simply not part of HIS nature. He is a wonderful man, He has wrought some truly amazing and positive changes in me...........i cannot change His nature though ( nor do i have the right to)................yes, the "repent at leisure" cliche is apt, as are the ones on my profile *smiles*
i also do understand the bottom line..............i have read many posts concerning the " needs not being met.....ask for release.........better now than more hurt later........etc.
i am a coward i guess.
Once again.............i thank all who gave of their thoughts and time.

(in reply to truesub4u)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: "As My wife, I can't say no to her....as my sl... - 12/12/2005 1:26:01 PM   
MHOO314


Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline 		ok I am going to hazard some guesses here--feel free to tell Me I am all wet---you are not a coward, you fell in love I believe with the Master and what he did for you (whether he knew what he did or not)--( btw I have studied your profile in detail)--he changed you in many ways and you were happy--you wanted a life with him always feeling that "special way"--and then you married---high hopes--and this comment--now you feel at sea, adrift, he is not the Master now but the "partner" and you are not sure how to find the Master--(I'm sure JohnWarren will pop in here somewhere if not email him directly)--so dear one, it is not a matter of walking away---

Ok I might try a few suggestions---Im not sure where you are with wearing that collar I saw, but you might add it to your attire on occasion--I'd also suggest a copy of the Loving Dominant appear under the tree---smiles

He needs to understand that Y/you can have both worlds--without he may lose the joy he had with you--or worse---

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor


(in reply to julj)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: "As My wife, I can't say no to her....as my sl... - 12/13/2005 1:57:51 AM   
pandoravampire


Posts: 374
Joined: 12/6/2004
Status: offline 		I am sorry your having difficulties, but please, do not refer to yourself as a coward. Its self defeating.

I was a 'coward' for many months before making necessary changes. You are aware of the deficits in your relationship, you will deal with them as you see fit.

You are not some niave frenzied sub repenting at leisure, you are a woman who is wise enough to spot when something is wrong, this is you trying to address that.
I wish you well in your communicating this to your husband and then mutually deciding if there are changes feasable, and if not, deciding to stay or go accordingly.

wouldnt it be grate if life were like the movies, but hey, shit happens to us all at some time or another.
Goodluck

(in reply to julj)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: "As My wife, I can't say no to her....as my sl... - 12/13/2005 2:59:16 AM   
sweetpettjenny


Posts: 674
Joined: 11/7/2004
Status: offline 		Work as a team , and discuss any changes that need to be made to make the Master/slave relationship work better.

(in reply to julj)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: "As My wife, I can't say no to her....as my sl... - 12/13/2005 3:11:41 AM   
nephandi


Posts: 4470
Joined: 9/23/2005
From: Cold and magickal Norway in a town near Bergen!
Status: offline 		i am in a prosess around that, a prosess to determine if i am a sub first and a fiancee later or a sub first, it can be an agonising prosess of changing ones relationship.

(in reply to sweetpettjenny)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: "As My wife, I can't say no to her....as my sl... - 12/19/2005 2:31:52 AM   
cloudboy


Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline
There really are no neat packages or mix and stir formulas to combine D/S and intimacy. How can a DOM treat you as a slave and also see you as a person they love at the same time? IMO, you are in a GOOD POSITION when you as the sub are a person the DOM loves. This means your relationship will not be about being used and abused, and it means you are higher up the ladder from being an object of either cold or just plain methodical manipulation. The question is, though, how can the DOM assume his or her strong role when that role is influenced and colored by compassion, sympathy, and attachment to his submissive or slave?

That seems to be what your own DOM is talking about. My suggestion to you is, make it clear to your DOM how you can be "taken advantage of," and then this will in turn enhance his confidence in being assertive and excercising his control. The reality is, you are not a slave, rather you are a person giving yourself over to the authority of another. When you stress what you give in this regard, then your DOM is better positioned to feel his own authority. Its counter intuitive to D/S relationships, but the power of the DOM actually comes from the submissive. The more willingly and enthusiastically it comes from the submissive, then the more powerful and enabled the DOM becomes. This dynamic is not to be confused with topping from the bottom, because the sub's giving not geared toward being manipulative, rather its geared toward the DOM's empowerment.

Believe it or not, DOMs need their subs to be proactive in order to feel connected to them. This is even more true when love is a strong component in the relationship.

(in reply to julj)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: "As My wife, I can't say no to her....as my sl... - 12/19/2005 4:22:29 AM   
nephandi


Posts: 4470
Joined: 9/23/2005
From: Cold and magickal Norway in a town near Bergen!
Status: offline 		What aboute taking it slowly, it is not easy to change overnight, talk whit your Dom and slowly make him realise he can be Bossy and you be just as heppy.

(in reply to cloudboy)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: "As My wife, I can't say no to her....as my sl... - 12/19/2005 6:11:58 AM   
julj


Posts: 12
Joined: 9/16/2005
Status: offline 		Once again MH you have summed things up pretty accurately. *smiles*
Apart from being removed for my shower, and a couple of other times, i have worn my collar since the 2nd day of being with Master. My wedding ring is simply an 'official' statement of my permanent residency in this country.
Master and i do have a very good level of communication, any 'decrease' has basically been MY doing........... i have a 'problem' with accepting things if i beleive they are being done just because I want it, and not because HE wants to do it. ( i hope that makes sense lol)
We have discussed Master exerting more control........but we both KNOW that it would only be because i need it, not because HE NEEDS it....... as an example, initially we went to a few local club play parties ( neither of us is ver social, and we are both pretty much hermits).......one of the changes Master made in me was to make me more "socially comfortable"......................we stopped doing social things when i realised He was only taking me out because HE thought i wanted to go........ regardless of the fact that i DID like to go out. We spoke about it, and He acknowledged that that was the only reason we went out..................from that moment on i never asked to go anywhere or to do anything that i KNEW He didn't like/want to.
i spoke to my daughter this weekend ( she lives with us, with her husband), she is fully aware of our lifestyle, and is really the only person ( other than Master), that i can discuss things with. She was not happy about the 'anti-depressant' thing ( i wasn't either), but after we talked for ages, i said to her..." the bottom line is, i either accept how Master and i am, or i leave............those truly are my only options, and if the antis can help me to accept, then i will take them."
i guess it's "Serenity Prayer" time really
To all here, i thank you for your input...............you are all wonderful people, and all have relevant and positive comments, opinions and advice.
hugs and fishes to you all!

(in reply to MHOO314)
Profile   Post #: 18
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