RE: Submissives? I think not.....

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RE: Submissives? I think not..... - 10/27/2008 9:05:33 AM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

It's simply a non compatability issue. She likes to use real life interaction quickly, you prefere online for now. I don't believe it's necessary for her to start calling you a fake, but I don't believe you are correct in thinking her unsubmissive because she has her own way of doing things.

My suggestion would be to forget that a someone may be a submissive, but look at them as a person first. Submission isn't inherently an instant thing and there is nothing negative about setting boundaries up initially.

the.dark.

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to OrdernChaos)

Post #: 41

RE: Submissives? I think not..... - 10/27/2008 9:16:14 AM

xxblushesxx

Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

My suggestion would be to forget that a someone may be a submissive, but look at them as a person first. Submission isn't inherently an instant thing and there is nothing negative about setting boundaries up initially.

the.dark.

Quoted for truth.
Can we please have this on the front page of CM? And make everyone sign off on it before contacting others?
Please?

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com

(in reply to RCdc)

Post #: 42

RE: Submissives? I think not..... - 10/27/2008 9:23:00 AM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Owner4SexSlave

quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

I am NOT an airhead!

*snort*

LOL... I was not talking about you. :-)

*relieved*

lol

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to Owner4SexSlave)

Post #: 43

RE: Submissives? I think not..... - 10/27/2008 9:25:07 AM

Madame4a

Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: peppermint

"you do not ask or beg, let alone demand, you answer questions and you receive, when I decide it is time"

If the questions have to do with anything of a very personal nature such as my sexual preferences, what i am wearing, what i am into, etc....then you'd get my standard reply to any horny net geek i encounter...

"Here's my advice, Romeo....take a shower, use some deodorant, and you too might someday have a sexual encounter that doesn't require your hand and a cam."

Proclaiming online that you are a big mighty Dominant does NOT mean you are entitled to any special treatment.

I love this.

_____________________________

You're crazy bitch
But you f*ck so good, I'm on top of it
When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

(in reply to peppermint)

Post #: 44

RE: Submissives? I think not..... - 10/27/2008 9:29:23 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

I'm not sure I'd call someone level-headed who gave out a phone number in a first contact email... I'd call that stupid myself and would have turned around and not looked back at her.

We need to deal with a few realities I think as a collective.

First, being dom or sub, owner or slave, whatever, is about your or a relationship. You have no relationship with someone in one or two or I'd say even a half dozen emails. Get over the idea that you are owed anything more than any other human being.

Second, sometimes relationships are about the "market". If you are in a member a more sought after group you do have more you can demand; if you are a member of a less sought after group you may have a few hoops to jump through. It isn't fair but it how the "market" works. The person who emailed you, OrdernChaos, may believe that she is a member of the more in demand group and thus can make this phone call one of her screening requirements. If you agree with her assessment of the "market" you jump; you don't agree, move on.

Third I think we all need to remember that online you can be whatever and whomever you want. If someone's requirements seem odd it may be a reflection of getting burnt by fakes and frauds. Again you can either deal or move on.

Finally right now this is online and the fact is that I think too many of us allow ourselves to get too emotionally involved in matters on here. I did it myself the first few months here but I think I've grown past that now. Don't get attached, don't get invested emotionally for a long time. The odds are we never meet each other in meatlife so it's just not worth the emotional energy you can expend.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to OrdernChaos)

Post #: 45

RE: Submissives? I think not..... - 10/27/2008 9:36:20 AM

Darias

Posts: 1757
Joined: 1/17/2006
From: midlands ireland
Status: offline

since i cant really post a comment without reiterating a dozen or so posts already made by faster typing like minded indivduals ill simply add a quote from a math loving slave friend of mine

slave/submissive does not = doormat

Darias

< Message edited by Darias -- 10/27/2008 9:41:20 AM >

_____________________________

**Perving or perusing... it gets me the same place.**

**May Gods come between you and harm in all the empty places you must walk**

** may you live in interesting times**

(in reply to thetammyjo)

Post #: 46

RE: Submissives? I think not..... - 10/27/2008 9:38:59 AM

susie

Posts: 1699
Joined: 11/21/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OrdernChaos

....yet they are still here.

I received an unsolicited email from what seemed to be a very polite submissive. I read her profile and she seemed to be a level headed, willing to please sub.

The odd thing was that in the bottom of her introduction email she insisted that I call her. she was certain that within a moment or two, she would be able to discern whether I was a "real" Dominant or just a fake.

Willing to give her the benefit of the doubt based on the profile, I politely suggested we meet at yahoo, and go from there, since I don't have a habbit of calling total strangers.

At that point, she called me a bullshit artist, and unfortunately that was the straw that broke the camel's back having had quite a few similar interactions as of late.

So I ask my "fellow romans" have most of our female so called submissives or slaves not what they appear to be? Has this become a case of buyer beware?

I make no pretentions of who or what I am. I am a Dominant person, and I want things a certain way. I make no false ad claims.

However, I keep reading about "willing to please", "bend to your will", "get genuine pleasure from serving" and the like, yet the moment the interaction starts, the disclaimers pour out like out clauses on a hollywood contract, instead of the thoughts of someone with a submissive (let alone a slave) mindset.

Have we turned our little femslave and femsub friends into "Prima Donnas"?

OnC

Interestingly many people on this site view a persons posts on the fora along with their profile when responding to emails or chat requests. A persons posts can say so much about them. One of the things that stands out in the OP is the phrase that I have bolded. Perhaps OP you should consider why you have had quite a few similar interactions recently.

As for your claim to be a Dominant person and making no false ad claims, well hm seen that a few times before. Anyone can claim to be what they want, it does not make it fact.

I don't know about little "femsubs" and "femslaves" being turned into Prima Donnas, seems to me there are a few little maledoms who deserve the title.

(in reply to OrdernChaos)

Post #: 47

RE: Submissives? I think not..... - 10/27/2008 9:45:07 AM

WinsomeDefiance

Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline

quote:

From the profile:
"you do not ask or beg, let alone demand, you answer questions and you receive, when I decide it is time"

Do yourself a favor, and buy yourself a blow up doll....seriously

(in reply to peppermint)

Post #: 48

RE: Submissives? I think not..... - 10/27/2008 9:45:32 AM

myotherself

Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: softness

quote:

ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx

There she goes...using "reason" and "logic" again.
Haven't I told you that is not allowed around here?
Sheesh! Some subbies....

*shudders* ... that word should be banned ... its almost as fucking bad as "little femslave"

...what about the patronising twats who address you as "little one"....

_____________________________

There's nowt so queer as folk

(in reply to softness)

Post #: 49

RE: Submissives? I think not..... - 10/27/2008 9:47:34 AM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline

And yet they get so riled up when you call them "dommies" in return. Sheesh.

Cali

_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to myotherself)

Post #: 50

RE: Submissives? I think not..... - 10/27/2008 9:50:28 AM

Darias

Posts: 1757
Joined: 1/17/2006
From: midlands ireland
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

And yet they get so riled up when you call them "dommies" in return. Sheesh.

Cali

I thought it was being called DUMmies that riled them up

_____________________________

**Perving or perusing... it gets me the same place.**

**May Gods come between you and harm in all the empty places you must walk**

** may you live in interesting times**

(in reply to CalifChick)

Post #: 51

RE: Submissives? I think not..... - 10/27/2008 9:55:55 AM

dawntreader

Posts: 3045
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline

Not in defense of anything or anyone...just a statement. i am not seing the issue with giving a phone number and talking on phone as opposed to yahoo. i much rather chat initially on the phone and get a feel for a person's energy. Not sure how unsafe it is to give a number out, however as my cell is also my business number and i am handing out business cards to strangers daily and have a website with it posted...kinda negates any excuses for giving it to someone i might be interested in~

Chatting on yahoo, in my opinion, is no substitute for the phone or in person. Why are people afraid to talk to people - jeez!

_____________________________

It is choice - not chance - that determines our destiny~
Jean Nidetch

There is a war going on for your mind...if you are thinking, you are winning~
Flobots

(in reply to susie)

Post #: 52

RE: Submissives? I think not..... - 10/27/2008 10:00:00 AM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

Hi gorgeous.. yeah, I prefer really quick phone contact as well

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to dawntreader)

Post #: 53

RE: Submissives? I think not..... - 10/27/2008 10:05:47 AM

dawntreader

Posts: 3045
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline

Hi cutie

Speaking of....

One of these days we need to exchange numbers and plan a visit before you sail across the pond and i trek north!

_____________________________

It is choice - not chance - that determines our destiny~
Jean Nidetch

There is a war going on for your mind...if you are thinking, you are winning~
Flobots

(in reply to GreedyTop)

Post #: 54

RE: Submissives? I think not..... - 10/27/2008 10:10:17 AM

RainydayNE

Posts: 978
Joined: 10/21/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx

There she goes...using "reason" and "logic" again.
Haven't I told you that is not allowed around here?
Sheesh! Some subbies....

hehe :) you make me happy =p

(in reply to xxblushesxx)

Post #: 55

RE: Submissives? I think not..... - 10/27/2008 10:13:13 AM

Darias

Posts: 1757
Joined: 1/17/2006
From: midlands ireland
Status: offline

ETA misspost

< Message edited by Darias -- 10/27/2008 10:17:56 AM >

_____________________________

**Perving or perusing... it gets me the same place.**

**May Gods come between you and harm in all the empty places you must walk**

** may you live in interesting times**

(in reply to dawntreader)

Post #: 56

RE: Submissives? I think not..... - 10/27/2008 11:17:37 AM

softness

Posts: 2918
Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: myotherself

quote:

ORIGINAL: softness

quote:

ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx

There she goes...using "reason" and "logic" again.
Haven't I told you that is not allowed around here?
Sheesh! Some subbies....

*shudders* ... that word should be banned ... its almost as fucking bad as "little femslave"

...what about the patronising twats who address you as "little one"....

quote:

And yet they get so riled up when you call them "dommies" in return. Sheesh.

Cali

I swear to god at a munch a few months ago I had bought a drink for a friend of mine and brought it over to where he was talking to some totally random dude .. said random dudde patted me on the head and said "Good little subbie" ...

I had to be restrained with a chocolate bar

_____________________________

proudly wearing the blue collar of consideration to DK Leather, Leatherdykeuk, and LeatherEagle of the UK KRueL Leather Family

veritas, respectus honorque in corio

(in reply to myotherself)

Post #: 57

RE: Submissives? I think not..... - 10/27/2008 11:50:06 AM

OttersSwim

Posts: 2860
Joined: 9/1/2008
Status: offline

Now Softness...don't you know that you should bow down to every single random douchebag guy who stoops low to pat your head? Even when you have never been formally introduced, and it is the first moment you have ever laid eyes on him?

I mean honestly, next you will be saying that you actually want him to know you as a person first!

_____________________________

I am on a journey of authenticity and self.

(in reply to softness)

Post #: 58

RE: Submissives? I think not..... - 10/27/2008 11:56:07 AM

softness

Posts: 2918
Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
Status: offline

I know I know I know ... this is why they took my Slave card away

I kept like wanting to build trust and respect and stuff before handing over all my rights and limits

_____________________________

proudly wearing the blue collar of consideration to DK Leather, Leatherdykeuk, and LeatherEagle of the UK KRueL Leather Family

veritas, respectus honorque in corio

(in reply to OttersSwim)

Post #: 59

RE: Submissives? I think not..... - 10/27/2008 11:58:41 AM

SusieBlue

Posts: 9
Joined: 10/23/2008
Status: offline

I can see where the OP is coming from, though. I wouldn't consider it an issue with submissives, more of an issue with courtesy on the internet in general. It was perfectly reasonable for him to decline a phone chat with someone he'd barely spoken to, and it's reasonable for her to decline to pursue a possible connection. However her insulting him because he chose not to talk with her on the phone is rude. Not as a sub or a dom- as a person. I've seen that situation played out in similar forms throughout my years posting on the net, and most of those interactions were not on BDSM boards.

I have to question the wisdom of asking a stranger to call you after just a few emails. Most people (I think? I could be wrong here) don't have a separate phone for their d/s activities, that could become a bit expensive.

That said, people who behave as your dom when you don't know them from Adam deserve a smack in the butt themselves.

(in reply to OttersSwim)

Post #: 60

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