M/s D/s is it a license to abuse?

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M/s D/s is it a license to abuse? - 12/14/2005 8:35:15 PM

misskittyslave

Posts: 42
Joined: 5/15/2005
Status: offline

well since my other computer is being repaired the one where i keep my personal journals and rants to myself i have a need to rant somewhere else...so here is my vent of the day.

M/s D/s relationships is not in my opinion a license to be abused and abuser. it is supposed to be about power exchange built on mutual respect and desire built on trust and in good faith. Lately it seems that this view is naive and gullible when i hear stories from one submissive after another being hurt, discgarded, and having their lives destroyed by irresponsible people who pick up a whip adn think golly gee i can dom now.

where is wisom? where is insight? where is the power exchange coming from? fear or respect? when i fear something being the pain in the ass i am i refuse to comply to doing it. not that i am a bad submissive but if my gut tells me this is not in my best interest or i can be permanantly damaged in a not so good or acceptable way i cannot allow myself to go through with it. i have seen dark scenes intense things that have made me tremble and shiver even when thinking generally about them right now and have obeyed my Masters desire to go through wtih them but not because i fear Him, if i did i would leave in a heartbeat. i follow because the Man i call Master is someone who is trustworthy respectable and sise if he were not He would be just another abusive jerk who i have had dealings with in the past and basically didnt listen to.

Power exchange comes from the heart the surrender comes from within, sure someone can force compliance by abuse but is that submission? is that healthy? or is it survival instinct taking over knowing that they are going to be damaged with no regard to their safety and well being.

power corrupts absolute power can be kind of kinky but only if one has the internal strength to channel it for the betterment of the other. as a slave i have a responsability to myself to make sure i do not allow myself to fall prey to someone who doesnt know how to handle him/herself when i give my control to them. as a dominant the role should be kept true to that submissives best interest. and shall we not forget that we should have fun as well in this lifestyle? if it makes you unhapy deep within you then it is not the right thing you are doing, a day without a smile is a wasted day let us not forget that too
be safe and smile
always warmest wishes
kitty

_____________________________

(=^.^=) www.misskittys-scratchingpost.com

Post #: 1

RE: M/s D/s is it a license to abuse? - 12/14/2005 8:43:03 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

We're just like everyone else.

(in reply to misskittyslave)

Post #: 2

RE: M/s D/s is it a license to abuse? - 12/14/2005 9:18:03 PM

Sensualips

Posts: 1013
Joined: 10/8/2005
Status: offline

Dominant are hurt, betrayed, destroyed, and used as well.

It is equal opportunity pain.

(in reply to misskittyslave)

Post #: 3

RE: M/s D/s is it a license to abuse? - 12/14/2005 10:04:35 PM

OscarHargraves

Posts: 693
Joined: 8/9/2005
Status: offline

I agree with you completely. There is no license to abuse someone. That is misuse of trust in a D's relationship. What you hear on here is the people who are willing to speak up and talk about what has happened to them. They do that because they feel the people here are of a 'like id' and will understand and help them get through this.

The same problems of abuse and misuse of trust are just as prevalent in marriages and 'Vanilla' relationships today. One person is abusive and/or misuses the trust placed in them by the other. Battered wives (and husbands) abound in every city and state but they don't have a place like this to go and vent their feelings. (Or maybe they do and I just don't know about it.) The good thing is that these people are now coming out and talking about this problem and finding things that will help. 30 years ago a battered woman or wife was looked down in her own community and sometimes by her own family for not having done more to save her marriage. Some of these women literally escaped with little more than their children and the clothes on their back only to be faced by a public that blames THEM for being battered!

Yes, our community and lifestyle has it's share of abuses, but it's not only our community it's becoming all too prevalent across this nation.

Oops, sorry. I'll get off my soapbox now and shut-up.

< Message edited by OscarHargraves -- 12/14/2005 10:07:53 PM >

_____________________________

Never drive faster than your guardian angel can fly ! !

(in reply to misskittyslave)

Post #: 4

RE: M/s D/s is it a license to abuse? - 12/14/2005 10:36:19 PM

Phoenxx

Posts: 253
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: Swift Current
Status: offline

Good doctors, bad doctors... good cops, bad cops...
Loving relationships based on mutual needs and respect....
Abusive a$$holes hurting their partners which do you think make better news?
When the Global TV network in Canada hired a new national anchor one of his comments was “…bad news is good news…
Another words, people will tune in to hear scandals, pain and suffering.
Remember when a news station claimed GM trucks would blow up if hit close to the gas tank? They had footage of a car hitting a trick and the explosion. Too bad it was revealed that the news team had place a road flare in the gas tank “for dramatic purposes”.
Even some reporters have found their stories changed from what they wrote to something else. Because the editor needed the space for ads, paragraphs can be deleted.
And have fun trying to call them to task. You get a nice letter saying that they have been investigated, and been found to be within the standards laid out by the rules they help write…
Ben Franklin must love what the free press has become…
Tony

(in reply to misskittyslave)

Post #: 5

RE: M/s D/s is it a license to abuse? - 12/14/2005 11:59:29 PM

themischievous1

Posts: 151
Joined: 4/3/2005
From: San Antonio, Texas
Status: offline

A wise Man once said to me and others who look up to Him, "Protect the property." Absolute power will corrupt, the question is who will it corrupt? Some Doms/Dommes have a conscience, some don't. It can take time to figure out who has one and who doesn't. By the time you figure it out, you may have already been harmed and damaged trust-wise, emotionally, spiritually, or whatever.

We simply have to value ourselves highly and what we offer to one another, top and bottom, via power exchange relationships. "Abuse" doesn't feel good and the kind of relationship where it's happening in whatever form won't really feel good. You'll be a lot more unhappy more of the time than you are happy. Some just don't want to be alone and would rather suffer abusive treatment than deal with the fear of abandonment. Eventually though, even the staunchest abusee will get sick and tired of the bullshit. There is that..

(in reply to misskittyslave)

Post #: 6

RE: M/s D/s is it a license to abuse? - 12/15/2005 4:01:34 AM

fyreredsub

Posts: 3403
Joined: 10/7/2005
Status: offline

just like anyhting else in life,there can be bad apples in the bunch...be it the top or bottom.....sammie's in some ways can be abusers of their dom...masters can abuse slaves....i dont think any role has the crown...

yes it can be an excuse for someone to be abusive, but if you feel like their is abuse or going to be abuse--RUN like hell....and dont look back....

i dont consider my submission a gift....my mind yes....i dont like mind fucks in a bad way...there are parts of me that i cant change....beating them out of me wont work, maybe it'll buy some compliance...thats about it....
it is up to my master/sir/top to take care of valuable property, however, their idea and mine may not be the same....thats when knowing what is best for me......comes into play, my comfort levels........

_____________________________

"Accordingly, men must then either fulfill their nature, or deny it, and in denying their nature, deny us ours, for ours is the complement to theirs. " Renegades

(in reply to misskittyslave)

Post #: 7

RE: M/s D/s is it a license to abuse? - 12/15/2005 5:08:17 AM

MasterRobert1

Posts: 225
Joined: 7/18/2005
Status: offline

What you say is so very true. But you have to expect this. The lifestyle has been inundated with people. A dilution effect has taken place. And, yes, a lot of people DO think that a whip, and an attitude and *poof* you're a Dom! Because it isn't that easy. But too many people thin k it is! Think about all the profiles that mention 18 or 19 and yet include the phrase, experienced. Just how much experience can one have in this at that age? Or the person that read something online. Or had a discussion in a chatroom. With god knows who. But, armed with this knowledge, and a few toys purchased from an online sex shop, they all of a sudden a Master, or Mistress. And the subs are just as bad. How many subs get any real training any more? Seriously. Or even consider training something worthy of pursuit? Just another facet of a problem of too much expanion of the lifestyle into a cacuujm of knowldge. A new balance will occur. Just takes time.

(in reply to misskittyslave)

Post #: 8

RE: M/s D/s is it a license to abuse? - 12/15/2005 5:31:46 AM

GIGGLEBOB

Posts: 20
Joined: 12/7/2005
Status: offline

I would only give myself to someone I could trust. They would get to know my limits before testing them and I would expect them to be responcible with them. If they are not I'm out the door. In return I would be responcible with theirs, a responcibilty I would take seriuosly. Whats the point other wise. You can get yourself abused by any tom dick or harry. You seek a Dom to show you things.

(in reply to misskittyslave)

Post #: 9

RE: M/s D/s is it a license to abuse? - 12/15/2005 5:45:08 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterRobert1
A dilution effect has taken place.

No, it hasn't.

quote:

Think about all the profiles that mention 18 or 19 and yet include the phrase, experienced. Just how much experience can one have in this at that age?

Uhhh depends on the person, in this day and age, they could have a few years. Trust me, it happens.

quote:

Just another facet of a problem of too much expanion of the lifestyle into a cacuujm of knowldge. A new balance will occur. Just takes time.

Yeah and catholicism went ALL to hell once they started letting EVERYONE read the bible...

(in reply to MasterRobert1)

Post #: 10

RE: M/s D/s is it a license to abuse? - 12/15/2005 6:30:51 AM

Prunesquallor

Posts: 181
Joined: 10/12/2005
Status: offline

I would expect a slave to place her life in my hands, with no qualifications, negotiations or waivers.

On the other hand, I wouldn't expect her to do such a thing until she knew it was safe to do so.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 11

RE: M/s D/s is it a license to abuse? - 12/15/2005 6:37:45 AM

Phoenxx

Posts: 253
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: Swift Current
Status: offline

Why does it have to be an online shop? I can walk into any sex shop in my city and find kink toys, BDSM toys and more...
When I see a post, rant or article about the evils of all the new people entering the lifestyle I wonder if the first BDSM club had that in mind. Meeting in dark rooms, secret handshakes and de-coder rings so the enemy won’t get them…
Yes abuse happens. And no, the lifestyle is not a reason or an excuse for it. But having a secret club where everything is hidden will sure make others wonder what it is we are doing. And think the worst of it.
Now before you (and not you this person, but you the masses) go off about how YOU don’t need to appease anyone, YOU still have to live and shop and eat and the rest in the real world. I think it would be easier to do if there is some awareness and tolerance as opposed to suspicion because we are all lurking in dark rooms and barring the doors because we do not want anyone else learn about our lifestyles…
And where would we all be if some how we didn’t find out about it somewhere…
Tony

(in reply to MasterRobert1)

Post #: 12

RE: M/s D/s is it a license to abuse? - 12/15/2005 6:40:52 AM

fyreredsub

Posts: 3403
Joined: 10/7/2005
Status: offline

that is good b/c alot of us need the M/s relationship to develop and for trust to build instead of automatically just handing our lives over.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Prunesquallor

I would expect a slave to place her life in my hands, with no qualifications, negotiations or waivers.

On the other hand, I wouldn't expect her to do such a thing until she knew it was safe to do so.

_____________________________

"Accordingly, men must then either fulfill their nature, or deny it, and in denying their nature, deny us ours, for ours is the complement to theirs. " Renegades

(in reply to Prunesquallor)

Post #: 13

RE: M/s D/s is it a license to abuse? - 12/15/2005 12:54:52 PM

MHOO314

Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

at the end of the day, when the latex is off, the whips hung away and the house quiet, we are all still human beings--many thought that if one was a priest they would follow the rules of celibacy too---human frailties exist and human "waste" finds new avenues to creep in and continue to prey--

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor

(in reply to misskittyslave)

Post #: 14

RE: M/s D/s is it a license to abuse? - 12/15/2005 4:51:34 PM

HouseofBear

Posts: 1280
Joined: 2/9/2005
Status: offline

Anything that involves power and control can corrupt, the lifestyle is no different. And the corruption can go both ways. There are dominants who use power to abuse, and there are submissives who take advantage of dominants who take their responsibility seriously. It is up to both sides to communicate clearly, carefully, and exercise caution when choosing partners.

(in reply to MHOO314)

Post #: 15

RE: M/s D/s is it a license to abuse? - 12/16/2005 4:19:01 PM

candystripper

Posts: 3486
Joined: 11/1/2005
Status: offline

i know some home truths at 52. Any woman (or man) can be inducted into an abusive relationship; some will recognise fast what has happened but others will stay; dazed and confused; and these women (and men) may stay for years.

Abusive men (and women) troll sites like this because they have it in their heads that submissives and slaves are easier to cull from the herd and abuse.

Safety requires men and women to listen to their instincts and verify, verify, verify.

candystripper

< Message edited by candystripper -- 12/16/2005 4:30:51 PM >

(in reply to HouseofBear)

Post #: 16

RE: M/s D/s is it a license to abuse? - 12/17/2005 8:39:26 AM

Wildfleurs

Posts: 1650
Joined: 9/24/2004
From: Connecticut
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: candystripper

i know some home truths at 52. Any woman (or man) can be inducted into an abusive relationship; some will recognise fast what has happened but others will stay; dazed and confused; and these women (and men) may stay for years.

I don't believe that any person can be convinced to stay in an abusive relationship. Some people are willing to put up with it and others do not. But I think people that are abusive are very good at picking up on people who for whatever reason are more prone to taking it. Its the reason why con men are very good at picking certain marks, they don't randomly choose people... they choose people they believe will go for it.

C~

_____________________________

"Just because you've always done it that way doesn't mean it's not incredibly stupid." -despair.com

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The heart of it all - http://www.wildfleurs.com
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(in reply to candystripper)

Post #: 17

RE: M/s D/s is it a license to abuse? - 12/17/2005 9:42:19 AM

Sunshine119

Posts: 611
Joined: 8/8/2005
Status: offline

Abuse is abuse is abuse is abuse. Perhaps, in this lifestyle, there are a higher number of sick, abusive people who try and justify their behavior by calling themselves Dom(me)s but they are discoved quite quickly. In a very short time, they develop the reputation of being untrustworthy. Unfortunately, there are always a number of people who submit to them before this truth is discovered.

By not jumping right in, but in watching and listening, many of us who are submissive learn who the safe people are and who are the abusive pretenders. On line it is even tougher. I think that the dominant person needs to be a really good person to begin with because power does tend to corrupt those who might have that in their nature. Look at situations like Abu Ghraib. People who may never had become abusive did highly abusive things because they could.

I think a good dominant has to always be on guard and monitor his/her behavior much more closely than those of us who are submissive. But then again, we have the responsibility to insure that we do not submit to those who are abusive. And we have that right. That doesn't make us bad submissives. It makes us wise ones!

(in reply to misskittyslave)

Post #: 18

RE: M/s D/s is it a license to abuse? - 12/17/2005 2:04:50 PM

imtempting

Posts: 1280
Joined: 2/11/2005
Status: offline

I think some people think it is. I can think of another thread at the moment where I feel this is the case but ill get to that in good time.

Idiots think thay can just smack and abuse.

You should be scared of the whip, not the person holding it..

(in reply to misskittyslave)

Post #: 19

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