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RE: full slave ownership and training - 11/1/2008 10:41:46 AM

Posts: 569
Joined: 2/22/2007
From: Michigan
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: yourbossmansbaby

I have been in therapy for 23 years, i'm 30 now. I'm just so despreate for shelter. I want the bad things to stop happening. I don't want to have to worry where my next meal will come from or how i'm going to pay the bills.

Most of all...I want so much to be loved, charished and protected.

Yeah, see... these statements scare me. You REALLY need to get your shit together before you're ever going to be able to have a stable relationship. Learn who you are before you try having someone else learn that. Unless you do that, you'll just keep jumping from man to man - trying to feel secure - when it's really YOU that you don't feel secure with.
23 years in therapy and you haven't had that realization yet? That's a long time to be in therapy and not realize the basic essence is you being ok with you.

_____________________________

normal is a setting on a washing machine...

(in reply to yourbossmansbaby)

RE: full slave ownership and training - 11/1/2008 11:22:22 AM

Posts: 284
Joined: 4/11/2008
From: an atypical sub
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: yourbossmansbaby

He tells me things will be easier when i can go to Him, be with Him for real. I fully believe this. I want nothing more than to give my everything to Him. He plans to "erase" all the bad memories, to break the negitive thoughts and lack of self worth/respect. He will also impliment eyes contact restriction, speach restriction, and so on. The second will be very hard as I love to talk.

He tells me that I have to stop thinking, not to worry if I will upset Him or be punished for what i say. It is hard not to worry as i have been beaten for the simplest and most retarded reasons. I fear the same will happen with Him although He is always telling me different.

My question, how can I just relax and go with it? You know, just let go and know everything will be fine.

What has he done to earn your trust? You don't need to post the answer or tell me, but it is a question you need to think about yourself. In order for you not to worry about anything you need to trust that everything will be taken care of. Has he done anything to instill an infinate level of trust in you? I suspect not or you wouldn't be here asking this. You have reservations. You are probably not ready to give yourself over so completely. If he says it has to be 'all or nothing' I would highly recomend taking nothing and looking for a different dominant. He is promising things that are impossible. No one can erase your memories or eliminate all your pain. No one can change things that have happened to you in the past.

I just completed this process myself. I talked online with dozens of dominants. A month ago I relocated to be with my Mistress. I had come and visited with her over the summer and gone back home again. I got luck and me made an excellent match. Was it all luck? No, many dominants had approched me online. It was a process of getting to know each of them until I found one who I felt I could trust, and I had enough in common with that I could see us being comfortable together living in the same space.

btw: Does anyone else feel there's a contridiction here? He wants to his slave to not worry that he will be get upset by anything she says, but he want to restrict what she can say.

_____________________________

Polyamorous, solitary eclectic pagan, pansexual slut, and personal pet of MistressYes

"Do not do anything you are ashamed of, and don't be ashamed of anything you do"
(although I'm sure my bio-family wishes I did less and was ashamed of more)

(in reply to yourbossmansbaby)

RE: full slave ownership and training - 11/1/2008 11:27:01 AM

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Joined: 10/16/2008
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Oooookayyyyy... I have an issue here. haha.

He wants you to stop thinking? That is practiced in Zen Meditation and you know what happens? Those people are crayyyyyzzzeeeeee.... The mind is meant to think. That's what it is for and if he wants a vegetable.. then I know a great farmer who can help him pick out a nice tomatoe. The reason why people are who they are.. is because of their opinions.. their life history... their pain... and he wants to erase that? How will you know that you are you? What will become of your identity? I know that Doms talk about identity change and stuff like that but seriously... why have you at all if he is just going to change what you are about?

Just because you are a slave doesn't mean you have to be a mindless wondering meat sack!

Don't relax with this idea. This idea is insane.

Then you have to ask yourself... do I see myself with this person for the rest of my life? If you say no.... then you can't possibly give yourself up 100%. Sure you like his company and blah blah... but.. until you can see yourself caring for him so much that when he gets old and sh_ts himself... you will be okay with cleaning it up because you love him... then i'd say its a no deal.

Now... everyone... flame my post. Haha

(in reply to yourbossmansbaby)

RE: full slave ownership and training - 11/1/2008 11:37:12 AM

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline

nettle... I'm sure you had great things to say (I read some of it), but the light pink font is nigh on impossible for some of us to read. I know you want to be original, but could you be a little less original? I would really like to read all of what you said.

Cali

_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to nettle)

RE: full slave ownership and training - 11/1/2008 12:16:47 PM

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Joined: 4/19/2004
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You probably need to adjust your graphics driver settings, not that I do not sympathize. Maybe you're not running 24 bit (65k colours) - when you're running at a lower image depth some colours are translated.. The font (I double checked on another machine, and I am a part time geek) is actually purple, and quite legible - I am reading it now, and the screen of my laptop is in direct sunlight.

(in reply to CalifChick)

RE: full slave ownership and training - 11/1/2008 12:21:07 PM

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Joined: 4/19/2004
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By the way, good for you sharing this. I sincerely hope some of what is written here will be helpful to you.

(in reply to yourbossmansbaby)

RE: full slave ownership and training - 11/1/2008 12:30:08 PM

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline

Okay... the "light purple" color. For some of us, the lack of good contrast is an issue. It gives me a headache. We went 'round with this with someone else a while back. Just trying to say that it is difficult for some of us to read.

Cali

_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to antipode)

RE: full slave ownership and training - 11/1/2008 12:55:56 PM

Posts: 284
Joined: 9/29/2008
Status: offline

lol if my master told me i had to stop thinking........i'd tell him to fuck off. I don't know that sounds pathetic be sure you don't get yourself in a wayyyy bad dangerous situation with him.

OHOHOH AND! the only way he is going to be able to help you with your past or current or problems in the future is to communicate with him...without thinking you can't communicate so i don't know how you expect that to work.

< Message edited by lilmisssubmiss -- 11/1/2008 12:57:25 PM >

(in reply to antipode)

RE: full slave ownership and training - 11/1/2008 1:31:51 PM

Posts: 1044
Joined: 8/24/2006
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The need to survive can be a very driving force, especially in making wrong choices for ourself. Sounds like you basically are willing to 'sell' yourself for having your needs met. If you sign a contract, perhaps for a year, if it doesn't work out, you can reach back into patterns used before and end the contract. Then you can look again for another Master to 'sell' yourself too for having your needs met? Perhaps one day someone can fill that void within you and 'selling' yourself would not have been so bad. Many people do this, unfortunately that void doesn't get filled by anyone outside themself. Everyone seems to let them down, one way or another. There is a way out of this repeat pattern cycling, but that calls for even a stronger desire then the need for a quick fix.. Can it be done? Yes it can and I am speaking from experience.

Best of wishes to you.
oceanwynds

(in reply to lilmisssubmiss)

RE: full slave ownership and training - 11/1/2008 3:57:15 PM

yourbossmansbaby

Posts: 9
Joined: 10/29/2008
Status: offline

I have spoken with Daddy. He has pointed out that must of the respondants have said much of the samethings He has told me over and over.

I realized that I did not fully explain the extent of the eye and speach restrictions. I guess it was more due to my own misunderstandings. When I was talking to Him, He explained that these things are NOT meant as a 24/7. He explained that the eye thing is only because when I look at Him He cannot be or stay mad at me. So, I just provided me with the information and firepower i need to get out of even a harsh tounge lashing...lol.

Anyway, I want to thank those that have replied and those that will reply. This post has done more for me than I was thinking it would. In the fact that I have realized a few, if not more, things than I even dared to consider before. I don't say this much (so feel lucky) ya'll are right.

Thanks again. If you want to keep informed as to the happenings, please mail me and ask to be added. However, if you are a Dom, male or female, please...please ask Daddy before you contact me directly---yourbossman---on here.

(in reply to apiercedkitty)

RE: full slave ownership and training - 11/1/2008 4:31:35 PM

Posts: 5732
Status: offline

quote:

He plans to "erase" all the bad memories, to break the negitive thoughts and lack of self worth/respect.

Lovely sentiment, but a recipe for failure.

Memories last, and negative thoughts have a most annoying staying power. Self worth and self respect ultimately arise from within; they can and should be nurtured, but no man can give them, and only a fool would try.

Only you can heal you; only you can make peace with whatever "bad" memories you possess; only you can raise your own estimation of your own self-worth.

A man takes his woman as she is or not at all. If he takes you intending to change you, the outcome will not be pleasant for either of you.

_____________________________

(in reply to yourbossmansbaby)

RE: full slave ownership and training - 11/1/2008 5:04:19 PM

Posts: 3572
Joined: 1/23/2007
From: London, Ontario
Status: offline

This guy doesn't mind that you chose him because you need a roof and meals?

Never been in that situation but you'd think that is an insult to a guy. If I were that hungry or homeless I would go to a shelter before chose the wrong man or based my choice on being hungry and roofless.

Seems like some men might just prey on that type of gal.

Besides, how can speech restriction be of any help to someone who is so emotionally feeble? If a therapist during 23 years didn't help any in improvement (and he/she is a professional) how can this?

I agree with others that have marked that this might be a good occasion to learn how to protect and take care of yourself. You are well over 18, take charge of your own life for a while, be productive and worthy to yourself so you are not being submissive only out of necessity and burden but out of enjoyment and pride instead.

_____________________________

It hurts.....that you call me a masochist

(in reply to celticlord2112)

RE: full slave ownership and training - 11/1/2008 10:01:43 PM

yourbossmansbaby

Posts: 9
Joined: 10/29/2008
Status: offline

oh my gosh! Daddy totally surprised me. He call just to say He loves and misses me.

(in reply to celticlord2112)

RE: full slave ownership and training - 11/2/2008 5:18:06 AM

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Joined: 8/24/2005
Status: offline

I guess I am confused. You want to do this for him, but you are afraid of him? If you think he would take advant. of you and your mental state for his own glory, I would say that is a red flag. Master T waited to take full ownership of me until we both knew we were going to be together for life. Taking full ownership is a serious commitment, not one that you should go in on without being 100% sure.

Just a side note, unless your Dom/Master is a Psych expert, he is not going to be able to help your mental state to the level that you want...just ain't gonna happen! You may fall into a very serious depression and could, in the end, hurt yourself or bring yourself to a point of suicide. Sorry, will get off my soapbox now. Good luck if you do this, but be very careful and make sure you make weekly appointments with your psych dr to keep on track.

(in reply to antipode)

RE: full slave ownership and training - 11/2/2008 5:31:48 AM

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Joined: 4/19/2004
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Yep. That is an established manipulative technique. Especially with your earlier mention of "please contact daddy if you want to contact me". I am sorry, I only deal with principals, and I also don't deal with women who have their mail read. Both are infantile behaviours, in my book - I cannot conceive of a man who purports to be a grownup reading someone else's mail - where does he get the time? What is the purpose?

As I read your responses and your descriptions, I can only come to the conclusion you are in an abusive relationship.

(in reply to yourbossmansbaby)

RE: full slave ownership and training - 11/3/2008 1:42:36 PM

yourbossmansbaby

Posts: 9
Joined: 10/29/2008
Status: offline

okay, i read what you have all said more than once.

to came4u: i am NOT emotionally feeble. you have no clue the things i have SURVIVED. so don't judge me. i am NOT homeless. i am NOT useing Him for His small bit of money. i have an income but live in poverty. oh and by the way, when i started with my latest counsler he did not think much would come of me and i'd be another suicide for this area. but now, you talks about me at seminars AND tells his other clients about me. that if I can stop cutting to hurt even when i lost my kids, got colon cancer, and was displaced lossing everything in the "Great Floods of 2008"...then anything is possible. i have lived and dealt with more bullshit than anyone else i chose to know on a deeper level. so, umm, yeah....

to antipode: this is very far from an abusive relationship. Ronnie (yes, i used His name. i'm allowed.) reads my messages and tells me who i can or cannot talked to based on the respect shown not just to/of Him but more so TO ME. if you had seen my black titts with deep tissue damage (celticpassion) then you would see that my Owner is only interested in PROTECTING me. He does not wish to hurt me on any level. and He has not. just because i have a hard time explaining things about what is going on does NOT mean i am being abused. i know what abuse is, believe me, and this is no place near abuse.

anyway, sorry for snapping on ya'll. but i felt it need to be said.

(in reply to antipode)

RE: full slave ownership and training - 11/3/2008 5:22:08 PM

Posts: 452
Joined: 2/26/2008
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Hrm, very interesting thread thusfar. Great advice has been dispensed. And to second, what antipode said about the whole reading of the email thing IS a classic manipulative technique that is commonly seen in an abusive situation. However, it is for you to decide whether this is abuse/manipulation, or a house rule. Lots of things we engage in could technically count as abusive to someone on the outside looking in. Good to hear that is not the case with you. Also good, is that your daddy is concerned for your emotional well-being, and while it sounds nice that he wants to "erase" the negative things, that's just not possible, I don't care if he is Big Bad Crazy-Doctor Daddy. What we overcome in our lives is an integral part of who we are. I would make a piss poor partner for Daddy if I hadn't been through the life challenges that I have thusfar. Continue to tend to your behavioral health, continue to be an inspiration to others that are hurting and may find hope in your story. Daddys are great for giving hugs, wiping away tears, and driving to the doctor's appointments, but most are woefully inadequate in psyhoanalysis.

As for the "stop thinking" part, would that be more along the lines of stop with the analysis paralysis? And allowing yourself to feel? My best friend goes through this alot. She'll think frantic circles around an issue, make mountains out of molehills, drive herself nuts until someone is able to say (usually me) "stop it already!"

_____________________________

Major Life Change Necessitates Personal Reinvention...

(in reply to yourbossmansbaby)

RE: full slave ownership and training - 11/3/2008 5:46:49 PM

Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
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quote:

that my Owner is only interested in PROTECTING me

I am sorry, but that is commonly called co-dependence. You are best protected by being able to prevent those situations yourself. How you live your life is up to you, however, and whether you want to roll off those responsibilities on someone else, is completely your own affair. It is still co-dependence, but that is a place you can choose to be.

(in reply to yourbossmansbaby)

RE: full slave ownership and training - 11/3/2008 6:47:03 PM

yourbossmansbaby

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Joined: 10/29/2008
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Thank you...thank you so very much monywildcat.

(in reply to monywildcat)

RE: full slave ownership and training - 11/3/2008 9:14:28 PM

yourbossmansbaby

Posts: 9
Joined: 10/29/2008
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ok this is your boss man now that I have read this from top to bottom I have chosen to add my 2 cents worth
to everybody who offered my baby encouragement and helpfull ideas I thank you to all others she didn't say things quite rite I do not wish to control her every thought, action ,or life.I know there is no magic pill or quick fix to some of the things that scare, worry,or make her cry,what I am trying to do is reassure her that if she doesn't want anybody to hurt her she has every rite to say so .I do not abuse her ,hurt her ,nor do I plan to ,yes this is only online and yes we never met ,it may not work out but she needs to learn she has self worth ,is a real good person and as I told her many times I am lucky she is mine.I will not support her entire living expence but will help her when she needs me to.there is no intention to be in a 24/7 situation till it is rite for both of us .this is not something we are jumping into quickly we have talk on phone for only 2 weeks or so,she is not coming to me now, in a few month if or when she feels secure and ready to make this move she will there is no pressure from me to do this quickly she has to want it and be ready for it. I am trying to make her realize that she doesn't need to fear anybody as I WILL protect her whether we are together or not. so this is my basic feelings to this and just so it is said I told her this was a good idea to do this as it would give her other peoples wisdom,knowledge,and of course stupidity, I care for this girl and to those who speak with truth and wisdom I thank you .and babygirl I love and care for you from my heart.

thank you all for your time
ronnie
aka your boss man

(in reply to yourbossmansbaby)

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