RE: Willingness Versus an Agenda

RE: Willingness Versus an Agenda (Full Version)

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allthatjaz -> RE: Willingness Versus an Agenda (11/9/2008 5:03:34 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: PeonForHer I think you're right, Akasha - if the domme in question is that experienced and confident of herself. You clearly don't fit into that category. However, if she's shy it can be very awkward to deal with. Here in the UK I have found more dommes who are in the "shy" category, I'm afraid. I've found that I've nearly always been asked for my fantasies first. This, to me, has the subtext of "You open up about your deepest and innermost first, thereby putting yourself in the vulnerable position first". The only real answer that "works" for both her and me then is something like "to do what you want me to do". I don't think its shy but sensible. If I am looking for a sub I want him/her to explain what they are looking for without me giving away too many clues of what I am looking for. Too many subs will tell you they are into what your into without being into it at all. I would never go for a sub who said 'I will do what you want me to do'! submission/dominance is a joint effort and I would absolutely hate to do something to a sub knowing he/she was just doing it for me and not for themselves too. I am not talking body worship here but what if I want to stick needles or do some extreme cbt and he's really not into it but is 'doing it for me'.... No thanks[:'(]

PeonForHer -> RE: Willingness Versus an Agenda (11/9/2008 5:25:55 AM)
he's really not into it but is 'doing it for me'.... To me that's a contradiction. Sure I have my own turn-ons and I expect they'll get dealt with in some form or another eventually. But doing it for her, because she wants it, is what does it for me. In other words, "I'm into it because she's into it" - that's what for me is what in essence being a sub's about, I suppose, ATJ. Beyond that, it's a question of limits. Carefully worked out and mutually accepted.

allthatjaz -> RE: Willingness Versus an Agenda (11/9/2008 5:40:25 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: PeonForHer he's really not into it but is 'doing it for me'.... To me that's a contradiction. Sure I have my own turn-ons and I expect they'll get dealt with in some form or another eventually. But doing it for her, because she wants it, is what does it for me. In other words, "I'm into it because she's into it" - that's what for me is what in essence being a sub's about, I suppose, ATJ. Beyond that, it's a question of limits. Carefully worked out and mutually accepted. So if I want to put you on shark hooks and suspend you four foot in the air would you agree?

PeonForHer -> RE: Willingness Versus an Agenda (11/9/2008 5:54:10 AM)
3' 11" is my limit for that one, ATJ. I'm afraid a relationship between us would be doomed from the outset. [;)]

allthatjaz -> RE: Willingness Versus an Agenda (11/9/2008 6:36:47 AM)
well point in case [;)]

Madame4a -> RE: Willingness Versus an Agenda (11/9/2008 7:49:37 AM)
my experience, although not extensive with heterosexual male submissives, has shown that its almost always an agenda... and so I assume that first until I realize its something else... that, in my mind, is unfortunate.. but based on my experience...

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