quote:

expect that you will be spending your energy growing that sub emotionally with the goal of helping them reach their full potiential. This goal taking priority over your own wants should they conflict. It's called taking responsibility for another human being, not unlike raising children.

quote:

ORIGINAL: happypervert

quote:

expect that you will be spending your energy growing that sub emotionally with the goal of helping them reach their full potiential. This goal taking priority over your own wants should they conflict. It's called taking responsibility for another human being, not unlike raising children.

Perhaps that's what some folks like along the lines of a Pygmalion complex but notions like this just rub me the wrong way. First, it implies the dom has some mystical abilities that allow him to say "come with me my dear to reach your full potential" when the reality is that most doms are just normal folks and there are plenty that haven't even reached their own potential. Sure, people grow and learn together in a relationship but that isn't the same thing as the know-it-all dom who leads the sub down some magical path of self discovery -- that just sounds more like fantasy than reality to me. The only scenario I can see this is if one only likes submissives that are stupid so the dom seems like he does know it all, but then that isn't an unusual dynamic in vanilla relatinships for that matter.

It ain't for me though. I've got no interest in somebody with such childlike expectations; I like gals who know exactly what their potential is and have already reached it themselves because they're smart and determined. They don't need me for anything, but chose instead to submit to me.

quote:

As for your preference to the sub who has it altogether and has no need for you but voluntary submission, I'd have to say you sound far more like the typical Top seeking a no fuss bottom. Vanilla by day, kinky player by night.

quote:

ORIGINAL: camigirl

I agree there is a huge difference between a Top and a Dominant and there are many that don't realize this.

Your website looks very interesting but i cant seem to get past the first page after i enter...is it me or a problem with the link?

camigirl

quote:

I'm sure there will be tons of responses from other knowledgable Dominants on this thread in the end to help you along the way as well.

quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

quote:

As for your preference to the sub who has it altogether and has no need for you but voluntary submission, I'd have to say you sound far more like the typical Top seeking a no fuss bottom. Vanilla by day, kinky player by night.

And what would be wrong with that? Not everyone needs (or wants, or dreams of) total immersion in the lifestyle. I certainly don't.

Why are people not allowed to enjoy the lifestyle without all of the "High Protocol"? I do not see the lifestyle as some exercise in psychology, as some way to make me a better and more complete person. It ain't a magic pill. The beauty (?) of the lifestyle is in finding a compatible person(s) to enjoy it with, without others judging what you are and what you do.

quote:

ORIGINAL: B1gbear

To start with, know your limitations and exercise patience. Any submissive will expect you know what your doing and can keep control over the dynamic by default. They will also assume you will know what is best for them and expect you not to endanger them mentally or physically. Make those assumptions and adjust the reality to where it really is each time you meet a sub.

quote:


Wanting to play the dominant role in a sexual or scening situation is called being a Top versus the sub who wants to be dominated in a sexual or scening situation being called a bottom. Many in the S/M aspect only are Tops and bottoms.

quote:


Wanting to dominate a person in more than a single scene or the bedroom is referred to as being Dominant, the opposite being a submissive. This is because Dominance and submission includes the mental and psychological aspects of the lifestyle as well. I firmly believe 95% of the 'Power Exchange' dynamic is mental. If you own ones mind the body will eagerly follow.

quote:


If you think its all about you, your not a Dom, your just another vanilla guy with a fantasy or the equivalent of a Preditor, if in fact your not one. If you can grasp that being a Dominant is about the emense responsibility for another person's body, mind and emotional well being, then you might just have the ability to take on that responsibility one day and not leave one or both of you emotionally hurt or damaged in the process.

quote:


Before ever taking a submissive in a power exchange relationship, expect that you will be spending your energy growing that sub emotionally with the goal of helping them reach their full potiential. This goal taking priority over your own wants should they conflict. It's called taking responsibility for another human being, not unlike raising children.

quote:


You better be able and ready to make the hard decisions, including punishment and the need to leave her upset or even mad at you, in the process of doing the right thing. On many occasions for me this meant telling the sub I was not the right Dom for her and ending the potiential relationship...for no other reason than knowing she would not grow and thrive under my control, (My personal interest or desire for her not a consideration).

quote:


The last dynamic takes all from the Dom/sub dyanmic and takes it to the next level. A sub maintains the right to say now and define her own limitations in her service to the Dom. In a Master/slave dyanmic the power exchange is complete. Meaning the Dom who now carries the 'title' Master, take complete control over the slave's life, (usually 24/7, not to say Dom/sub isn't quite often 24/7)....and the slave gives over complete control, thus giving up her right to say no. In this becoming a true slave. She trusts completely in all the choices her Master makes. Believing completely that every choice he makes regarding her are in her best interest. She has no limits or boundries defined in the relationship. Does this mean you can do anything you want with the slave? Not really. Technically by the nature of the dyanmic yes, but by nature of the responsibility taken upon yourself, it is the Master's job to identify the slaves current limits and which she will grow through expanding them and which are best kept in place.

quote:


All that said, consider my words and decide where in that structure you feel you are or wish to be. Consider the responsibilities of the level you crave and then focus on learning what you need to get there. Never be afraid to say you don't know. No one in this lifestyle knows everything, and most of us have far more to learn than we know already. Humility will show your ability to be honest with yourself. A critical trait if you want anyone to believe your being honest with them. It also shows your not insecure in who you are. Confidence is another attractive characteristic that special sub will be looking for in you.

quote:

As for your preference to the sub who has it altogether and has no need for you but voluntary submission, I'd have to say you sound far more like the typical Top seeking a no fuss bottom. Vanilla by day, kinky player by night.

quote:

ORIGINAL: happypervert

quote:

As for your preference to the sub who has it altogether and has no need for you but voluntary submission, I'd have to say you sound far more like the typical Top seeking a no fuss bottom. Vanilla by day, kinky player by night.

In other words, you're saying I'm not a "twue dominant" by your definition.

quote:

In other words, you're saying I'm not a "twue dominant" by your definition. I'd suggest you develop some more definitions that aren't limited by your high protocol view of the world.

The problem with your argument is that you're assuming that the whole world conforms to your definitions and that means a submissive that doesn't want to be like a child in the rlationship isn't a twue submissive either. Furthermore the only difference being new would make for a submissive is that they may encounter attitudes such as yours so often at first they may actually believe it is the norm and feel they need to conform; this is only made worse by those that portray it as the one twue way.

There is obviously a market for this "I'll help you reach your full potential" approach and I suppose it can actually seem true if a submissive believes it, but I see it as nothing more than mutual self-delusions. Such stuff sounds like it comes out of a Tony Robbins seminar, but even that comes from one recognizing the potential from within rather than having someone else do it. I know I'm far smarter than the typical guy and also have a far better understanding of psychology, and the notion that I could determine what somebody's self potential was and then systematically help her reach it seems ridiculous to me. However, I see that as following another bit of your advice though -- recognizing my own limitations; apparently that good piece of advice isn't followed as often as we'd like to believe.

quote:

What evidence or qualifications do you offer to help your sub reach this "potential"? Granted, CHILDREN do not come with an instruction manual, but other adults come fully loaded with a lifetime of baggage and experience.

Any special training, or just lots of opinions and experience? I am not picking on you personally here---just wondering what about you makes you so attractive to a sub that she will let you lead her along.