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candystripper -> A Blonde Calls Ticketmaster (11/3/2008 8:28:03 PM)
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<Ringing.>
Hi, this is Abdul at Ticketmaster….I see you’re calling from Cleveland?
Ya, hi. I have company coming this weekend. What events are running on Sunday? I’d like a live performance.
I show one event like that Ma’am. How many tickets would you like? All we have left are the least expensive seats.
Ya? So, how much are the tickets? I need 6, okay?
They’re $200, Ma’am.
For all 6?
No, Ma’am. Each one is $200.
<Gasping sound.> So it's a concert? Who's playing?
No, it’s a football game, Ma’am. Browns vs. Patriots.
Hummm…I dunno. How long is it?
There’s no set time Ma’am.
Huh?
The game lasts until it’s over, Ma’am.
Well, what time does it start?
8 pm, Ma’am.
Okay. Well, maybe. Is there a coat check?
No, Ma’am, the game is in a stadium.
What’s a stadium like?
Its outside and holds 250,000 people in miniature seats.
Outside? But <crackle> I heard on the news it’ll be going down to below zero and a blizzard is expected.
Yes, Ma’am. But we haven’t added the blizzard surcharge yet, so you’re in luck.
<Inaudible mumbling.>
<Deep sigh.> Well, what’s the proper attire?
That depends, Ma’am. Will you and your guests be attending any of the riots?
Riots? <Inaudible mumbling.>
Yes, Ma’am. Most customers like to arrive several hours before kick off and get very, vey drunk in the parking lot, and then of course, if the Browns lose, there’ll be the after-riot in the stadium since it’s a home game. Sometimes there's riot in the streets around the stadium too, but I can't promise that.
I thnk we'll pass on the riots.
Well, then you should get your guests tee shirts that say ‘Browns’ on them, unless they want to go bare-chested with the Browns logo painted on their body.
The tee shirts are available here for only $100 and the paint is $50 a bottle. And of course they’ll all need air guns and big foamy fingers. Those are $25 apiece.
Well, I’ll think about that. Maybe I can ask somebody.
So, what is a football game like? Is it like basketball?
No, Ma’am. There’s a bunch of confusing rules and the guys whale on each other, but they’re all wearing a whole bunch of protective gear and they grab each others' asses a lot.
<Inaudible mumbling.>
Thanks anyway. I guess I’ll see what’s going on at the museum.
Bye.
<Loud click.>
candystripper [sm=pole.gif]
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