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Mavis -> RE: I think I have a unique situation (4/10/2006 9:41:33 PM)
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There is one reason it's not as uncommon as you'd think.. basically that subbie inside was there when you were dating, and you probably picked up on his innate domlies.
If you're anything like many of us in that same situation, this stuff will ring true:
You reacted submissivly to him in many ways, and he acted dominant. You loved it. But when he got too overt about it, you pulled up the well trained nilla feminist and asserted your independance, which he kind of liked too, because it stoked his need to dominate something worth owning.
That is the single hardest thing to overcome, we're telling "The Him" we want them in control, but they don't exactly trust it's not a phase, because we spent years alternating between submitting and exerting independance. (And some out- n- out rebellion!)
When you have to teach him things, and you feel like you "have to be the one in control" realise that's not accurate. His dominance of you is not based on out-knowing you. How many jobs have we held where the boss was truly the most knowledgable person on the premises? Not too many. Somehow, the boss is always the boss even when the boss knows only one thing: how to get the right info from the right people in time to impress the client. Soon, you'll have to stop being his knowledge-base, He's got to collect His own resources and rely on your info less, so only offer it if asked, then backing up to only offering when ordered or assigned to. (lifestyle info meant here, NOT info about yourself, or the relationship things all subs have input on, you know which things i mean)
The suggestion of promising to steer clear of some educational forums while he learns away from your oversight is fantastic. It might kill you for wanting to make sure he's being exposed to good solid info, but at some point we have to trust they are as capable of weeding out bad info as we were in the beginning. i would love to say help him find some mentors, but just imagine if He makes friends on his own, he'll be mentoring with Doms who have a style he likes and would like to emulate, which will be best for him and you.
If you live near Austin, there is a 6 month Dom Mentors program offered thru SAADE, and a truncated form of it is offered in Dallas as well. The same Mentors will be offering the program in Nashville June-Dec thru GrownUps University.. it's a good opportunity for Doms and Dommes to connect with others. i'll list that link in the "Upcoming Events" section of the message boards.
(ok, checking OP profile, i see you're 18, so the comments about years of history don't apply here, but i decided to let it stay because of how many subs in similar situations it might apply to.)
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