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SusanofO -> RE: Punishment Fantasy (12/20/2005 10:32:04 AM)
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I am new to bdsm activity, but have done a whole lot of reading plus fantasizing about it, and I do maybe think for me anyway, fantasizing about punishments might mean I am more of a masochist than I previously thought. Because I fantasize about stuff like being branded during pony play, and also someone scourging me to the point it might even bleed, etc. Things that would really HURT.
That being said, I am not sure whether these little scenarios are play or punishment oriented Because they Do involve a Dom who is really "there" for me the whole time, stroking my hair tenderly, and saying things like: "This will be over when? When I say so..."etc. although in a very soft yet commanding voice. So maybe it's not punishment - just very painful.
In all of these scenarios, someone is liking that I am crying (but that's pretty normal for bdsm play anyway, at least for a Dom, is it not? At least some of them)?
I seem to have a lot of fantasies involving "restrictions", too. And I think that could be definitely construed as punishment. Sometimes small and inconsequential ones, but also more major ones. For instance: I am wanting and have arranged to leave town for a few days to visit an old college friend and have been looking forward to the trip for months and my Dom knows it. The day I am supposed to leave, he says I can't go. And then he says he doesn't need to tell me why, because his choice is what matters. Then he enjoys watching my face and seeing me cry about not being able to go. But, what he really really enjoys it when I say: "Ok, Master, what you want is most important" - when he knows how very important the trip is to me and how much I'll miss it. Then he insists I do something service-oriented for him immediately afterward, to prove I am even more devoted.
Since I have not actually done any of this in real life, I am wondering whether I would actually want to do these things and can't say I definitely would. I only know I think about these things a lot and some of the scenarios are pretty harsh and more "punishing" than pleasurable. I might think about them, I am not sure I would actually want to live them because some are a bit "extreme" for me. I have others that are much more pleasurable, so I may not be a total masochist.
But I guess the issue is - since most all of them are both - punishing and pleasurable, so if it's both does it still qualify as punishment? I don't know.
It also seems some of my fantasies are going to the borderline of what I consider "consensual" in terms of "pushing limits" although never involving anything really painful that is a hard limit for me (Knife play is a really hard limit for me, I am convinced something will go awry - so is face slapping, kicking, or anything akin to being used as a human punching bag)...This "pushing limits" by a Dom without them (or even me) acknowledging that is what the Dom is doing never, ever involves my really hard limits.
I think if it's punishment for real, I'd have no say so about what it involved (although it would not involve a hard limit, because that would be wrong, right?). But if it isn't always horrible or painful emotionally or physically, can it still be punishment? Good question. Good topic.
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