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Really BAD Doms - 8/6/2004 4:00:24 AM

Posts: 20
Joined: 8/5/2004
From: West Central Texas
Status: offline

I just asked for my collar to be removed by my last Dom. Without complaining too much about the relationship, i feel it has left me as DAMAGED GOODS. How damaged? durring the last year i no longer wanted my Dom to see me in the nude for fear i would disgust him too much and he wouldn't love me anymore.

Any hope for recovery for a thing like that?

RE: Really BAD Doms - 8/6/2004 5:08:47 AM

Posts: 2943
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

excuse Me Masters for My post in Your section...

sweet,
To truly accept what you have,
your gifts, your experiences,
and your chronic shortcomings
is not a easy task. But this
is where your values lie,
for no one can duplicate you.
you are unique and every human
being is beautiful in this way.
No one can make the same contribution
to life and servitude then you can
not even the Master you are leaving.
So see the value in this. Being you
is way more then just how you look
but how you look is who you are. If
that is not perfect in One persons
eyes it is more then perfect in anothers.
And the fact is that it does not matter
about either for it is only you whom
must be happy with you. So be it!

quote:

The Guy in the Glass*

by Dale Wimbrow, (c) 1934*

When you get what you want in your struggle for pelf,
And the world makes you King for a day,
Then go to the mirror and look at yourself,
And see what that guy has to say.
For it isn't your Father, or Mother, or Wife,
Who judgement upon you must pass.
The feller whose verdict counts most in your life

Is the guy staring back from the glass.
He's the feller to please, never mind all the rest,
For he's with you clear up to the end,
And you've passed your most dangerous, difficult test
If the guy in the glass is your friend.

You may be like Jack Horner and "chisel" a plum,
And think you're a wonderful guy,
But the man in the glass says you're only a bum
If you can't look him straight in the eye.

You can fool the whole world down the pathway of years,
And get pats on the back as you pass,
But your final reward will be heartaches and tears
If you've cheated the guy in the glass.

Dale Wimbrow 1895-1954

If you do not like humiliation
then do not hook up with sumone
whom is into it.JMO

(in reply to sweetsub0)

RE: Really BAD Doms - 8/6/2004 10:04:44 AM

Posts: 146
Joined: 3/30/2004
Status: offline

sweetsubYou can heal from the torment the Dom put your through it will require for a really kind and true Dom to help you heal. The saddest thing the so called Dom’s who are like predators to sweet sub like your self get their hands and they destroy your desire to serve a deserving Dominate. The first part of your healing is to take the first step and time so you can heal. Every young lady I have under ms the first thing I do is get ehr5 out among the community and attend the local munches. There are great true people in the lifestyle that are here for you. Good luck

(in reply to sweetsub0)

RE: Really BAD Doms - 8/6/2004 10:09:04 AM

Posts: 230
Joined: 7/27/2004
From: Detroit
Status: offline

I assure you that you are nto Damaged goods. You have just lost sight of the fact that you are just one person in a screwed up world. Trust me when I say there is always someone out there much worse off than you are. Get out and meet people and you'll see how normal you are. If there is such a thing as normal.

_____________________________

LIFE'S JOURNEY IS NOT TO ARRIVE AT THE GRAVE SAFELY IN A WELL PRESERVED
BODY, BUT RATHER TO SKID IN SIDEWAYS, TOTALLY WORN OUT, SHOUTING "HOLY
SHIT......WHAT A RIDE!

(in reply to sweetsub0)

RE: Really BAD Doms - 8/6/2004 10:52:54 AM

Posts: 2203
Joined: 5/11/2004
From: Scranton, PA
Status: offline

After reading your comments about worring that you would disgust him when nude and then checking your profile, I'm assuming he made a lot of rude comments about your weight.

So if he damaged you by making you feel bad about yourself, I can think of 2 paths down the road to recovery to feeling good about yourself:

1. You can select a man who adores women with your body type or is at least indifferent to it.

2. If weight is a source of insecurity, then you should consider trying to lose it. A lot of folks like to work on themselves and get looking hot so they can feel great about themselves and even better when someone from a past relationship starts drooling at the sight.

Good luck!

(in reply to sweetsub0)

RE: Really BAD Doms - 8/6/2004 2:06:08 PM

Posts: 2
Joined: 6/23/2004
Status: offline

It seems that many Dom’s only ask about limits at the beginning of the relationship. Few sub’s particularly those new to the experience know what their likes and dislikes will be. A good policy is to ask regularly “how’s that working for you?”. (to quote Dr. Phil) I find that sometimes things change when the fantasy becomes reality.

Try to find in your next relationship someone who re-evaluates effect and effectiveness with some frequency. (I’ve heard it called caring)

(in reply to sweetsub0)

RE: Really BAD Doms - 8/6/2004 2:18:34 PM

Posts: 237
Joined: 8/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ScorpioMaster

sweetsubYou can heal from the torment the Dom put your through it will require for a really kind and true Dom to help you heal. The saddest thing the so called Dom’s who are like predators to sweet sub like your self get their hands and they destroy your desire to serve a deserving Dominate. The first part of your healing is to take the first step and time so you can heal. Every young lady I have under ms the first thing I do is get ehr5 out among the community and attend the local munches. There are great true people in the lifestyle that are here for you. Good luck

I'm with Scorpio on this. Get out to some munches and socialize with some other submissives and work on being happy and healthy. It takes time to be comfortable with yourself again after someone you care about fails to accept you how you are. Time. Friends. Laughing. Eventually you will be ready to risk your self-esteem again on someone else who will hopefully take better care of it. When the time comes, be honest about your need to feel sexy and to be attractive to the one you give yourself to, and if he doesn't understand, move on.

(in reply to ScorpioMaster)

RE: Really BAD Doms - 8/6/2004 3:58:07 PM

Posts: 2078
Joined: 2/16/2004
Status: offline

OK, I'm not going to jump to some of the conclusions that I've seen so far. Lets start with some basics:

What is it about your body that you were ashamed of?
Was part of the understanding between you and your dom when he collared you that the thing that you were ashamed of would be worked on?
Exactly how is it that you believe that the way that you came to feel about your body was your dom's doing?

You may not want to hear this just now sweetsub, but laying all of the blame for a situation on someone else can be a velvet trap, sometimes. It might make you feel better in the short term, but it might also be sentencing you to make the same mistakes that you made this time again, because you are making yourself powerless to address them. When you put problems out there in the environment (it was a bad dom, a mean boss, a raw deal, sun spots, hormones, global warming, etc. etc.) it keeps you from thinking about what responsibility you had in the situation. When you start to think about what you'll do better next time, instead of thinking about what a rat bastard your dom was, and how it was all his fault, you'll start to feel more power to effect some change in your life. Give it a try, you might like it.

Take care of yourself

Leonidas

< Message edited by Leonidas -- 8/6/2004 4:06:43 PM >

(in reply to sweetsub0)

RE: Really BAD Doms - 8/9/2004 11:03:16 PM

Posts: 20
Joined: 8/5/2004
From: West Central Texas
Status: offline

It is time to end this thread i think, this girl has found her answer:

Dear submissive,
You have the responsibility to yourself to understand fully what you are getting into, and to understand that all your choices carry consequences, and you have to accept the consequences of your actions and choices, including the one to kneel before the man who would ultimately own you.
You have the responcibilty to yourself to make certain that the man before whom you kneel can first control himself for if he cannot, how can he hope to control those forces who might work to harm you, let alone teach you self-control.
You have the responcibility to yourself to make certain he sees your submission as a gift, not a right. Absolute power can corrupt absolutely. If your submission is granted as a right by some unknown force in the universe, he will never appreciate it untill you have withdrawn it.
You have a responcibilty to yourself to make certain he is capable of handling his affairs. If he is unable to manage his affairs, how can he hope to guide you in yours.
You have a responcibility to yourself to be certain the man you kneel before is a man and not a pretender to the title of Dominant.
Sincerly Master Minitor

_____________________________

"...yes well, I am but mad north-northwest. When the wind is southerly, I know a hawk from a handsaw."

Shakespeare's "Hamlet, King of Denmark"

(in reply to sweetsub0)

RE: Really BAD Doms - 8/10/2004 10:00:22 AM

Posts: 2078
Joined: 2/16/2004
Status: offline

Well, not quite the end, if you'll excuse my disobedience for just a moment. So, in effect, the answer that you were looking for was "he was a bad dom, it was all his fault". You have wasted our time sweetsub. That is what you thought when you came here. You were just looking for someone to tell you what you wanted to hear. It makes me, for one, wonder whether your definition of advice (telling you what you want to hear) is the similar to your definition of dominance (doing what you want done).

There was an abbot in a forest monestary once who pointed out a young monk and said "This is his third time here. He stays a while, and then he goes, first here, and then there, never staying long. I think he put his pack down in dog shit someplace, and now he thinks it stinks wherever he goes".

The fact is that you didn't provide enough information here for anyone to give you decent advice. I'm sure that the "poor baby" stamede that you got here was gratifying, but it's pretty much worthless. If your ultimate answer, that your only responsibility in the situation is not to pick a dom that's such a phoney and an asshole suits you, then it suits you, I guess. I personally think that you can do better than that, but hey, you would probably think that I'm a phoney and an asshole, so what does it matter? Yes?

Take care of yourself

Leonidas

< Message edited by Leonidas -- 8/10/2004 10:13:08 AM >

(in reply to sweetsub0)

RE: Really BAD Doms - 8/11/2004 8:02:06 AM

Posts: 315
Joined: 1/16/2004
From: Brisbane, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: happypervert
2. If weight is a source of insecurity, then you should consider trying to lose it. A lot of folks like to work on themselves and get looking hot so they can feel great about themselves and even better when someone from a past relationship starts drooling at the sight.

I disagree. Losing weight won't fix the problem, but give you something else to be freaked out about.

You need to love yourself as you are, first. Sexiness and happiness of self cannot be contained to numbers. Focusing on those numbers will not make you happy. If they don't go down far enough or fast enough, you're going to feel like shit, if you pin your self worth to a set of scales.

I am a big girl. I am not considered sexy by today's "society". Back when Ruben's was around, baby, I'd have been the cats pyjamas.

But you know what? I don't care what society as a whole has to say. The only person whose opinion really matters is mine. And I'm damn sexy. I flaunt it, I radiate it. I'm comfortable with myself naked, and at most kink parties, I'll wander around naked 90% of the time. If I don't get naked for some reason, people ask me to. I've never had negative feedback at kink parties, for my size and shape. I'm in proportion, I've got a large frame, with big bones. Just look at my feet:) I was never meant to be thin or slender. I was born to be curved. I'm made for comfort, not for speed

I do want to be healthier, but that isn't about numbers, it's about how I feel and how I live. Losing weight will be a bonus, but it won't be my aim.

Learn to love yourself as you are right now - it's the only way to be happy with yourself if you do change how you look.

*goes back to subtley oozing sexiness*

_____________________________

Growing old is mandatory, growing up is optional.

(in reply to happypervert)

RE: Really BAD Doms - 8/11/2004 8:14:17 PM

Posts: 1
Joined: 4/10/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ScorpioMaster

sweetsubYou can heal from the torment the Dom put your through it will require for a really kind and true Dom to help you heal. The saddest thing the so called Dom’s who are like predators to sweet sub like your self get their hands and they destroy your desire to serve a deserving Dominate. The first part of your healing is to take the first step and time so you can heal. Every young lady I have under ms the first thing I do is get ehr5 out among the community and attend the local munches. There are great true people in the lifestyle that are here for you. Good luck

My take on this is that no dom or other person can make me feel bad without my consent.
If a submissive sticks around for bad treatment from a dom and then goes about complaining about him not behaving well toward her, she is responsible for her misery. -- Moondew

(in reply to ScorpioMaster)

RE: Really BAD Doms - 8/11/2004 8:48:50 PM

Posts: 544
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Moondew
My take on this is that no dom or other person can make me feel bad without my consent.
If a submissive sticks around for bad treatment from a dom and then goes about complaining about him not behaving well toward her, she is responsible for her misery.

Bravo! No one is so almighty powerful that they can *make* you feel anything you don't agree to feel. If you don't like how you're feeling, then make some changes.

"You make me feel..." is a cop out. "When you do X, I feel this way..." is a statement of personal responsibility. BIG difference. We're all responsible for our own feelings.

_____________________________

-- Sherri

Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity.

(in reply to Moondew)

RE: Really BAD Doms - 8/11/2004 10:46:58 PM

Laura

Posts: 573
Joined: 6/22/2004
From: Ontario, Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressDREAD

excuse Me Masters for My post in Your section...

Mistress Dread, the method to your madness is showing. That was a really nice post. I'd type sweet but I don't think it's a word you'd like associated with yourself.

_____________________________

Bait & Switch - Adult column

(in reply to MistressDREAD)

RE: Really BAD Doms - 8/11/2004 10:50:13 PM

Laura

Posts: 573
Joined: 6/22/2004
From: Ontario, Canada
Status: offline

You are not damaged goods. I had a life time of verbal abuse and I'm still kicking butt. You are yourself, no more and no less. You choose who you are and how you feel. I started out by pretending I was confident and after a couple of years it just came naturally. Now I hear myself saying things I can't believe I had the gumption to say or do. But I did. Bite me. ;)

_____________________________

Bait & Switch - Adult column

(in reply to sweetsub0)

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