RE: Subs who offer up their own rules

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RE: Subs who offer up their own rules - 11/16/2008 12:56:52 AM

VeryCurious07

Posts: 45
Joined: 12/28/2007
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To draw parallels between this type of a relationship and the ones that evolved between men and women as little as a hundred years ago, it is pretty clear that women had their own rules, even when they were considered to be 2nd class citizens. Men pursued women even then, and the women had a tremendous power, well at least in terms of choice of a husband, assuming, of course, we are not talking about an arranged marriage. The point is that women were seen as property back then, and even in the early and middle parts of the twentieth century, yet women were also sought after and prized, and thus could make certain demands, particularly at the outset of the relationship. Shouldn't it be a natural outgrowth of even a Domme/sub relationship that the sub would be the sought after "property" and thus would have his own terms just as his Mistress would? Would not a sub also be in a position to say, "no. Sorry, this is not working for me. I don't want to be with you anymore?"

In ANY relationship, I don't care who is in charge or what the power structure is, BOTH partners have their own rules, desires, and terms that work for them. In the same way that a beautiful woman 100 years ago could decide NOT to accept the marriage proposal of the man she was seeing, a sub today can decide that the Domme he is dating or involved with is not for him. From that standpoint, even if the power structure of the relationship is matriarchal, BOTH parties will have their own rules, conditions, and expectations that would need to be met for h relationship to work.

(in reply to sambamanslilgirl)

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RE: Subs who offer up their own rules - 11/16/2008 1:52:36 AM

lobodomslavery

Posts: 2477
Joined: 1/17/2008
Status: offline

i think ill ignore it Lady Hibiscus. i cant do anything about it and anyway stick and stones blah blah blah, words are just words at the end of the day , i shouldnt have resurrected it
kevin

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

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RE: Subs who offer up their own rules - 11/16/2008 3:52:14 AM

TexasMaam

Posts: 1467
Joined: 6/22/2005
Status: offline

WIITWD has become such a mishmash of expectations and confused indicators that I'm certain subs seek direction or are hoping for such limits when they ask these questions.

I would have to examine each question thoughtfully and respond sincerely.

For example, if he asks whether he should call Me 'Mistress' now, I direct him to use 'Ma'am'. If he asks a second time it's probably because he likes using the moniker and would like Me to sign off on it.

There is a fine line between discovering his triggers, meeting his needs, and allowing him to manipulate Me into becoming what he wants rather than who I am.

At the end of the day, if his needs aren't compatible with My own, I have to let him go find a Domme who meets his protocol needs and expectations.

Nothing you don't already know.

I guess I'm just suggesting that you feel your way along for awhile while you continue to evaluate him as a potential sub. You'll know when something gets out of balance. At that point you'll know whether you value him enough to entertain his quirk - or not.

Best regards,

TexasMaam

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~ My opinions are not necessarily those of the management... ~

(in reply to AAkasha)

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RE: Subs who offer up their own rules - 11/16/2008 9:33:44 AM

lilsubrt

Posts: 41
Joined: 5/17/2008
Status: offline

Dearest AAkasha,

    This little ones Goddess does allow him to raise ideas but only for Her consideration. She Can and Will make the final decision and if She refuses any idea he proposes it is his Responsibility to let it go and move on, She knows what is Best for Us/him, Period. As an example, he quite recently proposed that he start a meditation program, he was required to present Her with a list of mantras for Her perusal and review. She saw merit in it and he now, at her Direction, spends 5 minutes ( the time will increase as She sees fit ), a day with his eyes closed, silently chanting to himself his Devotion to Her.

    It hopefully will increase his association with the Happiness She brings him and his Servitude to Her and therefore deepen Our relationship. Her slave Thanks Her for Her indulgence and will do his best to show Her the results it should provide for Her. It was Not Necessary for Her to do this, he understands it is a Treat for him and he Wants Desperately to provide Her those results. Quite simply, She Is In Charge, She Owns him, and he Is Here To Serve Her. Her slave feels it is a small part of his duties to raise reasonable ideas ( Very important words there, as if he overburdens Her with Bogus crap he Will Loose this Opportunity ), for Her consideration, provided they Can/Will make Her life easier and him a Better slave for Her.

    Thank You for Your Consideration,
    lilsubrt

(in reply to sambamanslilgirl)

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Post #: 84

RE: Subs who offer up their own rules - 11/16/2008 11:22:00 PM

AlexandraLynch

Posts: 778
Joined: 3/24/2008
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I will also say that when presented with a list of "rules", I want to know the "why". Sometimes the why is "it turns me on something fierce to even contemplate the notion". But it is also true that sometimes the why is "I am scarred there and even contemplating it in play terrifies me." I refer to those as landmines. Now while I know that time and patient loving work can defuse the landmines, or at the very least back them down from being so sensitive, the first step is to know where they are.

I warn all my lovers never to put their hands near my neck, and it is for the same reason that I don't wear choker-style necklaces or turtlenecks. That one I know about. I tell people who might need to know, and work on dialing down my sensitivity in case a friend in conversation gets the hand on my shoulder in the wrong place. I expect the same openness from anyone I play with on anything that obtrusive.

(in reply to MaamJay)

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RE: Subs who offer up their own rules - 11/18/2008 8:45:09 AM

nosexslave

Posts: 2
Joined: 4/14/2008
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I have been told,I like extreme domination,with NO limitations,and no safe words. Also,I am "into" unusual play,to,ultimate extremes. If a Mistress does not offer rules,why can't I express my likes,and fantasies,wanting to live them,in real life. I've asked for rules,and been told there were no rules. But,when I express rules I like,the Mistresses won't comment on them. Yet,later on,after the session is over,she states,I was out of line,requesting,and/or suggesting,rules. My real question is,what is the norm,when told there are no rules? Should I suggest some,I like? Should I suggest some I don't like? I feel,if nothing is said,by either the Mistress,nor myself,how do we communicate?

(in reply to sambamanslilgirl)

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Post #: 86