Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: pertinent questions


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> RE: pertinent questions Page: <<   < prev  1 [2]
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: pertinent questions - 11/11/2008 4:42:31 AM   
myassyourhand


Posts: 4
Joined: 7/17/2008
Status: offline 		How much cumulative experience he has in the lifestyle?
He will respect your stop words, right?
Does he practice Safe, Sane and Consensual? (These are my questions. YMMV)
He will respect your limits, right?
What type of aftercare will he provide for you?


(in reply to bdksbabe)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: pertinent questions - 11/11/2008 7:05:35 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		But I have to tell you, our beginning conversations were not question and answer, we were not conducting job interviews. After a couple of brief emails, we just started talking. If we hadn't anything to talk about, that by itself would have shown there would have been no use continuing. But I needed friendship first, and you don't make friends by interrogating them.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to myassyourhand)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: pertinent questions - 11/11/2008 5:14:00 PM   
greeneyedreamer


Posts: 442
Joined: 6/20/2007
Status: offline 		I asked my dominant whether or not he was a sadist, before we met. I am not a masochist so if he were a sadist that wouldn't be very good for me. It would never work. I wanted a nurturing Dom, and I got to know him well before hand and realized right away he was a Daddy Dom, without the age play. He doesn' t like labels so it's not an issue for me or for him.

Dreamer

_____________________________

Dreamer, owned and ecstatically happy

I am still learning... Michelangelo, age 87

Maybe some women weren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they are suppose to run wild until they find someone just as wild to run with. Sex and the City

(in reply to bdksbabe)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: pertinent questions - 11/11/2008 6:27:08 PM   
antipode


Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ask the man whether he is a tree-frog


I'd croak on the spot.

(in reply to Lordandmaster)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: pertinent questions - 11/12/2008 9:26:58 AM   
novabunny


Posts: 57
Joined: 1/11/2008
Status: offline 		I agree with myassyourhand about the questions.. for me aftercare is a biggy now..have had past relationships bdsm wise that haven't understood shall we say the finer points to it ;-) and its ok finding out about what they will do to you but how will they assure you come back safely without freaking out having a bad time?
 
x nova x

(in reply to myassyourhand)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: pertinent questions - 12/13/2010 6:45:35 PM   
illownurhart4ev


Posts: 1
Joined: 12/13/2010
Status: offline 		i think...and i am new at this but should aftercare be commensurate with the type of activity and extreme play that is agree on before things get going...ergo the safe words/stop words. i think that at first the canvas is unknown but further into the painting only a mean spirited partner would cause you to need extensive after care....but maybe im not understand what the real concept is here

(in reply to novabunny)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: pertinent questions - 12/13/2010 10:50:10 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: bdksbabe

this question is for all of  you seasoned subs and/or slaves.  what would some pertinent questions to ask
a potential Dom.  i do have a list of my own, but thought it might be insightful to hear some suggestions.

Thank You!


Ask him if he can explain the creation of the universe and if he can explain to you how quantum physics works.

That should keep you both busy for awhile.

(in reply to bdksbabe)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: pertinent questions - 12/14/2010 3:55:42 AM   
WestBaySlave


Posts: 501
Joined: 9/24/2008
Status: offline 		This is my list for folks online. Some of the basics I'm not including ( are you seeking a sub; are you seeking a long-term relationship ) as I rarely need to ask unless the profile is totally blank.

1. What do you seek out of this kind of a relationship?

This is a very open-ended question but will tell you quite a bit depending on how someone answers. It's a good conversation starter to get the ball rolling.

2. Are you seeking a monogamous long-term-relationship?

This is an absolute must for me, so it's always one of the first things out of the gate. This is my absolute must, but whatever your main priorities are should be addressed as soon and as directly as possible, especially hard limits and things essential in a relationship for you. So, while I'm using monogamy, put your prime need here.

3. Imagine it's an average day - not an event; not something unusual. How do you see an average day for you and yours?

This sounds like a silly question and on some level it is, given one can't see the future. But, it's great at rooting out people with an unrealistic depiction of alternative lifestyles. If what I get is a detailed masturbation fantasy where the average day is an unending kink session on the flying trapeze, I'll know the person is either very inexperienced or is just seeking an online fantasy.

4. What have your past relationship experiences been?

Another one I leave open-ended, as a man's vanilla relationship history often says as much about him as what he's involved himself in from the dominant side.

5. What do you really love in life?

This can be anything. It can be people, places, hobbies, really - anything. It's another path to get a man to open up and share who he is aside from the just being dom ( though there's no reason that couldn't be expressed here too ).

Things I count against someone when they answer these:

- Conversation that reads like a long-winded pornographic fantasy rather than a genuine dialog.
- Shutting down or losing interest whenever the topic is not D/s- or BDSM-related.
- Being evasive when it comes to direct, important questions about who he is and what he seeks.
- Being either unexpectedly rude or extremely pushy in the first, casual conversations.

Things that I give points to when they answer these:

- Friendly, civil conversation that's open and direct; sexual and fetish matters discussed openly but not pornographically.
- Open about basics like name, location, desires, and lifestyle.
- Elaborates on complex questions rather than gives monosyllabic answers.
- Seems solidly grounded in reality with realistic expectations of someone they've just spoken to.

< Message edited by WestBaySlave -- 12/14/2010 3:56:46 AM >

(in reply to bdksbabe)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: pertinent questions - 12/14/2010 5:38:57 AM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: bdksbabe

this question is for all of  you seasoned subs and/or slaves.  what would some pertinent questions to ask
a potential Dom.  i do have a list of my own, but thought it might be insightful to hear some suggestions.

Thank You!


I would ask if they know how to spell and punctuate.


_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to bdksbabe)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: pertinent questions - 12/14/2010 6:13:26 AM   
Aileen1968


Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: bdksbabe

this question is for all of  you seasoned subs and/or slaves.  what would some pertinent questions to ask
a potential Dom.  i do have a list of my own, but thought it might be insightful to hear some suggestions.

Thank You!


What kind of food does he like?
What does he do for fun?
Does he have a sense of humor?
those kinds of questions...

_____________________________



(in reply to bdksbabe)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: pertinent questions - 12/14/2010 6:18:32 AM   
poise


Posts: 9509
Joined: 7/3/2010
Status: offline 		"Will it hurt?"

_____________________________

When the path ignites a soul, there’s no remaining in place.

(in reply to bdksbabe)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: pertinent questions - 12/14/2010 6:50:34 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline 		This post is 2 years old.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to poise)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: pertinent questions - 12/14/2010 8:20:51 AM   
WinsomeDefiance


Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline 		If he claims to have been 'in the lifestyle' for numerous years, how many D/s (M/s) relationships has he had? How long did each last? How did they end, and has he maintained a positive relationship with the submissives he no longer has any authority over?

Does he speak well of them? Does he spend a lot of energy blaming the relationships ending on them? Does he come across as bitter or does he talk positively of the experiences.

What are HIS limits?

etc.

(in reply to bdksbabe)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: pertinent questions - 12/14/2010 8:22:52 AM   
WinsomeDefiance


Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

This post is 2 years old.



(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: pertinent questions - 12/14/2010 8:39:20 AM   
YSG


Posts: 1001
Joined: 8/6/2010
Status: offline 		I think probably the most pertinent question one can (and in my opinion should) ask is "what can you do for me, that I cant already do for myself" or "what can you do to enhance my life"?

I think far too often the courting stage becomes all about the dominant and what we can do for them. Personally, I am done moving in this direction. A relationship should be a partnership, with both parties having their needs and wants met.

_____________________________

Our duty is to hold ourselves responsible to the people. Every word, every act and every policy must conform to the people's interests, and if mistakes occur, they must be corrected - that is what being responsible to the people means- Mao Zedong

(in reply to bdksbabe)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: pertinent questions - 12/14/2010 11:01:54 AM   
peacefulplace


Posts: 157
Joined: 8/22/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

It depends what you're looking for. If you just want someone for rough play, then ask how many workshops he's taken, where he learned suspension or shibari or needle play or electrical play.

If you're looking for a relationship then ask about his past ones. If he's never sustained a relationship past the six months anniversary and he's 53 years old, he isn't going to start now. If he has lots of exes and trashes them all without ever taking responsibility for his own actions, then be aware that he won't take responsibility for his part in not having your relationship work, and he will trash you in turn.


THIS!

Also, see if he is one who can appreciate/tolerate differences of opinion you might have about politics, religion, personal preferences. Believe it or not, there are Doms/Masters out there who might expect their opinions to become your opinions, even if he knew yours were different than his upon entering the relationship.

_____________________________

If voting changed anything, they'd make it illegal.
~~Emma Goldman

One thing is clear to me: We, as human beings, must be willing to accept people who are different from ourselves.
~~Barbara Jordan

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 36
Page:   <<   < prev  1 [2]
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> RE: pertinent questions Page: <<   < prev  1 [2]
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.098