Mental Health and First Time Submission

Mental Health and First Time Submission (Full Version)

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jenny722 -> Mental Health and First Time Submission (11/10/2008 10:14:17 AM)
I'm interested in embarking on my first real time "play" or "scene" submission, with a Dom who I've grown to know and feel comfortable with. I do have a concern however about my mental health. I have struggled with depression and bipolar disorder, and am currently undergoing treatment for both. Just wondering if others have gone through similar situations, and if it might be better to hold off on anything until my problems are more "under control" or if the Dom is aware of my circumstances, if play could still be "safe". It's hard to say I"ll wait until everything is better, because it doesn't feel like it ever will be :(

DavanKael -> RE: Mental Health and First Time Submission (11/10/2008 10:53:53 AM)
Well, depression is part of bipolar disorder (Hence the old name for it: Manic Depression), so I am not sure why they would be treating the two separately and distinctly. If your meds are well managed and your mood-swings controlled, you can probably tell if you're more functional or not. That you're having trepidation makes me think you may feel in less than a stable place, no? And, yes, I would think it important to share these issues with a partner as you're not sure how a symptom might manifest related to an experience or sensation here-to-fore unexperienced. Best wishes, Davan

CuddlingWolf -> RE: Mental Health and First Time Submission (11/10/2008 11:04:42 AM)
Speaking as a submissive with bipolar that has ruined several relationships by moving too quickly... all I can say is that if you are having doubts, then you are not ready. That sounds bad because I too feel like my issues will never be fully gone, but you have to remember that you are not the only one who will be hurt if things do go bad. This goes for short term play as well as more serious relationships.

lovingpet -> RE: Mental Health and First Time Submission (11/10/2008 12:51:29 PM)
I am in agreement that you should at minimum FEEL stable and healthy before beginning this. You should have a good fit for meds and therapy and be doing well with it. I would also suggest that you let your partner know your situation, both so he/she can make an informed decision regarding continuing with you (this includes explaining your reluctance to play that could otherwise be taken personally) and so that proper care can be given before, during, and after to ensure you both have the best possible experience. I am not sure if you are familiar with terms such as subspace or subdrop. I will attempt a very general definition of each (there's tons on both subjects available through the search feature here and online elsewhere). Subspace is, from my understanding, an altered mental state brought on by heavy play due to changes in body chemistry to adapt to the intensity of sensations that occur. Most describe it as a wonderful feeling, though the details vary by person. When these heightened hormone and chemical levels readjust, subdrop may occur. Subdrop is a state of feeling physically and mentally run down and low. Needless to say this could wreak havoc on your condition if it is not well controlled. Careful care from your dominant can help bring you back from subspace safely, but obviously he/she needs to know of your specific needs and a chance to learn how to handle the situation if it is new territory. Communication is always key and when there are health concerns, it becomes critical. You are responsible for you, so do make sure you are ready for play. You will be giving yourself over to your partner, so be sure that this person is informed, willing, and able to handle your needs. Well wishes! lovingpet

came4U -> RE: Mental Health and First Time Submission (11/10/2008 2:35:53 PM)
If he is aware of your circumstances and has respect for you then he will find no reason not to wait for you to be better mentally prepared to handle any excess stresses (if any occur) that a submissive role might play in your life. Seeing that you are reluctant, he should be too.

DesFIP -> RE: Mental Health and First Time Submission (11/10/2008 9:56:37 PM)
He needs to be aware of your issues and okay with you putting a stop to stuff if you have a problem. You need to be okay with stopping in the middle and not trying to grit your teeth and go through with it. You need to be sensitive to any emotional reaction that occurs and share it with him. Basically you need to have really good communication and he needs to be sincerely concerned more with you having a good time, then indulging himself no matter what. Being a depressive myself, what I've learned is that trying to force it doesn't work, if something's wrong with me and I play anyway I will have a bad result. I've broken down in tears, had panic attacks and subdrop. These days I take the time necessary to make sure I feel up to things. If we try something and it sets off a bad reaction we hard limit it for the future. That's why I don't do humiliation play, it has real and serious impact on me. And I find that I have to be in top physical shape as well. I need to be well rested, hydrated, not running on empty, not feeling under the weather at all. It's very physically demanding, play can exhaust temporarily not only endorphins but also serotonin. And serotonin is also has enormous effect on mood.

jenny722 -> RE: Mental Health and First Time Submission (11/10/2008 10:19:00 PM)
Thank you everyone for your input. I think.. that if I really take a step back and look at this, part of me knows that I'm not mentally ready right now. I just.. want to be. Ya know? I want something to snap me out of this. Medicine isn't working, therapy hasn't ever worked, and I'm just so horribly sick of feeling like I do. I want to be cared for, I'm sick of feeling like I'm doing this on my own. And maybe part of me feels like this would be an escape. That I could forget about the mental health issues that I can't run from, and that I could just let someone else take care of me, even if only for an hour, because its too hard to keep taking care of me by myself. The logic part of me knows that I'm not ready. That there is a reason that the circumstances have been what they are, that no matter how many times or in what ways i try to justify my hesitance to "play" that the signs point to the fact that I'm not ready at this time. I just don't want this to be the case. I want to be of good use to someone, I want life to be about more than just me for a while. ....

lovingpet -> RE: Mental Health and First Time Submission (11/11/2008 4:47:47 AM)
I understand, but right now it IS all about you... and that's okay. There are many medication options, so if yours isn't working, by all means keep trying new ones or new dosages until you find the answer. Also, keep looking for a therapist. My belief has been that it is not the therapy that's not working, it's the therapist. Find a good fit. Additionally, if it hasn't already been done, you need a full physical with complete bloodwork to rule out and/or treat some underlying things that may make it harder to get back on track. Care for yourself and let others care for you as you deserve. All this will still be here when you are ready and you will be able to enjoy it all to its fullest. lovingpet

SavageFaerie -> RE: Mental Health and First Time Submission (11/11/2008 7:49:50 AM)
While I am not bi-polar I am a chronic depressant, meaning no highs. I also have severe panic disorder. I have had no problem on the bottom end with the depression. Now the panic disorder pretty much rules my life. When I hit that vast endorphine phase or nirvana it signals my brain that the similiar feelings mimic a panic attack. I have only rarely played intensely because of this and thats only because my best friend that is in sync to minute changes knows it and stops it. I have a bad habit of being that silent botton and dont squiggle and squirm. Hense very rare play sessions. A person has to have a mental connection and be diligent for any sign of a upcoming panic attack. WHICH really sucks As far as medications, my antidepressants keep me level. My anxiety meds depends on the level of circumstances. When just staying at home and not getting out I skip the mid day dose and sometimes the evening doses. Mostly due to forgetting. Morning meds and nighttime meds are a given as the night med is the anxiety medication doubled for sleep, my dr doesnt beleive in mixing sleeping meds and/or benzos

SOsMINE -> RE: Mental Health and First Time Submission (11/11/2008 9:56:55 AM)
I am Bi Polar Manic Depressive. I have a great Dr. who I can tell everything to and he is lifestyle literate and understanding of it. Before I decided to embark with my submission he and I talked long and hard. I kept journals of my emotions, feelings, doubts that he read in each session we had. He would not tell me I'm ready but rather open my mind and let me find within myself if I was ready. I understand about the meds. I am being changed on meds from time to time because my body becomes accustomed to them. It seems you have an inkling that you are not ready don't ignore that inkling. I agree with if the therapy is not working find another therapist. I did and now my Dr is in synch with me and that makes me comfortable to open up completely to him. I am lucky in that S O when he asks how I am each day or before we play he sincerely wants to know. It's how he decides how or if we play.

cagliostro -> RE: Mental Health and First Time Submission (11/11/2008 1:56:21 PM)
I think you've answered your own question. I just wanted to say that I believe mental health problems to be entirely solveable. Either a way to cope successfully, or be rid of them. Sounds like you're having a hard time with it. I've been there. Just keep trying. Trying new meds usually sucks for a few weeks while you adjust, but you gotta keep trying them until you find something that works. Personally, I've been on one anti-depressant for like 11 years now. One of my sleep meds for 5 or 6. Why? 'Cause I finally found ones that worked for me. I also wanted to suggest that you examine your reasons for engaging in D/s play. I'm not criticizing, just concerned. The comment, "I want to be of good use to someone" is mainly what makes me wonder. I could be misreading, though.

DesFIP -> RE: Mental Health and First Time Submission (11/11/2008 1:56:44 PM)
Something you can do is not build it up into this one time, multihour session of all sessions. There's nothing wrong with you draping yourself over his knees and him giving you a light two minute spanking and then you go back to watching tv. Nothing wrong in just tying your wrists together while he holds you or while driving in the car. That's a low stress way of trying something that because you know it won't go any further, means you won't stress out about it but just stay in the moment. I think the first time he spanked me had about five whole spanks and the rest was rubbing and playing with me. The next time wasn't much more intense, he did give me one spank which was about half of his full strength just to demonstrate it, and then returned to something that wasn't painful.

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