first experience (Full Version)

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binaryfreedom -> first experience (11/10/2008 9:00:31 PM)

I tried bondage for the first time recently with a mistress, and I must say I am indifferent to the experience.  We tried everything short of any sex play, and I was just not feeling it.  Bondage, CBT, nipple torture, lots of spanking, whipping, flogging, ice, wax, blindfolds, gags.  Also some SM stuff like humiliation, worship, sissy play.  She said I have a very good pain tolerance, since I could hardly feel the clamps that were put on me.  But I am not sadistic either, I certainly don't enjoy huge amounts of pain.  So did I miss anything that I should have tried before I give up this lifestyle?  I think I would only enjoy sensual bondage, but I rather do it with a love interest for obvious reasons.



Usako -> RE: first experience (11/10/2008 9:04:51 PM)

Well, you'd be a masochist if you enjoyed pain. Being sadistic means you like to give pain.

As for what you can try, who knows. Perhaps edge play; knives, needles, etc. Or, just do it with someone you actually care for, a close friend or lover. Sometimes paying some random woman in a dungeon or even just meeting up with a random lady at a BDSM club or from the net won't turn everyone on. Some people need an emotional connection for things to work.



binaryfreedom -> RE: first experience (11/10/2008 9:29:44 PM)

Actually my dom was hot as hell, so hot that I was afraid to touch her :)
If you are a non-white male, it's very very difficult to find a play partner of opposite sex.



Racquelle -> RE: first experience (11/10/2008 9:32:47 PM)

What got you interested in the first place?  That's probably the key to what you will enjoy in play.

Have you tried sensual body worship and servitude?



AAkasha -> RE: first experience (11/10/2008 9:34:34 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: binaryfreedom

I tried bondage for the first time recently with a mistress, and I must say I am indifferent to the experience.  We tried everything short of any sex play, and I was just not feeling it.  Bondage, CBT, nipple torture, lots of spanking, whipping, flogging, ice, wax, blindfolds, gags.  Also some SM stuff like humiliation, worship, sissy play.  She said I have a very good pain tolerance, since I could hardly feel the clamps that were put on me.  But I am not sadistic either, I certainly don't enjoy huge amounts of pain.  So did I miss anything that I should have tried before I give up this lifestyle?  I think I would only enjoy sensual bondage, but I rather do it with a love interest for obvious reasons.


You can't compare an experience with a pro to what it would be like with mutual lust.

Akasha



binaryfreedom -> RE: first experience (11/10/2008 9:48:35 PM)

To AAk: The difference is obvious except that I am not talking about lust.  I am talking about BDSM in general (which doesn't imply or usually include lust or sex btw).

To Rac: I am interested to try it out because I want to be restrained and submit.  But I just did try that.



Usako -> RE: first experience (11/10/2008 9:54:21 PM)

Just because it doesn't include sex or lust for EVERYONE doesn't mean it doesn't for some. And even if it no sex happens, it's still a very nice and enjoyable feeling knowing the person you're trusting with your body actually gives a crap about you and you connect with in a way other than how much the session is worth.

Some people can be pleased by the fantasy BDSM with a pro, some people need an actual connection. Maybe you should try it both ways before giving up.

If has nothing to do with the woman you were with being "hot as hell" or not. And I don't know about being non-white and not being able to find a play partner...then again I live in NYC where people come in every color of the rainbow and no one seems to squawk much about not being to find someone due to that reason.



Racquelle -> RE: first experience (11/10/2008 9:59:08 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: binaryfreedom

Except that I am not talking about lust.  I am talking about BDSM in general (which doesn't imply or usually include lust or sex btw).
  But Akasha is talking about the kind of fun people have when they are both "into" each other, and have some sort of connection, chemistry, lust, desire, interest, or (insert noun here) for eachother.  If you don't think "lust" happens in the BDSM world, you haven't been paying attention.



binaryfreedom -> RE: first experience (11/10/2008 10:18:21 PM)

Okay, I give up.  This is my last post here.  Obviously people here obviously can't read (Notice I am simply stating a fact).

> Just because it doesn't include sex or lust for EVERYONE doesn't mean it doesn't for some.
That's called BDSM and sex.  BDSM by definition doesn't include sex.  And I am certainly aware that you can mix sex with BDSM.

> And even if it no sex happens, it's still a very nice and enjoyable feeling knowing the person you're trusting with your body actually gives a crap about you and you connect with in a way other than how much the session is worth.
The problem is how you find that trust.  Personally I'd trust more with a pro than some random perverted person on craigslist.  As for pros, there is a mutual agreement about the price.  If you can't handle it, just step back.  No need to bad mouth it.

> Some people can be pleased by the fantasy BDSM with a pro, some people need an actual connection. Maybe you should try it both ways before giving up.
Didn't I say that in my first post?  Why is everybody repeating what I said after me?

> If has nothing to do with the woman you were with being "hot as hell" or not.
You said if it was a turn on or not.  I merely answered your question.

> And I don't know about being non-white and not being able to find a play partner...then again I live in NYC where people come in every color of the rainbow and no one seems to squawk much about not being to find someone due to that reason.
Then you obviously have no idea what you are talking about. 

> But Akasha is talking about the kind of fun people have when they are both "into" each other, and have some sort of connection, chemistry, lust, desire, interest, or (insert noun here) for eachother.  If you don't think "lust" happens in the BDSM world, you haven't been paying attention.

Thank you, I am well aware of that.  I am talking about bondage and how I felt indifferent in these activities.  And then three different people gives me the spiel about how having a partner with a mutual love interest -- which is exactly what I meant in my first message " I think I would only enjoy sensual bondage, but I rather do it with a love interest for obvious reasons."  Thank you all for repeating exactly what I meant back to me and wasting 30 minutes of my life.



GreedyTop -> RE: first experience (11/10/2008 10:34:56 PM)

snit much? 

Dood... you posted on a public forum, asking for advice.. so sorry you didnt like what you read.

Rather than getting your panties in a wad, why don't you go out and MEET people.  Yanno, munches, public play spaces, etc. Then you will increase your chances of finding the love interest you seek.
just sayin'



persephonee -> RE: first experience (11/10/2008 10:40:49 PM)

*snort*

wait, who says that again??...




GreedyTop -> RE: first experience (11/10/2008 10:41:24 PM)

huh?



Usako -> RE: first experience (11/11/2008 12:07:57 AM)

1) Don't bitch fit because people are "restating what you already said." Why bother posting if you already know that you might enjoy it more with someone you're in a relationship with. Obviously you see the issue then go out and fix it instead of posting asking for advice then bitching at everyone's advice.

2) There is no two, get off line and find someone. You asked what you should try before giving up the lifestyle, then in the VERY NEXT SENTENCE said it'd be better with sensual bondage and then when people replied with "DUH go try that and not pay a lady" you just whine.

Just meh, good luck with that one...



MasterTslave -> RE: first experience (11/11/2008 7:48:07 AM)

I'd say you really need to be into someone to make it work!  I would seriously not allow anyone else to do to me what I WANT Master T to do to me.  If you are into bondage, get interested in someone and start slow...work up to other things and maybe you will soon be begging for more!  Maybe even try a switch situation to figure out what you are interested in?



MercTech -> RE: first experience (11/11/2008 7:55:21 AM)

Power exchange.
If you want a sensual submissive thing to do with a girlfriend that is not way "out there".  Try suggesting to  her to order you to sit on your hands while she sits straddling your lap and feeds you your dinner.  I knew a domme in Norfolk that loved to do this with a prospective new boy.  Heck, she did it with me and it was fun. <grin>  Yep, she realized I was too dominant for her stable but we became buddies.

Stefan



badlilthang -> RE: first experience (11/11/2008 7:58:53 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

snit much? 

Dood... you posted on a public forum, asking for advice.. so sorry you didnt like what you read.

Rather than getting your panties in a wad, why don't you go out and MEET people.  Yanno, munches, public play spaces, etc. Then you will increase your chances of finding the love interest you seek.
just sayin'



**have met his kind several times - and somehow they are never impressed - not feeling anything - not getting it - and the only reason they show up is to tell everyone else how wrong they are.*L*...i think it is a good thing he is about to "give up" the lifestyle*....**



GreedyTop -> RE: first experience (11/11/2008 8:02:41 AM)

*snort*

yep, I agree.  Like there arent already enough of that type.....

(edited to fix a redundancy)



justgemmie -> RE: first experience (11/11/2008 8:04:31 AM)

HOLY CRAP!!!

6 posts (as far as i read) ...... ready to quit, snarky cause you didn't get the answers you wanted, and you mentioned being non-white 4 times.
[sm=violin.gif]



ulti -> RE: first experience (11/11/2008 9:36:40 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: binaryfreedom

To AAk: The difference is obvious except that I am not talking about lust.  I am talking about BDSM in general (which doesn't imply or usually include lust or sex btw).

To Rac: I am interested to try it out because I want to be restrained and submit.  But I just did try that.



My satisfaction in kink comes from the respect and admiration I have for a Dominant.  I have had wonderful life-changing experiences, and I have had experiences that felt completely flat.

The difference is mutual desire/respect.  I agree with AAkasha, although I don't limit it to a mutual "lust".



antipode -> RE: first experience (11/11/2008 9:45:51 AM)

It doesn't work for you, and that is fine too.



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