Beyond online

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Raposa -> Beyond online (11/12/2008 5:49:54 PM)
Hi, I have been on collarme for a bit and had an online Master for just under a year. I am very interested in looking for a Master in RT but I am also very afraid as I have had no RT experiences in BDSM. I am also a 'closet' sub as I live in a very small, predominately Catholic town. Every time I come close to finding someone they either turn out to be fake or run when they discover I am a single parent . Any suggestions on how to go about finding the right RT Master for me?

SirMIkeSD -> RE: Beyond online (11/12/2008 6:17:50 PM)
It takes time, a year is not that long at all. You are going to meet a lot of wankers and it is frustrating as hell. I believe that things happen when you least expect them to and when it's time for them to. I just looked at your profile and it is weak, it mentions the poly house like that is someplace you are now. Take some time and redo your profile tell about you and what you are looking for and what you are looking for in a Dom. Cover the fact that a child is part of the deal, early in the profile so those of us that don't like kids can pass you by and not waste your time or theirs. There have been many threads on profiles, I suggest that you do a search and review those. Just be sure you also set your expectations and do not think that real life will be like your on-line D/s life. Mike

monywildcat -> RE: Beyond online (11/12/2008 6:26:01 PM)
It can take kissing a lot of frogs before you find your prince. I checked out your profile, there's journal entries which I always enjoy, I saw that you stated clearly that you have a child. I would suggest casting your net wide, look toward areas surrounding your hometown, don't invest incredible amounts of time in an online relationship that will not go to real-time, since real-time relationships are what you seek. Make it clear from the get-go that real-life is your goal. Have fun with the wankers. Some of the messages they send are an absolute hoot!

mistressaries -> RE: Beyond online (11/12/2008 6:43:41 PM)
Hi Raposa, the only advice I have would be to put profiles on some different sites. Join some groups online and chat with people. But please take your time getting to know someone before you agree to anything involving reat time. If you don't know of other sites I can give you a few to check out. You will have to go outside of your area to find someone likely.....I live in a small ontario town and have to go at least half an hour away to munches and even farther for clubs or anything along those lines. I would also suggest that you state up front in profiles that you are a single parent and that your child is first and foremost in your life and that anyone interested must be prepared for that. My last bit of advice would be to Be Very Careful. Don't let anyone talk to you into anything you don't feel comfortable with. If they don't work at your pace then move on. You may be submissive and some will try to tell you that means you don't control anything but in truth you control everything until you choose to give up that control to someone you trust with it. And you can take it back whenever you want to. You likely know all this already I suppose....lol. Anywhooo, good luck in your search and feel free to send me a message if you like. MissA

theobserver -> RE: Beyond online (11/12/2008 9:52:27 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Raposa Hi, I have been on collarme for a bit and had an online Master for just under a year. I am very interested in looking for a Master in RT but I am also very afraid as I have had no RT experiences in BDSM. I am also a 'closet' sub as I live in a very small, predominately Catholic town. Every time I come close to finding someone they either turn out to be fake or run when they discover I am a single parent . Any suggestions on how to go about finding the right RT Master for me? If this is something you really want, there is no cookie cutter way to find it. It takes time, just like with vanilla relationships. As for being a single parent, just like with vanilla relationships, there will be some Masters that are not looking for a package deal. That's just life. However, I would think you'd want someone that does not have an issue or aversion to your parent status. I will just end by saying, again, that it will take time. If you rush and look hard, you are sure to find the wrong people. Get to know someone as a friend or casual companion, then if it's meant to be, things will develop from there. Write a list with the characteristics and personality traits you want in your future Master, then decide which ones are negotiable and which ones are not. It doesn't have to be a rigid list, but at least it will be a guide you can think about if and when someone does come along. In order to find (for lack of a better word) something, you have to know exactly what it is you are looking for.

TabrisMaceth -> RE: Beyond online (11/13/2008 2:28:26 PM)
Well, yeah, you're really gonna have to go through a whole lotta duds...many, many duds...but you're also going to have to at least a little flexible. Absolutely no one is going to fit into your ideal mold, so you have to be willing to give people a chance. And while you're doing that... (eagerly points to self) I'm available! I'm not a hologram, so I'm not fake, and I love kids! They're like little people you teach to hate the things you hate! Edit: Wait...you have a master already, don't you? (sigh) Frick... -Tabris

Raposa -> RE: Beyond online (11/13/2008 8:59:13 PM)
Thanks for the advice everyone. And yes Tabris I have an online Master but he is the one who suggested I look beyond as I live in BC, Canada and he lives in California. And my little one is not so little he is thirteen, I guess that is part of my nerves. Hmmm...and definatley going to try the list idea thank you theobserver. I am going to try to clarify my profile more.

antipode -> RE: Beyond online (11/13/2008 9:14:36 PM)
quote: had an online Master for just under a year Doing D/s in R/T isn't a progression from D/s online. It is something completely different. I think you may want to figure out why you got into online with someone who is too far away to have R/T with, and why you now are looking at D/s in a different light. To me (and this distinction is more important than would appear, offhand) a computer, and the internet, are wonderful tools to do research, to express myself, and to get to know people I would have otherwise never got to know, but it isn't somehow a substitute tool to build relationships.

Raposa -> RE: Beyond online (11/14/2008 9:00:08 PM)
My online Master was not a substitute for anything, we had known each other for a 16 months before he asked me to become his submissive at that time he had one other a friend of mine and her judgement i trusted. I met my Master online on a game called Second Life. He is the one that suggested i look beyond, although he has asked me to come meet him but that is not a reality financially for either of us. I understand that online and RT are different and that is why i am looking for advice.

greeneyedreamer -> RE: Beyond online (11/14/2008 9:12:08 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: monywildcat It can take kissing a lot of frogs before you find your prince. Damn I have kissed my share now!!! And I finally found the prince... grins... i almost gave up hope... Dreamer

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