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You know you're the victim of a fake when... - 11/13/2008 7:12:07 PM

Posts: 95
Joined: 6/8/2005
Status: offline

I've met a number of extremely nice people through CollarMe. I've even been lucky to get involved with two extremely wonderful Dominant women from this site. There are unquestionably a lot of great people here.

So this is not a rant against this site or all the people here. Just against wankers who pose as someone they are not, then disappear into the ether when you call them on it.

This is the third time this has happened to me here, and I find it extremely annoying. Particularly when i put a good amount of time and effort into my correspondence.

In each of these situations the person claimed to be a female, but i have NO doubt that they were actually men. Why do men do this? Are their own lives so shallow - are their own photos so putrid - are their brains so twisted - that they can't be themselves?

You know the person on the other end of the email is a phoney wanker just trying to get his jollies, when ...

1. They ask you for photos, particularly nudes
2. They send you nude photos of an attractive woman unsolicited (more than likely it's their ex-wife or just something they've screen-scraped off the net)
3. They come on strong with a lot of demands, wanting you to prove you are worthy of their time
4. They use a lot of foul language in their email (most of the women i've ever communicated here do not use a lot of obscenel language - men do)
5. They try to get you into something like chastity
6. When you ask to speak with them on the phone to ensure they are 'real', they disappear

Any one have any additional warning signs people want to add, please feel free. You just may save someone a lot of time, aggravation and disappointment.

Thanks,
steffie

P.S. Please do not list actual profile names. I came here to vent after my second encounter with a fake, mentioned their screen name, and the thread was deleted by a moderator.

RE: You know you're the victim of a fake when... - 11/13/2008 7:13:40 PM

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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When they think they can make lists of arbitrary actions and pretend they actually define a "bad type" rather than just using good sense, judgement and experience- definitely want to stay away from the ones who do that.

< Message edited by LuckyAlbatross -- 11/13/2008 7:14:20 PM >

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Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

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(in reply to steffie)

RE: You know you're the victim of a fake when... - 11/13/2008 7:23:52 PM

Posts: 4880
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From: Moosecrotch, Va
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You know youre dealing with a fake when they claim to be an expert at EVERYTHING under the sun, sink, and your bed.

_____________________________

Hibbie's Hottie

The next time you think I give a fuck, remember the 3 F's... Unless you are Feeding me, Financing me, or Fucking me, I don't give a fuck!!

"Kyttyn: The Other White Meat!" - DRH

10 Miles of Hot Chocolate Lovin'.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

RE: You know you're the victim of a fake when... - 11/13/2008 7:26:40 PM

Posts: 910
Joined: 8/24/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: steffie
In each of these situations the person claimed to be a female, but i have NO doubt that they were actually men. Why do men do this? Are their own lives so shallow - are their own photos so putrid - are their brains so twisted - that they can't be themselves?

Yeah, pretty much. It's not easy bein' cheesy

_____________________________

-and the few still remember passion over rage-

(in reply to steffie)

RE: You know you're the victim of a fake when... - 11/13/2008 7:32:42 PM

Posts: 2860
Joined: 9/1/2008
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Nothing to add other than I am sorry this happened to you, and I have to say I liked your profile and your approach to your female side. Very real. Looking forward to reading your story in your journal as I get time.

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I am on a journey of authenticity and self.

(in reply to steffie)

RE: You know you're the victim of a fake when... - 11/13/2008 7:38:03 PM

VoicesInTheDark

Posts: 14
Joined: 10/19/2006
Status: offline

I have been fortunate to have had the upfront and the "real' person depicted in each of my encounters here. Perhaps it is because I ask more than I tell. Perhaps it is because I invite more than I demand. People reveal quite a bit in general conversation that is not Ds focused. I feel that if one cannot hold a few simple conversations; then how can they hold my attention when it counts privately? Realness or fakeness or simply not being congruent with what we seek comes out soon enough. It's the old, don't rush into intimacy or nakedness... Yes. there are far too many fishing with insincere hooks. They have no intent of keeping and nurutring the relationships they may catch. Using any venue for masturbatory or thrill seeking zest screws up the hopes of those of us who want something more tangable out of life and relationships. It may not be so much a case of real vs fake; but perhaps sincere vs insincere.
The age of narcissm is reaping its sour reward.

(in reply to KyttynTheMynx)

RE: You know you're the victim of a fake when... - 11/13/2008 7:56:41 PM

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Joined: 6/8/2005
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Sincere thanx for the replies... and the kind words Otter!

Voices, great post! You bring up another great point. Everything in this particular person's emails was entirely sexual. Each of the people i've encountered here that ultimately i met in person and developed some sort of friendship or relationship with - were not entirely focused on sex or BDSM.

Wankers go right for the crotch - whereas sincere (to use your adjective) people want to get to know the whole person.

< Message edited by steffie -- 11/13/2008 7:57:19 PM >

(in reply to VoicesInTheDark)

RE: You know you're the victim of a fake when... - 11/13/2008 8:08:07 PM

Posts: 452
Joined: 2/26/2008
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You know you're the victim of a fake when...

...you are called a fake, and a wannabe, because you would rather not have the first meet at their house in the wee hours, or you are hesitant about packing up your life, moving into their house halfway across the country, or that you refuse to masturbate on cam for them. (for one, I don't even own a damn web cam so that is quite the obstacle, but even if I did I wouldn't rub one out for anyone on it)

_____________________________

Major Life Change Necessitates Personal Reinvention...

(in reply to steffie)

RE: You know you're the victim of a fake when... - 11/13/2008 8:31:15 PM

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Joined: 5/2/2008
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I figure it's a fake when some woman contacts me who is attractive, submissive, and from overseas, and who wants a full physical relationship. If she could get a good Dom in her backyard, why would she be interested in relocating to the States?

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to monywildcat)

RE: You know you're the victim of a fake when... - 11/13/2008 8:35:13 PM

Posts: 1149
Joined: 9/4/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: steffie

...This is the third time this has happened to me here, and I find it extremely annoying. Particularly when i put a good amount of time and effort into my correspondence...

Sorry to hear, steffie, but this is the reason why no one is real to me until I meet them.

_____________________________

~ Miss Marie

a.k.a. "mean Lady"

(in reply to steffie)

RE: You know you're the victim of a fake when... - 11/13/2008 9:06:03 PM

Posts: 95
Joined: 6/8/2005
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Nice posts...

Mony, interesting perspective! There has to be a reasonable, common sense approach to any relationship.

To quote Friar Lawrence's advice in Romeo & Juliet, "Wisely and slow, they stumble that run fast," and "Therefore love moderately. Long love doth so. Too swift arrives as tardy as too slow."

After several days of multiple emails a day with this "woman", because she is local to me, i said, "If you want to take it to the next level, let's talk on the phone," knowing that if they avoided the subject they were just looking for wanking material. Which is exactly what "she" did. The request was ignored - the subject changed entirely.

The nice Dominant women that i have had the good fortune to meet here - after a reasonable number of emails were aggressive enough to ask me for my phone number. Things with 'real' people have a way of progressing and developing naturally.

i am such a submissive fool though ... i know this person was playing me like a tarpoon on the end of a line ... and yet i will beat myself up and make excuses for "her"... wondering, well, maybe there is some reason they can't come to the phone ... perhaps her phone wire is tapped ... she's some famous politican... Hilary couldn't ... Nahhhhhhhh!

Misstoyou, very good advice!

< Message edited by steffie -- 11/13/2008 9:07:37 PM >

(in reply to Misstoyou)

RE: You know you're the victim of a fake when... - 11/13/2008 9:15:25 PM

WinsomeDefiance

Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline

I think wanking material gets a bad wrap. I mean, whats not to like about wanking? Feels good. Great stress reliever. Actually, I think we need MORE wank material.

(in reply to steffie)

RE: You know you're the victim of a fake when... - 11/13/2008 10:44:59 PM

Posts: 3486
Joined: 11/1/2005
Status: offline

Any D/s site attracts people laboring under the misapprehension that we are all promisicous and indiscriminate. It also attracts those who evidentially have lost the use of their hand, and cannot masturabte anymore without cyber or worse yet, cam.

It's a cost of doing business, if this is how you wish to find like-minded people. CM is not equitted to 'vet' any members. All you can do if it really upsets you is get of the site altogether and seek elsewise.

You don't strike me as the sort of 'weak sister' who cannot cope with being trolled. But if being trolled makes you feel like a 'victim', perhaps I'm wrong.

candystripper

< Message edited by candystripper -- 11/13/2008 10:47:03 PM >

(in reply to steffie)

RE: You know you're the victim of a fake when... - 11/14/2008 1:14:54 AM

Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

I figure it's a fake when some woman contacts me who is attractive, submissive, and from overseas, and who wants a full physical relationship. If she could get a good Dom in her backyard, why would she be interested in relocating to the States?

Steven,
Sometimes you just shock me in your, well, your inability to see the obvious. Your domly mojo just resonates on a decibel level only certain women * with amazingly fine tuned ears* can hear. Some of us have traveled the globe, searched the internet, burnt up the phone lines in order to get the merest hint of this ability. You sizzles, darling, you SIZZLE. tsssssssssssssssssss.

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to DarkSteven)

RE: You know you're the victim of a fake when... - 11/14/2008 3:06:03 AM

Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
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I would troll candy but Im afraid she would sue me. OP take the wanking stuff in stride. It comes with the territory. Look at the upside. You can really play mind games with them.

(in reply to sunshinemiss)

RE: You know you're the victim of a fake when... - 11/14/2008 7:30:41 AM

sambamanslilgirl

Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KyttynTheMynx

You know youre dealing with a fake when they claim to be an expert at EVERYTHING under the sun, sink, and your bed.

i've met 3 this week and one of them was 25yr old

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(in reply to KyttynTheMynx)

RE: You know you're the victim of a fake when... - 11/14/2008 10:08:27 AM

MarksFantasyGirl

Posts: 3660
Joined: 10/13/2005
Status: offline

I barely ever get any Cmail.... I was REALLY suprised when I signed on today, and had TWO new messages to read... So I really don't have to worry about that... I don't get trolls

However, I think that a lot of people on here do... I have written to a couple people, just to say that I liked thier pics on their page, or whatever... nothing coming on too Strong (I don't think)... just to get 2 word replies... (Thank you usually) I'm not complaining though... I would probably do the same thing.... :)

Edited to say: OK, so I ALMOST never get trolls.... Thanks GT! HAHA! ::grin::

< Message edited by MarksFantasyGirl -- 11/14/2008 11:01:14 AM >

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(in reply to sambamanslilgirl)

RE: You know you're the victim of a fake when... - 11/14/2008 10:18:49 AM

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Joined: 6/27/2005
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What is wrong with someone just saying Thank You. I do that all of the time. Am I breaking a rule that I do not know about? At least they took the time to reply. If you wish to get in deeper with that person write them back again.

(in reply to MarksFantasyGirl)

RE: You know you're the victim of a fake when... - 11/14/2008 10:24:19 AM

Posts: 4880
Joined: 5/10/2006
From: Moosecrotch, Va
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sambamanslilgirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: KyttynTheMynx

You know youre dealing with a fake when they claim to be an expert at EVERYTHING under the sun, sink, and your bed.

i've met 3 this week and one of them was 25yr old

One of them I know! (perhaps a little to well...hahaha!)

_____________________________

Hibbie's Hottie

The next time you think I give a fuck, remember the 3 F's... Unless you are Feeding me, Financing me, or Fucking me, I don't give a fuck!!

"Kyttyn: The Other White Meat!" - DRH

10 Miles of Hot Chocolate Lovin'.

(in reply to sambamanslilgirl)

RE: You know you're the victim of a fake when... - 11/14/2008 10:52:24 AM

Posts: 9259
Joined: 2/5/2004
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I always answer my mail even if its way off center, some times just a simple thank you is enought, Diane on the other hand is swarmed with mail from those wanting pics and chats and even for my wildcat she always sends just a simple thank you but no thank you,proper manners to do so in my book...After a few emails and if then a phone call can't be made they are history , no excuses since your number can be blocked...bounty

< Message edited by BOUNTYHUNTER -- 11/14/2008 10:54:33 AM >

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US going to hell in a hand basket/

(in reply to KyttynTheMynx)

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