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Finding smart or well-read subs.. - 11/14/2008 12:40:46 PM

Linguist

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I don't suppose anyone knows how to go about this? With the brain being the biggest sex organ I do need someone I can talk with outside the bedroom as well.

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RE: Finding smart or well-read subs.. - 11/14/2008 12:47:20 PM

sirsholly

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In the same way you would find someone in the vanilla lifestyle...get to know them.

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RE: Finding smart or well-read subs.. - 11/14/2008 12:49:49 PM

kiwisub12

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Try asking. If you find a profile you like , email and ask about things she likes to do. If reading is one, ask what! I also think it is appropriate to ask level of education as well.

One of the first things i found out about my Sir was the old level of education thing. And one of the most reassuring things to me was the sight of bookcases of well used books when i walked into his house for the first time.

Grammar and spelling in emails is also a good indication - not a great one, because there are always people for whom those things don't matter, but in general, a good indication.

For people who have realised some of their intellegence potential, you might enquire about jobs and training (vocational).

One of the easiest ways of assessing intelligence is to actually talk to them. If they can use words longer than "wheelbarrow" appropriately, then they are smart.

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RE: Finding smart or well-read subs.. - 11/14/2008 1:18:41 PM

RainydayNE

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well wheelbarrow is a fairly long word, and there are words, like "plethora," that don't have as many letters, but are far more interesting. =p

anyway, just echoing what the others have said. get to know them. same as with any other relationship

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RE: Finding smart or well-read subs.. - 11/14/2008 2:00:09 PM

CFslaves2

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There is also the thought that you keep an eye out for potential. Just because someone isn't well versed does not mean they lack intelligence, just exposure to certain oppentunities.

LOL, i just got an image in my head of a woman dressed as the naughty school girl, chained to a desk, ordered to read "A Tale of Two Cities" !

In my expirience, my Master seeks to improve my education and develope my talents, bringing out all of my potential. And Master's slave that is Alpha to me, is very concerned with my addictive tendancies, and she is helping me improve those conditions.

Know what you truely want in a future relationship. Being friends is the best start. If you are seeking a sub, in time, they should be very open to self improvement.

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RE: Finding smart or well-read subs.. - 11/14/2008 2:06:39 PM

RainydayNE

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quote:

ORIGINAL: CFslaves2

There is also the thought that you keep an eye out for potential. Just because someone isn't well versed does not mean they lack intelligence, just exposure to certain oppentunities.

LOL, i just got an image in my head of a woman dressed as the naughty school girl, chained to a desk, ordered to read "A Tale of Two Cities" !

haha :) great image

and a very good point

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RE: Finding smart or well-read subs.. - 11/14/2008 2:50:52 PM

lovingpet

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They are not that hard to find. Those with the best mind are not so insecure as to need to advertise it either. Just a thought.

I would imagine that a girl with a decent brain feels it is worth being explored by her partner. There can be glaring written or even verbal inefficiencies that are absolutely no indication of intelligence and wit. Well read does not mean well informed or particularly bright. Most folks can manage to decode letters on a page. Sometimes too much intake results in a deadening of creative pursuits.

Just a few things to, I don't know, think about.

lovingpet

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RE: Finding smart or well-read subs.. - 11/14/2008 2:53:27 PM

SimplyMichael

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Try posting something other than a one line come on. Worked for me.

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RE: Finding smart or well-read subs.. - 11/14/2008 2:56:58 PM

RainydayNE

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quote:

ORIGINAL: lovingpet

They are not that hard to find. Those with the best mind are not so insecure as to need to advertise it either. Just a thought.

I would imagine that a girl with a decent brain feels it is worth being explored by her partner. There can be glaring written or even verbal inefficiencies that are absolutely no indication of intelligence and wit. Well read does not mean well informed or particularly bright. Most folks can manage to decode letters on a page. Sometimes too much intake results in a deadening of creative pursuits.

Just a few things to, I don't know, think about.

lovingpet

very true.
one thing i've learned in interactions with people is that the most interesting, mentally stimulating people DON'T advertise it because it's not anything particularly gnarly to them, it's just how they are.
and they don't usually let one feature be all that defines them.
my Dom is very bright, wonderful to talk to about all sorts of things, but he doesn't go "i'm intelligent and need intelligent people to have intelligent conversations with so that we can all be intelligent together"

if you just get to know people, you find people you mesh with, whether it's likes, dislikes, dietary needs, intellect, blah blah blah =p

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RE: Finding smart or well-read subs.. - 11/14/2008 3:00:33 PM

lovingpet

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Agreed.... and basic social skills are a great indicator of a person whose intellect is in check with reality and the people around them. How hard is it to know how and where to find like minded folks?

lovingpet

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RE: Finding smart or well-read subs.. - 11/14/2008 3:05:01 PM

OttersSwim

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Yea...that'll help.

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RE: Finding smart or well-read subs.. - 11/14/2008 3:05:24 PM

lovingpet

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Or cook her a shorter time next time.........

Oh wait! There won't be a next time.... nevermind!

lovingpet

<<Edited because I had a momentary logical impasse.....and because I think the occasional moment of humor is a good thing.

< Message edited by lovingpet -- 11/14/2008 3:07:53 PM >

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RE: Finding smart or well-read subs.. - 11/14/2008 3:05:44 PM

LadyConstanze

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Having studied literature, I consider myself quite well read but wouldn't absolutely require that somebody is well read so I can communicate with that person out of the bedroom, some of my friends aren't bookish at all, they prefer technical stuff over reading and I still find mutual interest and plenty to talk about, having said that, part of the people I was at university with I found little to talk about because, despite being educated to the same degree, they were terribly boring.

Oddly enough despite being still an avid reader (2 to 3 books in a week) I hardly ever talk about the books I read, I enjoy them and don't even feel the urge to discuss them all the time. I might recommend them to friends if I know we share a similar taste, but that's about it.

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RE: Finding smart or well-read subs.. - 11/14/2008 3:15:06 PM

subsong

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      How 'bout when you see someone that looks interesting , send them a note and engage them in some back and forth communication .

     Compatibilities in the literary/intellect direction will surface soon enough ... or not .

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RE: Finding smart or well-read subs.. - 11/14/2008 3:26:53 PM

SephandElena

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I must admit, if you can't talk with them outside of the bedroom, there is a severe problem.

A good clue to if they have outside interests (not necessarily meaning intelligent or not), is that they are not on CollarMe 24/7. Not that there is anything wrong with being only into BDSM, just that it seems that you are seeking someone who isn't.

Your profile is a little contradictory and might put some of them off, as you state you are not looking for an LD or a cyber thing, but that you are looking to relocate. That's struck a lot of people off your list immediately as apart from the fact you are looking for somewhere warmer, whether it will be LD or not is up in the air.

Write to them, get to know them, show them your own interests. It soon becomes clear whether or not they are the one you are looking for. If they can keep your interest on something other than the scene, you are heading in the right direction. Also, consider going to Munches and daytime events, you'd be surprised how many people talk about things other than the scene while in a normal setting, the only thing that they all have in common is that they are all into the scene.

There are plenty of intelligent and well read, not to mention well spoken subs/slaves/Doms/Dommes out there, all it takes is a little conversation to get it out, and Hell, get them onto a topic they are interested in, and Everyone can be intelligent, get them onto a topic about which they either know nothing or care nothing, and they would probably sound rather different.

My best wishes to your search however it goes and best of luck.

Seph aka Reb.

< Message edited by SephandElena -- 11/14/2008 3:34:05 PM >

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RE: Finding smart or well-read subs.. - 11/14/2008 3:29:40 PM

mc1234

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Conversation will generally show intelligence, no? Engage in long email back-and-forths or move to im and chat a lot. About anything *but* D/s ... or maybe a sprinkling just to keep it interesting. Meet for coffee and see if you can share a conversation for a couple of hours. The usual stuff.

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RE: Finding smart or well-read subs.. - 11/14/2008 3:32:03 PM

Zephyr46

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I thoroughly agree that there is more to a lasting relationship than just the "scene" in the dungeon or other venue. Where does one go in a conversation once past "was it good for you?" I also agree that getting to know the person first goes a long way towards determining if you are compatable in more ways than what turns you on at the moment.

I am heartened by the fact that the original poster did not specifically say that the search was for someone with a formal education. Rather the statement was for someone who was smart and/or well read. My experience has been that some people with diplomas documenting the fact that they have had an education are not necessarily mean that they are smart. I have known many educated people who are quite the opposite. They knew how to take notes and regurgitate the answers to the tests when needed but the actual knowledge didn't stick with them.

I found over my lifetime that I still continue to learn. Sometimes it is by reading a book. Other times it is by researching a subject of interest on the internet. More often I learn the most by simply by keeping quiet and listening to what another has to say even if that other person seems to be unlikely to be able to string together more than three words to make a sentence.

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RE: Finding smart or well-read subs.. - 11/14/2008 4:17:04 PM

monywildcat

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If you are looking for someone that can hold a decent conversation outside of the bedroom (or dungeon, or cave) then it may be wise to meet them and get to know them outside the bedroom first. It will be clear whether or not they will be someone you can have witty banter with.

*edited to add: Hey sephandelena I'm usually on collarme 24/7!!!! Oh wait, that's because I forgot to shut down...dammit...*

< Message edited by monywildcat -- 11/14/2008 4:18:26 PM >

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RE: Finding smart or well-read subs.. - 11/14/2008 4:22:15 PM

LadyConstanze

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quote:

ORIGINAL: monywildcat

*edited to add: Hey sephandelena I'm usually on collarme 24/7!!!! Oh wait, that's because I forgot to shut down...dammit...*

HA, same here, I realized when I close the MacBook it doesn't log me out...

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RE: Finding smart or well-read subs.. - 11/14/2008 5:57:26 PM

CFslaves

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quote:

ORIGINAL: CFslaves2

There is also the thought that you keep an eye out for potential. Just because someone isn't well versed does not mean they lack intelligence, just exposure to certain oppentunities.

LOL, i just got an image in my head of a woman dressed as the naughty school girl, chained to a desk, ordered to read "A Tale of Two Cities" !

In my expirience, my Master seeks to improve my education and develope my talents, bringing out all of my potential. And Master's slave that is Alpha to me, is very concerned with my addictive tendancies, and she is helping me improve those conditions.

Know what you truely want in a future relationship. Being friends is the best start. If you are seeking a sub, in time, they should be very open to self improvement.

yes definatly keep open to potential because a year ago i didnt have the expeirence i have now and was friends with Master and pet for exactly a year before we moved to advancing our relationship.

im working on motivating pet to go to college with me and also helping her break addictions and turning it so that her addictions can be used as rewards for good behavior.

friends is where my relationship with Master and pet started and friends we will always be and come 24 more days ill be collared and stepping to that next level. just be open and ready because the right person may be there all along and your blind to it till something happens to wake you up or at least thats what happened to me.

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