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Sub with Domme thoughts? - 11/15/2008 6:13:40 AM

innocentgirl15

Posts: 9
Joined: 7/4/2008
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Ah, hi. I only just started using the cm message boards, but I thought I'd ask here.

I've had active experience as a sub for just over a year now, with various Dom's, as well as one or two switches (acting as Dom's during play), although I've had subbie thoughts for much longer.

I still love submitting, but I've found over the last six months or so, that I've been having some quite un-subbie thoughts when it comes to bondage and play.

I think I may be a switch, but I'm far too nervous to try any Domme'ing at all - I'd love to, but I wouldnt want to try it without knowing exactly what I was doing, and there's only so much you can learn from reading. I mean, although I've experienced various activities myself and loved them, there's no way I'd even consider trying using, say, a cane, on someone else, as although I've been on the recieving end, it's far too dangerous to just jump in and try it on someone.
And in to that, the best Dominants (and switches) I've played with are always extremely confidant (a mixture of their natural demenor, along with 15-25 years + experience when it comes to Dom'ing I'm sure), which I am certain I wouldnt come across as, at this time.

I suppose my real question is, how to you start Switching? Do you learn from a Dom(me), or from what you've read, or, well, how, really?

Thanks, and sorry for the stupid question.

Evie x

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RE: Sub with Domme thoughts? - 11/15/2008 10:30:51 AM

Raja2008

Posts: 1
Joined: 11/2/2008
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Evie,

Every top has had a first experience where he/she was nervous and unsure of themselves. Either that or they made plenty of mistakes. Everyone has to start somewhere.

Since you are worried about this, and you have no practical skills developed, my suggestion to you is the following. Share your feelings with an experienced and knowledgeable top you trust. Don't go to a newbie, otherwise that would be like the blind leading the blind. Respectfully, tell them you would like to learn, and ask them for their guidance. See if you can't get them to bring you into a double-topping scene where the top guides you slowly on different implements, pacing, intensity, accuracy, safety, and sub reactions. Go for a few double-topping sessions (they can be absolutely amazing with the right people) until you develop a basic set of skills you are comfortable with... what tools you handle well, how well you pace the action relative to the reactions of the sub, get a reading on what is too intense or not intense enough, how accurate you are with the strikes of your tools, how you are doing with your mental checklist for safety.

Once you develop that confidence, you'll be well on your way, especially since then you'll have this new skillset to match your understanding of scenes through your experience as a sub.

In addition to this, check with your local BDSM community what workshops or events might be coming up. For example, in Denver, over the last month, among other things they had a workshop in caning and another one on rope work. These are often great opportunities to learn from very knowledgeable people and get some practice in.

If you have any questions related to this, don't hesitate to contact me.

Take care and play safe.

Raja

http://visitingmymuse.blogspot.com/

< Message edited by Raja2008 -- 11/15/2008 10:34:53 AM >

(in reply to innocentgirl15)

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RE: Sub with Domme thoughts? - 11/15/2008 3:44:10 PM

StrictnSaucy

Posts: 363
Joined: 1/6/2005
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Hi Evie,

I started out as a bottom (subbing as I thought). At the time I didnt have a bdsm support network around me so when I moved to topping (eventually getting enough self-confidence to call myself a Domme), I played with a wonderful switch that thought me so much. I also read alot, asked questions of my sub alot. It all finally fell into place.

Best of luck in your journey and I look forward to hearing how you get on

(in reply to Raja2008)

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RE: Sub with Domme thoughts? - 11/17/2008 10:00:12 AM

allthatjaz

Posts: 2878
Joined: 8/20/2008
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Evie your post made me smile because I remember those days.

Worrying about performance is never good. I used to get terrible stage fright and if your not careful that will bring on a bit of top drop... very normal to get that btw.

Raja is right, we all have to experience this for the first time and with time comes confidence.

I'm not far away so if you ever want to double up with me I would be happy to help out.

(in reply to innocentgirl15)

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RE: Sub with Domme thoughts? - 11/17/2008 12:37:11 PM

innocentgirl15

Posts: 9
Joined: 7/4/2008
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Hi Raja,
Thank you for posting, and for the suggestions :)
The only problem is, out of all of the top's I've played with, only two I would trust - one of which is now happily a one-play-partner man, the other of which I would, well, feel too akward to ask.
Double topping sessions do sound like a wonderful idea - if only I could find a Dom and Sub to try that with. I will have to look :)
When it comes to my local BDSM community - where I live, there isnt even a munch. The closest is around 40 mins away, once a month - though, I will have to try and check it out then. Similar problem with workshops - the closest I know of is London (over an hour and a half away), again, once a month, with varied demonstrations. I'll start looking more closely at what events arent too far to travel to, as they really do sound like a good idea to go to.
Thanks again.
Evie

(in reply to Raja2008)

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RE: Sub with Domme thoughts? - 11/17/2008 12:39:09 PM

innocentgirl15

Posts: 9
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I am glad to hear that things went so well for you :)

I hope I manage to find a switch like that to play with and learn with.

(in reply to StrictnSaucy)

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RE: Sub with Domme thoughts? - 11/17/2008 12:42:21 PM

innocentgirl15

Posts: 9
Joined: 7/4/2008
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Eep! That doesnt sound good :s Though it's nice to know that it's normal :)

With time comes confidence - true, true, but it's still darned nerve-wracking untill said time has passed, and confidence can grow.

Ah, thank-you for the offer to help :o That was very nice of you :) I shall go and have a look at your profile :)

(in reply to allthatjaz)

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RE: Sub with Domme thoughts? - 11/18/2008 4:58:23 AM

JustStephen

Posts: 61
Joined: 4/15/2008
Status: offline

Hi Evie

Good question, I would like to pose an answer from the other side. I am Dom (lol) and always have been, its in my blood, it comes naturally to me. I didnt learn it anywhere and as maria will tell you, I may not be a text-book Dom. However when I met her I found someone who I could explore my submissive side with. No manuals but years of experience topping and wanting to know what it felt like... a need to go there. Our play now is power exchange x 2, switching, we are taking each other on a journey of discovery. It seems to me the only way to do it... find someone to play with, some one you can trust, someone who also wants to go there, someone like you.

And make sure you have fun!

(in reply to innocentgirl15)

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RE: Sub with Domme thoughts? - 11/18/2008 10:26:33 AM

allthatjaz

Posts: 2878
Joined: 8/20/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: JustStephen

Hi Evie

Good question, I would like to pose an answer from the other side. I am Dom (lol) and always have been, its in my blood, it comes naturally to me. I didnt learn it anywhere and as maria will tell you, I may not be a text-book Dom. However when I met her I found someone who I could explore my submissive side with. No manuals but years of experience topping and wanting to know what it felt like... a need to go there. Our play now is power exchange x 2, switching, we are taking each other on a journey of discovery. It seems to me the only way to do it... find someone to play with, some one you can trust, someone who also wants to go there, someone like you.

And make sure you have fun!

Hmmm did you mean allthatjaz?

(in reply to JustStephen)

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RE: Sub with Domme thoughts? - 11/19/2008 5:55:28 AM

JustStephen

Posts: 61
Joined: 4/15/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: allthatjaz

quote:

ORIGINAL: JustStephen

Hi Evie

Good question, I would like to pose an answer from the other side. I am Dom (lol) and always have been, its in my blood, it comes naturally to me. I didnt learn it anywhere and as maria will tell you, I may not be a text-book Dom. However when I met her I found someone who I could explore my submissive side with. No manuals but years of experience topping and wanting to know what it felt like... a need to go there. Our play now is power exchange x 2, switching, we are taking each other on a journey of discovery. It seems to me the only way to do it... find someone to play with, some one you can trust, someone who also wants to go there, someone like you.

And make sure you have fun!

Hmmm did you mean allthatjaz?