RE: Where does love come in for Doms?

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RE: Where does love come in for Doms? - 3/30/2009 12:45:11 AM

Impstoy

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Joined: 3/22/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: tied2bteased

In my opinion the BDSM usually suffered when the Dominant "fell in love" not sure if it has to do with stereotypes or what it is. Just the way it is. I think a bit of healthy detachment on both sides is smart.

I can't agree with this, but only because I'm not capable of surrendering all of me to someone that I don't love and that doesn't love me back. It's that deepening of emotion that draws me to Master and makes me want to please him even more than I did a day ago, a week ago, a month ago... the more I love him, the happier I wish him to be. The flip side of that, as I understand it, is the more he loves me the more he wants to care for me. The more he wishes to maintain a healthy environment for me. He tells me that I make him want to be a better person, that I inspire him to do more in life, that I make him try harder. Daily, he takes my breath away with the way he loves me - and it doesn't cause the BDSM side of things to suffer a bit. In fact, it makes me want to serve him more, have him use me more... and I'm fairly sure it makes him want that service more and want to use me more. He makes me feel like I'm the most precious possession on earth - and because of that, it makes me want to be worthy to be his possession. Love is a wonderful thing in Ds/Ms relationships, imho and can be expressed in a myriad of ways depending on the dynamics of the relationship. But it's surely not limited to the bottoms... afterall, aren't Tops human too?

Just my two cents...

(in reply to tied2bteased)

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RE: Where does love come in for Doms? - 3/30/2009 10:49:46 AM

dreamerdreaming

Posts: 2839
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sirslittleredass

It's easy for me to see where love lies in BDSM for subs - it's just dripping with devotion. But how does love play into it for Doms?
(snip)

My ownership of my slaveboy is "just dripping with devotion".

Why would that be any different for a dom than it would a sub?

But to answer your question: I place more importance on the owner/slave relationship than on what state of love or adoration we are in. Love can wax and wane, whereas our owner/slave relationship is a constant.

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RE: Where does love come in for Doms? - 3/30/2009 6:31:43 PM

offeredup

Posts: 42
Joined: 11/26/2007
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As a slave i don't think love detracts from BDSM at all. On the contrary it deepens it and in turn, when it works, vice versa.
Paradoxically, i concur with both Impostoy and Dreamer in terms of love being essential to a D/s relationship. The players don't have to be "in love" but at least some significant element of love and caring much be present in the transaction to yeild even erotic energy despite all the cliches. The more committed the relationship the more the love.

Dominance and submission define my relationship with my Owner, but it is love that makes it a relationship and allows me to trust and give it all up. i agree with Dreamer that love waxes and wanes, but if it disappeared rather than cycled the relationship would soon wither and die no mather what defined it -- whether vanilla or power exchange.

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RE: Where does love come in for Doms? - 3/31/2009 4:19:39 AM

eyesopened

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Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
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An interesting story about Chuck Yeager breaking the sound barrier. Seems as you approach the speed of sound the aircraft became unstable and all the pilots previous to ole Chuck were afraid the plane would break up. Chuck didn't care, he went forward and the surprising thing was once past that 'barrier' the plane stablized again.

I believe some people are so afraid of the possible break up that they just can't push that envelope. *shrug* I've have happy fulfilling devoted relationships with no romantic love whatsoever. I have always had a sincere and genuine affection for those who I've served. Falling in love was a scarey thing for me and for my Master, afraid of instability, of breaking up. Once past that barrier we have an incredibly stable relationship.

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Post #: 44