RE: Straight Woman Blues

RE: Straight Woman Blues (Full Version)

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candystripper -> RE: Straight Woman Blues (12/23/2005 7:45:14 PM)
quote: Hmmm, a tricky one in and of itself. I am straight. I have no bisexual tenencies what-so-ever. But I have been with a woman. And not because I was told to either. I offered it as an anniversary present for my first year anniversary to my husband. He had always respected my wish not to have other women ( though he often mentioned the possibility), but I knew that it was something he wanted. So, I gave it as a present. It did not make our relationship anything less that what it was; which was monogamus, and nor did it make me bisexual. Many men list this more as a fantasy than as a reality :) IrishMist ^Laughing^ i'm sure you're still straight...but wouldn't you have rather had the pearls? candystripper

IrishMist -> RE: Straight Woman Blues (12/23/2005 7:46:44 PM)
quote: Laughing^ i'm sure you're still straight...but wouldn't you have rather had the pearls? Nope lol. I was aiming to please that day, not be pleased :)

Shayna -> RE: Straight Woman Blues (12/23/2005 7:47:57 PM)
quote: What you seem to be implying is that people have spoken with malice because they have been the object of bigotry before. What a plan. That's not at all what I'm saying. I wasn't seeing malice in the responses, I saw disagreement...not about your desire to find a monogamous Dom who is into straight women....but about your reaction to feeling persecuted because of your identity and desires.

candystripper -> RE: Straight Woman Blues (12/23/2005 7:53:37 PM)
quote: Given that it needn't be particularly dangerous, nor physically painful--nor even uncomfortable ... given that in fact despite your stated preferences, having, say, a pair of human hands carefully attending to your this or that could be quite physically pleasureable even it it squicked you mentally ... ... and given that in your case it would be an especially powerful and unquestionable showng of devotion, willingness, and surrrender ... ... well given all this, would one of the ways you'd be willing to make yourself be a pretzel for your One be to obey your dominant when he says: "Close your eyes, undress, and allow the person who walks up behind you to manually molest you as they see fit" in a case where you couldn't even tell whether the molester was himself, or another him, or some her or other? But when a person bandies about words like "slave" and yet declares hard limits based on, well, a sort of distaste for a given, objectively innocuous activity, then I begin to feel that the word slave has been distorted quite beyond recognition and even the word submissive is being stretched past its uesful range of application. Noah Not quite prepared to do up an essay on "What Monogamy Means To Me"; but Noah, You miss the part where i make it clear where my boundaries are; in Your scenario, i'd get dressed -- to go home and pack. And yes, i still consider myelf submissive, Noah. i'm just bumfuddled why the concept of a straight submissive woman is "stretching the word beyond its useful application." That comes close to saying this town ain't big enough for the both of us...which is nonsense. candystripper

candystripper -> RE: Straight Woman Blues (12/23/2005 7:56:18 PM)
quote: And as for the impossibility of a monogamous relationship with a bisexual person, this is simply preposterous. You're making things out to be so much more difficult than they are. Awfulizing, some people call it. I'm sure you can see that a monogamous monosexual person is forsaking certain interactions with just tons and tons of people who all happen to be of one gender. Monogamous bisexual people also forsake certain interactions with tons and tons of people. This group happen to be of more than one gender. There isn't the slightest difficulty here unless you think it is harder to forsake sex with six billion people than it is to forsake sex with three billion. Noah i have no idea where this comes from, but i have admitted i know no bisexual people in real life, and thus, cannot claim any expertise on their conduct. candystripper

candystripper -> RE: Straight Woman Blues (12/23/2005 8:03:29 PM)
quote: That's not at all what I'm saying. I wasn't seeing malice in the responses, I saw disagreement...not about your desire to find a monogamous Dom who is into straight women....but about your reaction to feeling persecuted because of your identity and desires. Shayna What was so interesting about my reactions? (i admit i'm baffled at this apparent animus towards straight women, though.) candystripper

IrishMist -> RE: Straight Woman Blues (12/23/2005 8:06:28 PM)
hey candy lol......since you live pretty close to me.....i say.....lets go out and get drunk on new years eve..... /nods

Sensualips -> RE: Straight Woman Blues (12/23/2005 9:05:20 PM)
It appears you have been hurt in the past by a man cheating on you. Ouch. That really sucks. It is shame you are feeling persecuted for your sexual orientation or stance on monogamy. You choices and personal values are not wrong. Of course you should feel no shame in being straight and wanting monogamy. But when you say things like: quote: i think there's value in focusing on one person as a lover as opposed to trying to bed every one of the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders. I get the impression anyone not 100% commited to monogamy only and at every step of the way is an immoral slut-puppy. Perhaps that is what motivates people to try and demonstrate the many possibilities out there that do not fit into either option? (Disclaimer: I am not disrespecting the slut-puppies. Woof.) quote: i don't know what it's like for bisexual people; whether if they attempt monogamy they are left longing for a fulfilling relationship with the sex not chosen, or what. It seems like some real life bisexual people people are sharing what it is like, explaining how one can be bisexual and monogamous, but those responses are being rejected. It doesn't matter to me if a person sleeps with no one, One, or has nasty-sweaty-sticky-sex with twenty three men -- and nine women -- every other Saturday night. Whatever.

MizSuz -> RE: Straight Woman Blues (12/23/2005 9:09:06 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: candystripper It was a bit tongue-in-cheek; asking whether other straight women were frustrated by the perennial search for bisexual women. Well then it would seem you have your answer.

Sirandlittle1 -> RE: Straight Woman Blues (12/23/2005 10:05:14 PM)
Candy stripper, i so understand this point of view. It was when i was becoming a little weary of my search, that a very wise woman advised. Set your sights as high as you need, and do not waver - ever. She was right. I needed the best romance a woman could ever have. I needed to be chased, caught, and kept in the manner i expected. I needed to love and be loved in return. I needed to never have to share that love with another, but to be monogamous. I needed to be able to trust - eventually, i needed time to learn to trust. Id settled for less too often, in my midlife, i was so fucking past pricks, my sights were set very high. I found him - at last[:D] but yes, the so your bi? assuming that meant, that id get it on with some 'chick', whilst he got to watch. Bless[:'(] The concept that i would love to make love to a woman, but not with some hettie wanker watching was to them, absurd. Ask them to show you some guy on guy action, and they get really offended. Go figure[&o] For me, ive always thought that bdsm has really not changed me at all in many ways. In a vanilla world, id not be shagging in a group in somebodies lounge, smiling while my husband shags someone else. Being a sub doesnt change that at all. I didnt share as a vanilla, neither do i as a sub. I dont let you call me bi-curious, when i know what it is, i fully understand my bi side. Its them that are curious. Is there such a word as Bi-curious by proxy? Narnians!

candystripper -> RE: Straight Woman Blues (12/24/2005 1:01:28 AM)
quote: hey candy lol......since you live pretty close to me.....i say.....lets go out and get drunk on new years eve..... /nods IrishMist Now that sounds like plan. Dark grubby bar or something classier? candystripper

candystripper -> RE: Straight Woman Blues (12/24/2005 1:14:17 AM)
quote: It seems like some real life bisexual people people are sharing what it is like, explaining how one can be bisexual and monogamous, but those responses are being rejected. It doesn't matter to me if a person sleeps with no one, One, or has nasty-sweaty-sticky-sex with twenty three men -- and nine women -- every other Saturday night. Whatever. Sensualips i do not know where this impression comes from. i do not think the world is dividied into either people who are monogamous or people who are slut-puppies; much latitude exists and for every couple or family, the boundaries must be negotiated or renegotiated. And i agree; hooray for the slut-puppies if that's what they want. i have no desire to run anyone else's life and am respectful of other people's positions/choices/etc. i also think i write fairly well, so i don't think my posts are misunderstood, though of course anyone can take something out of context. However, people who do so are not trying to elevate the communication on the Op post; they are trying to hijack the thread. So much so that we now have 7 pages on what "i" like....which cannot be that interesting. i'd be hard-pressed to write 7 pages on what i myself want in a Dom or Master. Or, perhaps a better view is "what does monogamy mean to me" with others' chiming in. That's better, but the thread was still hijacked. So i think i will start a thread on monogamy since the interest is there. i doubt there's a high level of interest in me, personally, but i'll check back here and answer questions that are not too personal. candystripper

candystripper -> RE: Straight Woman Blues (12/24/2005 1:22:28 AM)
quote: Candy stripper, i so understand this point of view. It was when i was becoming a little weary of my search, that a very wise woman advised. Set your sights as high as you need, and do not waver - ever. She was right. Sirandlittle1 Welcome aboard, miss..and Sir. ^Hands over the CM fruitcake^. Thank you for posting as you did; so many people have told me i will never find Him unless i change my decisions and lower my sights. i think what they miss is that i would only find a bad relationship in that way, and i've had all the sorrow and heartache that comes from cheating and lying that i can bear. And for me to know would just make it worse; it would be such a slap in the face. i do appreciate that you agree with me; but it isn't necessary that anyone else change their mind and agree. i do however, feel i deserve as much respect as any other member. candystripper

gbgirlz2003 -> RE: Straight Woman Blues (12/24/2005 4:04:51 AM)
quote: Then the issue is a constant in your life, you must then come to grips with such and realize that you are in a world where you may be forced to make a choice between someone who may mold with you perfectly in every other way other than that and whether or not you would be able to allow yourself that level of submission. To me it sounds like a far deeper seeded psychological hangup and so perhaps the real question you should be asking yourself is "why is this such a hard limit for me?" and it is only through looking within to find your answers you can come to absolution one way or the other. Well said afmvdp. I am so glad Master found me before I got as rigid as candy. Poor girl. I am also like at heart. I am wired to be monogamous. I am wired to be possessive. Or is that the way I was socialized? Either way, what I thought would make me happy was EXACTLY what candy says she is looking for. I was WRONG. I am totally devoted to a poly Master. He is married and has two others in his care. We are all having our needs met. Do I desire being with ohter women? No. Do I enjoy it when Master is playing with all of us and we are all playing with each other..OH MY GOD YESSSSS. Does that make me bi-sexual? No. I am straight; but I am devoted to making this man happy and seeing me enjoy others and others enjoying me (men and women) is his desire for me. I will never go back. BTW; I have been collared 2 1/2 years. Lighten up sis; life is to be enjoyed not judged. PS..caitlyn, I love you.

candystripper -> RE: Straight Woman Blues (12/24/2005 5:11:01 AM)
quote: Well said afmvdp. I am so glad Master found me before I got as rigid as candy. Poor girl. I am also like at heart. I am wired to be monogamous. I am wired to be possessive. Or is that the way I was socialized? Either way, what I thought would make me happy was EXACTLY what candy says she is looking for. I was WRONG. I am totally devoted to a poly Master. He is married and has two others in his care. We are all having our needs met. Do I desire being with ohter women? No. Do I enjoy it when Master is playing with all of us and we are all playing with each other..OH MY GOD YESSSSS. Does that make me bi-sexual? No. I am straight; but I am devoted to making this man happy and seeing me enjoy others and others enjoying me (men and women) is his desire for me. I will never go back. BTW; I have been collared 2 1/2 years. Lighten up sis; life is to be enjoyed not judged. PS..caitlyn, I love you. gbgirlz2003 i am also fond of caitlyn; such a sweet soul. And generally i agree with afmvdp. But wow, have you made some faulty assumptions. i have poly Dom and Master friends and if i could be poly i'd be collared now. It's unnatural for me. Frankly, i think it takes a group of exceptional people to make poly work, and i admire those who do. If you read all that i wrote, here on on the "Monogamy" thread, you would have to eat the words "rigid" and "possesive". Straight people are not dumb asses who cannot get out of their own way; they are just people who want a monogamous relationship with a member of the opposite sex, based on D/s or M/s principles. Hopefully someday you'll grow enough not to be so judgmental and unkind out of a kind of bigotry. candystripper

IrishMist -> RE: Straight Woman Blues (12/24/2005 5:14:21 AM)
quote: Now that sounds like plan. Dark grubby bar or something classier? candystripper Well lol.......how about both lol...

Prunesquallor -> RE: Straight Woman Blues (12/24/2005 5:20:30 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: candystripper Sweetie, i'm very fond of you but please try to understand. My sexual orientation is a part of who i am; and i am not bisexual. ok? i am beginning to feel very weirded out; is being straight unacceptable? B1gBear's acceptance is a start; can we all agree that straight people have their place at the banquet as well? (Gawd how weird this is.) candystripper Actually I think it's very nice for a change to see the boot on the other foot. Just sorry it's your corns that are being squeezed, candy. :)

fyreredsub -> RE: Straight Woman Blues (12/24/2005 5:28:26 AM)
thank you for this posting Irish Mist...people seem to have forgotten the concept of D/s,M/s, and whose role is what... but then again arent beliefs wonderful.... we are free to be and do what we wish and what works for some doesnt work for others blessing this holiday season quote: ORIGINAL: IrishMist quote: Laughing^ i'm sure you're still straight...but wouldn't you have rather had the pearls? Nope lol. I was aiming to please that day, not be pleased :)

LadyofSteel -> RE: Straight Woman Blues (12/24/2005 5:38:18 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: siamsa24 quote: ^laughs^. One of life's mysteries is why men would find two women together exciting, but women do not want to see two men together (as a rule). I must be the odd one out, but I find two men together to be very hot Reading through this thread, i stopped when i came upon this post and decided to add my .02 here *grins i never had been turned on by the thought of two men before but in recent times i find that i am very drawn to it and it's actually reached top of my list of fantasies - seeing two men together, especially if it were my Master with a male slave, really does turn me on beyond belief, and i don't really understand why, but it just does! candystripper, i can understand your frustration, but if it's something that you are dead set against (being with another female) then just know that you will eventually find someone that among the qualities you look for, will be accepting of this and will want the same thing as well. Although being with two women at a time is a common fantasy for most men, there are plenty of men out there that are either not really that interested in that or have been there done that and don't really care to do it again. By the same token i wonder, have you ever tried being with a female? not trying to convince you of this or anything, but just curious, sometimes we have an idea that we just won't like this or that and then when you do try it you find that it actually does turn you on, in other words, you never know until you try it : ) i had never been with another woman before i met my Master, He told me when we met that there would be a time that i would be with another female and at the time i just couldn't really picture myself doing that, but i was open to try it and i did, it was actually a very good experience and i enjoyed it immensley, but if i had never tried it, i would've never known. Good luck to you. Best wishes to all.

justheather -> RE: Straight Woman Blues (12/24/2005 6:08:41 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: B1gbear Monogomy by definition btw means.....inclusive of only those two actively involved in the relationship. Now I can see poly families being monogomous within their family too, but by definition....if you play with others beyond the two that started the relationship....your poly, not monogomous. In monogamy (Greek: monos = single/only and gamos = marriage) a person has only one spouse at a time (as opposed to polygamy). Monogamy is also usually used to mean having only one sexual partner during an entire lifetime. In the animal world, monogamy is the practice of remaining with one partner for sexual reproduction and the raising of young. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Monogamy ...Well, by this definition, unless you mate for life, you are poly. Marriage of one male to one female. About 20% of known societies are strictly monogamous. The US is one of them - a trait inherited from our Greco-Roman tradition. www.faculty.fairfield.edu/faculty/hodgson/Courses/so142/Family_types/familyterms.htm ...By this one, you gotta be married to be mono. A marriage unit made up of only one husband and one wife. highered.mcgraw-hill.com/sites/0072549238/student_view0/glossary.html ...And by this one, you gotta be married AND straight. Having only one sexual partner who only has sex with you. www.ci.mil.wi.us/display/router.asp ...Well, if you read this one a certain way, I can fck around, but s/he can't. having only one spouse at a time www.wordnet.princeton.edu/perl/webwn ...And this one says I can only be married to one person but apparently I can shag anybody I want to, as no specific provision is indicated. The core concept of monogamy as used today is of exactly two people in a sexually and romantically exclusive relationship. This relationship is substantially based on exchanged promises of sexual exclusivity - whether or not these promises are kept. A common form today is "serial monogamy", wherein there may be multiple monogamous relationships over time, but the participants are supposed to have no more than one partner at a time. www.openweave.org/NCPoly/PolyTerms.html ...And this one seems to suggest I be true to you until I get sick of it and then move on to my next One True Love For All Time. So. Another issue made much much more clear thanks to handy dandy definitions. While I appreciate the need for an agreed-upon definition of certain terms for the sake of discussion, I think that the spirit of the alternatives offered in this thread was that of sympathy and genuine open dialogue. When it comes down to it, what matters is what works between the people involved. I think that a lot of these comments were fueled by the implied assumption that bisexuality and monogamy are mutually exclusive terms. This is an implication that candy has flat out denied, so I dont know if she intended to imply it or not, but it seems apparent. quote:* Sweetie, i appreciate the good wishes, and i'm pleased you're growing and having fun. Just return a bit of respect and accept that no, i will not change, i will not have any bi-sexual encounters with women. Ever. That's what "straight" means and it's not something to be ashamed of. candystripper The only person in this entire thread who even mentioned being ashamed of any sexual orientation, as far as I can tell, is candy, in this response. I dont get that message coming through from any of the posts. I have no idea, none whatsoever, how it was somehow conveyed that I was not "returning respect" in offering the perspective of another submissive woman on the subject at hand. Call me crazy... I thought that was the point of the boards.

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