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Need - 11/20/2008 5:18:21 AM

CatdeMedici

Posts: 2257
Joined: 10/20/2008
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There was a time when I poopooed need--pfffttt--i need a Mistress, i need face sitting, i need blah blah blah-as I grew wiser and really applied My wisdom with an open mind, I saw that there are really those who NEED this life--I dont mean, "oohh Mistress i need you to make me jack off", OR "oohhh Mistress i need you to cater to my needs because that's how i control you"--but need that emotional/psychological dynamic that makes a submissive/slave and yes a Domina balanced.

Thoughts?

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Post #: 1

RE: Need - 11/20/2008 5:28:28 AM

chezzy71

Posts: 412
Joined: 4/19/2008
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No truer words ave been written in my opinion.My need is so deep-seated that there are times i struggle with it.My need stems from my desire and that has always been there.The agreement is with the passage of time that we tend to become more needful in our lives.Whther you are in the lifestyle or not,i dn't think there is anything sadder than being alone and not sharing a life with someone you obviously click with.The D/s dynamic is icing on the cake and you work as one to foster harmony.When we were alot younger,perhaps the drama route was the way to go for some.Time is so fleeting.Make the best of what you have enjoy life and take a look around once in awhile.You might surprise yourself....not teeling you what to do..just a general statement.

(in reply to CatdeMedici)

Post #: 2

RE: Need - 11/20/2008 5:33:29 AM

Lockit

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Joined: 5/7/2007
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I don't see need as a bad thing or dirty word. Needy might be, but not need. So I have no problem in admitting I need this.. whatever that this is... After a long flavored vanilla life being a dominant personailty and living in different relationships and then learning to call what I was dominant rather than think all dominance the same, I believe I need what I do. If I didn't need it, I wouldn't be here, I wouldn't have the relationships I have and wouldn't make the choices I have.

Of course I am not needy about it. Meaning I could go on with life never doing it again and not turn into a sobbing, needy mess. I would miss it, I would hope for it, but I wouldn't fall apart. Hell, at this stage, I may have to go without it as a matter of fact, but I would rather not.

The dynamic's and the play, the sensual and all of it have a valuable place in my life and I wouldn't want to make it seem less valuable. I need it. I thrive on it. It gives me something I want so much I need it because it's just so much fun! It's the icing in life.

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Post #: 3

RE: Need - 11/20/2008 7:18:23 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
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I think the line between need and something wanted greatly, is often blurred. It's easy for us to transpose the two terms, even though they have two completely different definitions. There are definitely things out there that we want so much that they absolutely feel like a need, even though they really aren't. To Me, a need is something that is necessary to live. A want is something we'd like to have to make that life better.

How to properly prioritize those wants has been on My mind a lot lately. Where certain wants fall on the scale. Which are more important and things like that. Not just My own, but those of others as well.

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(in reply to CatdeMedici)

Post #: 4

RE: Need - 11/20/2008 8:12:48 AM

SylvereApLeanan

Posts: 8275
Joined: 11/1/2007
From: Hell
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~FR~

When I hear "need" in that context, my head automatically goes back to Psych 101 and Maslow's Hierarchy: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Maslow%27s_hierarchy_of_needs.svg

If it doesn't fall under one of those categories, I don't consider it a need. However, sex, safety, and love/belonging are all included in Maslow's pyramid. I think we tend to poo-poo some things as "wants" when the person has a much different idea of what it takes to meet those needs than we do. It doesn't make it any less a need for them. I can definitely see how a D/s structure could meet all of those needs in different ways.

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Post #: 5

RE: Need - 11/20/2008 8:28:49 AM

Lockit

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Joined: 5/7/2007
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In some way I see things like quality of life. I can be so so happy, I can be filled with joy, I can feel fulfilled or overflowing. I can feel I am living with something missing but still happy for the most part or I can be living fully with an abundance. So while I won't die if I don't have a spouse or d/s or kink, I may not be living fully either.

So at what point does it become a need or how is that decerned? If I am not living fully and in abundance, could what I am missing indicate a need? A need to have certain things to live fully? Maybe I break things down a bit further in a sense. Must have's and needs. (smile)

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to SylvereApLeanan)

Post #: 6

RE: Need - 11/20/2008 8:34:32 AM

LadyHibiscus

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From: Island Of Misfit Toys
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I have blurred the need/want thing too often, and it has really come back to haunt me. I've made some astonishingly bad choices out of sheer desire. So, in true former-writer fashion, I made a list of what I really NEED, as opposed to what I WANT from a relationship. It is telling that one of my choices met every single thing on the want list, but couldn't give me a single thing from the need column.

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Post #: 7

RE: Need - 11/20/2008 8:39:00 AM

hopelesslyInvo

Posts: 522
Joined: 2/10/2008
From: the future
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my philosophy has for a long time been, needs only describe what is required to fulfill our desires; no one needs anything, but in order to carry out the things we are indeed wanting, we will have a number of necessities in order to see it happen.

ergo...

if i want to live, i need food, water, and shelter.
if i want a happy and lasting relationship, i will need _________.

unlike the basic necessities for survival, there's no telling what people might "need" in a relationship; and while my concept goes against any notions that we have "inherent needs" for anything, it stands to say people do have quite a many "needs", and always will so long as they have their endless "wants".

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great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people.

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Post #: 8

RE: Need - 11/20/2008 8:45:24 AM

Lockit

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LOL oh I have been there too! I won't settle but have in the past in one way or another. Now... I think I have been through enough and found enough that I make sure my wants and my needs whether actual survival is a factor or not, I get what I want and need or I wait until I do. The two can blend or blur in bad ways or good ways I think. I guess that's where I need some wisdom in the mix. lol I've found what I might want can change or be worked with, but what I need in a relationship or partner or in anything that is long term, doesn't change. This may be a lil like chasing a tail... I need coffee lol

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

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Post #: 9

RE: Need - 11/20/2008 9:09:29 AM

PeonForHer

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Joined: 9/27/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SylvereApLeanan

~FR~

When I hear "need" in that context, my head automatically goes back to Psych 101 and Maslow's Hierarchy: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Maslow%27s_hierarchy_of_needs.svg

If it doesn't fall under one of those categories, I don't consider it a need. However, sex, safety, and love/belonging are all included in Maslow's pyramid. I think we tend to poo-poo some things as "wants" when the person has a much different idea of what it takes to meet those needs than we do. It doesn't make it any less a need for them. I can definitely see how a D/s structure could meet all of those needs in different ways.

"Desires change with the means of achieving them".

Aesop's fable about the sour grapes: often misinterpreted - the fox doesn't "feel sour" at not being able to reach those grapes. Instead, he comes to believe that the grapes themselves are sour. He moves on to find different food. Foxes are quite omnivorous . . .

Nah. All due deference to Maslow, but D/s is not a primary need for me. I can survive without it. A loving relationship, with one partner, is nearer to the primary level for me; but even then, I'm pretty damned good at being a bachelor.

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(in reply to SylvereApLeanan)

Post #: 10

RE: Need - 11/20/2008 2:08:53 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

I feel there are no mistakes. We chose to be born with these needs and desires before we came because this is what we need in order to fully experience our life and, ultimately, to play a part in our emotional/spiritual evolution. We are exactly as we should be.

Master Fire

_____________________________

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(in reply to CatdeMedici)

Post #: 11

RE: Need - 11/20/2008 4:21:39 PM

MistressFaye1

Posts: 276
Joined: 10/7/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: hopelesslyInvo

my philosophy has for a long time been, needs only describe what is required to fulfill our desires; no one needs anything, but in order to carry out the things we are indeed wanting, we will have a number of necessities in order to see it happen.

ergo...

if i want to live, i need food, water, and shelter.
if i want a happy and lasting relationship, i will need _________.

unlike the basic necessities for survival, there's no telling what people might "need" in a relationship; and while my concept goes against any notions that we have "inherent needs" for anything, it stands to say people do have quite a many "needs", and always will so long as they have their endless "wants".

I love the way you put this. I had a content life for the most part but was frustrated trying to have a good vanilla relationship because of my "Mommyhood hiatus". It was full steam ahead with the dating game which didn't amount to much to say the least. A Dom friend of mine said I needed to go back to being who I was and begin to seek a D/s relationship. Though I balked at it intitally and said it shouldn't matter, relationships are relationships, I came back.

So maybe I did need to do just that. Now I have a wonderful slave (Hi enrico) that I will marry next year. And we found each other right here on CM. I need the relationship I have with him just as he needs the relationship he has with me.

It fits in the Hierachy: Safety/Wellbeing, Love/Belonging.

Ms. Faye

_____________________________

You can put away your masquerade
You won't ever have to be afraid of Me
Open up your eyes and see what is in store
I must the One that you are searching for.

(in reply to hopelesslyInvo)

Post #: 12

RE: Need - 11/20/2008 5:24:02 PM

OneMoreWaste

Posts: 910
Joined: 8/24/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici
There was a time when I poopooed need--pfffttt--i need a Mistress, i need face sitting, i need blah blah blah-as I grew wiser and really applied My wisdom with an open mind, I saw that there are really those who NEED this life--I dont mean, "oohh Mistress i need you to make me jack off", OR "oohhh Mistress i need you to cater to my needs because that's how i control you"--but need that emotional/psychological dynamic that makes a submissive/slave and yes a Domina balanced.

Thoughts?

I'm curious as to what brought you around to this new way of thinking.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam
I feel there are no mistakes. We chose to be born with these needs and desires before we came because this is what we need in order to fully experience our life and, ultimately, to play a part in our emotional/spiritual evolution. We are exactly as we should be.

Master Fire

That's an interesting theory... personally I lean towards "cosmic joke", although I'm willing to listen to arguments involving kharma...

_____________________________

-and the few still remember passion over rage-

(in reply to CatdeMedici)

Post #: 13

RE: Need - 11/20/2008 11:58:06 PM

LPslittleclip

Posts: 1163
Joined: 9/29/2007
Status: offline

i have been deployed to combat and the things that are needed there are different. companionship and Friday nights go out the window and even the gadgets we accumulate in life are not really needed. it does makes me appreciate them more when i get them again.now if those things are available i will make use of them, but in the different circumstances and perspectives of life need and want will always be different. what is needed for life sustainment and comfort and growth is different for each. having been without companionship and simple comforts of a soft bed i enjoy them to the fullest when i can. do i need D/s to survive ? no. with it i do blossom and enjoy this life that i am given and where ever it may take me.

(in reply to OneMoreWaste)

Post #: 14

RE: Need - 11/21/2008 1:11:18 AM

manxcat

Posts: 673
Joined: 10/3/2008
Status: offline

Mr. N: ‘You are wrong to think that you cannot live without love.’

E: “No, I am not wrong. I cannot live without it. Oh, I do not mean that I go into a decline, develop odd symptoms, become a caricature. I mean something far more serious than that. I mean that I cannot live well without it. I cannot think or act or speak or write or even dream with any kind of energy in the absence of love. I feel excluded from the living world. I become cold, fishlike, immobile. I implode. My idea of absolute happiness is to sit in a hot garden all day reading or writing, utterly safe in the knowledge that the person I love will come home to me in the evenings. Every evening.’
……….’I am not a romantic. I am a domestic animal. I do not sigh and yearn for extravagant displays of passion, for the grand affair, the world well lost for love. I know all that and know that it leaves you lonely. No, what I crave is the simplicity of routine. An evening walk, arm in arm, in fine weather. A game of cards. Time for idle talk. Preparing a meal together.’ - Hotel du Lac - Anita Brookner

(in reply to LPslittleclip)

Post #: 15

RE: Need - 11/21/2008 1:15:22 AM

manxcat

Posts: 673
Joined: 10/3/2008
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Prayers with you littleclip. Whatever you do, stay safe.

manxcat

__________
I would rather be vilified for doing the right thing than be praised for doing the wrong thing.

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Post #: 16

RE: Need - 11/22/2008 5:23:36 AM

macbodcourage

Posts: 9
Joined: 11/21/2008
Status: offline

can i know you , ?

(in reply to manxcat)

Post #: 17

RE: Need - 11/22/2008 8:59:10 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici

There was a time when I poopooed need--pfffttt--i need a Mistress, i need face sitting, i need blah blah blah-as I grew wiser and really applied My wisdom with an open mind, I saw that there are really those who NEED this life--I dont mean, "oohh Mistress i need you to make me jack off", OR "oohhh Mistress i need you to cater to my needs because that's how i control you"--but need that emotional/psychological dynamic that makes a submissive/slave and yes a Domina balanced.

Thoughts?

I agree. I think there is a need for the type of dynamic one can get in a Ds relationship. However unless a biological need you won't die and can probably have a decent sex life if not a great sex life without it.

"Needs" for specific activities and actions seem more fetishes to me. Again you may not get as sexual aroused without them but you won't die and you can learn to be a little more flexible when it comes to sex.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to CatdeMedici)

Post #: 18

RE: Need - 11/25/2008 9:35:48 PM

SlaveBlutarsky

Posts: 491
Joined: 10/10/2005
From: Upstate, NY
Status: offline

I've always tried to channel my 'need' into the category of overall submission. I think I've conditioned myself to need to submit, and let the chips fall as they may after that. I don't think it's my prerogative, or it least it is in the type of relationship I envision myself in, to demand or impose my specific needs on my Domme. Hopefully she will take those specific needs into account when she views my submission as a whole.

_____________________________

Strong for all, weak for one

(in reply to thetammyjo)

Post #: 19

RE: Need - 11/25/2008 10:21:16 PM

E2Sweet

Posts: 649
Joined: 7/8/2008
From: TopLeftCornerOf, OH, USA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

I think the line between need and something wanted greatly, is often blurred. It's easy for us to transpose the two terms, even though they have two completely different definitions. There are definitely things out there that we want so much that they absolutely feel like a need, even though they really aren't. To Me, a need is something that is necessary to live. A want is something we'd like to have to make that life better...

I'm in complete agreement with LadyPact on this. I just don't consider submissive desires needs, regardless of how much (or how badly) the desires are.... desired.

_____________________________

E2Sweet™
"If it doesn't make you smile then chances are you're not doing it right."

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 20

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