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RE: How I screwed up... - 11/22/2008 10:53:08 PM

babygirlkitten

Posts: 66
Joined: 10/25/2008
From: Manhattan
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My question is this: Why would you want to be in a D/s relationship if you don't want to do as you're told?

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RE: How I screwed up... - 11/22/2008 11:47:15 PM

moonvine

Posts: 780
Joined: 11/7/2004
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Why are you asking us? Ask her. With dommes outnumbering male subs 3,000 to 1 or something I would think it would be unlikely she'd give you a ...3rd? chance...but who knows.

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RE: How I screwed up... - 11/23/2008 3:54:45 AM

FullfigRIMAAM1

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quote:

ORIGINAL: babygirlkitten
My question is this: Why would you want to be in a D/s relationship if you don't want to do as you're told?

M

< Message edited by FullfigRIMAAM1 -- 11/23/2008 3:55:42 AM >

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RE: How I screwed up... - 11/23/2008 5:46:44 AM

femmetasia

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Joined: 11/18/2008
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i reckon you have already admitted to screwing up, but let us the jury be here to remind you of that...lol. i reckon, learn from it, make ammends big time, move on. Blessed be.

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RE: How I screwed up... - 11/23/2008 5:52:45 AM

missturbation

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I'm going to disagree with quite a few here and say that this is about you. You have screwed up twice and it seems on pretty simple stuff, it ain't exactly hard to post and read here is it? I think you need to look at why you are finding simple orders hard to follow. When you have figured that out talk to your Domme about it and go from there. We can't tell you how to gain forgiveness, only you know her and what may work with her.

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RE: How I screwed up... - 11/23/2008 6:06:27 AM

DesFIP

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If you kept making excuses, it must be that whatever she wanted was upsetting to you. Figure out why you couldn't do it, what the problem is with her order, and tell her that. If she wanted you to self humiliate on the boards and you can't handle humiliation, you need to be clear about that, not just evade the issue.

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RE: How I screwed up... - 11/23/2008 12:00:53 PM

moonvine

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Sorry, ew, that should have been male subs outnumbering dommes, and now I can't edit it. It's what comes of staying up all night and posting. Anyway there are lots more male subs than dommes out there, she can have her pick, why *should* she forgive you?

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RE: How I screwed up... - 11/23/2008 12:12:29 PM

xxblushesxx

Posts: 9318
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From: Kentucky
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I...hmmm...

Ok, as per the OP, it does seem that you don't take this very seriously unless you are in trouble. You may want to ask yourself why you do this to yourself. (and to others)

As to the question of "is someone a sub or slave if they don't always remember every single thing their owners ask of them?" I'd have to leave that to those wiser and more experienced than myself; I, however, am FAR from perfect, and while I attempt to do what is asked of me, I do sometimes make mistakes. (and sometimes I just choose to be selfish. I'm human first...)

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RE: How I screwed up... - 11/23/2008 12:27:43 PM

BKSir

Posts: 4037
Joined: 4/8/2008
From: Salt Lake City, UT
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Didn't realize how important it was... Hm... If your mistress asked you to do something, there was probably a reason behind it. She is your mistress, the reason behind it shouldn't matter, just that there was one, and that alone should make it important to you to follow through. Very very sad really. If you were mine, I would be extremely disappointed in you, a bit disgusted actually. Why would you even become hers, if you're not willing to do what she asks, because it's easier to just put it off? Because it doesn't seem that important? Do you even know what it means to serve? Do you even want to?

If you just want to wander around wearing a collar, you CAN do so, no one will stop you, but don't become someone elses just to wear one and let them down. All that does is make you look bad, and possibly make your dom feel bad, like they might be failing somehow, or that they've done something to wrong you. You're losing face for both of you. Is that what you wanted to do? Think about that for a while, really think about it. If your dom can't count on you to do something little like this, what CAN she count on you to do? I'll tell you. Absolutely nothing. She trusted you once, you failed. She trusted you and gave you a second chance to make things right, and you failed. I certainly doubt if I could trust a sub who behaved like that.

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RE: How I screwed up... - 11/23/2008 12:33:51 PM

BKSir

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quote:

ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx

I...hmmm...

Ok, as per the OP, it does seem that you don't take this very seriously unless you are in trouble. You may want to ask yourself why you do this to yourself. (and to others)

As to the question of "is someone a sub or slave if they don't always remember every single thing their owners ask of them?" I'd have to leave that to those wiser and more experienced than myself; I, however, am FAR from perfect, and while I attempt to do what is asked of me, I do sometimes make mistakes. (and sometimes I just choose to be selfish. I'm human first...)

Imperfect is one thing, but not doing something because one just can't be bothered, especially if it was the second chance, is totally different.

If my Dear One goes to the store for a few things, and "Oh, whoops, I forgot to get the apple juice." Well, tough luck to me. People forget, people make mistakes, people don't always hear everything. Yes, I've asked a couple times "Would you please grab me a soda while you're up, Dear One?", and not gotten one, because he didn't hear. But then when I ask him about it, he says "Oops, sorry." and goes to get one. No harm, no foul.

There's the difference. Willingness to fix things that one has not done correctly, no matter how big or small. Because it is important, no matter how unimportant it is.

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RE: How I screwed up... - 11/23/2008 2:04:32 PM

Lockit

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To put a little perspective on this. The man first came with his first post which stated they hadn't even met yet. Now putting all fears and such aside because they have been considered and discussed prior to this, lets look at a couple of things and see if that changes anything.

They may or may not have met and this is a new mostly online relationship. He claims to care very much, repeatedly messes up in his own words and then feels like crap.

I try to understand why people do what they do, but in this type of situation... the boy would be history to me. He needs to find his safe spot... security and way in his own submission rather than drive me crazy with his inconsistancies and rush to emotion and self abuse. (those oh so crappy feelings of guilt and actually add up to nothing more in behavior modification and a couple of public threads) If he is afraid to meet... that is one thing and can be understandable and other fears are too. But if he claims... I didn't know... and the whole complete pattern of what I am seeing... he is playing games and is far too confused or filled with excuses for me to take seriously as a partner. I would send him out to drive someone else crazy with it all and learn his lessons. My time and emotions are far too important to play with someone still not sure what they want to do. Funny how they typically are not afaid to get a bit kinky sexually, but it comes out in other ways... but that could be my jaded talking. But I stand by my take on this one.

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RE: How I screwed up... - 11/23/2008 4:58:54 PM

BossyShoeBitch

Posts: 3931
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Maybe you need to take a few years to grow up and mature a bit because I truly think nothing that's been said has sunk in your head in any way.
*wonders if the OP has come back to respond at all*

< Message edited by BossyShoeBitch -- 11/23/2008 5:16:50 PM >

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RE: How I screwed up... - 11/23/2008 6:49:47 PM

thatstheway

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I think youre absolutely right

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RE: How I screwed up... - 11/24/2008 1:16:12 PM

Chgolostnlooking

Posts: 46
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Wait until you don't have a Dom in your life. You will look back at the opportunities you had with your Miss once she's gone and wish you had the chance to do something for her.

Not everything is important, but it all must be done.

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RE: How I screwed up... - 11/24/2008 5:25:05 PM

MasterTslave

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just ask yourself if this is really for you. if you really want this to work, beg for forgiveness and then get your ass in gear and don't f it up again

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RE: How I screwed up... - 11/24/2008 10:07:48 PM

TemptingNviceSub

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To the OP...seems to me that you are choosing what is and is not important..Possibly the reality is not living up to what your fantasy was??..Time for you to back off and become more self aware, get a hold of what it is you really want ....and while you are doing this..read some books, learn as much as you can..ask questions..explore the community close to you..ask more questions...There is never such a thing as being too well informed.....Tempting

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RE: How I screwed up... - 11/25/2008 2:02:30 PM

stella41b

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There's a general principle in WIITWD and that is until you are 'real time' i.e. standing face to face with the other person you are only as good as your word.

If you break your word, you become nobody.

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RE: How I screwed up... - 11/25/2008 3:30:43 PM

subdevra

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the reality in my world is that it is not for me to decide what is important and not important. all requests from Master are handled with importance as they are His requests. and many times it is the attention that i pay to what i might perceive as a small insignificant task that brings Him the most pleasure.

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RE: How I screwed up... - 11/27/2008 12:18:55 PM

icequeen81272

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This should be a lesson learned to you.....if your mistress requests something, obey it. One master I had, the only thing he requested, besides me obeying him, was to bring him a chocolate bar each time we would meet. I didn't do it only because he was my master, but I knew as a person, that is what he enjoyed. Not only did I get a regular one, I made sure to get the King sized ones. Even though they were the regular ones, I wanted to really make sure he was happy.

To this day, has she forgiven you? In any lifestyle, whether it's this or the vanilla world, if someone doesn't follow through it's hard to forgive that person. If all she was asking you to do was post something, then you should have done it. The only thing it would have cost you was some of your spare time.

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RE: How I screwed up... - 11/28/2008 8:55:49 AM

MissEnchanted

Posts: 510
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quote:

Ok - so why? Why is this the case? If you find, that as a sub, your ability to *obey* tends to wax and wane, you have to get a handle on that. You either have to realize that you will never be in a successful relationship with a femdom if you cannot be consistent and are doomed to constant flings. Or, you have to be brutally honest with her and yourself about your flakiness - and figure out why it's so. Either you are just a bottom, and you don't care enough to want to commit for the long haul (which is fine, but find partners who want the same thing), or your ability and desire to submit runs in cycles parallel to your sex drive. Horny = very able to submit, mostly to fun and sexual tasks. Not so horny = lazy, the little rules seem boring, hard to focus, oops I forgot, damn I forgot again! Oops! And the cycle goes on and on...

Honesty and communication are key above all. Femdoms have a lot of options. If she totally digs you during "playtime" and things gel very nicely, she might be willing to put up with the drama for the short term, but it gets old quickly. Femdoms are often likely to tolerate a little less lustful connection in return for consistency and a sub who does as told and doesn't randomly turn into a flake. That kind of drama might work with vanilla women who like a bad boy or a guy who seems hard to 'tame,' but femdoms tend to tire of the bullshit faster.

What AAkasha said above rings true for me.

If I were you, I would post like crazy, writing love notes to her in what you share, show plenty of respect in your postings, copy and paste the links and send them to her in an email.

If you make EXTRA efforts and go above and beyond Her request to make amends it will avoid a bunch of bs.

If you do the action to prove yourself then hand it to her on a platter, it will stand you in good stead and get you back on the right path...

ME

Ps: Three strikes and you're out. That's the way I work it.

< Message edited by MissEnchanted -- 11/28/2008 8:57:27 AM >

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