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RE: Service Oriented Submissive - 11/25/2008 10:04:02 AM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
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quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin
That's very close to what Sir said to me the other night after the party. I have to wonder though, would it be a negative thing to some dominants to see their submissive "serving" another dominant? I can see where some may say that I was technically "serving" my hostess friends dominant by doing what needed to be done in his home. I can almost hear some saying things like "I don't serve any dominant but my own" or "My girl is not allowed to serve any other dominants". I didn't see myself as being "in service" to him in any way, nor do I feel that when I am helping out others that I am "in service" to them....but I can see where others might.

That happens when people equate service with submission. The thing is that service is service and submission is submission. Service is somethig you want to do, submission isn't always what you want to do, but you do it anyway out of obedience.

the.dark.

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 81

RE: Service Oriented Submissive - 11/25/2008 10:06:17 AM

Icarys

Posts: 5757
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin
That's very close to what Sir said to me the other night after the party. I have to wonder though, would it be a negative thing to some dominants to see their submissive "serving" another dominant? I can see where some may say that I was technically "serving" my hostess friends dominant by doing what needed to be done in his home. I can almost hear some saying things like "I don't serve any dominant but my own" or "My girl is not allowed to serve any other dominants". I didn't see myself as being "in service" to him in any way, nor do I feel that when I am helping out others that I am "in service" to them....but I can see where others might.

That happens when people equate service with submission. The thing is that service is service and submission is submission. Service is somethig you want to do, submission isn't always what you want to do, but you do it anyway out of obedience.

the.dark.

Service is part of submission to me. It's part of the female I want and look for. It may not be the whole female but it's definitely there.

_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

Alaska Bound-The Official Countdown Has Started!
http://tinyurl.com/872mcu3
http://alturl.com/mog7m

(in reply to RCdc)

Post #: 82

RE: Service Oriented Submissive - 11/25/2008 10:06:49 AM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CrazyC

My confusion is the reward system that I keep hearing. That internal rewards are all a service oriented submissive needs. I guess I find this hard ot agree with, because I have found when I gave and gave with no notice or praise it then I loose that passion. To me it seems there needs to be some kind of "Good girl" or reward for it.

First... I don't believe anyone is saying that service orientated submissive only need Internal rewards... people are lot more complex than that. However, praise et is not internal rewards... they are external rewards. The balance between internal rewards vrs external rewards is going to be different for each person. There is no absolutes in this.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to CrazyC)

Post #: 83

RE: Service Oriented Submissive - 11/25/2008 10:09:52 AM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Icarys
Service is part of submission to me. It's part of the female I want and look for. It may not be the whole female but it's definitely there.

I get that it is part of submission but it doesn't equal it. After all, service is a part of dominance as well.

the.dark.

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to Icarys)

Post #: 84

RE: Service Oriented Submissive - 11/25/2008 10:21:37 AM

Icarys

Posts: 5757
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

quote:

ORIGINAL: Icarys
Service is part of submission to me. It's part of the female I want and look for. It may not be the whole female but it's definitely there.

I get that it is part of submission but it doesn't equal it. After all, service is a part of dominance as well.

the.dark.

I guess you could say the same thing. I run a sign business and I offer *services* and I enjoy helping others whenever possible. I can't say I don't get a satisfaction out of it but I do it because I was raised that way as well.(helping others)

< Message edited by Icarys -- 11/25/2008 10:23:07 AM >

_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

Alaska Bound-The Official Countdown Has Started!
http://tinyurl.com/872mcu3
http://alturl.com/mog7m

(in reply to RCdc)

Post #: 85

RE: Service Oriented Submissive - 11/25/2008 10:33:53 AM

persephonee

Posts: 5089
Joined: 12/15/2007
Status: offline

Hey there .dark...

i wanted to quote your entry, but like my font little and submissive looking.

. Up there somewhere, you stated that service is something a person wants to do and submission would be something that a person would continue to do out of obediance...

in my world, i have that swapped out. i submit because i want to inherently. i serve, whether i want to do the activity or not, out of that feeling of submission and a need to be obediant.

i may not want to clean the attic and re arrange all the crap up there, however, that was the task assigned. Out of obligation to my submission, i will waddle up there and get started, whether i would rather be napping or online or whatnot. In my mind, this is a matter of respecting the dynamic, more than an undying burn to serve. i may need to imagine that im being held captive by some big mean pirate and being forced to clean the attic of the ship...(hehe, no idea where all the crap is stored on this pirate ship, but im on it quite often) But, there is no promise of reward in it, other than the knowledge that i fulfilled my part of the dynamic by doing as i was told.

And thats not to say that upon review of my cleaning and rearranging, my pirate wont ravage me as a reward for my efforts...but in the end, i cleaned it because i was told to do so and that would please him.

_____________________________

You be the Captain; i'll be no one.

And You can carry me away....if You want to. ~Kasey Chambers

E*Whore, extraordinaire....

Nothing is exactly as it seems~Nor, is it otherwise.

(in reply to RCdc)

Post #: 86

RE: Service Oriented Submissive - 11/25/2008 10:37:16 AM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

Hey perse, stop stealing my fantasies. I don't know where all the stuff is on the ship either because I've only been to the hold, the deck and the gang plank so far.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to persephonee)

Post #: 87

RE: Service Oriented Submissive - 11/25/2008 10:42:37 AM

persephonee

Posts: 5089
Joined: 12/15/2007
Status: offline

all i saw was gang bang...what were you saying?

_____________________________

You be the Captain; i'll be no one.

And You can carry me away....if You want to. ~Kasey Chambers

E*Whore, extraordinaire....

Nothing is exactly as it seems~Nor, is it otherwise.

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 88

RE: Service Oriented Submissive - 11/25/2008 10:42:58 AM

Jeptha

Posts: 780
Joined: 9/18/2008
From: Portland, Oregon
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CallaFirestormBW

I'd say that most of the submissive individuals that I've met -haven't- been service - oriented, though quite a few of them have provided some measure of service, and done so skillfully and with a measure of grace.

That's been my observation. I've had subs who were wonderful hostesses, and who liked to be helpful around the cabin (my place), but I wouldn't quite go so far as to call any of them "service submissives", in that "domestic service", in and of itself, wasn't a feature of the relationship.

I think there's a difference between being helpful and useful and what I would consider as being a "service submissive"...which to me would imply domestic service done for it's own sake, as it's own reward.
For my part, asking for help would be fine, but simply asking them to do my dishes, say, because I was too lazy to do them would cause us both to balk a little.
...Now, if there was a good reason why I wasn't doing them, if I was working on something else, perhaps that would be a different matter.

Part of that is that, even when in a relationship, I choose to live on my own; so any partner of mine is going to have her own household to clean and take care of, and I respect that.
Also ~ I'd no idea that the notion of being a "service oriented submissive" might be as common as it seems to be judging from the number of replies on this thread championing it.
Interesting.

(in reply to CallaFirestormBW)

Post #: 89

RE: Service Oriented Submissive - 11/25/2008 10:46:38 AM

Padriag

Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear

Just to make it easier to understand some of the serious posts, I'm wondering how many responders here either are in or have been in a Service Oriented sub/slave relationship as either a sub/slave or Dominant.... In other words how many are actually posting from personal experience and not just theory.

Personal experience, both with service oriented submissives and with trying to fit square pegs (non service oriented) submissives into round peg (service oriended) submissive holes.

Something about that just sounded really perverse... could just be my dirty mind.

_____________________________

Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

(in reply to IronBear)

Post #: 90

RE: Service Oriented Submissive - 11/25/2008 10:48:02 AM

ExSteelAgain

Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline

I believe some submissives have a delayed gratification motive when they do service type tasks. They want Doms to appreciate them and that is their goal. If subs love enough, desire or care enough (you pick the right term) about making Doms want them they will do a lot. I would even say many want to be whipped because of this feeling.

Service submissives may not be as selfless as some may think. It’s also an admirable trait that many successful people have, Dom and sub. They study or work for many years to reach a certain desired point. Everyone can’t do this.

I have a graduate degree from Central Michigan University and know they have an online survey study going on that will rate your ability to delay gratification. I think all will find it interesting. Here is the the test website..... https://www.psychmike.com/happy/consent.htm

_____________________________

You can paint a cinder block bright pastel pink, but it's still a cinder block. (By Me.)

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 91

RE: Service Oriented Submissive - 11/25/2008 10:53:40 AM

persephonee

Posts: 5089
Joined: 12/15/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Padriag

quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear

Just to make it easier to understand some of the serious posts, I'm wondering how many responders here either are in or have been in a Service Oriented sub/slave relationship as either a sub/slave or Dominant.... In other words how many are actually posting from personal experience and not just theory.

Personal experience, both with service oriented submissives and with trying to fit square pegs (non service oriented) submissives into round peg (service oriended) submissive holes.

Something about that just sounded really perverse... could just be my dirty mind.

Perversity aside, what would a "non service oriented sub be oriented toward then?...if its solely sexual...then wouldnt that be a bedroom submissive?

_____________________________

You be the Captain; i'll be no one.

And You can carry me away....if You want to. ~Kasey Chambers

E*Whore, extraordinaire....

Nothing is exactly as it seems~Nor, is it otherwise.

(in reply to Padriag)

Post #: 92

RE: Service Oriented Submissive - 11/25/2008 10:58:09 AM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

Not necessarfily, many of the subs I know locally are purely BDSM oriented.. Some are pain sluts and some are bondage bunnies for example.

< Message edited by IronBear -- 11/25/2008 10:59:04 AM >

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to persephonee)

Post #: 93

RE: Service Oriented Submissive - 11/25/2008 10:58:34 AM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Padriag
Something about that just sounded really perverse... could just be my dirty mind.

I don't know, I did notice it's a bit warmer in here. Might just be from the exertion of swabbing the imaginary deck though.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to Padriag)

Post #: 94

RE: Service Oriented Submissive - 11/25/2008 10:59:21 AM

ExSteelAgain

Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline

Read LA's earlier post. Lines are blurred. No submissive fits any category perfectly.

_____________________________

You can paint a cinder block bright pastel pink, but it's still a cinder block. (By Me.)

(in reply to IronBear)

Post #: 95

RE: Service Oriented Submissive - 11/25/2008 11:00:26 AM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

Oh, I am definitely interested in taking that survey, thanks for the link. I'll have to wait until a time later tonight when I can devote myself to it.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to ExSteelAgain)

Post #: 96

RE: Service Oriented Submissive - 11/25/2008 11:10:28 AM

persephonee

Posts: 5089
Joined: 12/15/2007
Status: offline

i took the survey...easily understood questions, short enough to keep my attention, not difficult to answer quickly.....set up very professionally.

Now, wheres my beating????

_____________________________

You be the Captain; i'll be no one.

And You can carry me away....if You want to. ~Kasey Chambers

E*Whore, extraordinaire....

Nothing is exactly as it seems~Nor, is it otherwise.

(in reply to ExSteelAgain)

Post #: 97

RE: Service Oriented Submissive - 11/25/2008 11:12:27 AM

persephonee

Posts: 5089
Joined: 12/15/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

quote:

ORIGINAL: Padriag
Something about that just sounded really perverse... could just be my dirty mind.

I don't know, I did notice it's a bit warmer in here. Might just be from the exertion of swabbing the imaginary deck though.

Hey erin...
theres only room for one damsel on my boat....now, feel free to finish swabbing the deck...frees me up to get ready to be ravaged...but then youre gonna hafta getcher own pirate ship.
We can be penpals tho.....

_____________________________

You be the Captain; i'll be no one.

And You can carry me away....if You want to. ~Kasey Chambers

E*Whore, extraordinaire....

Nothing is exactly as it seems~Nor, is it otherwise.

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 98

RE: Service Oriented Submissive - 11/25/2008 11:12:27 AM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

Hi pers.

I'm not sure if I made (or make) much sense... I will try though!
Submission is/can be inherent. I didn't mean to imply it isn't. But when you submit to 'insert here' you don't always want to do the 'insert here' - you do it to obey - because that is your submission.
So when you are cleaning for example, because yu want to and it makes him happy, that is submission, and does not make one a service orientated person. Service orientated means that your orientation leads you to being (for the sake of listing) cook, maid, butler, bottle washer, cleaner etcetcetc. Orientation means the type of person you are. If your 'serving' to make someone pleased, then your submitting. If your serving because it's your orientation and your place, that is service.

So for me, when I am submitting to Darcy, I am submitting - but the washing up and the whole housekeeping thing I do is because I am service orientated - to me that isn't submission - it's a service I love and one he enjoys and allows. If Darcy instructs me to not do the washing up because it is the childrens turn, it is difficult for me, but because I obey him, I submit to his will.

Not sure if I made any sense there...lol(obvious disclaimers .blah.blah.blah.)

the.dark.

< Message edited by Darcyandthedark -- 11/25/2008 11:15:24 AM >

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to persephonee)

Post #: 99

RE: Service Oriented Submissive - 11/25/2008 11:14:24 AM

persephonee

Posts: 5089
Joined: 12/15/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

Hi pers.

I'm not sure if I made (or make) much sense... I will try though!
Submission is/can be inherent. I didn't mean to imply it isn't. But when you submit to 'insert here' you don't always want to so the 'insert here' - you do it to obey - because that is your submission.
So when you are cleaning for example, because yu want to and it makes him happy, that is submission, and does not make one a service orientated person. Service orientated means that your orientation leads you to being (for the sake of listing) cook, maid, butler, bottle washer, cleaner etcetcetc. Orientation means the type of person you are. If your 'serving' to make someone pleased, then your submitting. If your serving because it's your orientation and your place, that is service.

So for me, when I am submitting to Darcy, I am submitting - but the washing up and the whole housekeeping thing I do is because I am service orientated - to me that isn't submission - it's a service I love and one he enjoys and allows. If Darcy instructs me to not do the washing up because it is the childrens turn, it is difficult for me, but because I obey him, I submit to his will.

Not sure if I made any sense there...lol(obvious disclaimers .blah.blah.blah.)

the.dark.

gotcha...and btw, anytime you feel an undying need to clean up, you have an open invite to my place...

_____________________________

You be the Captain; i'll be no one.

And You can carry me away....if You want to. ~Kasey Chambers

E*Whore, extraordinaire....

Nothing is exactly as it seems~Nor, is it otherwise.

(in reply to RCdc)

Post #: 100

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