RE: "Settling"

Join Our Community

Collarchat.com

Home Login Search

RE: "Settling"

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: "Settling"

Page: << < prev 1 [2]

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: "Settling" - 11/26/2008 10:30:27 AM

rhpaw

Posts: 63
Joined: 5/19/2005
Status: offline

The trouble with settling you will always be wondering if you had held out a little longer and let's face it the heart wants what the heart wants and will never really just settle.

_____________________________

If at first you don't suceed why not try the way mistress told you to do it you dumass.
If you worry about what people think of you. You'd be surprized how seldom they do.

(in reply to NuevaVida)

RE: "Settling" - 11/26/2008 10:54:02 AM

Posts: 107
Joined: 9/14/2007
Status: offline

I dunno. . .but I figure. . . if he's not only blowing his dom but his doms friends. . .maybe he just doesn't want to say "I really like sucking lots of men off" cause ya know. . .if he really wasn't into it. . .he wouldn't do it well and people would sorta stop askin him too after a while.

(in reply to rhpaw)

RE: "Settling" - 11/26/2008 10:59:07 AM

Posts: 653
Joined: 9/4/2007
Status: offline

The whole thing sounds like one big train wreck in the making. As far as guys doing other guys just to scratch an itch... LOL not me! There is something to be said about someone who will basicly fuck anything to get their rocks off .... not sure what it is ... but there is something. There is also something to be said about someone that gets so desperate that they compromise their own values or beliefs on a regular basis from what they broadcast to those around them... again ... not sure what it is.... but its there hanging on the edge ... lol. I think your friend has allready had the train wreck on the inside... stumbled out of the train still alive and kicking and has absent mindedly stumbled onto another set of tracks that has another train heading heading strait forward and hes mistaken its light for another type of light.

If this is the same guy you posted on months ago about the younger Dom... couldnt you just find someone to beat on him... geez he needs it..LOL

(in reply to rhpaw)

RE: "Settling" - 11/26/2008 11:29:39 AM

Posts: 780
Joined: 9/18/2008
From: Portland, Oregon
Status: offline

If I was being used for sex (or humiliation scenes, or whatever the case may be), I think I'd figure it out pretty quickly via communication and observing the other's actions, and I'd decide my course of action accordingly. Then I'd take responsibility for my fact checking, assessment and decision making.

I've, at least once, had a partner level with me and tell me that that's all they wanted, and I can recall saying the same thing to another partner another time. If both partners are relatively honest about it, the decision making process about how or whether to proceed is not so difficult.

There will be some drama almost inevitably if emotional wants don't match up well, but it can be kept to an acceptable range by trying to communicate about what's going on, what each party is getting out of it, and what each ultimately wants for the future.

"Settling" isn't the metaphor I would use. If something makes you happy, it makes you happy. If you have chosen it, then respect it for what it is and respect your own choice.

(in reply to MistresseLotus)

RE: "Settling" - 11/26/2008 11:35:21 AM

Posts: 443
Joined: 9/19/2008
From: (aka LotusSong)
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida

In reality, any relationship is a means to an end for all parties, isn't it? We view successful relationships as everyone getting what they need from it. If both are getting what they need in this case, are they using each other, or are they sharing something intimate? Is it really for us to judge?

I think I have enjoyed my slave for 12 years and a marriage of 35 years not because of what I could "get" from the relationship.. but what I could "give" to it. (and no, my husband is not the same person as my slave) To me, that's the difference between "serving" and "getting ones needs met" or the difference between sharing and using.

_____________________________

I leave it to the 20-somethings to do the "open-minded, total unconditional acceptance thing" for it's how THEY learn that all the things others older than they have deemed BS, are in fact BS. What a waste of a decade.

(in reply to NuevaVida)

RE: "Settling" - 11/26/2008 11:38:16 AM

Posts: 443
Joined: 9/19/2008
From: (aka LotusSong)
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: FRSguy

If this is the same guy you posted on months ago about the younger Dom... couldnt you just find someone to beat on him... geez he needs it..LOL

Nope.. different guy :) (Good analogy though! He had some major life altering situations within the past two years that I wish not to disclose here.)

< Message edited by MistresseLotus -- 11/26/2008 11:39:57 AM >

_____________________________

I leave it to the 20-somethings to do the "open-minded, total unconditional acceptance thing" for it's how THEY learn that all the things others older than they have deemed BS, are in fact BS. What a waste of a decade.

(in reply to FRSguy)

RE: "Settling" - 11/26/2008 11:54:37 AM

Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistresseLotus

quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida

In reality, any relationship is a means to an end for all parties, isn't it? We view successful relationships as everyone getting what they need from it. If both are getting what they need in this case, are they using each other, or are they sharing something intimate? Is it really for us to judge?

I think I have enjoyed my slave for 12 years and a marriage of 35 years not because of what I could "get" from the relationship.. but what I could "give" to it. (and no, my husband is not the same person as my slave) To me, that's the difference between "serving" and "getting ones needs met" or the difference between sharing and using.

Yes but giving is also getting, isn't it?

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.

(in reply to MistresseLotus)

RE: "Settling" - 11/26/2008 12:15:02 PM

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

I am reminded of an old "Friends" episode where Phoebe was trying to find an unselfish act....or something like that.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to NuevaVida)

RE: "Settling" - 11/26/2008 2:38:40 PM

Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistresseLotus

Janice Joplin is credited with saying "Don't compromise yourself.. you're all you've got".

Very true. Similarly it was Ralph Waldo Emerson who said, "Make the most of yourself, for that is all there is of you."

_____________________________

Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

(in reply to MistresseLotus)

RE: "Settling" - 11/26/2008 5:49:23 PM

Posts: 443
Joined: 9/19/2008
From: (aka LotusSong)
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistresseLotus

quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida

In reality, any relationship is a means to an end for all parties, isn't it? We view successful relationships as everyone getting what they need from it. If both are getting what they need in this case, are they using each other, or are they sharing something intimate? Is it really for us to judge?

I think I have enjoyed my slave for 12 years and a marriage of 35 years not because of what I could "get" from the relationship.. but what I could "give" to it. (and no, my husband is not the same person as my slave) To me, that's the difference between "serving" and "getting ones needs met" or the difference between sharing and using.

Yes but giving is also getting, isn't it?

Only if getting is the goal. Giving is what it is. The giver doesn't expect anything in return and does so out of their heart. If one puts a price and expectation on of everything they do, it becomes a sham. For it is written.. "Blessed are those who expect nothing, for they shall not be disappointed".

< Message edited by MistresseLotus -- 11/26/2008 5:53:04 PM >

_____________________________

I leave it to the 20-somethings to do the "open-minded, total unconditional acceptance thing" for it's how THEY learn that all the things others older than they have deemed BS, are in fact BS. What a waste of a decade.

(in reply to NuevaVida)

RE: "Settling" - 11/26/2008 6:07:33 PM

cjan

Posts: 3513
Joined: 2/21/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ftmyersartist

I dunno. . .but I figure. . . if he's not only blowing his dom but his doms friends. . .maybe he just doesn't want to say "I really like sucking lots of men off" cause ya know. . .if he really wasn't into it. . .he wouldn't do it well and people would sorta stop askin him too after a while.

Ya think ?

_____________________________

"I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A bird will fall ,frozen , dead, from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself."- D.H. L

" When you look into the abyss, the abyss also looks in to you"- Frank Nitti

(in reply to ftmyersartist)

RE: "Settling" - 11/26/2008 6:46:43 PM

Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistresseLotus

quote:

Yes but giving is also getting, isn't it?

Only if getting is the goal. Giving is what it is. The giver doesn't expect anything in return and does so out of their heart. If one puts a price and expectation on of everything they do, it becomes a sham. For it is written.. "Blessed are those who expect nothing, for they shall not be disappointed".

It is ultimately fulfilling to give. Otherwise we wouldn't do it. We are not expecting to get anything in return for giving, but we feel good when we do, hence in return, we receive when we give. That's what I meant.

< Message edited by NuevaVida -- 11/26/2008 6:47:04 PM >

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.

(in reply to MistresseLotus)

RE: "Settling" - 11/27/2008 4:33:30 AM

Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline

This gets into philosophy, but I believe all acts have a selfish motivation. The submissive who does things not expecting a reward is actually doing it to fulfill her own desires. She feels secure, appreciated possibly and maybe turned on by doing something for another.

For those who deny they have a motive for gain in doing something, let me ask if you could perform your acts for anyone? Does the person you are doing things for matter? I suspect most would have to admit there are at least some people they would not do things for. Thus, the person you do things for is an important aspect of your “altruism.”

What is actually happening is that by your giving, you feel that you are appreciated by the person or group you are serving. You are working to improve your status in the relationship or group. That’s not unselfish giving. There is no such thing.

_____________________________

You can paint a cinder block bright pastel pink, but it's still a cinder block. (By Me.)

(in reply to NuevaVida)

RE: "Settling" - 11/27/2008 4:52:38 AM

Posts: 778
Joined: 9/14/2008
Status: offline

ExSteelAgain
"What is actually happening is that by your giving, you feel that you are appreciated by the person or group you are serving. You are working to improve your status in the relationship or group. That’s not unselfish giving. There is no such thing."

Hear, hear!

(in reply to ExSteelAgain)

RE: "Settling" - 11/27/2008 8:19:34 AM

Posts: 443
Joined: 9/19/2008
From: (aka LotusSong)
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida

It is ultimately fulfilling to give. Otherwise we wouldn't do it. We are not expecting to get anything in return for giving, but we feel good when we do, hence in return, we receive when we give. That's what I meant.

Then it goes back to intent. If one wakes up and thinks.. "I need to feel good today, I'll go do something for somebody". If you do something spontaneously for another without the previous thought..then that would truly be giving. I will agree with your comment. It's true, every act has an opposite and equal reaction :)

Let's all go out and do a spontaneous act of senseless kindness today! (and expect nothing in return. Do it "just because")

Now back to our previously intended thread :)

< Message edited by MistresseLotus -- 11/27/2008 8:21:17 AM >

_____________________________

I leave it to the 20-somethings to do the "open-minded, total unconditional acceptance thing" for it's how THEY learn that all the things others older than they have deemed BS, are in fact BS. What a waste of a decade.

(in reply to NuevaVida)

RE: "Settling" - 11/27/2008 8:28:24 PM

Posts: 1518
Joined: 3/20/2008
From: Maryland
Status: offline

Maybe the Dom enjoys humiliating "straight" guys by "forcing" them to suck his cock? As long as your friend is being honest with the Dom about his interests and intentions, and everybody's having fun, I don't see that there's a big problem.

(in reply to rhpaw)

Page: << < prev 1 [2]

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: "Settling"

Page: << < prev 1 [2]

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2024

Terms of Service

0.266