quote:

ORIGINAL: YourhandMyAss

I remember one time I was checking up on Daddy to see if he was lying to me about not wasting money* he was* And I came clean to him about sneaking into his bank account knowing he didn't want me to, and after a moment of madness he burst out laughing.

Why? He said he knew I'd do something like that eventually, cause I am so nosey and curious. So he's not suprised I found my way into his account. Now me knowing how to get into his account has turned into a good thing, since I check every few days, Not to spy on him, but to see if I need to point anything out to him, and It's payed off 3 times.

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael


And to me, someone so overreacting to snooping is a red flag they are pissed they were almost caught and want to make damn sure it doesn't happen again. 

quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysblondie

several people commented on the "health" of our relationship.
Thank you for those that gave advice and helped to open my eyes.

quote:

ORIGINAL: NihilusZero

A rhetorical answer to the tone of an unspoken question I can sense here: Why am I being so harsh?

Because her Dom shouldn't have to be. No caring Dom ever likes being the bad guy, but often it's not possible to empathically express if something has wounded us and to what extent. And, if our sub (who we depend on) is questioning our ethical integrity (based on our choice of punishment) enough to air it out in public...and then handfuls of people are gasping about how awful it seems...who is left on the Dom's side? There is a thread in General about 'vulnerable Doms' and I can only imagine how discomforting it must be to be in his position through this...especially if he's seeing this thread play out.

Has there been any indication that he's been a bad Dominant to her? Abusive? Negative in anyway? He finds out someone he trusts has lied to him...and then that she kept the lie a secret. He takes time to choose a punishment that, to me, seems adequate. Sure, it leaves some people with that "it's in public!" itch...but that's the point: to put her in a place where she could not hide as a contrast to having spent however long doing just that. And...the response he receives to that? Refusal, and then the opening of his choice to public ridicule.

All these criticisms of his choice of punishment (which wasn't that bad, really) seem ignorant of the fact that that is what he felt he would need to arrive at a place of understanding of her remorse and a sense of closure to this episode. And, frankly, his feelings don't seem to be getting attended to by anyone...even the person he is trusting the most. If X is what he needed to get over the situation, I'm having trouble comprehending how deciding to critique the choice was the default reaction by his sub, rather than caring acceptance (obviously, so long as X is within extreme reason...and it was, in this case).

So...he shouldn't have to be the one to point out the utmost negative view in order to have the point(s) brought to light. Maybe he's more easygoing than I'm making everything sound here and he's open to giving her even more leeway to make up for her mistakes...but even if he isn't, it doesn't translate to some automatic 'bad Dom!' trait in him. He shouldn't have to be the one who could conceivably come in here trying to defend his decisions because even his sub will not do it.

Paint me the bad guy, then. That's fine....but hopefully in the process it will open up some eyes to how it must be in his shoes, to where maybe (just maybe) the perspective changes to where his sub (presuming that she cares for him and wants to be with him) actually starts acting like it (within the context of this discussion).

quote:

ORIGINAL: NihilusZero
I think people are starting to stretch the credibility of the "I'm so offended I had to listen to you for 24 seconds that my night is ruined" angle of displeasure argument, especially if the people she'd have been talking with are friends.

quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

quote:

ORIGINAL: YourhandMyAss

I remember one time I was checking up on Daddy to see if he was lying to me about not wasting money* he was* And I came clean to him about sneaking into his bank account knowing he didn't want me to, and after a moment of madness he burst out laughing.

Why? He said he knew I'd do something like that eventually, cause I am so nosey and curious. So he's not suprised I found my way into his account. Now me knowing how to get into his account has turned into a good thing, since I check every few days, Not to spy on him, but to see if I need to point anything out to him, and It's payed off 3 times.

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael


And to me, someone so overreacting to snooping is a red flag they are pissed they were almost caught and want to make damn sure it doesn't happen again. 

Happens to agree with michael on this thread and typically I agree with most of your posts.  But your logic here baffels me.  You justify snooping on his accounts cuz he is to lazy to check his bank statements for errors????  Whats wrong with this picture.

BadOne

quote:

ORIGINAL: kidwithknife

quote:

ORIGINAL: NihilusZero
I think people are starting to stretch the credibility of the "I'm so offended I had to listen to you for 24 seconds that my night is ruined" angle of displeasure argument, especially if the people she'd have been talking with are friends.

I can honestly say that if a friend dragged me into their relationship drama in this way, without having my express permission to do so, I would go for the throat.  And I'd feel justified in doing so publically.
On the other hand, I agree with you that for a sub this is a matter of obeying or not obeying.  But for other parties, I do think it has to be recognised that they are also entirely justified in expressing displeasure.  And the dom responsible for an order that involves other people in this way has to be prepared to accept the consequences if said people react badly.

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ORIGINAL: kyraofMists

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ORIGINAL: daddysblondie
My question is this... if your submissive came to you and offered to wear a sign explaining her "sins" on your next outing to the dungeon, would that help you to see that he/she was serious about being repentant and wanting to do better?

If I were to offer this suggestion to him, he would think I lost my mind.  He would not see it as being serious about doing what he wants; he would see it as me wanting to create drama. 

That suggestion would not be looked favorably upon by him.

Knight's Kyra

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ORIGINAL: SailingBum

Thanks yourhand for clearing thatup.

BadOne

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ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

Be careful not to snoop. You may not like what you find. I was on Sirs computer and i knew he had automatic settings on Yahoo for his e-mail. I rationalized it because I just wanted to go into his mail to check the subject line for a particular e-mail. We had been waiting for confirmation from the manager of the dungeon he just joined and he said he had not got around to confirming. so I clicked on his messanger. there were all these messages from some woman asking why was he ignoring her and how she wanted to give him a blowjob. I didnt jump to the wrong conclusion and he had told me about this chick that would pop up wanting to blow him every 6 months or so. But boy i felt like scratching her eyes out. I did check the subject lines in his e-mail and did not open any of them. I also told him about it. He wasn't mad and told me I could use his computer any time. But guess what? He eliminated the auto password setting. He said, "I'm not stupid".

* In reference to Yourhandmyass

quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

Be careful not to snoop. You may not like what you find. * In reference to Yourhandmyass

quote:

ORIGINAL: DavanKael
kidwithknife----
You'd really lose it on a friend who came to you with any sort of relationship drama?  Or just what the OP is proposing?  I don't know about anyone else's conceptions of friendship but I've always got my friends' backs when there's some sort of relationship drama going on and I am grateful for the many friends who have and have had mine.  If someone's not there for the yucky stuff when it goes down, they're only a fair weather friend, which is no friend at all; they're ust a goodtime charlie.  And, while I don't frequent clubs, if a friend came up to me with the scenario that was proposed, I can't imagine it ruining my evening were it explained to me and they moved on and did their thing.  That seems dramatic as does your 'going for the throat' of a friend. 
Davan
(Who can get dramatic when pushed but the friend in a club scenario doesn't come anywhere near being necessary and sufficient provocation)