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Such a reaction... - 12/1/2008 7:00:04 AM

Lunalay

Posts: 243
Joined: 10/27/2008
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Some underlying thoughts before the story begins:

I am a slave.

In complete servitude is where my heart lies, and I'm comfortable and at peace with myself knowing this.

I am a strong person. Most of us are.

But, I'm also very proud.

When I am beneath his collar, I get to relax and be myself.

I'm not a cryer. The idea of crying, and the actual act are both a little more than humiliating.

I do not cry when punished, flogged, ect...

---Now then.

I attended a party as a collared slave over the weekend. I was the Master of the home's property.

Everyone was enjoying themselves. There were many attendees, all of which were happy, well fed, and decently behaved.

The play room was a mass of bodies; a session had just occurred and people were reluctant to retreat to the downstairs.

Master had left me to clean up the toys and re-organize; everything was pretty jovial.

A few of the more roudy guests were playing with a "toy" Master had used on the girls that had just sessioned.
A shock pen.

I abhor that thing.
It is one of three instruments used on me for punishment purposes, and, when pressed at the right spot, can really, really hurt.

Topless, bent over, back turned, I screamed when a sudden jolt went through the left lower side of my back.

It was painful, it scared me, I couldn't move.

Bad head space maybe? I was in shock. (Haha.) I was shaken.

Master's little girl immediately turned on the fellow and demanded he apologize to me and go let my Master know what he had done.

But, when he tried to apologize to me, I wasn't responsive. I was crying.

No loud, racking sobs, but tears were just pouring down my cheeks.

After I was escorted out by His little girl, I just started bawling on his bed, clinging to her.

...

I was told my sudden outburst was because beneath His collar I am protected; and, at that moment, I was violated.

But I find my reaction to be very surreal.

A year ago, I would have found that antic hilarious. I would have clocked the fellow, maybe, but not cried.

Why the sudden change?

Has anyone else had a reaction like this?

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RE: Such a reaction... - 12/1/2008 7:14:33 AM

sunshinemiss

Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
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Hi lunalay,
yes, I have had similar experiences when I have been really really vulnerable, safe in my role, and BOOM something hits me ten times as hard. You are being mastered. I hope your Master gave that guy the whatfor for such a terrible breach in protocol.

well wishes,
tgfka sunshine

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RE: Such a reaction... - 12/1/2008 7:27:53 AM

Lunalay

Posts: 243
Joined: 10/27/2008
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Ah, I heard the fellow got a very stern talkin' to.

A few minutes following the mighty lecture, all I hear is THUD, THUD, THUD, BOOM.

Master flies through the bedroom door and over to His little girl and I.

"Are you okay!? I'm so sorry I wasn't there to protect you!"

It makes me wonder what He'd have done if He had witnessed it.

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RE: Such a reaction... - 12/1/2008 7:32:29 AM

opensoul

Posts: 77
Joined: 11/24/2006
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Hello Lunalay, I have not had that type of event happen to me, and I am sure your Master took the breach in protocol to the top of correction ASAP.
For myself I have noticed that since I have found my Master, my feeling , emotions and yes tears come more freely some at the Most unwanted and untimely of moments. I am strong and yet I feel so vulnerable, that things that were kept inside and were private like crying , are flowing out more. I don't like it around other people and it gets embarrassing

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RE: Such a reaction... - 12/1/2008 7:43:19 AM

OttersSwim

Posts: 2860
Joined: 9/1/2008
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I am sorry this happened to you. Without doubt, I identify with your stated sense of yourself when you are in service to your dominant, and the deep feeling of security and safety that can engender. Such a contact, on your person, in your space, with a toy designed to hurt - by a person who is not in control of you? That is a violation, an abuse, and very -not cool-.

Also, unless you were prepared by your Master for the concept that -anyone- at the party could touch/play with you, it rightly caught you totally unawares. Perhaps at future events, some ground rules should be established at the start. It seems like the most basic concept that you never touch another person's submissive/slave without permission, but there are people out there who clearly don't get that. Add the excitement, adrenaline, and maybe a little booze...

I hope that person was ejected from the party.

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RE: Such a reaction... - 12/1/2008 7:58:21 AM

Lunalay

Posts: 243
Joined: 10/27/2008
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We're a very forgiving party.

You get warned and lectured before any kind of ejection happens, depending on the offense.

The next day, I did speak to Master and asked that we establish a better ground rule about me.
I was being touched and prodded much of the first night, but I was unsure of how to react.

Many were His close friends, and I never knew if anyone had asked Him first.

So, now, I'm allowed to remove their hands and whatnot, and ask if they've asked Him first.
If they say yes, I ask them for the code word in my ear.

Never trust a drunken, "yeah, he said I could,".

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RE: Such a reaction... - 12/1/2008 8:56:34 AM

OttersSwim

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Lunalay:

In talking with my Lady about this situation, she pointed something out that I wanted to pass on. She suggested that in any situation, you should never come to have to defend yourself - removing groping hands, or fending off unwanted advances, or asking for passwords. I have to agree. That would knock me completely out of my safe submissive space and put me into "don't fucking touch me" mode - not my most submissive side...

I might suggest that you create a system wherein your Master brings the person who is to have any liberties with your person directly to you - and that the boundaries of such contact are established right then and there. You then have no doubts, no questions, and neither do they.

Code words and wondering what and who is allowed access, what the boundaries of such access are, just puts you in jeopardy and, IMO, in a defensive head space. I hope that helps.

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RE: Such a reaction... - 12/1/2008 9:04:38 AM

Lunalay

Posts: 243
Joined: 10/27/2008
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It certainly does, Otterswim.

Overall, after the first night of drunken debauchery, everything evened out.

People read over the house rules, rules were re-established in general, and I did not have to fend off any groping or wonder if I was going to be touched.

The only ones who touched me further were the females, and it was made clear previously that they could do so.

I will take your Lady's suggestion and bring it to His attention as well. I do appreciate it. :)

...And, uck. I forgot to mention. They were supposed to ask and tell me before groping hands were applied. (Haha.)
It was only if sudden gropage occurred that I was allowed to remove and make inquiries.

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RE: Such a reaction... - 12/1/2008 12:52:49 PM

elegantalexis

Posts: 237
Joined: 1/1/2004
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I will bring this up with my Sir and Mistress and see if there is something we can establish to make my submissive role better for everyone.

Usually when someone touches me while I am busy doing something, it startles me. At a club, some guy makes a pass at me. I jumped and told a bouncer. Found out they were hunting him and his buddies down for doing the same things to other ladies and they tossed them out. Now...this place was a lesbian bar, so there were some highly p.o. ladies that had murder on their minds.

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RE: Such a reaction... - 12/1/2008 1:33:33 PM

kiwisub12

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Salacious touching of any submissive at play parties of any group i have been involved with meant bad things, man!
I have been naked at parties for the past three years and if anyone had touched me without permission would have jolted me in my complacency - i don't feel naked any more - even though i am. Being touched inappropriately would have pulled me out of this mindset - and it would have been a real shock!!

and crying - i have found that i cry more in a cathartic, emotional way since i have found myself in a safe, dominant-lead relationship. I too, don't cry easily, so when i do, i would prefer to be with just my Sir. It slacked off after a while - i think emotional issues eventually get worked through.

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RE: Such a reaction... - 12/1/2008 1:57:55 PM

porcelain26

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Joined: 11/16/2007
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Honestly, I can't say that I'm surprised by your reaction. I would tend to agree with whomever told you it was caused by a feeling of violation. As the property of the Host, you had every reason to suspect you would be respected as such - clearly, that's not what was happening. I would venture to go as far as to say that by the time this final violation occured, your emotional, mental (and probably physical) nerves were so stressed out by all the unsolicated groping and fondling and general mistreatment, that you most likely just snapped.

I know had it been me, I probably would have had the same reaction....I'm not a cryer either, but I can't imagine my Owners friends treating me like that all night long (without His permission) and then having someone zap the last of my resolve. It would be a terrible experience for any submissive who hadn't consented to that sort of treatment upfront (and still bad for some even if they had). It sounds like your Master was equally as shocked and horrified as you were and protected you to the best of his abilities as soon as he realized what had happened.....Master's are great like that aren't they?!

If I were you, I wouldn't waste too much time worrying about the reaction itself - especially since you talked it over with your Master and you worked out a strategy plan for future events. We all get to be vulnerable and scared sometimes, as long as your Master is aware of that and supportive, that's what really matters.

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