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troubled sub - 12/5/2008 9:38:53 PM   
vanessa73


Posts: 12
Status: offline 		i don't know where to begin.. my Master is gone working most of the year, at least 8 months or so.  i can't stand it any more.   i love him more than life, but i need to feel a Masters touch, i need to be able to offer my servitude.  i know at times he is getting his sexual fullfillment, althought not quite what he really needs.  Would it be wrong for me to do the same?  i don't think i can stand this much longer.  i am so sexually starved i think i'm going nuts! i don't want any kind of cyber relationship, i just need an outside opinion on what the opinions are on fucking around a little bit.  Completely unemotional, just physical.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: troubled sub - 12/5/2008 9:41:50 PM   
DavanKael


Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline 		Have you spoken with your Master about this?  If so, what did he say?  If not, why haven't you? 
Best wishes, 
  Davan

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(in reply to vanessa73)
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RE: troubled sub - 12/5/2008 9:42:07 PM   
moonvine


Posts: 780
Joined: 11/7/2004
Status: offline 		I think this is really something you need to discuss with him.  Just my opinion.

(in reply to vanessa73)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: troubled sub - 12/5/2008 9:43:53 PM   
MAMandSlave


Posts: 110
Joined: 8/15/2008
Status: offline 		It depends on the dynamic in your relationship. If you wish to have an open relationship then you should speak to your master and ask for permission to get your physcial needs met. But if you are missing your masters touch, or a masters touch, then you need to discuss with him if the long distance approach to the relationship can meet both of your needs. Communication is key. Not being upfront about your actions will only cause problems in the future.

(in reply to vanessa73)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: troubled sub - 12/5/2008 9:45:16 PM   
DavanKael


Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline 		Oh, just wanted to add that just because you say something is going to be purely physical doesn't always mean, for all folks that it remains that way. 
  Davan

_____________________________

May you live as long as you wish & love as long as you live
-Robert A Heinlein

It's about the person & the bond,not the bondage
-Me

Waiting is

170NZ (Aka:Sex God Du Jour) pts

Jesus,I've ALWAYS been a deviant
-Leadership527,Jeff

(in reply to MAMandSlave)
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RE: troubled sub - 12/5/2008 9:45:39 PM   
WyldHrt


Posts: 6412
Joined: 6/5/2008
Status: offline 		*Jumping on the bandwagon*
This is something that you really need to discuss with him. A bunch of strangers on a message board saying it's ok to cheat wouldn't make it ok (although that wouldn't happen here), and getting some on the side without discussing it with him first is most certainly cheating, unless the dynamic of your relationship allows it.

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RE: troubled sub - 12/5/2008 9:45:51 PM   
utopicus


Posts: 97
Joined: 8/27/2008
Status: offline 		It's best to discuss openly with your Master about the issue. He's not only your Master, he's your partner too, so always communication should be considered on delicate matters. He should be able to compromise with you and together you'll reach an agreement that will be satisfactory for you both.

(in reply to vanessa73)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: troubled sub - 12/5/2008 9:47:47 PM   
moonvine


Posts: 780
Joined: 11/7/2004
Status: offline 		Oh yes, there is that too.  

(in reply to DavanKael)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: troubled sub - 12/5/2008 9:51:18 PM   
vanessa73


Posts: 12
Status: offline 		No i have not, i feel so completely guilty for even thinking this way.  i know that he does his own thing,i'm ok with it, i realize that it is human nature, he however is more jealous. He jokes about me having a "sancho". i am sexually addicted, i need it, i don't know what your position is, but how do you think i should approach the subject? 

(in reply to moonvine)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: troubled sub - 12/5/2008 9:53:07 PM   
KyttynTheMynx


Posts: 4880
Joined: 5/10/2006
From: Moosecrotch, Va
Status: offline 		Oh yea...because fucking around on the side ALWAYS solves everything.  (Ever watched Jerry Springer or Maury Povich?)

Be a REAL woman and talk to him open heartedly, and honestly and tell him what you think, what you feel, and go from there.


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RE: troubled sub - 12/5/2008 10:06:20 PM   
vanessa73


Posts: 12
Status: offline 		you're right little one, i feel so stupid for even thinking like this.  Perhaps, i shouldn't be drinking. lol  it only makes the frustrations more difficult.  We've been married now for 10 years and he's been gone for the last 4, i probably should just suck it up and try to forget my own needs.  i don't think he would be so big on having an open relationship.  He used to, but that all stopped when he realized that i would have my needs fullfilled elsewhere if i had his permission.  i'm copletely ok with him doing what he needs, i know he loves me. He can't handle me doing the same and damn it Materbation is getting old.

(in reply to DavanKael)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: troubled sub - 12/5/2008 10:28:59 PM   
NihilusZero


Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		So...you haven't told him because you probably already know his answer and don't wish to face the reality of it, leading to your offering up the situation to people on a public forum in the hopes you may find one fleeting supportive comment that enables a justification of sorts for your inability to reconcile your libido with the relationship you've chosen.

Does he know that you actually do not want to (and/or cannot) be his submissive? Do you?

< Message edited by NihilusZero -- 12/5/2008 10:30:49 PM >

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I know they're all insane
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(in reply to vanessa73)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: troubled sub - 12/5/2008 10:29:08 PM   
atypicalsub


Posts: 284
Joined: 4/11/2008
From: an atypical sub
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: vanessa73

i just need an outside opinion on what the opinions are on fucking around a little bit.  Completely unemotional, just physical.


All that is important is what you and your partner have agreed to.  The opinions of everyone else are irrelevant.  Talk to your partner about your situation and your needs.  If he is okay with you having sex with someone else then there is no problem.  If he is insistant that you not be sexual with anyone else then you need to decide for yourself if that need is so strong that you have to walk away from the relationship. 


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(in reply to vanessa73)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: troubled sub - 12/5/2008 10:35:08 PM   
stella41b


Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
Status: offline 		Please forgive me for asking a really stupid question, but you say your Master has gone away to work, and he's gone, and only now you are thinking about this issue?

Surely if jiggy jiggy was so important to you, wouldn't this have been discussed before now?


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(in reply to vanessa73)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: troubled sub - 12/5/2008 10:38:20 PM   
califsue


Posts: 593
Joined: 2/2/2008
Status: offline 		First off, does he realize how sexually starved you are? Is the need really physical pleasure you are seeking or is what you are seeking more along the lines of being controlled, and BDSM play? There are venues where one can play with others and not necessarily only having sex but more along the lines of kink play. Would he be willing to find you a Master who could serve some of your needs and trusting him rather then several different partners. We all have urges and needs that while they can be manageable for a time while being separated for any extended length of time can be very challenging. I think there may have been some discussion along this line about a month ago and with any luck maybe LuckyAlbatross will be by and post the links for you. 

(in reply to atypicalsub)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: troubled sub - 12/5/2008 10:47:31 PM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline 		ok, let's get this straight.  He's away two-thirds of the year.  You've been married 10 years and he knows that you have a high sex drive.  While he's away he fucks around to get his needs met, but denies you the same.

Some major talking needs to be done here. And soon.

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Profile   Post #: 16
RE: troubled sub - 12/5/2008 11:05:49 PM   
MsLadySue


Posts: 2254
Joined: 12/18/2004
Status: offline 		I agree with myotherself, if he's getting his needs met, why aren't you? I have a hard time understanding one half of a marriage being allowed to satisfy their needs elsewhere while their partner is denied.

Personally, I would be getting my needs met too.

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Profile   Post #: 17
RE: troubled sub - 12/5/2008 11:06:24 PM   
vanessa73


Posts: 12
Status: offline 		califsue, your a smart lady, i'll see what i can find, with the past subjects.  Thankyou

(in reply to califsue)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: troubled sub - 12/5/2008 11:16:37 PM   
vanessa73


Posts: 12
Status: offline 		i guess he does his thing because he knows that i understand these physical needs and i'm perfectly ok with it.  He can't return the same because perhaps he is insecure and needs to dominate and keep everything to himself.  He can't help that.  Afterall he does sacrifice so much and life is passing him by while he's working constantly.  i feel indebted and guilty for the person i am and everything that he does for our family.  i guess i really need to just talk to him. It's probably not going to happen, but maybe we can come to some sort of understanding with this 

(in reply to myotherself)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: troubled sub - 12/5/2008 11:16:48 PM   
NihilusZero


Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MsLadySue

I agree with myotherself, if he's getting his needs met, why aren't you? I have a hard time understanding one half of a marriage being allowed to satisfy their needs elsewhere while their partner is denied.

Personally, I would be getting my needs met too.

These sorts of commentaries seem to conveniently neglect her decision to be in a situation where these are the stipulations.

Sure, I could come in here and whine about having been charged $30,000 for a Chevy Aveo and having to make the payments every month...and I could probably get a number of gasps that the car dealership charged me that much. And yet, it would be I who signed the agreement.


_____________________________

"I know it's all a game
I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
~Siouxsie & the Banshees

NihilusZero.com

CM Sex God du Jour
CM Hall Monitor

(in reply to MsLadySue)
Profile   Post #: 20
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