Sensualips
Posts: 1013
Joined: 10/8/2005
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quote:
How did it "feel" actually walking into a home in which you felt the newcomer, the outsider? Did you have as great feelings for Bella as you did for Thomas? How did you feel about sharing chores or serving? Did you all play together all the time? I suppose that I am one of those people who will always be haunted by jealousy of some sort.
I have been the "new girl" in a polysexual relationship, one non-bdsm and one with a s/D. Let me point out neither was a committed polyamorous relationship with shared living and shared chores. However, both were friendships/relationships that went beyond the add-an-extra-girl-stir-and-bake sexual encounter.
As a newcomer I always tried to be very conscious of overstepping. There seems to be a perception that the new girl will come in, try and take over, and run off the exisiting girl. In even the most casual beginning of a potential relationship, I try and avoid any appearance of that. I also talk with both, ask some questions, observe, and try and determine the strength of their existing relationship. I don't even want to bother beginning with a pair or couple that has a shaky framework or don't seem to be on the same page about what they want. I think that is just disaster waiting to happen. I try and start that open communication thing very early.
I guess I initially feel excited, intrigued about the potential, but very cautious.
With the current couple I am involved with I do have feelings for both of them. There is a different dynamic, of course. I do not consider the submissive as a sister, but a friend. A friend I like to have sex with sometimes. The Dom I also consider a friend that I also like to have sex with. Sometimes it is just he and I, sometimes it is her and I and he may join later, sometimes it is all three. And sometimes we don't feel like it and just go to dinner or wander off to bed tired. Although I talk with them frequently I only see them a few times a month, so they have much of their own time. Both are free to see other people as well, so they do have designated "us time" nights and I know to avoid interfering with those. I see people and I keep them aware of what is going on with me, but there is no posessiveness on that end at all.
Communication is not always just discussions. I am quick to pick up on an attitude or mood and they are as well. Sometimes we don't NEED to have a big discussion - something is easily identified and resolved with a simple act.
I do not share chores, although I get up and help her out...as any guest would. That is similar for service, I guess. There have been things he asked of me that she could not do or just fit me better, and so it was done.
There has not been much jealousy for me, mostly because I went in understanding the situation. I feel a gratitude towards her for trusting me in a way she does not some women. There is little jealousy from her because of that trust and the fact I am "submissive light." For her it is the very submissive personalities and behaviors that tend to bring out her jealousy. My only real flash of jealousy so far came regarding ANOTHER girl -- the momentary panic they "liked her better" than me and I might be replaced. I worked through it quickly.
For us, she is his collared submissive and he is her Dominant. That relationship is exclusive in a sense - he does not heavy scene with others and no one else shares that unique relationship. They are the primary relationship. I am a bonus accessory and perfectly content with this arrangement. I made two friends out of the deal and as time passes those friendships are deepening. It may not be a permanent arrangement because one never knows how things evolve or what the future holds.
< Message edited by Sensualips -- 12/27/2005 6:27:41 PM >
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RE: Jealousy - 
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