Do Life Stressors Affect Your D- or s- Proclivities?

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Do Life Stressors Affect Your D- or s- Proclivities? - 12/10/2008 10:08:13 PM

DavanKael

Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
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Hi, all----
A number of life events of late have me feeling rather abandoned and threatened. I notice as the sensations worsen, my more dominant proclivities (I am speaking globally) come to the fore; ie: standing against adversity differently than if I felt more secure in various ways (Sublimating my submission, which is my preferred side of the kneel when there is safety and trust to allow that). Now, this isn't really new news but it is the first time I've taken as strong a note of it in precisely this fashion.
I am curious if any others who identify as switches (And, please feel free, regardless of your D- or s- status to chime in) note a fluctuation in their proclivities during particularly stressful times or other times or if they appear unaffected by life events.
Again, I am not particularly disturbed by this acknowledgment (I can be as disturbed as I want by the necessity and still acknowledge it as such and understand why it is), I am curious about how others track such ebbs and flows and welcome your sharing.
Thank you,
Davan

< Message edited by DavanKael -- 12/10/2008 10:26:46 PM >

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RE: Do Life Stressors Affect Your D- or s- Proclivities? - 12/11/2008 9:13:18 AM

Dmon

Posts: 82
Joined: 12/27/2007
Status: offline

I find that when I'm in a worrying state, I'm not a very forceful Dom. I tend to give up and say "whatever". It's because my mind is going back to that one stressful thought over and over, and then I lose the mood and the energy. If I can't turn off my brain, I can't turn on my D side.. plain and simple.

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RE: Do Life Stressors Affect Your D- or s- Proclivities? - 12/11/2008 5:14:30 PM

chamberqueen

Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline

I have gone through some tough vanilla circumstances recently which have made me feel more submissive. I have had to lean on others for help and I just find myself thankful and wanting to repay however I can, especially with even better than normal service. It is a relief for me just to be told what to do and give myself over to it.

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RE: Do Life Stressors Affect Your D- or s- Proclivities? - 12/12/2008 2:14:42 AM

SteveAndJaz

Posts: 151
Joined: 11/22/2008
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I can become much more Dominant when personal stuff takes off but I am aware that as a sadist I need to curb my actions and try to keep it more verbal.
I don't ever feel the need to submit under stress because to me stress is an uncontrollable emotion and my need is to take back that control.

Steve goes neither way when he is stressed. He just wants to talk and sort things out.

Jaz

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RE: Do Life Stressors Affect Your D- or s- Proclivities? - 12/12/2008 12:28:43 PM

mydniterose

Posts: 20
Joined: 11/15/2008
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I too need to be in a more relaxed and secure frame of mind to even concider "bottoming". As it is, it only happens now and then that I feel like giving over that much control to get the masco stimuliation that I enjoy sometimes.

If I was stressed out I wouldn't want to actually "play" with anyone as I would be leary of taking it out on the sub.

Rather I would find a way to de-stress, then celabrate this more level mood by beating the bejujus out of a more than willing sub!

*grins*

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RE: Do Life Stressors Affect Your D- or s- Proclivities? - 12/12/2008 9:31:12 PM

SunNMoon

Posts: 1058
Joined: 3/18/2007
Status: offline

I actually go more sub when I'm stressed out. When life is good and not super stressed out I'm more dom (which is most of the time).

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RE: Do Life Stressors Affect Your D- or s- Proclivities? - 12/13/2008 7:36:24 AM

pantherkitten

Posts: 10
Joined: 12/10/2008
From: South Carolina
Status: offline

Man, I'm not very dominant OR submissive when I get really stressed out. If I felt pushed to be one way or the other, I think it'd be up for grabs which batch of feelings hit me, based on the situation and everything else. When I get stressed I tend to shun close interpersonal contact (I've never been much of a confider and I'm definitely an introvert)- when I'm stressed, I also think WAY too much, rather, I worry, and get anxiety, and that makes sex and related activities very difficult. When I get super inward thinking (and I am talking about times of GREAT stress, which I've gone through fairly recently, so, this is a recent observation, haha) I will really pull into myself and not want to be either way or to be sexual or very communicative at all. At least til I've relaxed and read or painted or something for awhile, some sort of alone time type activity.

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RE: Do Life Stressors Affect Your D- or s- Proclivities? - 12/14/2008 1:26:38 PM

DavanKael

Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
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Thank you to all who have replied thus far. :>
Davan

_____________________________

May you live as long as you wish & love as long as you live
-Robert A Heinlein

It's about the person & the bond,not the bondage
-Me

Waiting is

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Jesus,I've ALWAYS been a deviant
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RE: Do Life Stressors Affect Your D- or s- Proclivities? - 12/14/2008 8:53:54 PM

AStudyInScarlet

Posts: 79
Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline

oh yeah, they totally do. my pet and i both want to be topped when we're stressed out. it makes me feel loved and adored when he dotes on me and that makes everything else in the world better. i find i have a hard time topping when i'm depressed or feeling insecure. i need to have the confidence for that.

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RE: Do Life Stressors Affect Your D- or s- Proclivities? - 12/14/2008 9:06:54 PM

YourhandMyAss

Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline

yes, stress affects me, and my proclivities. When I am stressed about not getting any help with the house work, or I feel that I am not getting any support that there's a shit load of things to do and very little time to do them, I get VERY bossy, more so than usual.

and I start trying to enforce things and make all these grand plans and assertion that stuff WILL get done, and done by the time I say it'll be done or else nothing else will be done. I can become quite unbearable, and Daddy finally gives in and just starts picking up to avoid my wrath.

But then again I am usually only that way because the inability to get Daddy to do any housework on his own leads me to become very demanding that it is to get done, and done soon. I am positively sick of the amount of work the room needs, and the lack of help or support it gets.

quote:

I am curious if any others who identify as switches (And, please feel free, regardless of your D- or s- status to chime in) note a fluctuation in their proclivities during particularly stressful times

quote:

ORIGINAL: DavanKael

Hi, all----
A number of life events of late have me feeling rather abandoned and threatened. I notice as the sensations worsen, my more dominant proclivities (I am speaking globally) come to the fore; ie: standing against adversity differently than if I felt more secure in various ways (Sublimating my submission, which is my preferred side of the kneel when there is safety and trust to allow that). Now, this isn't really new news but it is the first time I've taken as strong a note of it in precisely this fashion.
I am curious if any others who identify as switches (And, please feel free, regardless of your D- or s- status to chime in) note a fluctuation in their proclivities during particularly stressful times or other times or if they appear unaffected by life events.
Again, I am not particularly disturbed by this acknowledgment (I can be as disturbed as I want by the necessity and still acknowledge it as such and understand why it is), I am curious about how others track such ebbs and flows and welcome your sharing.
Thank you,
Davan

(in reply to DavanKael)

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RE: Do Life Stressors Affect Your D- or s- Proclivities? - 12/15/2008 2:07:20 PM

sirsholly

Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline

Stress makes me much more submissive in the bedroom. I want to be taken away from the stress...i want to escape. An intense time with hubby takes me away from reality.

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RE: Do Life Stressors Affect Your D- or s- Proclivities? - 12/17/2008 5:21:10 PM

StrictnSaucy

Posts: 363
Joined: 1/6/2005
Status: offline

When I become over stressed I close myself off. I stay in my office / house, shut off to outside news, regroup with myself and focus on finding resolve or closing, to what ever is stressing me. In those hours or days I am not a Dom or indeed a partner - I am a closed book. Thankfully my boy gets this and allows me space without getting annoyed or feeling ignored

I don't tend to stress on the little things - so it does not happen often.

SnS

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RE: Do Life Stressors Affect Your D- or s- Proclivities? - 12/17/2008 8:21:01 PM

Celene

Posts: 158
Joined: 12/28/2007
Status: offline

I agree it is life as I live it that effects my responses to life itself and my sexuality is an important part of that. I am not a screaming b!tch as a woman or a dominant, but I can react that way if the situation warrants.
However loud is not dominant and quiet submissive any more than one is weak and the other strong. They are aspects of our personalities and I find that, like you, I ebb and flow, and generally enjoy the tides of being both human and kinky.

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RE: Do Life Stressors Affect Your D- or s- Proclivities? - 12/18/2008 11:05:40 AM

pdv99

Posts: 140
Joined: 3/13/2007
From: UK
Status: offline

If I find I need to be very dominant at work, then I enjoy being sub in my leisure time - the ability to stop taking decisions, to obey and accept is very stress releasing. When things are less challenging in "real" (e.g. working) life then taking a dominant role is more exhilarating.

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