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Alcohol consumption and BDSM - 12/28/2005 10:57:27 AM

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This question is a two-parter.
Not sure this is the right board, but i'll post here anyway as it seems the most logical.

1. Do you have any limits regarding playing/scening if you're drinking, or allowing someone to scene/play with you as a top or bottom if they've been drinking? If so, why?

2. This question goes back to an incident recently where a friend of mine experienced canes for the first time. I was used to demo the canes, first. After she watched, she asked this Dom is she could experience them, he obliged her as I and someone else watched. He did not strike her overly hard, she never used a safe word, all body movements indicated she was enjoying it and wanted more. But her ass got pretty bruised up, and she complained to someone later. Now, this young woman, a Domme had before the demo started indicated she wanted to not only see them used and have him explain technique to her, but perhaps try them on me as well. I saw she had a beer in her hand, asked how much she'd had to drink and was told 6 in the less than 2 hours she'd been there. I told her I don't play with someone who has been drinking, period.
That said.... i wonder if the 6 beers she had might have caused her to bruise more than the otherwise might have?

RE: Alcohol consumption and BDSM - 12/28/2005 11:17:13 AM

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I certainly do not allow my submissives to drink at all before a caning, of all things; I want their wits and nerves sharp. I want them to feel everything I intend to make them feel, physically and emotionally.

As for the bruises, well—caning will leave those, no matter what (unless they are mere velvet love taps). If one has an issue about marks being left on one's body, then perhaps they shouldn't pursue getting one in the first place?

For me personally, I don't have anything to do with alcohol when I'm "playing". Why cheapen the experience? Your policy about drinking is quite sound, and I agree with you; the activities don't mix, in my opinion.

(in reply to cravinspankin)

RE: Alcohol consumption and BDSM - 12/28/2005 11:25:38 AM

stef

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quote:

ORIGINAL: cravinspankin

That said.... i wonder if the 6 beers she had might have caused her to bruise more than the otherwise might have?

Certainly. Alcohol is a vasodilator. If someone gets beaten when they have alcohol in their system (or if they drink soon after), the dilated blood vessels increase blood flow to the extremities and surface tissue which causes more extensive bruising than normal. It was her own damn fault.

~stef

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(in reply to cravinspankin)

RE: Alcohol consumption and BDSM - 12/28/2005 11:31:06 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: cravinspankin
1. Do you have any limits regarding playing/scening if you're drinking, or allowing someone to scene/play with you as a top or bottom if they've been drinking? If so, why?

Nothing hard and fast, I judge on a case by case situation because it always is a unique context.

quote:

But her ass got pretty bruised up, and she complained to someone later. Now, this young woman, a Domme had before the demo started indicated she wanted to not only see them used and have him explain technique to her, but perhaps try them on me as well. I saw she had a beer in her hand, asked how much she'd had to drink and was told 6 in the less than 2 hours she'd been there. I told her I don't play with someone who has been drinking, period.
That said.... i wonder if the 6 beers she had might have caused her to bruise more than the otherwise might have?

Possibly, alcohol thins blood.

Hate it when people complain about their own choices instead of taking responsibility- what I call the "morning after syndrome."

(in reply to cravinspankin)

RE: Alcohol consumption and BDSM - 12/28/2005 12:19:54 PM

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From: Delray Beach, FL
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quote:

ORIGINAL: cravinspankin

This question is a two-parter.
Not sure this is the right board, but i'll post here anyway as it seems the most logical.

1. Do you have any limits regarding playing/scening if you're drinking, or allowing someone to scene/play with you as a top or bottom if they've been drinking? If so, why?

I don't object to drinking but if there is any evidence the alcohol has affected the submissive's responses or judgement, it is a hard limit.

quote:

2. This question goes back to an incident recently where a friend of mine experienced canes for the first time. I was used to demo the canes, first. After she watched, she asked this Dom is she could experience them, he obliged her as I and someone else watched. He did not strike her overly hard, she never used a safe word, all body movements indicated she was enjoying it and wanted more. But her ass got pretty bruised up, and she complained to someone later. Now, this young woman, a Domme had before the demo started indicated she wanted to not only see them used and have him explain technique to her, but perhaps try them on me as well. I saw she had a beer in her hand, asked how much she'd had to drink and was told 6 in the less than 2 hours she'd been there. I told her I don't play with someone who has been drinking, period.
That said.... i wonder if the 6 beers she had might have caused her to bruise more than the otherwise might have?

Yes, like aspirin, alcohol is a blood thinner. This is why one never gives a drink to a wounded person who might recover. (note lack of comma)

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(in reply to cravinspankin)

RE: Alcohol consumption and BDSM - 12/28/2005 12:43:12 PM

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that and it may have made her not pay any attention to how it was actually feeling and what was too much.

(in reply to JohnWarren)

RE: Alcohol consumption and BDSM - 12/28/2005 5:34:05 PM

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We have a house rule.....we will not scene with anyone when we have been drinking (which is not often) and nor will we play with our submissives if they have had alcohol within the last few hours, nor will we play with any submissive if they are under the influence.

Bear and Ursa

(in reply to petwolf22)

RE: Alcohol consumption and BDSM - 12/28/2005 6:46:12 PM

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I fully understand personal rules about drinking and play. Obviously alcohol lowers inhibitions and is therefore dangerous in this context. However, probably highly controversially, I am so much more relaxed and turned on after a drink. Not enough to make me irresponsible, just enough to make me less shy. I'm very prepared for everyone to tell me I am wrong, but I have been brought up with alcohol as a daily occurance and so it worries me less.

Any thoughts?

Big Eyes

(in reply to HouseofBear)

RE: Alcohol consumption and BDSM - 12/28/2005 7:31:55 PM

jamesthehumanrug

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cravin a
6 beers in less than 2 hrs for me is
PPRESUUUURE!!!!!!!!!
(PRO NOUNCED;
PRESH-ARE ,
AKA: PRESURE-PERIOD)

_____________________________

I REMAIN RESPECTFULLY SUBMITTED
,LOVEles,
jamesthehumanrug

(in reply to cravinspankin)

RE: Alcohol consumption and BDSM - 12/28/2005 7:40:18 PM

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As I replied in the other thread

I don't drink...I have a very low tolerance for alchohol ( two beers and I am pretty well gone ). Since I tend to ride very high with pain; drinking would impair my reactions and my partner would not be able to know if I had enough.

Drinking thins the blood. Delays the clotting of blood. A dangerous mix if somehow the skin was to break, and bleeding was to occur.

I want to feel everything. Drinking does not enhance those feelings, it dulls the senses.

quote:

As for the bruises, well—caning will leave those, no matter what (unless they are mere velvet love taps). If one has an issue about marks being left on one's body, then perhaps they shouldn't pursue getting one in the first place?

This I agree with. Why participate if you are worried about a few bruises?

As for the other part. I will not let someone scene with me who has been drinking. No how. No way.

(in reply to cravinspankin)

RE: Alcohol consumption and BDSM - 12/29/2005 4:02:09 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: cravinspankin

1. Do you have any limits regarding playing/scening if you're drinking, or allowing someone to scene/play with you as a top or bottom if they've been drinking? If so, why?

For me...drinking, and enjoying play, or a scene, do not mix well.

During the getting-to-know-you phase, my previous submissive told me that he "never" drank alcohol. While at a club months later, we got into a scene, where I restrained him to the cross and flogged his bare back...with a Deer skin flogger. (For those that might not know, this leather is probably the most sensual and lightest of leathers, and is more like a sensual kiss, than anything, although it can make much noise.)

He apparently chose that day to drink some beer (in spite of telling "me" that he "never" drank alcohol). During the scene, he became quite agitated, and his reactions were enough to cause me concern. I immediately stopped the scene, and while removing him from the cross, he accused me of trying to "hurt him"...that I was "beating" him, and he stormed away.

His responses were related to his reactions to drinking the alcohol and not necessarily toward me. He was not himself, and with him lying to me about his "drinking," I was a bit in the dark to figure this out, until something bad happened. Not a good way to discover things.

Sure, his lying about his drinking was an issue, but also that the alcohol not only changed his behavior, it changed his perspective of the same things that previously (while sober) were a great turn on for him. Now don't get me wrong...he was "not" fall down drunk, but he had enough alcohol to change his demeanor and view of things that were happening.

No alcohol is my preference.
K

(in reply to cravinspankin)

RE: Alcohol consumption and BDSM - 12/29/2005 7:54:02 PM

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1. Limit: Yes, No Drinking before a session, Ever, HARD LIMIT.

2. Anyone who claims that alcohol won't affect their skills as a Dom/Domme has simply never been on the inebriated, or even just 'buzzed' end of their 'play'. Shame We/we can't arrange that for a few folks.

TexasMaam

(in reply to cravinspankin)

RE: Alcohol consumption and BDSM - 2/6/2006 2:54:47 AM

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depends on trust and comfert levels
my 1st so called spanking he drank a 6 pack
he was insane
i was bruised hips to knee backs for over 6 weeks
black, not blck and blue pure black
i shuold have seen a dr but i was ashamed
ive played with frineds who i trust after a drink and its fine.
all goes with trust
and i was 21 and stupid

(in reply to TexasMaam)

RE: Alcohol consumption and BDSM - 2/16/2006 1:14:50 AM

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I am a switch sub/Dom and i do not allow alchahol or drugs to be part of any of my sessions, once one of my subs showed up drunk and i turned him down, he was desparate to be punished so i took his car keys and hid them, then i chained him to the bed with a long chain in the guest bed room, the chain was long enough that he could use the rest room, i did nothing to him that night, when morning came i unlocked him and sent him out the door and told him not to come back intoxicated, he quit drinking all together not long after that and now he's one of the best subs i have.

i wanna be your dog ( iggy pop )

(in reply to cravinspankin)

RE: Alcohol consumption and BDSM - 2/19/2006 7:13:18 PM

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quote:

once one of my subs showed up drunk and i turned him down, he was desparate to be punished so i took his car keys and hid them, then i chained him to the bed with a long chain in the guest bed room, the chain was long enough that he could use the rest room, i did nothing to him that night, when morning came i unlocked him and sent him out the door and told him not to come back intoxicated

Wow, what a lesson he got!

(in reply to slavefrankie)

RE: Alcohol consumption and BDSM - 2/20/2006 6:33:03 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: petwolf22

that and it may have made her not pay any attention to how it was actually feeling and what was too much.

I'd agree with you as well, in addition to the dilation of the vessels, it deadens one's ability to feel pain and one's perception of what's happening----look at the drunk drivers that walk away from horrific accidents--

_____________________________

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Mistress Hathor

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RE: Alcohol consumption and BDSM - 3/7/2006 10:32:53 PM

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I understand fully, why people advise someone not to play with a parnter who has been drinking, and would endorse that myself.

But i dont think it is a hard limit for me. I see a difference between having a glass or two of red, as i know that i am hardly likely to have my faculties impaired. But lets say, i had not yet eaten, then id be more affected by the same amount of alcohol. Plus, i only have one partner, my Sir, my parnter in life. I guess you kinda get to know each others limits where alcohol is concerned. Certainly, i would not be doing anything edgy whilst under the influence. Either of us that is.

Sometimes, i enjoy the added relaxation of a substance. for me, that is rarely alcohol, more the smoking variety. But again, there is a difference between completely twatted, and a little relaxed. Knowing myself and my partner well enough to accurately judge the difference, keeps me and mine safe.

Alcohol in me, tends to detract from my submissive position, causes me to be more gobby, and i find it harder to not argue. So id rather stick to my own poison if im going to indulge and play.
Everything in moderation, including moderation.

little1

(in reply to MHOO314)

RE: Alcohol consumption and BDSM - 3/7/2006 10:50:00 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: cravinspankin

This question is a two-parter.
Not sure this is the right board, but i'll post here anyway as it seems the most logical.

1. Do you have any limits regarding playing/scening if you're drinking, or allowing someone to scene/play with you as a top or bottom if they've been drinking? If so, why?

As far as I can see question 1 really in encompasses question 2.

So, anything that is pure Rping or non physical you judge entirely on trust and mental state or involved participants. but, as soon as you start discussing rope, tensions, welts, toys, or any such you are moving into an area of "possibly dangerous". I have quite a lot of experiece with rope play, but there is no way way for me to know exactly what someone else feels.

As far as I am concerned empathy is a myth, sympathy is as clsoe as you can get to feelign another's reality. I can approximate but never know exactly. I don't like the idea of a sub not in control of themselves at all. Not only is it a turn off (why dominate anyone not in control of themselves) but the recklessness is a turn off also.

I don't do any physical[edit] play/sex-play with anyone drunk/high.

edit: added physical to last line.

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RE: Alcohol consumption and BDSM - 3/8/2006 5:13:55 AM

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Duh! Last famous words are:
1) Hey guys watch this!
2) Hey Bubba hold me beer!

(in reply to Edidid)

RE: Alcohol consumption and BDSM - 3/11/2006 10:08:52 PM

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There's having a drink and there's being drunk.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with having a drink or 2 (unless you're allergic to alcohol) before scening.

Being impaired on the other hand comes with a few issues.
1) Someone impaired cannot provide consent
2) " " " be in control
3) " " " " aware.

(in reply to cravinspankin)

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