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RE: This is a vent, What do you think ? *UPDATED* - 12/13/2008 5:09:54 AM   
Roselaure


Posts: 672
Joined: 4/12/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FLMaster45

I was taken to task by someone for my post.  I replied with the letter below, and that person suggested I post it as a reply to my own post.  I'm not sure that there aren't some elements of it that aren't just as unkind as the original, but it is what I wrote.  So here it is:

_____________________________

Oh that.  That is my first post ever on the forums here.

Obviously some would call me grumpy, some arrogant, some cynical, and I would of course call myself realistic.

I am not good at warm and fuzzy.  It's always been a failing of mine.  When the girl talks about "Getting off" I assume it was not in-person sex.  Now yes, it's sad.  I have a slight weight problem, unfortunately I have my father's body shape, and the only way I can lose weight is to get horribly depressed and stop eating.  Fortunately for me, women tend to be more attracted to education, class, power, and money.

But she weighs 275 pounds.  Clearly she is living in a fantasy world, and I think that deep inside she knows it.  I am not angry and cynical, I am not one of these right-wingers who believes that people who are miserable deserve it, because if they were morally worthy they wouldn't be miserable.  But she obviously knows that she's morbidly obese and cannot have a real-life relationship because of it.  So she hopes for an online relationship, and then is disappointed when that's what she finds.  What does she expect?  A LONG-TERM online relationship?  Or that some guy will fall so hopelessly in love with her from online contact that he'll overlook her appearance?

I'm sorry, I'm not a mean person.  I guess you're right, there was no need for what I wrote.  Is there a way to delete it?  As I said, I am not a regular on the forums at all.


I have left this thread alone so far, but am now wading in with the sharks.  You really don't seem like a mean person, but you do seem to be making lots of assumptions about how a person who weighs 275 pounds "must" be motivated.  You really don't know, but you have the OP right here, so why not ask her instead of assuming? 

To be specific, what is hanging me up about your post is highlighted above.  It's a non sequiter.  Of course, anyone who is overweight (like yourself, amd me too for that matter) is painfully aware of it.  But it does not follow necessarily to say that one "cannot  have a real long term relationship because of it."  Of course she can and people do every day.  Perhaps not with you, but there is, as my granny used to say, "a lid for every pot."  The OP seems like a sweet and beautiful young woman.  Why would many men not be attracted to those qualities?

I think you are intelligent and your second post on this thread was well considered and non combative, which is a rare enough thing on CM.  I hope you stick around and post some more.

_____________________________

Once conform, once do what other people do because they do it, and lethargy steals over all the finer nerves and faculties of the soul.
-Virginia Woolf

(in reply to FLMaster45)
Profile   Post #: 61
RE: This is a vent, What do you think ? *UPDATED* - 12/13/2008 5:38:59 AM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

quote:

ORIGINAL: FLMaster45

But she weighs 275 pounds.  Clearly she is living in a fantasy world, and I think that deep inside she knows it.   But she obviously knows that she's morbidly obese and cannot have a real-life relationship because of it.  So she hopes for an online relationship, and then is disappointed when that's what she finds.  What does she expect? 

Who in the hell do you think you are to assume who can and cannot have a worthwhile relationship?
Who do you think you are to assume an overweight woman should have no high expectations?
Who do you think you are to devalue any human being, for any reason?


< Message edited by sirsholly -- 12/13/2008 5:44:56 AM >

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Profile   Post #: 62
RE: This is a vent, What do you think ? *UPDATED* - 12/13/2008 5:44:05 AM   
Lucylastic


Posts: 40310
Status: offline 		I'd like a definition of "class and education" please.....cos it sure isnt jiving with my own.

OP lovely lady, good luck.
Lucy


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\(•_•)
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(in reply to sirsholly)
Profile   Post #: 63
RE: This is a vent, What do you think ? *UPDATED* - 12/13/2008 5:46:17 AM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline 		What a post to wake up to.  I'm not even pissed anymore.  This is just sad.

Some men are single and enjoying it.  Other men are single, and alone.

There's a word for a guy who wants a relationship, but women are repelled by him.  What's that word?  Repel... repel... oh, yeah.  "Repulsive."


_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to sirsholly)
Profile   Post #: 64
RE: This is a vent, What do you think ? *UPDATED* - 12/13/2008 6:14:46 AM   
stella41b


Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FLMaster45

Obviously some would call me grumpy, some arrogant, some cynical, and I would of course call myself realistic.



Perspective is in the eye of the beholder. I don't share your 'realism', in fact I call it 'fascism' and it gives me no pleasure whatsoever to have chosen such a word.

quote:

ORIGINAL: FLMaster45

I am not good at warm and fuzzy. It's always been a failing of mine. When the girl talks about "Getting off" I assume it was not in-person sex. Now yes, it's sad. I have a slight weight problem, unfortunately I have my father's body shape, and the only way I can lose weight is to get horribly depressed and stop eating.



Not good at being warm and fuzzy? How about being human? Possible with a bit of effort? You know it takes a couple of seconds to change an attitude and a little discipline to keep it. However I see from your words that this requires a bit too much effort for you, and you would rather make excuses for your lack of acceptance about yourself. Okay, so be it, I'm not you, I don't have to live your life.

I won't go into the bit about calling yourself a Master whilst being so incapable of a bit of restraint and discipline, as none of us are perfect, but leave this for you yourself to reflect over.

But I will also ask you to reflect over your need to project your own insecurities onto someone else on a message board who you've never met, who you don't know, and obviously in whom you have no interest. Why the attempt at playing psychologist when nobody asked you? What is the motive and reason behind your words?

quote:

ORIGINAL: FLMaster45

Fortunately for me, women tend to be more attracted to education, class, power, and money.



Fortunately for them you mean? Not sure about the money, but I see not much evidence of education, class or power in what you have posted if you are talking about yourself here. But as I already pointed out, I don't share your perspective either.

quote:

ORIGINAL: FLMaster45

But she weighs 275 pounds. Clearly she is living in a fantasy world, and I think that deep inside she knows it. I am not angry and cynical, I am not one of these right-wingers who believes that people who are miserable deserve it, because if they were morally worthy they wouldn't be miserable. But she obviously knows that she's morbidly obese and cannot have a real-life relationship because of it. So she hopes for an online relationship, and then is disappointed when that's what she finds. What does she expect? A LONG-TERM online relationship? Or that some guy will fall so hopelessly in love with her from online contact that he'll overlook her appearance?



Others will correct me here if I am wrong but you are a body fascist. The above are your words, you own them, together with the attitudes behind them. You own them too. Your informed opinion, not requested and not necessary, is actually insecurity and an unsolicited projection onto someone else you do not know and have never met. Your words suggest that you are a fool who is fooling nobody else but yourself. By claiming she is living in a fantasy world you are also revealing yourself to be a hypocrite. Your words display your ignorance, your arrogance, and though you may see your opinion as justified it is nothing more than an unsolicited and unjustified slanderous attack on another poster.

quote:

ORIGINAL: FLMaster45

I'm sorry, I'm not a mean person. I guess you're right, there was no need for what I wrote. Is there a way to delete it? As I said, I am not a regular on the forums at all.


Not mean? Okay, if you are not mean, then show it through your words. You cannot delete your words. You own them. Not being a regular on these forums is not an excuse, this is an adult website, and you are an adult, and therefore from what I can see responsible for your words.

Nobody is perfect, I am not perfect, you are not perfect, so please do not expect anyone else to be any more perfect than you. However it takes just a few seconds to change an attitude, a bit of discipline and control to stick to it, and a little bit more to learn from your mistakes.

You talk wet, your opinion is codswallop from my perspective.

Stop living in your fantasy world. Accept the truth, accept yourself for who you really are, and accept others for who they are too. Stop making excuses, stop projecting, and think about what you are writing and your audience before you post and you should be okay.

This is not video chat. We are not interested in how much you weigh or how you look, we are interested in your heart, your soul and your mind, the three things you need for these message boards. Do you have these three things? And can you show us that you have them?

"A fool who admits he is a fool is a wise fool, but a fool who thinks himself wise is indeed a fool."
(Dhammapada)

_____________________________

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(in reply to FLMaster45)
Profile   Post #: 65
RE: This is a vent, What do you think ? *UPDATED* - 12/13/2008 6:38:41 AM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline 		Standing ovation to Stella

_____________________________

PICKED UPON
TECHNO-DOLT
MEMBER OF THE SUBBIE MAFIA
GRACEFULLY CHALLENGED :::::splat:::::
BOOT WHORE
VAA/S FAN

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(in reply to stella41b)
Profile   Post #: 66
RE: This is a vent, What do you think ? *UPDATED* - 12/13/2008 6:54:51 AM   
LumusandtheLady


Posts: 1926
Joined: 11/1/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

Standing ovation to Stella


           

OP, weight has nothing to do with happiness and relationships unless you let it interfere with your relationships. As many people here know, I'm a BBW and just recently married the Love of my life, my Daddy and Master, Lumus, who I met here on CM while chatting over in the Polls and Random Stupidity section. Sometimes, love finds us when we least expect it. (Or flat out aren't looking for it.)

Beauty (and attractiveness) is in the eye of the beholder and we each have those traits that we find attractive. Maybe some men aren't attracted to BBW's, but there are plenty that are! It's also your personality and attitude that will attract people to you. Enjoy life and be happy. There are some great people here, fantastic support and wonderful friends!

Rain


_____________________________

"Ok, can we return to reality now, please?"

~Rain - newest member of the Clan Scarlett O'Hair-a's~

You are a fluke of the universe...



(in reply to sirsholly)
Profile   Post #: 67
RE: This is a vent, What do you think ? *UPDATED* - 12/13/2008 6:58:07 AM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FLMaster45

I was taken to task by someone for my post.  I replied with the letter below, and that person suggested I post it as a reply to my own post.  I'm not sure that there aren't some elements of it that aren't just as unkind as the original, but it is what I wrote.  So here it is:

_____________________________

Oh that.  That is my first post ever on the forums here.

Obviously some would call me grumpy, some arrogant, some cynical, and I would of course call myself realistic.

I am not good at warm and fuzzy.  It's always been a failing of mine.  When the girl talks about "Getting off" I assume it was not in-person sex.  Now yes, it's sad.  I have a slight weight problem, unfortunately I have my father's body shape, and the only way I can lose weight is to get horribly depressed and stop eating.  Fortunately for me, women tend to be more attracted to education, class, power, and money.

But she weighs 275 pounds.  Clearly she is living in a fantasy world, and I think that deep inside she knows it.  I am not angry and cynical, I am not one of these right-wingers who believes that people who are miserable deserve it, because if they were morally worthy they wouldn't be miserable.  But she obviously knows that she's morbidly obese and cannot have a real-life relationship because of it.  So she hopes for an online relationship, and then is disappointed when that's what she finds.  What does she expect?  A LONG-TERM online relationship?  Or that some guy will fall so hopelessly in love with her from online contact that he'll overlook her appearance?

I'm sorry, I'm not a mean person.  I guess you're right, there was no need for what I wrote.  Is there a way to delete it?  As I said, I am not a regular on the forums at all.


I really hate it when someone inspires me, during my difficult morning wake up, to respond because of inflamitory things they say.  I think you have pretty much been called on all of this, but of course, being the red head I am... and woman... you know how we talk.... I just can't keep my mouth shut.

You would not like it if I went word by word through your post here and found things that a professional or layman who works in mental health would pick up on... like that depression... excuse for your body shape being genetic and all that so called educated jabber.  No, you would not like me at all! lol

So what I will say is this... I am thin and I don't have a relationship.  I am not depressed though I have every reason to be.  I come from a genetic pool no one would want and we have many short and round lovelies who have long standing relationships... and the thin one... shit out of luck? 

It doesn't take warm and fuzzy to address something like this... but it might take a bit of humane treatement and wisdom, of which you will not be taken to task for not having of course... but you too are on this site for some reason... you too have personal issues... and you might want to wake up and smell the coffee...  Which sounds pretty good... I do know I should not talk too much without coffee... So I will go drink some and watch how you deflate yourself.

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!


(in reply to FLMaster45)
Profile   Post #: 68
RE: This is a vent, What do you think ? *UPDATED* - 12/13/2008 7:00:27 AM   
Lucylastic


Posts: 40310
Status: offline
quote:

This is not video chat. We are not interested in how much you weigh or how you look, we are interested in your heart, your soul and your mind, the three things you need for these message boards. Do you have these three things? And can you show us that you have them?
quote:

ORIGINAL: stella41b

Agrees with the standing ovation for Stella    .... Without a decent heart, soul and mind, you have nothing in offline either, money and power be damned.
Lucy


_____________________________

(•_•)
<) )╯SUCH
/ \

\(•_•)
( (> A NASTY
/ \

(•_•)
<) )> WOMAN
/ \

Duchess Of Dissent
Dont Hate Love

(in reply to stella41b)
Profile   Post #: 69
RE: This is a vent, What do you think ? *UPDATED* - 12/13/2008 7:31:54 AM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: HalfShyHalfWild

quote:

ORIGINAL: FLMaster45

And I'm sorry to say this, but most men aren't intersted in women who weigh 275 pounds.  I'm not saying you lose any worth or dignity as a person because of your appearance, nor that there aren't some men who prefer larger women.  But you cut your odds way down.  And whether it's your "fault" or not, it is what it is.


I've typed about 30 responses so far and I'm pretty sure all of them would get me banned. Feel more superior about yourself yet though? "Takes a big man" to kick someone when they are down.



And some men are really insecure about their tiny little penises so they take every opportunity to take the "OMG, you're overweight, ewwww!" road to make themselves feel better.  Because most women just aren't interested in men with brains the size of their penises.

_____________________________

You know it's going to be a GOOD blow job when she puts a Breathe Right strip on first.

Pick-up artists and garbage men should trade names.

(in reply to HalfShyHalfWild)
Profile   Post #: 70
RE: This is a vent, What do you think ? *UPDATED* - 12/13/2008 7:36:27 AM   
manxcat


Posts: 673
Joined: 10/3/2008
Status: offline 		Fortunately for me, women tend to be more attracted to education, class, power, and money.


You have no idea how many men with those attributes i have turned down for having no heart.   You think money will buy you anything.  And while it may buy some, or rather rent,  it will be an empty purchase, for you will not have that persons heart. Although most of them really did have class, while you have none, nor an iota of compassion, which in my book is much more desirable a trait.
Kudos Stella.

OP welcome.  Most of us are pretty decent here.  On the boards anyway. ;;-))
Others have already said what i would, so ditto. 


manxy



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Profile   Post #: 71
RE: This is a vent, What do you think ? *UPDATED* - 12/13/2008 7:38:16 AM   
CarrieO


Posts: 2432
Joined: 1/27/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FLMaster45
Fortunately for me, women tend to be more attracted to education, class, power, and money.


Well, sweetie....it has been my experience that men (and I use that term lightly) who have no depth to offer a woman tend to fall back on the examples you've given.  Education can be bought....Wisdom can't.  Class is relative.  Power is found in the act of letting go and money is a fleeting commodity...just ask some of the recently unemployed.
 
It has also been clear to me that the men who only have these things to offer and have no compassion, character or humility...which you have yet to display...inevitably get fleeced in one way or another by the very women who "settled" for them.
 
I also stand by my previous post...."I love when a person feels that by starting a discussion with "I'm sorry to say this...." that somehow it justifies his use of mean and un-called for words."
 
I feel sorry for you. 

< Message edited by CarrieO -- 12/13/2008 7:58:29 AM >

_____________________________

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(in reply to FLMaster45)
Profile   Post #: 72
RE: This is a vent, What do you think ? *UPDATED* - 12/13/2008 7:39:13 AM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		To get back on track here, OP, I believe Sylv. (sorry, I can't begin to spell it!) had the right idea.
Take your time and really get to know someone before even discussing the kinky stuff with them.
There's a reason I don't have that kind of stuff on my profile; I want people to see me as a person first. Then, later...much later, if I'm interested (which means I'm practically drooling for it!) then we can move on to the fun stuff!


_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com


(in reply to Lucylastic)
Profile   Post #: 73
RE: This is a vent, What do you think ? *UPDATED* - 12/13/2008 7:52:41 AM   
LadyEllen


Posts: 10931
Joined: 6/30/2006
From: Stourport-England
Status: offline 		At this point, I'm starting to feel a little bit sorry for this FL guy.

But then again this thread isnt about him. Except to say that he brought up indirectly the excellent point made by Stella that none of us are perfect. Even me; I'm something of a babe all in all, considering the approaches I get here and the interest show me in real life - but being m2f it goes nowhere.

Not that I see that as some terrible failing on my part, but it is one for others who might otherwise pursue me.

The trick is to understand that if anyone has a problem with my being or appearance or whatever - thats exactly the situation; they have a problem, I dont; and not to let others' opinions of me have any effect on me. Its often a difficult lesson to learn but once mastered it renders one impervious to negative comments from others who are themselves far from perfect - indeed their need to try to affect another by way of such negative comments is evidence enough of that.

But this lesson also comes with a second part; that being that if we are secure enough in ourselves we have no need to try nor the will to affect another by way of our own negative comments on their being or appearance. Self acceptance comes with acceptance of others. That of course is not to say we cant make comment on another's words and deeds, but it is to say that we no longer rely on their being and appearance to judge them.

E

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Profile   Post #: 74
RE: This is a vent, What do you think ? *UPDATED* - 12/13/2008 7:58:19 AM   
SubtleDifference


Posts: 64
Joined: 3/6/2007
From: NJ
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FLMaster45

But she weighs 275 pounds.  Clearly she is living in a fantasy world, and I think that deep inside she knows it.  I am not angry and cynical, I am not one of these right-wingers who believes that people who are miserable deserve it, because if they were morally worthy they wouldn't be miserable.  But she obviously knows that she's morbidly obese and cannot have a real-life relationship because of it.  So she hopes for an online relationship, and then is disappointed when that's what she finds.  What does she expect?  A LONG-TERM online relationship?  Or that some guy will fall so hopelessly in love with her from online contact that he'll overlook her appearance?


Wow. I feel truly enlightened. Thank you for telling me this. I will make sure that my husband of 24 years and the dominant I spent the last 4 years (RL) of this statement. Silly me for thinking I am in real relationships.

Me and my darn fantasy world. Sheesh.

(in reply to FLMaster45)
Profile   Post #: 75
RE: This is a vent, What do you think ? *UPDATED* - 12/13/2008 8:49:39 AM   
thishereboi


Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

Standing ovation to Stella




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(in reply to sirsholly)
Profile   Post #: 76
RE: This is a vent, What do you think ? *UPDATED* - 12/13/2008 9:27:35 AM   
wolfeslis


Posts: 1
Joined: 4/27/2008
Status: offline 		I personally really find you attractive. If you were to walk in the room of one of our meetings I would be all over you. Just my 2 cents.

Hugs,
lis  

(in reply to SylvereApLeanan)
Profile   Post #: 77
RE: This is a vent, What do you think ? *UPDATED* - 12/13/2008 10:11:16 AM   
elegantalexis


Posts: 237
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Hats off to you, Stella.

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(in reply to stella41b)
Profile   Post #: 78
RE: This is a vent, What do you think ? *UPDATED* - 12/13/2008 12:00:30 PM   
Aszhrae


Posts: 1030
Joined: 3/31/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FLMaster45

I was taken to task by someone for my post.  I replied with the letter below, and that person suggested I post it as a reply to my own post.  I'm not sure that there aren't some elements of it that aren't just as unkind as the original, but it is what I wrote.  So here it is:

_____________________________

Oh that.  That is my first post ever on the forums here.

Obviously some would call me grumpy, some arrogant, some cynical, and I would of course call myself realistic.

I am not good at warm and fuzzy.  It's always been a failing of mine.  When the girl talks about "Getting off" I assume it was not in-person sex.  Now yes, it's sad.  I have a slight weight problem, unfortunately I have my father's body shape, and the only way I can lose weight is to get horribly depressed and stop eating.  Fortunately for me, women tend to be more attracted to education, class, power, and money.

But she weighs 275 pounds.  Clearly she is living in a fantasy world, and I think that deep inside she knows it.  I am not angry and cynical, I am not one of these right-wingers who believes that people who are miserable deserve it, because if they were morally worthy they wouldn't be miserable.  But she obviously knows that she's morbidly obese and cannot have a real-life relationship because of it.  So she hopes for an online relationship, and then is disappointed when that's what she finds.  What does she expect?  A LONG-TERM online relationship?  Or that some guy will fall so hopelessly in love with her from online contact that he'll overlook her appearance?

I'm sorry, I'm not a mean person.  I guess you're right, there was no need for what I wrote.  Is there a way to delete it?  As I said, I am not a regular on the forums at all.


Can not believe FL actually stated that.
Just a point that you may not be aware, but in every culture, you go back far enough. It was those like Submissvelyhis which were idolized. There appearances were often depicted as representations of the Earth Mother and all her bounty.
Damn, can not believe you actually said that. *shakes head*
Submissvelyhis is a beautiful person and FL you are just ugly. The roles should be reversed and it should be FL that should be taken back.
Girl really does hope that girl never meets a guy like FL. They would need to visit IC. (yes, girl is being aggressive at this point.)
*walking away and shaking my head and muttering to my self*

(in reply to FLMaster45)
Profile   Post #: 79
RE: This is a vent, What do you think ? *UPDATED* - 12/13/2008 1:19:02 PM   
auburnvixen


Posts: 92
Joined: 11/19/2007
Status: offline 		Joining the standing ovation for Stella and adding Lockit and LadyEllen to my cheers.

Another point of contention I have with FLMaster: what the hell is this about "right-wingers who believes that people who are miserable deserve it, because if they were morally worthy they wouldn't be miserable"?  I am a right-winger and I do not believe this at all - never have. But you seem to be very fond of stereotyping people, so I suppose I shouldn't be surprised.

I'm also a BBW and I have had more and better relationships whilst being a chub than I ever had when I was at my "ideal" weight.

And as others have said...you may think you have education and class - but you are acting like a classless ass without a clue.

To the OP - you are indeed a hottie!

_____________________________

"Submissive Alpha Female"
If you're not taking flak, you're not over the target.
'Change' is not a destination, just as 'hope' is not a strategy. - Rudy Giuliani

(in reply to Aszhrae)
Profile   Post #: 80
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