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Shopping for people - 12/17/2008 9:46:53 AM

mbes

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As I was doing some Christmas shopping online, it struck me that it's an awful lot like the other side of this site. You put in your search terms, and select from what pops up, editing out all the extra steps in there like refining the search, of course!
This seems so odd to me, but then, I'm bad at shopping for books online too.
Offhand, I can think of three things that cause this to be a difficult concept for me to grasp. The first is that I'm not in the market, although circumstances dictate that I have a profile elsewhere.
The second is that I have no idea what to put in a profile. I'm on lots of sites relating to various interests, but none of them have more than one or two bits filled in. The basic age/sex/location/occupation (and in this case dom/switch/sub) info don't create a picture that I find accurate, and I'm uncomfortable posting much more than that in an open format. So I leave them blank which, of course, doesn't give anyone else anything to go by.
And last, I can't look at a profile and a picture and get a sense of what someone is about. It's all about chemistry for me, and I can't get that from a static profile. Interactive postings on a message board convey much more to me.
So what I'm wondering is, what do you look for, if you are looking online? Do you define your parameters loosely, or do you have a lot of requirements that narrow the field? Do you give a lot of people a chance, or do you know that only x type of people will work well with you?
Just a few questions while I've got a little time on my hands today.

< Message edited by mbes -- 12/17/2008 9:50:05 AM >

RE: Shopping for people - 12/17/2008 10:32:02 AM

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Sorry but i have to disagree with the theory that looking here is like shopping. I'm the world's best shopper, especially for shoes but i'm crap at picking partners.

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If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

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RE: Shopping for people - 12/17/2008 10:41:20 AM

sambamanslilgirl

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if shopping for that "perfect" partner was easy, i would have found Daddy and my pet sooner. however it's not like Hollywood "boy finds the girl" movie.

it's takes time, a whole lot of patience and meeting some frogs before finding someone compatiable to you.

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RE: Shopping for people - 12/17/2008 10:54:24 AM

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Shopping for stuff online is easy. Shopping for people online? Not so much. When I was looking, I added a few tidbits to my profile to reflect my personality and interests, and if someone wanted to know more they could contact me and we go from there. You don't do that when looking for the latest Dean Koontz novel or that cool home theater set on Ebay. It's no different really than meeting people in real life. You aren't going to get much from looking at that cute girl at the end of the bar. You need to initiate contact or have contact initiated on you before you know there is any chemistry. I would suggest casting your net wide, and see what you find. You may have to pick out some old shoes and license plates from your catch, but you may get lucky and get a big juicy Dungeoness crab or a fat fish. Can you tell I am hungry??? Happy fishing!

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RE: Shopping for people - 12/17/2008 2:30:17 PM

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shopping for shoes is hard. shopping for a suitable partner is worse.

kitten

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RE: Shopping for people - 12/17/2008 2:35:35 PM

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I don't shop anymore, I browse now. Shopping in this context is like going out with a fist fulla money and coming home with 'stuff' just to scratch the itch. Been there done that. I end up returning it (him) then back in the same candy shop looking for a different brand or flavour.

< Message edited by came4U -- 12/17/2008 2:36:18 PM >

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RE: Shopping for people - 12/17/2008 3:19:21 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sambamanslilgirl

if shopping for that "perfect" partner was easy, i would have found Daddy and my pet sooner. however it's not like Hollywood "boy finds the girl" movie.

it's takes time, a whole lot of patience and meeting some frogs before finding someone compatiable to you.

And a whole lot of numpties too.

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RE: Shopping for people - 12/17/2008 5:18:51 PM

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I would be happy to shop for books for you. ..smiles

I put a profile here to join, but it really contains very little information about me. I just put a picture up after several months. I not looking for anyone to meet, or to have an on-line relationship. Other sites there is more about me, because they are not dating sites. I figure if i didnt put anything up, people wouldnt think i would be interested.

oceanwynds

(in reply to stella41b)

RE: Shopping for people - 12/17/2008 5:40:08 PM

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Strewth! Here I was ready to head off to the local markets and see if they have a good old fashion meat market slave auction.. Bugger....

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RE: Shopping for people - 12/17/2008 6:25:12 PM

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I think it's much the same as looking in life. You cut down the list by eliminating people who are clearly wrong for you. Then just start talking to people. Most won't be right for you and that usually becomes pretty obvious once you meet. That's the point after all, is to meet people.

The pic basically just covers if I'm basically attracted. The interest list pretty vague and subjective, so it's not especially helpful. The description is really only like an introduction, anyway. So what goes into the profile isn't really that important. If we're remotely compatible I'll email and see what happens. But an empty profile is surefire way to get me to move on. At least say something, even if it's "I don't like posting stuff about myself so email me if you want to talk." You're less likely to look fake that way.

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RE: Shopping for people - 12/17/2008 6:53:56 PM

mbes

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Thanks for the answers, lots of food for thought in them.

I did have to laugh at this line, though---

quote:

ORIGINAL: monywildcat You aren't going to get much from looking at that cute girl at the end of the bar. You need to initiate contact or have contact initiated on you before you know there is any chemistry.

I've loved two men in my adult life, and I picked both of them up in bars.

Gotta watch 'em move first.... ~~yum~~

(in reply to monywildcat)

RE: Shopping for people - 12/17/2008 10:28:59 PM

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If it's shopping, it's like shopping where 90% of the merchandise is fake or the opposite of what it appears to be.

Of course, the other 10%, the real 10%, well, they're jewels worth pursuing.

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RE: Shopping for people - 12/18/2008 1:26:28 AM

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I'm kind of reading the OP here with a mixture of disbelief and incredulity.. in fact I just can't get my head round this one.

How on earth can you ever equate finding a partner or a relationship to shopping? I'm sorry but I see a world of difference between an item on a shelf in a store and another human being. Doesn't even come anywhere close.

I mean what is this? An online cattle market?

Oh and Pompeii, just out of curiosity, if 90% of people according to you are fake, what does that make you? What's your criteria here? What impact does it have on your life? I'm just curious here.

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RE: Shopping for people - 12/18/2008 1:44:48 AM

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i hate shopping, i absolutely loathe shopping, as a consequence i dont shop on line, because thats more masochism than i can personally cope with.

with regards my profiles. i put down who i am, my basic likes and dislikes but generally leave the field open - interesting people amble up, some not so interesting, eventually we get a feel for where we're at, usually theyre normal enough and so long as theyre not way off beam i go from there.

i spose i shop in the same random, haphazard way - i have a very vague idea of what i want, spend ages finding it and then when i get it home im not entirely convinced its absolutely what i wanted after all.

... hmm, maybe its time to approach my life a little differently.

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RE: Shopping for people - 12/18/2008 6:45:03 AM

mbes

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Oops, I think my post was taken a little differently than I intended. I meant shopping as in seeking or searching, and not in a derogatory sense. Put in the search parameters, see what comes up, and refine the search from there. And certainly not everyone does it. Some aren't seeking at all, and others choose not to search online. I was just curious about those who do and how it works for them.
Come to think of it, lally, I suppose my shopping style covers people as well as items too. When I know what I'm looking for, it's easy and efficient. When I'm looking for something but don't know what yet, I wait until I "fall in love".

I do have too much stuff and not enough people, so I suppose I'm a stuff-slut. That just sounds dirty...
Pompeii, is that your experience?

< Message edited by mbes -- 12/18/2008 6:46:19 AM >

(in reply to lally3)

RE: Shopping for people - 12/18/2008 9:37:26 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: stella41b
Oh and Pompeii, just out of curiosity, if 90% of people according to you are fake, what does that make you?
What's your criteria here? What impact does it have on your life? I'm just curious here.

Criteria? Hmmmm.... common sense maybe?

Actually the fake profiles here relate to the Ghana spamscam thread in that I don't get why ... I can't understand why ... but it's out there.... everywhere ... but I don't really get why ... but, as we all know, there are thousands of "fake" profiles here on collarme (and, of course, elsewhere).

How do I know? Sheesh! You can smell most of them just by opening up the profiles for a peek.

C'mon, you don't really believe there are huge bevys of beautiful twenty-year-old hundred-pound bdsm waifs who are dying to meet me yet they can't seem to spell, can't write more than a few sentences, and sign off their letters, ever so lovingly, with xoxox pointing to a web page somewhere else to contact them. C'mon. They're all over the place. I'd wager the fake female submissive profiles outweigh the real profiles 10 to 1 here on collarme and elsewhere.

So, my criteria here is simple. I don't know how to label it, but, the first thing that comes to mind as a basic criterion is "common sense".
As for me ... I'll let my record speak for itself (the extremely few women I've actually met first on collarme can vouch for me if they read this thread.)

< Message edited by pompeii -- 12/18/2008 9:43:06 AM >

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RE: Shopping for people - 12/18/2008 9:55:11 AM

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I totally understand the comparison with shopping.
Not being a shopper myself I learned that too often I'd pick up what ever works and not hold out for the item I had pictured in my head. Problem was I saw the pattern beginning to repeat itself with those I'd choose to `chat` with. (please note chat) :>)
I've mended my ways and now only window shop till something strikes my fancy enough to take a deeper look.
With perspectives being what they are simple words can be hard to define let alone craft, leaving honesty to the beholders perspective. Thank God I'm not looking for more then friends online!

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RE: Shopping for people - 12/18/2008 11:02:46 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: mbes

So what I'm wondering is, what do you look for, if you are looking online? Do you define your parameters loosely, or do you have a lot of requirements that narrow the field? Do you give a lot of people a chance, or do you know that only x type of people will work well with you?
Just a few questions while I've got a little time on my hands today.

I understand the shopping analogy, but it's been my experience in the past that browsing static profiles on a website (like this one) is not very fruitful.
To the point that, were I looking for a partner, I might not even think to look there.

That's because I'm a guy and I'd be looking for a woman, and I assume that a woman's profile that would appeal to me would be sitting there on the web site attracting the attention of 100's of other guys on a regular basis who were much more into playing internet ping-pong than I am.

I mean; it's still worth a shot, and it's at the very least amusing.

But if I were seriously looking, I might make a few quick searches, but I wouldn't put too much stock in it.

As far as the parameters go, I have certain things that I'd definitely like to have in a partner...but I don't have to have it all right now, and I don't expect one partner to embody everything I could imagine that I'd like to have...that might not be terribly realistic, and it's tricky enough to find someone compatible as it is.

So; while I have some guiding ideas that I'm looking for or am particularly interested in if I'm searching, I also remain somewhat flexible.

(in reply to mbes)

RE: Shopping for people - 12/18/2008 12:24:46 PM

kdmfl

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It would be great if it was that easy, but the human factor deems it will never be.

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RE: Shopping for people - 12/19/2008 2:15:22 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: pompeii

quote:

ORIGINAL: stella41b
Oh and Pompeii, just out of curiosity, if 90% of people according to you are fake, what does that make you?
What's your criteria here? What impact does it have on your life? I'm just curious here.

Criteria? Hmmmm.... common sense maybe?

Actually the fake profiles here relate to the Ghana spamscam thread in that I don't get why ... I can't understand why ... but it's out there.... everywhere ... but I don't really get why ... but, as we all know, there are thousands of "fake" profiles here on collarme (and, of course, elsewhere).

How do I know? Sheesh! You can smell most of them just by opening up the profiles for a peek.

C'mon, you don't really believe there are huge bevys of beautiful twenty-year-old hundred-pound bdsm waifs who are dying to meet me yet they can't seem to spell, can't write more than a few sentences, and sign off their letters, ever so lovingly, with xoxox pointing to a web page somewhere else to contact them. C'mon. They're all over the place. I'd wager the fake female submissive profiles outweigh the real profiles 10 to 1 here on collarme and elsewhere.

So, my criteria here is simple. I don't know how to label it, but, the first thing that comes to mind as a basic criterion is "common sense".
As for me ... I'll let my record speak for itself (the extremely few women I've actually met first on collarme can vouch for me if they read this thread.)

Ah yes you're talking about the African financial advisers who have this original plan to help banks and ourselves in the West with our finances, right?

Gotcha. Now it's all clear. Apologies for my misunderstanding.

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(in reply to pompeii)

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