RE: More Masters than Mistresses

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RE: More Masters than Mistresses - 12/31/2005 12:22:20 AM

Sensualips

Posts: 1013
Joined: 10/8/2005
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quote:

Some women indeed feel a conflict between their own feminism and submissive BDSM feelings.

Count me among those. It may be more of a conflict between specific preferences and desires as well. Throw in my lifelone pattern of problems with authority, and you have a mess. :)

This itself is an interesting topic to me. Obviously feminism supports the right of a women to pursue whatever options in life that bring them pleasure or happiness or fulfillment or insert-your-favorite-state-of-being-here. Your choise is your choice. But for myself some of the basic premises of submission do conflict with long-held personal "policies" and beliefs. I think it is because emotionally I tend to get wrapped up in submission as a gender issue, instead of a personality trait -- even though intellectually I see it differently.

I can bottom in the bedroom (very happily!) with no sense of loss of power. However, the very idea of other aspects of submission leave me resentful and cranky. This particularly comes into play with certain service oriented types of things or anything that requires me to temper the way I express myself or my opinions. In many situations have a very hard time giving up control or gracefully accepting authority without feeling "weak." Not all situations, but there are triggers that put me into immediate conflict with myself.

I am much more comfortable in a dominant role for most intereactions, and thus far generally have maintained a fairly high level of control even as a bottom. Yet I am also drawn to explore submission and those bits and pieces of it that resonate with me. Perhaps eventually I will figure it all out.

Unless there is someone out there who already has, and would like to whisper the secret to me?

(in reply to thetammyjo)

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RE: More Masters than Mistresses - 12/31/2005 6:36:53 AM

SelkiePet1

Posts: 26
Joined: 12/10/2005
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what an interesting discussion! and so manyvaried views!

being fairly new at this - in terms of naming it - I went into my research mode, as did he, and we have done a lot of reading, which together with my personal interactions so far have borne out my feelings that there are far more male doms than hetrosexual female subs - in fact, in this lifstyle, I would venture to guess that female hetrosexual subs are the rarest of breeds!

having said tht, there are a lot of factors to consider.

first and foremost, a lot of men who are not really familiar with the intricacies of the BDSM lifestyle simply see this as a quick ticket to instant and rocking sex - preferably with a woman who won't say no to anything - i.e. women as objects - not as desired, precious gift.

second, simply by calling yourself "dom" does not so make you dom. I think one of my biggest concerns revolve around men who are not dominent in the true sense, but bullies or abusers - they simply justify their abuse by using terminology which to their minds, excuses their abusive behavour.

third, and to my mind, most important - and a few individuals in this thread have already touched on this - each of us is a unique individual - our interaction with others - no matter how they term themsleves, is also unique - and idon't think that one can simply say I am this, I am that - becuase personal characterisitcs in conjunction with another individual's ersonal characteristics make for a unique interaction.

I know that with my Dom I am all sub - but in past relationships with men, I have been more domient (although note those ones did't last as I wasn't content in them).

Finally, just to address the issue of feminism which has been brought up a few times - I am and remain a committed feminist - and do not see a conflict with my role with my Dom. Feinism is all about choices - and I am at peace with my role with my Dom - which does not mean that in every single one of our relatinship I defer to him!

I am smart, educated, capable - I make my own decisions about many things and in fact take care of a lot of busiess for both of us - does that make me "less" sub - no, being sub doesnot mean you lose the ability to make decisions, to take charge in certain circumstances - far from it.

My D. would be bored stiff and go stark ravign mad if I had to rely on him to make every little decision.

anyways, I'm writing a book so I'll stop here!

(in reply to Sensualips)

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Post #: 22

RE: More Masters than Mistresses - 12/31/2005 2:25:57 PM

gbgirlz2003

Posts: 65
Joined: 12/23/2005
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quote:

Everywhere in our society women have the upper hand in the numbers game when it comes to relationships. It sucks but it's true. Now numbers don't equal quality.

True from a gender perspective; not true for a submissve male or female looking for a dominant. There are FAR more subs in need of a master/mistress (I am talking a REAL one; not some cyber fool.) than there are dominants who can fil the need. That is why you see so many dominant males and females (again who are REAL) with more than one submissve male/female.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

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Post #: 23

RE: More Masters than Mistresses - 1/1/2006 4:43:15 AM

ZenrageTheKeeper

Posts: 237
Joined: 6/26/2005
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Once BDSM hit the internet, there has always been more men in it than women. From the complaints, I'm guessing a good chunk are HNG's.

It can be difficult to be the prideful Dominant and at the same time acknowledge that its very nearly a competition as you have to pimp yourself to the submissives.. even to the bad ones.

(in reply to LostChance)

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Post #: 24

RE: More Masters than Mistresses - 1/1/2006 6:56:29 AM

caitlyn

Posts: 3473
Joined: 12/22/2004
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You almost make it sound like "The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation."

Then again, what did Thoreau know about desperation, or BDSM for that matter.

(in reply to ZenrageTheKeeper)

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Post #: 25

RE: More Masters than Mistresses - 1/1/2006 11:02:33 AM

TexasMaam

Posts: 1467
Joined: 6/22/2005
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Hmmm. Let's see:

1. My first submissive who was a male aristocrat in Europe (does Europe count?) who was well known both publicly and privately to have " des habitudes biens drolles" with regard to BDSM. That's One.

2. My first husband who was submissive but couldn't stand to be thought of as a sissy in the scene so he studied flogging, whip technique, bondage, identified himself as a Dom and then crawled home to Me sobbing and begging to be Dominated. Yep. That was Two.

3. My second husband who was delightfully kinky but never submissive.That's Three.

4. My second subbie who turned out to be engaged to six women at the same time, and of course when we all found out about each other it was fascinating to learn that for some of us he'd presented as absolutely devoutly vanilla; for some, kinky; for others: Dominant; and for Me, a devoted sub. Ewwwww! Four.

5. My third subbie who was really a lovely man but who was so obcessed with polyamoury we parted company. Yup. That was Five.

6. A fourth submissive who turned out to be a well renowned Dom in the Houston scene who was just CRAVING subspace so he didn't know how to tell Me who he really was. Yup. Six.

7. A fifth submissive who turned out to be simply a latent homosexual drag queen who wanted to 'justify' his cravings by having a Dominant female somewhere in the picture. Yup. Seven.

8. A sixth submissive who also turned out to be a well known Dom in Dallas who was yearning for a whipping session. Yah. Eight.

9. A Dom who portrayed himself to be a sub just so that he could 'chat Me up' and then "Dominate" me when we finally met for a r/t session. That was SO Fun; had to leave the foul mouthed so and so bound & gagged w bondage tape and nekkid on the cold bathroom floor; called the hotel manager on My way out of the parking lot to tell him there'd been a ruckus in room so and so. Yup, he was Nine.

10. A sweet and very masculine fellow who is still My secret subbie to this day. Mmmmuahhh! He's Ten, and is A Ten. What a coincidence!

11. A potential sub male with a LOT of mutual interests I've engaged in conversations with here at Collar Me. Eleven.

12. A Doctor who recently very tenderly groped Me during an exam. I gave him a Gold Star for his efforts that day and watched him *blush* appropriately. A few weeks later I phoned the clinic and was not very surprised when he took My call. I simply asked whether he was the sort of man who could take direction well; he answered, 'whatever would please you, Ma'am!' and we'll see where that goes. Twelve.

While things are looking up, I absolutely dread the next 88 encounters of an eclectic kind.

Can't I just fast forward to like, 97, 98, and 99? It would save Me SO much time.

; )

Texas Maam

(in reply to LostChance)

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Post #: 26

RE: More Masters than Mistresses - 1/1/2006 12:39:09 PM

ehlovindom

Posts: 248
Joined: 1/23/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: caitlyn

You almost make it sound like "The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation."

Then again, what did Thoreau know about desperation, or BDSM for that matter.

Actually caitlyn, I think he knew a lot!

"If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away. "

Aren't most of us here following a different path?

_____________________________

Know which bridge to build, which one to cross, and which one to burn!

(in reply to caitlyn)

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Post #: 27