Sorry that you guys had a negative experience. :<
I would highlight the positive in terms of relationship attunement: you both knew right away it was a no-go and you have such an affinity for one another that you were able to key in on each others' responses/feelings without even a word (Though, you were able to discuss it, which is another plus).
Imo, if you're going into a poly- situation as an established couple, you're courting disaster if you aren't on the same page and things aren't right between you. When my ex- and I were good, our relationship was steadfast regardless of poly- drama, when things were not good, the poly-drama only made things worse and as a 3rd in a relationship, with the established couple's relationship f-ed up, it was a mess. Instability as a couple isn't what you elucidated here, so I would say kudos for the early recognition while also acknowledging that it does suck and that, again, I am sorry. Sending good thoughts to you and andi.
May you live as long as you wish & love as long as you live
-Robert A Heinlein
It's about the person & the bond,not the bondage
170NZ (Aka:Sex God Du Jour) pts
Jesus,I've ALWAYS been a deviant